wHaT tHe LoRd HaS dOnE wItH mE
“Write down for the coming generation what the LORD has done, so that people not yet born will praise Him” (Psalms 102:18 GNB).
“There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed. There is nothing kept secret that will not come to light” – Jesus Christ (Luke 8:17 GW).
“I saw the dead, both important and unimportant people, standing in front of the throne. Books were opened, including the Book of Life. The dead were judged on the basis of what they had done, as recorded in the books” (Revelation 20:12 GW).
“For what is your life? For it is a vapor, which appears for a little time, and then disappears” (James 4:14 MKJV).
Particle – Why My Theo-autobiography
The story of any human life can have value for others. How much more when the understanding is opened to the inner workings of God? This book is more about His doing than mine – it will be more “Theo” than “auto.” Perceiving that the Lord has worked in and with me for many years, I would like to tell the world about it, mostly with the hope that many others will also be led to believe and be made free, finding fulfillment and peace in the Prince of Peace, Almighty God.
The most important reason to write my autobiography is to testify of the Lord Jesus Christ, Whom I have first found to be, then found to be faithful and true, and finally found to be the Lord God and Creator of all. (Don’t allow yourself to be lost now, unbeliever; hang in there; I promise you are in for something very different. You’ll receive fresh meaning on the saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover.”) I am writing to report to you that He proves His existence and His authority, and He identifies His True Nature in the pages of this book.
Particle – What Is This?
An autobiography is primarily the story of a person’s life. A Theo-autobiography is about two lives in one, separate, yet together. It is the personal recounting of one’s life before becoming a Christian and the struggle and miracle of actually becoming a new creature, a Christian by God’s, not man’s, definition.
A Theo-autobiography is the story of God implanting His nature in a soul, with all the experiential implications and challenges this miraculous process presents to the one being born again. The new creature must contend with the old nature, until God’s metamorphosis is complete. Then the wolf lies down with the lamb, and a new son of God sits on His throne with Him. This all happens in a world of “Christian believers” – be they real, pretend, imaginary, religious, philosophical, psychological, social, political, hot, cold, or lukewarm.
Particle – What Can This Book Do For You?
This book is unique, particularly so. There are precious valuables here for every person, no matter their age, sex, education, financial, social, or marital status, race, religion, experience, beliefs, background, environment, upbringing, handicaps, or whatever other factors may be involved – even death and deadness. Death is no barrier to God; the dead can be quickened by the Spirit of Truth.
What the Lord Has Done with Me will:
Prove the reality of a Higher Power far above us – known as God to most,
Pique the interest of every reader,
Surprise and confound many,
Cause many to scoff and scorn,
Cause others to fear,
Embarrass and alarm several, and even
It will do all these things for those who have something to hide, who live in pretense and wish to keep, and possibly forget, their personal secrets.
For others, hopefully many, it will:
Expose falsehood and break its power,
Release souls from manmade religion,
Enlighten with Reality,
Lift the burdens of guilty consciences,
Displace despair with genuine hope,
Instill true faith,
Encourage people to bring their faults, mistakes, and wrongdoings to the light, and
Usher them into abundant supply of long-lasting veritable sustenance for body, soul, and spirit.
This Theo-autobiography will bring the reader face-to-face with the realities of life, candidly confessed and reported. It will bring the reader face-to-face with God Himself, if God is willing. It will declare the actual, undeniable works of God. It will publish the naked truth about the author and those close to him, as well as about others. One will see the unmistakable, indisputable sovereign Hand of God on record, proving a Superior Intelligence perfectly concerned about, involved in, and in control of, all existence.
One may see that though the author and others have had favor with God, one man or woman is no different in basic nature from any other in all of history. We are all cut from the same cloth. It is my hope that people will be encouraged with this assurance and brought to freedom by the light of truth, recognizing that they have nothing to fear but God Himself, in a healthy, profitable, and fulfilling way.
It is likely that some will pick up this book, start into it, and drop it, prejudging that it has nothing for them. They may be like a prospector who finds the labor tedious and quits, though gold may lie just inches or feet below him (believe me, it is there). Some undiscerning souls might mistake the gold for iron pyrite (believe me, it is not).
