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On the Question of Interracial Marriage

From: Carl
Sent: March 2, 2022 6:22 AM
To: Victor Hafichuk
Subject: Marriage

Good morning Victor,

I’ve been thinking a lot about marrying my girlfriend. We met in church and I was a zealous church-goer. When I stopped going and started to tell my girlfriend about all the falsehood, there was great conflict. Her mom very much wants Erica (my girlfriend) to leave me however Erica does very much like me and I believe would love to marry me.

Things aren’t perfect of course but I am very pleased with this relationship. We went through some rough times (getting fired due to not getting vaccinated + all the changes that came with leaving religious Christianity).

She does support me with keeping the Commandments and the changes that have been made since coming to your site.

God willing, I’d love to marry her. I just felt I wanted to seek your council.

Have a nice day!

Sincerely,

Carl

On Thu, Mar 3, 2022 at 11:04 PM Victor Hafichuk wrote:

I wouldn’t advise it, Carl. Perhaps you can tell me more.

Just a quick question, which may not matter: What does your girlfriend’s father have to say?

\/

From: Carl
Sent: March 4, 2022 6:54 AM
To: Victor Hafichuk
Cc: Harvest Haven ; Marilyn Hafichuk
Subject: Re: Marriage

I’m not really sure what there is to say.

I think personally that she’d make a good wife but perhaps my judgement is cloudy.

It hurts to read that you wouldn’t advise it but I also know that I haven’t regretted walking in any of the counsel I’ve received from you and your website. It has been the opposite. I know God has blessed me for the things that I’ve been obedient to.

My girlfriend’s father is in Congo and I’ve never spoken to him. Basically, my girlfriend wants to introduce me to him when I want to ask him for her hand in marriage. From the sounds of it, his major preoccupation is his business dealings. It doesn’t sound like he’s very close to his wife.

By the sounds of it, he isn’t really a religious man nor really concerned about the things of God. Her mother and her mother’s family seem to be predominantly pentecostal and haven’t wanted to hear a thing I’ve had to say concerning the things of God.

On Sat, Mar 5, 2022 at 7:11 PM Victor Hafichuk wrote:

Your would-be-bride may be a fine woman. I have no idea except for what you tell me. It doesn’t mean that you should judge after the appearance and follow conventional reasoning.

Are these days a time to marry? Paul discouraged it because of the times (see Corinthian comments). We’d have to know from the Lord Who alone knows the beginning and the end of anything. We can be thankful the All-knowing God is with us to guide in all matters.

While the father’s away, I’d say the mother’s in charge, seeing (assuming) Erica, her daughter, is in her care. Is there any will on his part in the matter? How does his take sit with the mother? Normally, it’s up to the woman’s parents to decide the marriage, Lord willing. What does Erica think of her mother’s disagreement?

It doesn’t sound like the kind of mother-in-law I would want to have, though she may be fine as a person, after all. They can be a handful even without such a disagreement, not that I had any trouble with mine that was a problem, even when she didn’t stand with us during our spiritual trials, not that she was expected to, but she had never been against our marriage. On the contrary, she was all for it, as was Marilyn’s father and brother. Generally, all were in favor. God put Marilyn and me together.

Carl, I want you to be free, to rejoice in the Lord, and not be led away by the things of this world, as good as they may be in themselves. I just haven’t received anything from the Lord on this.

I think you should know that many of Noah’s family relations were “sowing and reaping, building, marrying and giving in marriage until the flood came and swept them all away,” the “normal,” as many call it today, which our society declares it wants to go back to.

Know this: These days are now as in the days of Noah. God doesn’t want the normal that’s been. Their “Great Reset” is diabolical. The “normal” is why He’s removing it, by fire. He’s done with it. HE is calling for the “Great Reset” that men know or care nothing about, where old things must be put away and all must become new, His way, not theirs. It’s called the Kingdom of God.

This alone I know for now. Only the Lord knows what you should do. I don’t have THE verdict so far but I certainly would not dare move until we did know. As you know, marriage is a serious matter, especially in this day.

If you’re supposed to marry Erica, God forbid that I should interfere or discourage. I would want it for both of you. On the other hand, if it’s not His will, God forbid that you should do so.

How long have you been together and what has happened in that time? Tell me more of Erica. I see 2022 as a pivotal year. The thought comes to me that you could wait a while, perhaps a year, but for all I know, God is providing you her as a helpmate in these trying times.

