wHaT tHe LoRd HaS dOnE wItH mE
“Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will declare what He has done for my soul” (Psalm 66:16).
“Write down for the coming generation what the LORD has done, so that people not yet born will praise Him” (Psalms 102:18 GNB).
“There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed. There is nothing kept secret that will not come to light” – Jesus Christ (Luke 8:17 GW).
“I saw the dead, both important and unimportant people, standing in front of the throne. Books were opened, including the Book of Life. The dead were judged on the basis of what they had done, as recorded in the books” (Revelation 20:12 GW).
“For what is your life? For it is a vapor, which appears for a little time, and then disappears” (James 4:14 MKJV).
Particle – Why My Theo-autobiography
The story of any human life can have value for others. How much more when the understanding is opened to the inner workings of God? This book is more about His doing than mine – it will be more “Theo” than “auto.” Perceiving that the Lord has worked in and with me for many years, I would like to tell the world about it, mostly with the hope that many others will also be led to believe and be made free, finding fulfillment and peace in the Prince of Peace, Almighty God.
The most important reason to write my autobiography is to testify of the Lord Jesus Christ, Whom I have first found to be, then found to be faithful and true, and finally found to be the Lord God and Creator of all. (Don’t allow yourself to be lost now, unbeliever; hang in there; I promise you are in for something very different. You’ll receive fresh meaning on the saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover.”) I am writing to report to you that He proves His existence and His authority, and He identifies His True Nature in the pages of this book.
Particle – What Is This?
An autobiography is primarily the story of a person’s life. A Theo-autobiography is about two lives in one, separate, yet together. It is the personal recounting of one’s life before becoming a Christian and the struggle and miracle of actually becoming a new creature, a Christian by God’s, not man’s, definition.
A Theo-autobiography is the story of God implanting His nature in a soul, with all the experiential implications and challenges this miraculous process presents to the one being born again. The new creature must contend with the old nature, until God’s metamorphosis is complete. Then the wolf lies down with the lamb, and a new son of God sits on His throne with Him. This all happens in a world of “Christian believers” – be they real, pretend, imaginary, religious, philosophical, psychological, social, political, hot, cold, or lukewarm.
Particle – What Can This Book Do For You?
This book is unique, particularly so. There are precious valuables here for every person, no matter their age, sex, education, financial, social, or marital status, race, religion, experience, beliefs, background, environment, upbringing, handicaps, or whatever other factors may be involved – even death and deadness. Death is no barrier to God; the dead can be quickened by the Spirit of Truth.
What the Lord Has Done with Me will:
Prove the reality of a Higher Power far above us – known as God to most,
Pique the interest of every reader,
Surprise and confound many,
Cause many to scoff and scorn,
Cause others to fear,
Embarrass and alarm several, and even
It will do all these things for those who have something to hide, who live in pretense and wish to keep, and possibly forget, their personal secrets.
For others, hopefully many, it will:
Expose falsehood and break its power,
Release souls from manmade religion,
Enlighten with Reality,
Lift the burdens of guilty consciences,
Displace despair with genuine hope,
Instill true faith,
Encourage people to bring their faults, mistakes, and wrongdoings to the light, and
Usher them into abundant supply of long-lasting veritable sustenance for body, soul, and spirit.
This Theo-autobiography will bring the reader face-to-face with the realities of life, candidly confessed and reported. It will bring the reader face-to-face with God Himself, if God is willing. It will declare the actual, undeniable works of God. It will publish the naked truth about the author and those close to him, as well as about others. One will see the unmistakable, indisputable sovereign Hand of God on record, proving a Superior Intelligence perfectly concerned about, involved in, and in control of, all existence.
One may see that though the author and others have had favor with God, one man or woman is no different in basic nature from any other in all of history. We are all cut from the same cloth. It is my hope that people will be encouraged with this assurance and brought to freedom by the light of truth, recognizing that they have nothing to fear but God Himself, in a healthy, profitable, and fulfilling way.
It is likely that some will pick up this book, start into it, and drop it, prejudging that it has nothing for them. They may be like a prospector who finds the labor tedious and quits, though gold may lie just inches or feet below him (believe me, it is there). Some undiscerning souls might mistake the gold for iron pyrite (believe me, it is not).
