If and when financial blessings come, one comes into danger of straying after mammon. Mammon has a way of creating and whetting the appetite for more. More accurately, it has a way of rousing the carnal nature with what is already there.
I began to be dissatisfied with what my money was doing in the bank at terrible interest rates, thinking I was a coward or a poor steward by not working the money to get better returns. I ended up in the stock market. Fear and Greed, two robust bullies, caught me in the back alley on my way to the bank and beat me severely. I lost two years of peace with my family and God knows how much more. My faith was greatly battered. One cannot play with fire and not get burned. A bitter lesson indeed. My boy had been such a joy to me and I missed him for a part of our lives. If you value life, flee mammon; don’t rationalize; don’t compromise; don’t even think it…flee to God for your life.
I wrote this during a fast a couple of years later, when I was expected to die.
I’ve missed my boy since ’93;
Money was all that I could see;
Even robbed him of maternity;
Without my boy since ’93.
Hung a plaque up on the wall
The words of which would say it all
And failed my duty to heed that call
Now all I can do is bawl and bawl.
Son, don’t ever cry, the fault’s not yours;
I’m persuaded the Lord will even scores.
How does He do it? by the blood He pours,
Reuniting us on better shores.
Mom, please don’t spoil our little boy.
Like me, he’ll miss both peace and joy,
Himself and others he’ll annoy
And we won’t have our little boy.
But do us both a favor, please,
See he minds all q’s and p’s,
Gains knowledge in all he does and sees
So that in the end, the Lord he’ll please.
Moon River Estates, Jan. 1993
Living with loose ends that seem perpetual is one of the difficult facts of life, especially if those ends were not expected to be loose and most of all if those loose ends had at first appeared to have the promise of completion upon which we set our hopes. As we press on toward the mark we gradually begin to learn that those things we counted important, achievable and our destiny were really only elements of a process. With the process complete in any of its stages, we discover firstly a change in ourselves and then the elements we once considered so important are cancelled with our ready consent. The destination is not without but within. When once the work is done within, those outward things we sought fade away, no longer perceived as desirable or important. How many times have I thought I arrived only to discover I was just beginning! That which was is no longer relevant, as a fading flower that falls to the ground. One must come to the sobering truth that all we do is vanity. The greatest works of men upon earth are entirely vain. What's more, as much can be accomplished and\or learned in the most mundane and simple things and activities of our existence as in what we perceive to be higher and more noble works. Who has the measure? The issue is not one of what we do or how well we do it but one of motive and attitude. There is the key of deliverance from Periphery. Periphery, Periphery, Your victims going round, Seeing, smelling, Even tou...
English - Chinese 上帝經常並在很長一段時間內向祂被召喚出來的人隱藏祂自己，就像祂對古今的所有聖徒和先知所做的那樣。我們非常渴望像這個世界上那樣憑眼見行走，但我們必須學會憑信心行走，藉著我們被賜給對未知的少量知識，該未知者，來讓我們認識祂。儘管祂隱藏自己來考驗我們，但祂一直都在那裡…沒有人可以離開祂的存在。然而，一個人可以選擇這樣做，而選擇這樣做不是被召喚出來的人。空虛本身並不是像人們所想的那樣一個壞跡象。 我因悲痛和悲哀而生病， 煩惱和孤獨； 我的靈魂充滿了呻吟和渴望； 我四處張望； 我伸出手； 我的手空空歸來； 淚水充滿我的靈魂； 我哭啊哭啊哭； 沒有人可以安慰，撫慰，減輕我的痛苦。 日復一日，年復一年， 一旬又一旬， 我等待，我渴望，我哭泣， 我嘆了口氣。 沒有人可以理解。 我等待早晨； 我等待傍晚； 我很傷心寂寞。 我進食，我入睡，我哭泣… 我說我沒有是罪嗎 那讓我變成了這樣—— 絕望、悲傷、孤獨、不滿足， 無用、被蔑視、不受歡迎？ 這不是豐盛的生命； 雖然我的肉體需求得到滿足 來去自由， 然而我無處可去。 一切都是安靜的，平淡無奇的，單調乏味的和黯淡的。 我抱怨嗎 還是我只是說事情的情況 對於那些被神聖命令任命為這樣的， 不為了罪 而為了祂的目的？ 我不知道; 我只知道我很哀愁也很孤獨； 這我知道。 我注意到我並不害怕 就像我曾經那樣； 我不懷疑我走的道路 就像我曾經那樣， 我是嗎？ 我不貪圖鄰人設身的處地； 沒有我願意與他人交換的 然而我認為，如果 不是因為主抓住我的手， 我肯定會想 結束我的性命。 如果不是為了希望更好的事情， 我會如此絕望 我會安排我的結局。 多諷刺！ 有很多值得感恩的， 所需要的都充足地被提供， 好妻子， 一個健康的新生兒子， 健康、整齊、安全和外在的平安， 內心卻是絕望的渴望 因為我不知道是什麼—— 朋友們？同伴？工作？ 重要感？有用感？聲譽？ 榮耀？尊重？認同感？ 激動人心的？刺激奇遇的？ 我不知道。 在靜止的時候我很煩惱。 為什麼？我不知道。 我只知道我很哀愁也很孤獨； 這我知道。 月亮河莊園，一九九一年十月二十九日
Poems on The Path of Truth