What do your parents have to say about it, not that what they feel or think necessarily counts? But I believe they care for you and it might be wise to consider their perspective.

Coming right down to it, what does the Lord say? Isn’t that what we all need to know? I don’t know but I’m confident He’ll make known His will when it’s time.

\/

From: Carl
Sent: March 5, 2022 8:38 PM
To: Victor Hafichuk
Cc: Harvest Haven ; Marilyn Hafichuk
Subject: Re: Marriage

Hello Victor,

See my response below in blue.

Your would-be-bride may be a fine woman. I have no idea except for what you tell me. It doesn’t mean that you should judge after the appearance and follow conventional reasoning.

Are these days a time to marry? Paul discouraged it because of the times (see Corinthian comments). We’d have to know from the Lord Who alone knows the beginning and the end of anything. We can be thankful the All-knowing God is with us to guide in all matters.

These are definitely terrible times. That’s for sure. I do want to know from the Lord prior to committing to a marriage.

While the father’s away, I’d say the mother’s in charge, seeing (assuming) Erica, her daughter, is in her care. Is there any will on his part in the matter?

I haven’t heard from her father ever. Erica doesn’t seem to talk to him about much either. He’s out of the country while her mother is here in the States. I have a small house of my own and she rents an apartment with a friend in town.

How does his take sit with the mother?

I’m not sure if they’ve discussed it. If they have, I haven’t heard the details about it.

Normally, it’s up to the woman’s parents to decide the marriage, Lord willing. What does Erica think of her mother’s disagreement?

Erica was very upset with her mother about it. They didn’t talk for quite a few days (normally they talk every day) and I don’t believe her mom brings it up anymore to avoid arguing with Erica.

It doesn’t sound like the kind of mother-in-law I would want to have, though she may be fine as a person, after all. They can be a handful even without such a disagreement, not that I had any trouble with mine that was a problem, even when she didn’t stand with us during our spiritual trials, not that she was expected to, but she had never been against our marriage. On the contrary, she was all for it, as was Marilyn’s father and brother. Generally, all were in favor. God put Marilyn and me together.

Yeah. Her family actually really liked me exactly till I “came out of the church”. They were very nice to me till then. Erica’s mom thinks I am leading her daughter away from the right path.

Carl, I want you to be free, to rejoice in the Lord, and not be led away by the things of this world, as good as they may be in themselves.

I just haven’t received anything from the Lord on this.

Amen. Me too. I do feel free and I do rejoice in the Lord. Personally, it is a desire of mine to be married and have kids but I know that I’d only want to do that if it was the Lord’s will. I think I would be very sad if it wasn’t.

I think you should know that many of Noah’s family relations were “sowing and reaping, building, marrying and giving in marriage until the flood came and swept them all away,” the “normal,” as many call it today, which our society declares it wants to go back to.

Know this: These days are now as in the days of Noah. God doesn’t want the normal that’s been. Their “Great Reset” is diabolical. The “normal” is why He’s removing it, by fire. He’s done with it. HE is calling for the “Great Reset” that men know or care nothing about, where old things must be put away and all must become new, His way, not theirs. It’s called the Kingdom of God.

Amen!

This alone I know for now. Only the Lord knows what you should do. I don’t have THE verdict so far but I certainly would not dare move until we did know. As you know, marriage is a serious matter, especially in this day.

If you’re supposed to marry Erica, God forbid that I should interfere or discourage. I would want it for both of you. On the other hand, if it’s not His will, God forbid that you should do so.

I definitely don’t have THE verdict either. I do want to wait to know from God for sure.

How long have you been together and what has happened in that time?

We met on Jan.19th in 2020 and we started hanging out shortly afterwards. We’ve been close and hanging out ever since then really. We broke up a number of times but always got back together. The most dramatic of times were when I lost my paramedic job due to not wanting to give the vaccines then stopped attending the religious events. She thought I was being led astray and I really thought that we were going to break up about these differences.

I’d try to explain the things about the Word of God to her and we’d just end up arguing and getting no where. I had made a long list of biblical topic that I wanted us to research together. She called the Pentecostal pastor of the church where she used to attend and we had a zoom meeting. At this point, the consensus between Erica, her pastor and her family was that I was being led away by the devil basically. I lost my paramedic job and got covid.

