English – Spanish
To: Paul Cohen
Sent: Saturday, January 23, 2016 12:27 AM
Subject: Hi can I get your advice?
Hi, my name Is Tonya, im 35 years old and I grew up not knowing God in a house of 6 kids and my dad was divorced and me and my 2 brothers were with him as he met a gf with 3 kids and they were together 13 years. They both stayed together very unhappy but for us kids. Towards the end they both at the same time, met other ppl online and split up and for the last 15 years are both very happy now. I feel this has played a role in my life as im in the same situation as well as my other brothers and sister that are in relationships. It’s sad how that happens and I do not want this for my kids. I met my husband at 19 years old, neither of us knew God. We ended up getting married 2 years later and I had our first son right before we got married. He joined the military for 4 years. We have 3 kids and have been together 16 years now married for 14.
We have had many problems over these years beginning after our first child was born. They got worse and he did some things while being over seas and he then got into game addiction. He has always played games since the beginning but they got worse. He recently just spent over 2000 in 2 months on his game he plays non stop. It’s very bad and has taken his life and has caused us to split up many times. I would say something and it lead to a fight then he would always pack and leave us till I begged him back. About 3 years ago is where my journey to God began. I got a job working nights so our kids can still be watched by me during the day. I got close to a co worker and things got too personal. When my husband left again, I let him go. He found out about this other guy and actually begged me to stop talking to him. I couldn’t do it because I was so hurt by my husband and was finally free but my heart still ached for him so I cried many times for what I was doing to him no matter what he had done to me, I couldn’t continue what I was doing so I stopped it and got back with him. I remember hitting my kitchen floor one night crying out to God in hopes He was real and to help me on what to do.
I asked my husband to pick up a bible, he didn’t. I had a counselor come to our house and he had a bible!! It brought tears to my eyes cause how did he know? He wasn’t a Christian counselor but he brought us a bible. So I started to read it. I had a hard time understanding some of it so I started seeking help online through YouTube videos reading comments to get any knowledge I could. Oh I found God to be so fascinating!!! I still have yet to stop my bible studies! The last almost 3 years I’ve non stop daily been seeking understanding of God’s word. I have cried so much over God helping my marriage. I started just getting to know God more than just wanting Him to fix my marriage. I started to put God above my own marriage problems. I no longer cared to fix it. I just wanted knowledge of God. My husband does not really believe in God. He says he does but when I tell him things I learn, he wants nothing to do about it. He continues to play his game. Causing us money problems and we have 3 kids. I continued to seek while God has given me peace with my husband. No longer did we fight over his game. I didn’t care anymore. I prayed hard for my husband to be a man of God for us. In the meantime I continued to seek God.
In August of 2015, I started researching the book of Daniel. I saw a video on it and saw comments by someone with alot of biblical knowledge who had been helping everyone get the truth. I started asking him difficult questions I had asked many ppl online but got no answers from, he answered them for me. He knew what he was talking about. I saw the love he had for God in the way he had helped everyone. Since then I have emailed him back and forth. We have talked every single day since the beginning of Aug and sometimes 24 emails a day. He has helped me learn so much about God and cleared alot of my confusion. I slipped up one day, recently I had told him I wished I could be with him and asked him if that was a sin to want to be with him because he was a man of God and I knew I needed guided as I get confused so easy. I want to raise my kids under God. I don’t want to care about life material things anymore as my husband does. He is a very selfish person I have noticed lately. I had always blamed myself for our problems and was always told God put us together so I needed to change in order for God to change him. Now I realize he too has free will and God will not change him as long as he won’t listen to God. So now what I thought? Does God want me to live an unhappy marriage with someone who won’t seek Him with me? What about my kids? Will they believe in God?
So this guy Im talking to about God was trying to help me figure out how to get my husband to go to God. He tried to help my marriage at first. Until I slipped up after realizing my marriage wasn’t going to get better. After I told him my feelings, he told me it was not good but that he understood. I told him I was not comparing him with my husband but that I loved his spirit and how much he loved God. He then said that God could bring us together as he did Jacob and Rachel. He knows every part of the bible and in just 3 years time. He says he had visions in college and he couldn’t understand them till he was later brought to the bible by an atheist neighbor talking about God. Once he started reading the bible, his visions made sense. It caused him to take world history and it caused him to learn bible chronology and how I found him thru my study of Daniel.
So this is where I am now. I have tried to back out of talking to him but couldn’t do it. My family who do believe gave me issues about talking to him. They gave me scriptures telling me how im committing adultery and for my kids salvation and his, I needed to end talking to him. So I told him that. His msg back to me got to my heart. I couldn’t do it! He then corrected the verses they gave me and explained how they misinterpreted them and used them against me but not on purpose. Talking to him has caused my family to be against me. Even the few that believe in God. Im so confused lately that I don’t know what to do. I feel like im doing something wrong by loving this man and while being married. My marriage isn’t a marriage no more. We don’t sleep in the same bed anymore even. Im not sure what direction this man is from. Im worried and do not want to sin against God. I pray so much but go back and forth as I get confused too easy and do not know if God is trying to tell me something. If so am I being blocked from listening through sin?
