If and when financial blessings come, one comes into danger of straying after mammon. Mammon has a way of creating and whetting the appetite for more. More accurately, it has a way of rousing the carnal nature with what is already there.
I began to be dissatisfied with what my money was doing in the bank at terrible interest rates, thinking I was a coward or a poor steward by not working the money to get better returns. I ended up in the stock market. Fear and Greed, two robust bullies, caught me in the back alley on my way to the bank and beat me severely. I lost two years of peace with my family and God knows how much more. My faith was greatly battered. One cannot play with fire and not get burned. A bitter lesson indeed. My boy had been such a joy to me and I missed him for a part of our lives. If you value life, flee mammon; don’t rationalize; don’t compromise; don’t even think it…flee to God for your life.
I wrote this during a fast a couple of years later, when I was expected to die.
I’ve missed my boy since ’93;
Money was all that I could see;
Even robbed him of maternity;
Without my boy since ’93.
Hung a plaque up on the wall
The words of which would say it all
And failed my duty to heed that call
Now all I can do is bawl and bawl.
Son, don’t ever cry, the fault’s not yours;
I’m persuaded the Lord will even scores.
How does He do it? by the blood He pours,
Reuniting us on better shores.
Mom, please don’t spoil our little boy.
Like me, he’ll miss both peace and joy,
Himself and others he’ll annoy
And we won’t have our little boy.
But do us both a favor, please,
See he minds all q’s and p’s,
Gains knowledge in all he does and sees
So that in the end, the Lord he’ll please.
Moon River Estates, Jan. 1993
The world celebrates many things in many ways. It lives for good times and pleasures. Yet it has no good cause to rejoice because it excludes its Maker in its festivities, even when it celebrates in His Name. It also remains in darkness and bondage even while trying to act otherwise. The pilgrim, that lone spiritual wanderer looks on, waiting for the day when he or she can trade in the sorrow and suffering, the loneliness and uncertainties, at best the mediocre satisfactions in this world s existence for great and true celebration. My friend, there is that place, that time, yes, here as well as there, which is here. This is the Day of the Lord. Jubilee occurs on the Day of Atonement, the tenth day of the seventh month, once every fifty years. I wrote this seven years before experiencing the Jubilee. One is brought into it in the fulness of time. Jubilee, oh Jubilee! The day declares the captive free, Delivered from the enemy, Glory bestowed for all to see; Oh, blessed Day of Jubilee! Loss, defeat and misery, Death and Hell had been for me And tears prevented me to see That one day there'd be Jubilee; Oh, blessed Day of Jubilee! The road beyond what eye can see Is littered with corpse and tragedy But trust the Lord and you will be At journey's end with ecstasy; Oh, blessed Day of Jubilee! Moon River Estates, Jan. 1993
"You've got to walk...that lonesome valley...you've got to walk...it by yourself..." the song goes. As it was with our father of faith, so with every sojourner. "Look to Abraham your father, and to Sarah who bore you; for I called him alone, and blessed him and increased him." There is no other way. On the day that I set out to walk with God I became lonely. My family insisted That I remain with it - I chose my loneliness, Part of the price to pay For obedience to God. I entered a family of those Who claimed to walk with God, Only to discover feigned faith. They insisted I be as they. Called out from among them Again I was lonely. He gave me a wife Knowing it not good That I should be alone. Together we searched for friends - A cup of water here And a cup there But no well. Today, after many years, He gives us a son Who helps to bear our loneliness But we are lonely. What is it to be lonely? It is to be alone In desires, in thoughts, in understanding, In conversation, in goals and interests, In activity, in purpose. Added to our loneliness, Betrayals and disappointments To sharpen the pain that is there - They come with smiles And depart with frowns. Added to our betrayals and disappointments, The enmity of adversaries Opposing what we are And why we are here, Hating us without a cause Added to the hatred, Loneliness, For they hate us And us alone. Moon River, Oct. 29...
I was hurt by a vain professor of righteousness. Of that person I saw a vision. She was like her kind and her kind like her - light, treacherous, full of lust and hypocrisies. So are all those who "go to church" and think they do God a service.