It was a rather brutal time. It was pretty tense between us for several months. Erica eventually remarked that I was impatient and ungraceful concerning the things of God with her where as I was seemingly much easier to deal with with everyone else. Things somehow smoothed out between us. Erica had stopped going to the church for about 6 months but said she would still listen to the sermon once in a while. She has come to acknowledge that there are many false things happening in the churches but hasn’t seemed to yet grasp how bad it really is.

Tell me more of Erica. I see 2022 as a pivotal year. The thought comes to me that you could wait a while, perhaps a year, but for all I know, God is providing you her as a helpmate in these trying times.

Erica is a very quiet and simple person. She’s not one to get into big debates with people and in general is very content with just being left alone to herself. She grew up in Congo. Her dad seems to be a very wealthy business man and her mom is a zealous religious person. She likes to cook. She’s very good cook. She’s a teacher’s aide and she works at the day care. Both these jobs are Mon-Fri. She has a good work ethic. She watches a lot of tv and movies. She knows some of the Scriptures but isn’t very studious. Overall, I like having her company. She’s not needy or demanding. She doesn’t try to force her will upon me either.

What do your parents have to say about it, not that what they feel or think necessarily counts? But I believe they care for you and it might be wise to consider their perspective.

My dad has always supported me in any and all relationships that I was in. He says he will support me in what I do. My parents both seem to really like her. My mom would love it if I got married and had kids with her. My family is very supportive of the relationship. My 3 brothers and my sister (and their partners and kids) all seem to like Erica.

Coming right down to it, what does the Lord say? Isn’t that what we all need to know? I don’t know but I’m confident He’ll make known His will when it’s time.

I just I’ll just have to wait to hear from Him. Patience doesn’t always come easily for me. I’m not sure if I ever told you this dream or not but here goes.

Prior to meeting Erica, I had prayed to God asking Him and telling Him (kind of sounds funny to even write that) that I wanted a wife that fears Him. I didn’t ask for anything else.

I met Erica and I liked her. I was also very attracted to her and still am. I was constantly asking God if she is the woman that I am to marry. I probably asked every day.

I had a very remarkable dream one night. I was walking with Erica and I saw at a distance a man sitting at the foot of a hospital bed. He was black and he had a bible with him and in the dream I knew that he was a sincere and true man of God. He was ministering to my friend (at the time, we had a falling out) who was lying in the hospital bed with his leg in a cast and his leg was elevated. **I had found out later on that my friend actually was in the hospital that day that I had that dream for his knee problem.** As we (Erica and I) walked towards the bed, he got up and started to walk towards us. I don’t remember how exactly he said it but I was made to believe he was going to tell me who I was to marry. In my head, I thought: “Please be Erica, please be Erica.” The man told me that I had already met the one I am to marry (he didn’t say it was Erica). He laid his hands on me and told me to “be in peace” or something very similar. In the dream, my feet lifted off of the ground and my body turned horizontal in the air and peace did come upon me. I do remember feeling very peaceful in the morning.

That was probably about a couple months after I had met her.

I do know that I need to know from the Lord. I used to feel that God would show and reveal many things to me. Often times, in the night I would get an answer to the questions I would ask Him. I haven’t seemed to hear or be led like it used be. I wonder and have wondered why exactly that is. When I don’t hear from the Lord, it doesn’t seem like there’s anything I can do except wait longer.

I do thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my email.

On Mar 5, 2022, at 11:43 PM, Victor Hafichuk wrote:

Carl, is Erica black?

From: Carl
Sent: March 6, 2022 7:06 AM
To: Victor Hafichuk
Subject: Re: Marriage

Yes, she’s black.
Sent from my iPhone

From: Victor Hafichuk
Sent: March 6, 2022 8:31 PM
To: Carl
Subject: RE: Marriage

Carl, you wrote:

We broke up a number of times but always got back together. The most dramatic of times were when I lost my paramedic job due to not wanting to give the vaccines then stopped attending the religious events. She thought I was being led astray and I really thought that we were going to break up about these differences. I’d try to explain the things about the Word of God to her and we’d just end up arguing and getting no where. I had made a long list of biblical topic that I wanted us to research together. She called the Pentecostal pastor of the church where she used to attend and we had a zoom meeting. At this point, the consensus between Erica, her pastor and her family was that I was being led away by the devil basically. I lost my paramedic job and got covid. It was a rather brutal time. It was pretty tense between us for several months. Erica eventually remarked that I was impatient and ungraceful concerning the things of God with her whereas I was seemingly much easier to deal with with everyone else. Things somehow smoothed out between us. Erica had stopped going to the church for about 6 months but said she would still listen to the sermon once in a while. She has come to acknowledge that there are many false things happening in the churches but hasn’t seemed to yet grasp how bad it really is.