Given the diversity of human nature, it is conceivable that some may read this book and discern very little, like persons at a garage sale picking up and putting down again valuable antiques selling for a pittance (in this case, set in a freebie box). This book, however, is full of something potentially precious for everyone. Whether he or she recognizes it or not, the reader will not walk away empty. Nobody can walk away from this true story, filled with lessons, principles, counsel, and honesty, and be the same.
It must be acknowledged that there may be errors, notwithstanding every effort to avoid them, in minor details, statistics, names, or spellings of names. The reports are true, however, at least from the perspective of the writer, related as honestly as he knows how and is able.
If anyone finds an error, please let us know; we will appreciate it and take immediate steps to correct it.
Particle – Nothing to Be Proud of
I hang my head in shame. I have absolutely nothing to be proud of. Such a fool have I been in all my ways. Indeed, when I look on mankind, we have all been fools, every one of us, but I have often seen myself as a principal one.
I have no virtue or greatness in any way, shape, or form. I tell you this in all honesty and conviction. I have achieved nothing. I have not excelled. I have won nothing. I have done no good or noteworthy thing. I have been the proverbial born loser to this very day. I look at my life and, but for the grace of God and what the Lord has done for me, it is a total devastating waste.
I have only one Saving Element and God is It. He has done something with me that cannot be explained; it is impossible to explain away, and it is simply amazing. So I write. I write to show you that He takes dirt in His hand and, by His power and wisdom, makes of it what He will. When He is done, we can only stand in awe of His skill, wisdom, and purpose.
Those who choose to be atheists and evolutionists, beware. Read this book and your beliefs will be entirely without excuse – not because I am, or have done, anything, but because He has, and you will see it.
All those who think they believe will realize how little they believe. And those who truly believe will, Lord willing, be very thankful for this book. They will get a glimpse of the One in Whom they have believed and will be glad, and they may well treasure this book above many.
Particle – The Sour with the Sweet
I look back on many things recorded here with shame and regret. Why do I talk about them? There is a lot of dirty laundry here, along with the precious and wonderful. I talk about my sins, problems, weaknesses, faults, and struggles, to alert others to the fact that these things are common among many.
Also, people are sometimes led to believe that some of these things are not so bad, and perhaps even commendable. It is thought that we should no longer live in a prudish, moralistic age, but in an “advanced, enlightened” one “liberated” of ignorant and oppressive psychological, social, religious, moralistic, and legal handicaps. That thinking is nothing new. In all ages, the lawless have hated discipline and truth.
I wish not to hide anything I should be transparent about. Seekers of life and truth need to know they can also be free, no matter who they are. I was not always the pious believer (if now), much less a preacher. I was not born with faith in God. I was every bit in the dark and corrupt as the next person. And people need to know that the next person is every bit as capable of corruption as I.
I deal with dirty laundry to give hope to those who bear guilt in these things, perhaps thinking there is no hope for them. I want everyone to know that we carry a burden of guilt when we indulge in wrongful things, and we are impacted adversely in every way, perhaps for an entire lifetime and beyond, often without knowing it.
I have learned, and the Scriptures testify very clearly, that we are all corrupt creatures, full of every vile thing possible (and I will prove it). But God, in His chosen time, is quite willing and able, indeed desirous and committed, to redeem and change us for the better, to His glory. He takes care of the dirtiest of laundry, perfectly.
Particle – Names
The names in this book are not changed to protect anyone, as is so common in many publications. Many names are mentioned, which means that many of these events will be verifiable. It will demonstrate that all people and the things they think, say, and do are more important than they may realize, that all their actions, anywhere, in any circumstance – including those seemingly insignificant ones – do not go unnoticed, forgotten, ignored, unrecorded, or without impact.
Why else mention names, whether relating “good” or “bad”? It is done to demonstrate that there is freedom possible for anyone, such that one comes to fear nothing. It is then possible to talk of these things from a standpoint of victory, and not defeat.
Though I am ashamed of many of these things, I am free of them. Another’s knowledge of them does not threaten me. I want those who are ashamed and threatened by exposure to know they can also be free, and indeed must be. There is nothing to lose but loss itself. Kris Kristofferson’s words in “Me and Bobby Magee” are so true: “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.”