I tell this man my feelings and he brings up the spirit leading us down this path is all he can make of it. He brings up stories in the bible I never hear about anywhere. He says to wait for God to break our vows since I can’t. But then he says if God calls me out then go and don’t look back as lots wife did. He wants to take my kids in as God took him in. He says he loves my spirit. We talk about spiritual things and he says God leads the way. I honestly don’t feel like he is manipulating me but a couple friends think he is. He loves God so much though. Im not sure but would God ever send a man of God to me while im married? He says some things you do as in marriages being of man and not God. I started this so if it’s sin, im guilty for us both. I will repent but I need to be sure and I need word from God. I need help. Im worried for everything right now. He tells me to have faith not fear. But fear is here because I feel what im doing is wrong. I feel like if I end this with this man, I will miss him and feel like any bible study I do from now on will cause me to remember him and I won’t be able to let go. Is this normal? Do I need to break this off? Can you tell me what God would ask of me? Thank you so much for listening to me. God bless you for sharing your story!!!! I appreciate it very much!!! You have a blessed night!
From: Paul Cohen
Sent: Friday, January 29, 2016 9:39 AM
Subject: Re: Hi can I get your advice?
I feel sad reading your story, because of where I see you headed. Lord willing, what I will tell you will help you avoid the terrible things that would result from your leaving your husband for this supposed “man of God.”
I will make some comments in the following portions of your letter (in red):
After I told him my feelings, he told me it was not good but that he understood.
He’s right – your feelings, though understandable, weren’t something good for you to nurture or go by.
I told him I was not comparing him with my husband but that I loved his spirit and how much he loved God. He then said that God could bring us together as he did Jacob and Rachel.
So at first he warns you that your feelings aren’t good, but then he’s talking about God bringing you together? This man is very unstable – contradicting himself, common sense, and the Word of God. He’s suggesting God will break up your marriage based on feelings. In other words, there is no godly witness to such a thing, other than your feelings and his. What does the Bible say about those?
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9 MKJV)
“He who trusts in his own heart is a fool; but whoever walks wisely, he shall be delivered” (Proverbs 28:26 MKJV).
He knows every part of the bible and in just 3 years time.
Here’s what Jesus said to the Bible scholars of His day:
“You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life. And they are the ones witnessing of Me, and you will not come to Me that you might have life” (John 5:39-40 MKJV).
Here’s what the apostle Paul said about knowledge:
“Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies” (1 Corinthians 8:1 MKJV).
“And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:2 ESV).
A man who blatantly disobeys God, drawing a married woman after himself with the prospect of marriage, doesn’t love Him. And if this man doesn’t love God, neither does he love you. He loves himself. Here’s what’s happening with you two:
“For of these are those who creep into houses and lead captive silly women loaded with sins, led away with different kinds of lusts, ever learning and never able to come to the full knowledge of the truth” (2 Timothy 3:6-7 MKJV).
You are getting knowledge, but not of the Lord Jesus Christ, Who alone can save you.
He says he had visions in college and he couldn’t understand them till he was later brought to the bible by an atheist neighbor talking about God. Once he started reading the bible, his visions made sense. It caused him to take world history and it caused him to learn bible chronology and how I found him thru my study of Daniel.
His visions and knowledge are not of God. It might be very impressive to you, but God doesn’t work that way. He first comes to us by pointing us to Himself, the Lord Jesus Christ, to be forgiven our sins and to learn of Him. This man is feeding you with knowledge, not the Lord. Remember how Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil when she saw the tree was good for food? Eve descended with her husband into fear and confusion. That’s what’s happening here with you.
I tell this man my feelings and he brings up the spirit leading us down this path is all he can make of it.
See the two Scriptures I quoted above about the corrupt human heart. That is the spirit leading you both.
He brings up stories in the bible I never hear about anywhere.
He says to wait for God to break our vows since I can’t.
Men’s vows mean nothing to God if they contradict His will. And if a man’s vow contradicts His will, that man can and should break it, as I did when I ended my marriage that was no marriage – it was fornication.
But you don’t know that your marriage isn’t a marriage, do you? So you have no business breaking up your marriage, or even contemplating it.
“Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put apart” (Mark 10:9 MKJV).
But then he says if God calls me out then go and don’t look back as lots wife did. He wants to take my kids in as God took him in. He says he loves my spirit. We talk about spiritual things and he says God leads the way.
False threats and promises, Tonya. You should shut this thing down pronto, without hesitation, and get on dealing with your responsibilities before God rather than trying to escape them.
I honestly don’t feel like he is manipulating me but a couple friends think he is. He loves God so much though.
Your friends are right. Both you and this man are in delusion. Fortunately, you’ve written for counsel and are getting it, which if you act on it (“walk wisely”), you will “be delivered.”
Im not sure but would God ever send a man of God to me while im married?
He wouldn’t send a man of God to lure you out of your marriage with declarations of carnal love and false promises. But God did send an evil man to do this because your heart hasn’t been right with Him.
He says some things you do as in marriages being of man and not God. I started this so if it’s sin, im guilty for us both. I will repent but I need to be sure and I need word from God. I need help.
You’ve got it now and can do the right thing.
Im worried for everything right now. He tells me to have faith not fear. But fear is here because I feel what im doing is wrong.
You fear like Eve feared after she ate of the fruit of the forbidden tree.
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has torment. He who fears has not been perfected in love” (1 John 4:18 MKJV).
The good news here is that God has given you an answer to this dilemma as you’ve requested in order for you to move on and be perfected by the faith of Christ, if you believe.
I feel like if I end this with this man, I will miss him and feel like any bible study I do from now on will cause me to remember him and I won’t be able to let go. Is this normal?
If you repent and turn to the Lord Jesus Christ, He will fulfill all your needs beyond what you imagine or think. You need to put your trust in Him and stop going by your feelings.
And read on our site – it is worth far more than all the Bible studies you’ve had with this man and others like him, who’ve fed you with knowledge rather than from the Tree of Life.
Do I need to break this off? Can you tell me what God would ask of me?
Let us know how it goes, Tonya.
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