I think the Truth and the Lord’s answer have been there. There won’t be any breaks in a marriage but the marriage itself breaks because God’s blessing is not in it.

Consider these Scriptures:

Proverbs 19:14
“House and wealth are inherited from fathers,
but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”

Proverbs 18:22 English Standard Version
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing
and obtains favor from the Lord.”

A good wife is a gift from the Lord. Was Erica presented to you as a precious gift? Not from what you tell me. Imagine you giving someone something that comes with such strife, lack of meeting of minds, and dissension.

Proverbs 10:22 English Standard Version
The blessing of the Lord makes rich,
and He adds no sorrow with it.

This is not putting Erica down. Before God, we’ve all been guilty; however, I am speaking the Lord’s Law and principles, His ordinances and precepts. As I’ve said, the Bible has all the answers for all occasions.

Carl, more to bring forth concerning this situation is the fact that Erica is of another race. Am I being “racist” as modern leftist, “progressive” social engineering has wrought in this generation and as they would accuse me of? NO. I love blacks, browns, reds, yellows, and others, as well. Just as there are “good” and “bad” whites in my sight, there are “good” and “bad” blacks. Some “bad” whites are worse than some “bad” blacks and some “good” blacks are better than some “good” whites, and vice versa all the way.

I love the diversity all the way. I see it as God’s way. I don’t see it as God’s way to cross, eliminate, or pollute blacks with whites and whites with blacks.

You may ask, “So, why do we do it? Is it wrong seeing we can do it? Why would God allow it?”

I can reply with “Why does God allow us to do any kind of evil and suffer consequences for it in anything?”

You can also ask, “What do you do with the people who are mixed racially?” I’d say whatever God requires.

“Oh, what a tangled web we weave when we first set out to deceive.”

That goes for defiling anything God has made, doesn’t it? As I see it, God is not pleased with mixture, a principle so strongly advocated in Scripture, like, for example, the admonition to not yoke an ox with an ass. They do not pull together equally and efficiently.

In what way is one superior or inferior to the other just because they’re different? They each have their purposes. Oxen are made for heavy pulling but you can’t ride an ox as well as you can ride an ass, donkey, or mule. According to the Lord, you can eat an ox, too, but you ought not to eat a donkey, even though technically you can.

Or take mixing grains in a field. Imagine the mess one makes. How do you harvest, when do you harvest, how do you separate the harvest for special uses each grain affords?

God has these lessons not only for the sakes of these beasts and plants but also for us. We need to take heed.

But right now, it’s not about good and bad. I’m only inadequately describing to you my stance on “racism.” Racism is thinking one race to be better or worse under their Maker than another. “Racism” is a purposely divisive social doctrine framed to divide.

Racism is ill will, of prejudice, as being respecters of persons, as I understand how people of the world frame it. I’m not there. Being a servant of God and knowing His will and ways, I know better and refuse to sin, by God’s grace.

As with all things, everything and everyone has their place. It’s not a matter of quality but of position and purpose as God has created all things in His wisdom, just like man and woman, and nature of things everywhere.

Godly reason brings me to understand God’s principles, guidelines, warnings, and His promises.

Where exactly do we draw the line with races in these “rainbow” days of the end of this corrupt age? I’m not quite sure. All I know is that God will faithfully reveal that line as it applies from occasion to occasion. That line will always be a justly designed one for all concerned.

A simple question, for which I expect many may have an answer, though without substantial Biblical evidence, good reason, substance, or explanation:

If God determined to put races together willy-nilly in one big melting pot, then why did He make them in the first place as He did, separate, unique, and special in their ways?

I can also make known to you that I’ve experienced a marital racial incident or two that did not go well at all. I can’t honestly say the consequences were a result of racial difference alone or among other causes. I can only say that racial difference was present, which I was at least hesitant about at best, and not in favor of at worst.

Again, it had nothing to do with racial preference or a sense of superiority or inferiority that I’m aware of. It was a matter of fit, nature, position, purpose, and right and wrong.