Particle – Total Forgiveness for All, None Excepted
I wish to assure all persons mentioned that I bear them no ill will, only unconditional forgiveness. If one is not prepared to hear the truth about him or herself, he or she will surely be offended by what I have recorded of them; that is human nature. The forgiveness I have for them will only be enjoyed when they experience a true change of heart, which only God can accomplish.
This book is as much, if not more, for the “bad” guy as for the “good.” I want the bad guys to know there really aren’t any good guys when it comes right down to it – lots of self-righteous, pretentious, and religious ones, yes, but good? No, not until God does something with us – and He can, does, and will. Religion has nothing to do with it. Your turn will come, too. In the long run, He isn’t leaving anybody out.
Everyone needs to know that there is no permanent place to hide; exposure and paying the piper are inevitable.
Editor’s Note, July 2017: In these recent years after writing this particle, I’ve received a surprise development from the Lord in my perspective and attitude concerning forgiveness. I now find there is someone I can’t, won’t, and am not required to forgive, according to the Lord and not according to any bitterness or fleshly stature on my part. This revelation is substantiated in the Testimony of the Scriptures:
“If anyone sees his brother sin a sin not to death, he shall ask, and He shall give him life for those that do not sin to death. There is a sin to death, I do not say that he shall pray for it” (1 John 5:16MKJV).
What is the “unpardonable sin”? Is it not the sin that can’t and won’t be forgiven? How then can I forgive it or the person who commits it? I can’t pray for him or forgive him, no, not at all. And I should have known this – it’s right there in Scripture. So now I have the displeasure of knowing a few people whose names have been blotted out of the Book of Life. I do not forgive them because they have no forgiveness coming to them, according to God’s will.
Not only do I not forgive those persons, I hate them. Yes, I do! Is that Christian? Is it right? How about this:
“O LORD, do I not hate those who hate You? And am I not grieved with those who rise up against You? I hate them with perfect hatred; I count them my enemies” (Psalms 139:21-22 MKJV)?
And who is it that has set those people to hate me? Try this:
“He turned their heart to hate His people, to deal craftily with His servants” (Psalms 105:25 MKJV).
And why did He do a thing like that? Is it not so that He might destroy them? That’s what the Scriptures say. The Pharaoh is one example of that:
“For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, ‘Even for this same purpose I have raised you up, that I might show My power in you, and that My name might be declared throughout all the earth.’ Therefore He has mercy on whom He will have mercy, and whom He will, He hardens’” (Romans 9:17-18 MKJV).
Who are these people I’m talking about? Some of you already know and Lord willing, those who don’t will know in future sections of this book.
Particle – Children Are Not Children
Take the time to teach your children and warn them against the things of which I write. The sins of childhood are not erased or forgotten, unless God makes it happen. The evil deeds of our childhood come with us into the future as heavy and cumbersome baggage. There is a Scripture I have found, to my chagrin, to be so true:
“Rejoice, in your youth, young man; and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth, and walk in the ways of your heart, and in the sight of your eyes; but know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment. Therefore remove vexation from your heart, and put away evil from your flesh; for childhood and prime of life are vanity” (Ecclesiastes 11:9-10 MKJV).
Concerning wrong, it is not only a matter of what children do, but also of what is done to them. Adults assume they will get away with what they do to naïve, innocent children because they don’t understand at the time. Not so! First of all, God knows and requites man for every deed (I know). Be assured, offenses against fellow man, no matter the age of the victim, bring consequences, and the price is never worth it.
Children also have remarkable memories from infancy, and while they cannot understand what is happening at first, there is a very good chance they will remember, and as they grow in knowledge and understanding, they will realize the implications of what happened to them. Through trials in later life, I have received recall of things I suffered from as early as approximately four months of age. Not that there was deliberate evil perpetrated.
I believe that in significant ways, children are adults from the womb. They have far more ability and comprehension than we imagine. Like an acorn that contains an oak tree, children need only develop what is already there. None ought to dare take them for granted at any time.
Particle – “Despise Not the Day of Small Things”
On a final note, I want to give the reader what I consider to be an important truth, something that I, at 60, have only recently come to realize. This truth will especially benefit those who have yet a goodly stretch of life remaining, Lord willing. The truth is:
Appreciate that the big things you are looking for are happening right now, most often in the cloak of insignificance.