Given the diversity of human nature, it is conceivable that some may read this book and discern very little, like persons at a garage sale picking up and putting down again valuable antiques selling for a pittance (in this case, set in a freebie box). This book, however, is full of something potentially precious for everyone. Whether he or she recognizes it or not, the reader will not walk away empty. Nobody can walk away from this true story, filled with lessons, principles, counsel, and honesty, and be the same.
It must be acknowledged that there may be errors, notwithstanding every effort to avoid them, in minor details, statistics, names, or spellings of names. The reports are true, however, at least from the perspective of the writer, related as honestly as he knows how and is able.
If anyone finds an error, please let us know; we will appreciate it and take immediate steps to correct it.
Particle – Nothing to Be Proud of
I hang my head in shame. I have absolutely nothing to be proud of. Such a fool have I been in all my ways. Indeed, when I look on mankind, we have all been fools, every one of us, but I have often seen myself as a principal one.
I have no virtue or greatness in any way, shape, or form. I tell you this in all honesty and conviction. I have achieved nothing. I have not excelled. I have won nothing. I have done no good or noteworthy thing. I have been the proverbial born loser to this very day. I look at my life and, but for the grace of God and what the Lord has done for me, it is a total devastating waste.
I have only one Saving Element and God is It. He has done something with me that cannot be explained; it is impossible to explain away, and it is simply amazing. So I write. I write to show you that He takes dirt in His hand and, by His power and wisdom, makes of it what He will. When He is done, we can only stand in awe of His skill, wisdom, and purpose.
Those who choose to be atheists and evolutionists, beware. Read this book and your beliefs will be entirely without excuse – not because I am, or have done, anything, but because He has, and you will see it.
All those who think they believe will realize how little they believe. And those who truly believe will, Lord willing, be very thankful for this book. They will get a glimpse of the One in Whom they have believed and will be glad, and they may well treasure this book above many.
Particle – The Sour with the Sweet
I look back on many things recorded here with shame and regret. Why do I talk about them? There is a lot of dirty laundry here, along with the precious and wonderful. I talk about my sins, problems, weaknesses, faults, and struggles, to alert others to the fact that these things are common among many.
Also, people are sometimes led to believe that some of these things are not so bad, and perhaps even commendable. It is thought that we should no longer live in a prudish, moralistic age, but in an “advanced, enlightened” one “liberated” of ignorant and oppressive psychological, social, religious, moralistic, and legal handicaps. That thinking is nothing new. In all ages, the lawless have hated discipline and truth.
I wish not to hide anything I should be transparent about. Seekers of life and truth need to know they can also be free, no matter who they are. I was not always the pious believer (if now), much less a preacher. I was not born with faith in God. I was every bit in the dark and corrupt as the next person. And people need to know that the next person is every bit as capable of corruption as I.
I deal with dirty laundry to give hope to those who bear guilt in these things, perhaps thinking there is no hope for them. I want everyone to know that we carry a burden of guilt when we indulge in wrongful things, and we are impacted adversely in every way, perhaps for an entire lifetime and beyond, often without knowing it.
I have learned, and the Scriptures testify very clearly, that we are all corrupt creatures, full of every vile thing possible (and I will prove it). But God, in His chosen time, is quite willing and able, indeed desirous and committed, to redeem and change us for the better, to His glory. He takes care of the dirtiest of laundry, perfectly.
Particle – Names
The names in this book are not changed to protect anyone, as is so common in many publications. Many names are mentioned, which means that many of these events will be verifiable. It will demonstrate that all people and the things they think, say, and do are more important than they may realize, that all their actions, anywhere, in any circumstance – including those seemingly insignificant ones – do not go unnoticed, forgotten, ignored, unrecorded, or without impact.
Why else mention names, whether relating “good” or “bad”? It is done to demonstrate that there is freedom possible for anyone, such that one comes to fear nothing. It is then possible to talk of these things from a standpoint of victory, and not defeat.
Though I am ashamed of many of these things, I am free of them. Another’s knowledge of them does not threaten me. I want those who are ashamed and threatened by exposure to know they can also be free, and indeed must be. There is nothing to lose but loss itself. Kris Kristofferson’s words in “Me and Bobby Magee” are so true: “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.”