Carl, my love under God is no less in nature for Erica than for you because it’s God’s love for both of you. I hope you’ll both understand that. God grant you both do.

Rather than as man and wife, see one another as brother and sister in Christ, and act accordingly. If both your hearts are for the Lord, it will go well and you’ll be thankful and rejoice in the Lord’s Judgment and Purposeful Counsel.

Should I be wrong, may God correct me for all our sakes. I don’t believe at all that I’m wrong and stand to take responsibility before God in this matter. The Lord is giving you instruction by me for you and all concerned.

\/

On Mar 7, 2022, at 7:24 PM, Victor Hafichuk wrote:

Hi, Carl!

In case you wonder, I’ve taken a bit of trouble in reply to you to form a paper that could help others in these matters of marriage judgment, with race included. As you know, in this day, many need instruction. Lord willing, they’ll have some here, and your situation will have led to guide others.

I expect this is a big deal for you; not sure, but the Lord can strengthen us, trim our sails, and steer our ship through difficulties, as you’ve experienced and testified, shoal by shoal, reef by reef, squall by squall.

\/

From: Carl
Sent: March 7, 2022 5:46 PM
To: Victor Hafichuk
Subject: Re: Marriage

Hi Victor,

I do appreciate your counsel.

You are faithful to tell me the Truth and not what I simply want to hear.

It did and does break my heart to know that I’m not to marry Erica.

I actually was warned many times by the LORD about things with Erica and our relationship, but I simply wanted to hear what I wanted to hear.

This verse came to mind this morning:

Numbers 23:8 (Berean Study Bible)

How can I curse what God has not cursed? How can I denounce what the LORD has not denounced?

They wanted Balaam to curse what God had not cursed and I know I simply wanted you to bless what God had not blessed.

I just met with Erica and I told her that we aren’t to marry and that it’s God’s will that it be so. I told her we could be friends but that we couldn’t continue to be in a relationship. She didn’t seem to understand that it wasn’t my will that I am seeking to follow because I know that I personally wanted to marry her.

I have never regretted following God’s Counsel but I feel very sorrowful in the moment.

I do think it would be a great resource.

It’s very painful for me to digest but again I do thank you.

From: Victor Hafichuk
Date: Mon, Mar 7, 2022 at 10:00 PM
Subject: RE: Marriage
To: Carl

Carl, it’s a matter of attitude and “mind over matter.” When the Lord struck Aaron’s priest sons Nadab and Abihu dead because of offering sacrifice presumptuously, Moses commanded Aaron to not mourn for them. Those were his sons, two of them!

Leviticus 10:1-7
(1) And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took either of them his censer, and put fire therein, and put incense thereon, and offered strange fire before the Lord, which He commanded them not.
(2) And there went out fire from the Lord, and devoured them, and they died before the Lord.
(3) Then Moses said unto Aaron, This is it that the Lord spake, saying, I will be sanctified in them that come nigh Me, and before all the people I will be glorified. And Aaron held his peace.
(4) And Moses called Mishael and Elzaphan, the sons of Uzziel the uncle of Aaron, and said unto them, Come near, carry your brethren from before the sanctuary out of the camp.
(5) So they went near, and carried them in their coats out of the camp; as Moses had said.
(6) And Moses said unto Aaron, and unto Eleazar and unto Ithamar, his sons, Uncover not your heads, neither rend your clothes; lest ye die, and lest wrath come upon all the people: but let your brethren, the whole house of Israel, bewail the burning which the Lord hath kindled.
(7) And ye shall not go out from the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die: for the anointing oil of the Lord is upon you. And they did according to the word of Moses.

When the Lord took Ezekiel the prophet’s wife, He told him not to mourn for her:

Ezekiel’s Wife Dies

Ezekiel 24:15-18
(15) The word of the Lord came to me:
(16) “Son of man, behold, I am about to take the delight of your eyes away from you at a stroke; yet you shall not mourn or weep, nor shall your tears run down.
(17) Sigh, but not aloud; make no mourning for the dead. Bind on your turban, and put your shoes on your feet; do not cover your lips, nor eat the bread of men.”
(18) So I spoke to the people in the morning, and at evening my wife died. And on the next morning I did as I was commanded.

From: Carl
Sent: March 8, 2022 5:31 AM
To: Victor Hafichuk
Subject: Re: Marriage

Understood.

May God grant me the strength to walk properly in His Eyes.

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