All things happening in our lives are important and serve to form not only our memories, but also our very character and nature. We do not realize their value or importance until years later. The reason I urge the reader on this is because I have spent my life looking forward to big things happening, and now realize I was not appreciative of the big things as they were happening, judging them to be insignificant.
Our time is very short on earth, because the earth is but a bridge from one realm to another. I tell young people in their teens and twenties, “Tomorrow you will be 60; it will be that fast.” Don’t look for the fulfillment of your imagination or hope of God’s great purpose for your life. His purpose is happening, as you exist, in every moment. Accept it, embrace it, drink it in, attend to it, and yield to it.
Page 12 PART SIX– Harvest Haven to Surprise Visitors (cont.) Particle – The Lord Speaks As was often the case, I had many doubts and questions. On October 4, the Lord spoke to me. He said: “Your son will not die. He will obey and live. You will not die. You will return to the farm and reign in power and glory. Your throne will be secure. I will establish you and your throne forevermore. Then will the world begin to see Me and I will do with you and with yours, as I have promised and purposed. Don't be afraid and don't doubt. Son, you have nothing to fear. I'm with you and will always be with you. See the seasons? The winds, the coolness, the falling leaves? There is a season for everything. Don't be afraid of the seasons, son. All things are purposed and timed. It's all in My hands, including you, your wife and son, your children. All that you have, I've given you and all is secure. Your losses are covered by the house. There is nothing you can't have. I've blessed you and long to bless you some more, much more. You know how your heart goes out to your son when he restrains himself in his desires and holds his tongue from asking of you when you have instructed him to be silent. You want to give him anything you can… he needn't even ask. I want to do the same with you, Victor. Yet you won't give him anything he asks because you love him and want his best. I feel the same way with you and more. Remember these things and trust Me, Victor, trust Me. Y...
Page 5 PART SIX– Harvest Haven to Surprise Visitors (cont.) Particle – A Word in Need, August 1996 During this time, I was stirred to cry out to the Lord, and I received a Word from Him: “Thus says the Lord: I have carried you and cared for you from your mother's womb. Long before you knew Me, I knew and formed you. Before you were, I purposed to have and to hold you because I chose to do so. There was nobody to stop Me and I have never changed My mind. When you were yet in your sins, I purposed your future with everything in it. I chose your paths, your every step. I chose those with whom you would have to do, both your friends and your enemies. I prepared you for the tasks to come, not so that you would gain the world's wealth, but so that you would gain Mine. I want you to have the very best there is. Do you not want the very best for your son? Are you not My son? Have I not spoken to you and blessed you with many good things? Have I not shared my heart with you? Have I not shared intimately with you? Have I not chastened and scourged you when you've needed it? Or have I let you go to do whatever you wished even as does the world, which doesn't know Me?” Lord, Father, I'm so afraid. Do not my writings testify or bear witness of myself, as in Here Is the Way It Is? Am I not haughty and proud, dogmatic, critical, self-righteous in those writings, in my thinking, attitude, and conduct towards others? Am I not foul-mouthed, uncharitable, impatient, ...
Page 13 PART ONE – Darkness to Light (cont.) Particle – Friends of Friends Not the Best of Friends Have you ever noticed how one will attract companions from different directions and bring them into his personal group of friends? Gerry McClintock was a personality who did that with those whom I personally would not have sought out as close friends. Dave Miller was such a rather awkward relation to me – he was Gerry's personal choice of friend and not mine. There was nothing particularly wrong with him; he had his weaknesses and strengths, as with all. I think I simply lacked empathy or closeness with him. In spite of this, we went into buying and living in a house together. It was a similar situation with Ed Korpan in junior high. He was the extroverted ringleader who attracted a variety of people. I would not have chosen Ken Dowson and Wayne Childs for personal friends, but Ed was our social common denominator. Outside of him, we had nothing to do with one another. But I had lots to do with Dave. Things could have been better, had I been a decent fellow, but I wasn't. Particle – No Mercy for the Distressed My former roommate, Rick Steinke, rented a room from us. I deeply regret getting after him to get a job when he was out of work, having no sympathy or patience while watching him sit and play guitar in his bedroom month after month, going drinking with his buddies, and falling behind on his rent. Rick, wherever you are, I apologize. (I owe many people apologies....