Particle – Total Forgiveness for All, None Excepted
I wish to assure all persons mentioned that I bear them no ill will, only unconditional forgiveness. If one is not prepared to hear the truth about him or herself, he or she will surely be offended by what I have recorded of them; that is human nature. The forgiveness I have for them will only be enjoyed when they experience a true change of heart, which only God can accomplish.
This book is as much, if not more, for the “bad” guy as for the “good.” I want the bad guys to know there really aren’t any good guys when it comes right down to it – lots of self-righteous, pretentious, and religious ones, yes, but good? No, not until God does something with us – and He can, does, and will. Religion has nothing to do with it. Your turn will come, too. In the long run, He isn’t leaving anybody out.
Everyone needs to know that there is no permanent place to hide; exposure and paying the piper are inevitable.
Editor’s Note, July 2017: In these recent years after writing this particle, I’ve received a surprise development from the Lord in my perspective and attitude concerning forgiveness. I now find there is someone I can’t, won’t, and am not required to forgive, according to the Lord and not according to any bitterness or fleshly stature on my part. This revelation is substantiated in the Testimony of the Scriptures:
“If anyone sees his brother sin a sin not to death, he shall ask, and He shall give him life for those that do not sin to death. There is a sin to death, I do not say that he shall pray for it” (1 John 5:16MKJV).
What is the “unpardonable sin”? Is it not the sin that can’t and won’t be forgiven? How then can I forgive it or the person who commits it? I can’t pray for him or forgive him, no, not at all. And I should have known this – it’s right there in Scripture. So now I have the displeasure of knowing a few people whose names have been blotted out of the Book of Life. I do not forgive them because they have no forgiveness coming to them, according to God’s will.
Not only do I not forgive those persons, I hate them. Yes, I do! Is that Christian? Is it right? How about this:
“O LORD, do I not hate those who hate You? And am I not grieved with those who rise up against You? I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies” (Psalms 139:21-22 MKJV)?
And who is it that has set those people to hate me? Try this:
“He turned their heart to hate His people, to deal craftily with His servants” (Psalms 105:25 MKJV).
And why did He do a thing like that? Is it not so that He might destroy them? That’s what the Scriptures say. The Pharaoh is one example of that:
“For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, ‘Even for this same purpose I have raised you up, that I might show My power in you, and that My name might be declared throughout all the earth.’ Therefore He has mercy on whom He will have mercy, and whom He will, He hardens’” (Romans 9:17-18 MKJV).
Who are these people I’m talking about? Some of you already know and Lord willing, those who don’t will know in future sections of this book.
Particle – Children Are Not Children
Take the time to teach your children and warn them against the things of which I write. The sins of childhood are not erased or forgotten, unless God makes it happen. The evil deeds of our childhood come with us into the future as heavy and cumbersome baggage. There is a Scripture I have found, to my chagrin, to be so true:
“Rejoice, in your youth, young man; and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth, and walk in the ways of your heart, and in the sight of your eyes; but know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment. Therefore remove vexation from your heart, and put away evil from your flesh; for childhood and prime of life are vanity” (Ecclesiastes 11:9-10 MKJV).
Concerning wrong, it is not only a matter of what children do, but also of what is done to them. Adults assume they will get away with what they do to naïve, innocent children because they don’t understand at the time. Not so! First of all, God knows and requites man for every deed (I know). Be assured, offenses against fellow man, no matter the age of the victim, bring consequences, and the price is never worth it.
Children also have remarkable memories from infancy, and while they cannot understand what is happening at first, there is a very good chance they will remember, and as they grow in knowledge and understanding, they will realize the implications of what happened to them. Through trials in later life, I have received recall of things I suffered from as early as approximately four months of age. Not that there was deliberate evil perpetrated.
I believe that in significant ways, children are adults from the womb. They have far more ability and comprehension than we imagine. Like an acorn that contains an oak tree, children need only develop what is already there. None ought to dare take them for granted at any time.
Particle – “Despise Not the Day of Small Things”
On a final note, I want to give the reader what I consider to be an important truth, something that I, at 60, have only recently come to realize. This truth will especially benefit those who have yet a goodly stretch of life remaining, Lord willing. The truth is:
Appreciate that the big things you are looking for are happening right now, most often in the cloak of insignificance.
All things happening in our lives are important and serve to form not only our memories, but also our very character and nature. We do not realize their value or importance until years later. The reason I urge the reader on this is because I have spent my life looking forward to big things happening, and now realize I was not appreciative of the big things as they were happening, judging them to be insignificant.
Our time is very short on earth, because the earth is but a bridge from one realm to another. I tell young people in their teens and twenties, “Tomorrow you will be 60; it will be that fast.” Don’t look for the fulfillment of your imagination or hope of God’s great purpose for your life. His purpose is happening, as you exist, in every moment. Accept it, embrace it, drink it in, attend to it, and yield to it.
Page 8 PART TEN - The Issues of Life (cont.) Particle - Marilyn's Black Faith Still at Work I was angry with Marilyn over her attitude and conduct with me, yet I've said almost nothing. What will it take? She doesn't believe she's wrong; she believes I'm wrong. It's that black faith, that power of deception, which feeds from the Tree of Knowledge, with reasoning that opposes the Tree of Life. Two real realms, but only one is life. The Tree of Knowledge seems right to a man but its way leads assuredly to death (Proverbs 14:12). Particle - Paul Warned of Marcia A few days ago I was told to warn Paul about getting cozy with Marcia. On May 30, I told him what I had heard. "I could have used that warning earlier," he responded. "What happened?" I asked. "I was holding her hand tonight, and I embraced her," he replied. Until then, he had been talking to me of business, both Hsin Ten and spiritual work matters, mentioning nothing of Marcia. It hurts to be played with by someone you think to trust. Again, I am betrayed. I hung up. It is one thing to do evil; it is another to deceive and to hide. I have said more than once, "I don't care if nobody comes or stands with me. I will walk with the Lord." Particle - Marrying Marcia Marcia asked for my thoughts and stance on her relationship with Paul. My take was that she was focused on the sexual and physical more than on the spiritual. I saw little good with her stance. All those at the farm f...
well thanks for the harvest haven herald - it was great... except, I confess... I was confused and alarmed by the comment about 'gay marriages' being legalized - it was sort of in a section that lists the ills of the world and surely to god you are not proposing that some of god's children (gay though they may be) deserve less than the rest of us in terms of dignity and the right to be true to their own nature... anyways - if you are of the opinion that humans of the same sex can't be in loving relationships like the rest of us, then I suggest you ask god for help in arriving at the same kind of enlightened thinking you possess around the production of food... sincerely, Florence Greetings in the Lord Jesus Christ, Florence! I am glad you appreciated this issue of the HHH, and thank you for the feedback. Let us have a frank, open discussion of this matter. I have questions and answers. I hope you will be able to respond rationally and objectively. I am going to tell you up front that you're wrong in your thinking, that you have neither authority nor credible source for believing what you do, and I will tell you why you don't. I will also tell you by what authority we believe what we do and why our understanding is therefore true and justified. I wonder why you were confused about the portion on homosexual marriages. There are those who approve, and those who do not. We do not. Why the confusion? You ...
Page 17 PART THREE– Israel to Bernalillo (cont.) Particle – Food, a Blessing of God I have always enjoyed food and have indulged in ethnic and cultural dishes wherever we traveled. We wanted Mexican food and found a humble, yet clean, restaurant in Bernalillo, where we went once or twice. We found an enjoyable local treat in New Mexico - pine nuts (piñon) - which we roasted and enjoyed. We shopped for our foods at Keller's, an organic grocery store of mainly meats in Albuquerque. Finally, Linda, a worker at the KOA and lady of Spanish descent, invited us for a farewell supper at her home. She served up a Mexican beef dish we enjoyed. She also gave us a little gift we have to this day, a ceramic musical watering can/flower pot with the tune, “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning.” I took that as a prophetic promise. We knew we would be in for something special, the dawning of the Day of the Lord, coming soon. (It was to be many years later than expected.) I have loved food and drink all my life. And the Bible is full of references to, as well as admonishments about, these prime necessities of life. Ecclesiastes repeatedly speaks of the God-given blessing of eating and drinking being primary in God's rewards on earth to mankind. Whenever godly celebrations were held, food was always a pleasure. All the solemn feasts were centered around food. Jesus Christ often spoke about eating and drinking. He ate and drank with sinners, He spoke of the Kingdom of God as a great banquet, He ...