If and when financial blessings come, one comes into danger of straying after mammon. Mammon has a way of creating and whetting the appetite for more. More accurately, it has a way of rousing the carnal nature with what is already there.
I began to be dissatisfied with what my money was doing in the bank at terrible interest rates, thinking I was a coward or a poor steward by not working the money to get better returns. I ended up in the stock market. Fear and Greed, two robust bullies, caught me in the back alley on my way to the bank and beat me severely. I lost two years of peace with my family and God knows how much more. My faith was greatly battered. One cannot play with fire and not get burned. A bitter lesson indeed. My boy had been such a joy to me and I missed him for a part of our lives. If you value life, flee mammon; don’t rationalize; don’t compromise; don’t even think it…flee to God for your life.
I wrote this during a fast a couple of years later, when I was expected to die.
I’ve missed my boy since ’93;
Money was all that I could see;
Even robbed him of maternity;
Without my boy since ’93.
Hung a plaque up on the wall
The words of which would say it all
And failed my duty to heed that call
Now all I can do is bawl and bawl.
Son, don’t ever cry, the fault’s not yours;
I’m persuaded the Lord will even scores.
How does He do it? by the blood He pours,
Reuniting us on better shores.
Mom, please don’t spoil our little boy.
Like me, he’ll miss both peace and joy,
Himself and others he’ll annoy
And we won’t have our little boy.
But do us both a favor, please,
See he minds all q’s and p’s,
Gains knowledge in all he does and sees
So that in the end, the Lord he’ll please.
Moon River Estates, Jan. 1993
Social and moral issues abound. There is no want of them – ever. And rarely are they settled to the true benefit of all. Debate goes on and on and on. The minds involved grow deeper in darkness until, with all their statistics and evidences, arguments and logic, all sides are as raving mad men, utterly failing to put their finger on the problem, much less finding a solution for it. This writing came quite spontaneously and basically expresses the truth that darkened evil minds must be given the right and the opportunity to suffer the fruits of their thinking. Their consequences will speak far louder than the voices of those who try to spare them their folly. Abort the mark of tragedy; Abort the evidence of pleasure; Abort the stark reminder Of consequence for evil. Rid yourself of nuisance; Rid yourself of cost; Pay no mind but to yourself; For your sake a life is lost. Still the witness, erase the interruption, Forget the past, if you can; Still the conscience For crying against your deeds. Is the conscience in your womb? Rather than removing the turd, Cover it with a mound of manure. Now what? But go and do your will, woman; Exterminate your seed Lest we be overwhelmed With the fruits of your ways, The posterity of your thoughts; Haunted by mammoth mounds, Perishing one and all. Lethbridge, Aug. 19, 1984
Who is going to do it – I or God? Who will initiate – the one led or the One leading? Do we help Him? Does He need our help? Were we around to help Him start it all? Do we think we must at least be around to help Him finish it? Do we have any understanding as to what the finish should be? Either I reign or God reigns. Either I call the shots or He does. And every soul is in damnation until it learns to put its trust entirely in Him. As one has already put it, “Let go and let God.” Grab a hold! Grab with all you’ve got! Grab? Grab what? I have grabbed and grabbed and grabbed. I now find nothing to grab, and if I did, I would be too exhausted to grab. I once sat and waited. I waited. I waited to see. I waited to hear and to understand. Nothing came for me to grab. But then nothing grabbed me and I could wait no more. I went out to grab, finding something to grab. Now I grab instead of wait. And I hurt for grabbing. I grab again and the pain grows intense, intolerable. Then I remember………….no more grabbing! So I wait until I am grabbed again by the One Who already holds me and Who teaches me not to grab But to rest and to be grabbed. Lethbridge, July 20, 1984
While servants of the prince of darkness present themselves as angels of love and goodness, they grant their victims in part those things the flesh desires to have without cost of life. Souls are thus ensnared in their own selfishness. "I gave my child all it wanted. I spared nothing. What more could I have done?" laments the parent whose child is now on drugs or in prison or dead. How ironic that the sure path to destruction is receiving at request all that one could ask for! How ironic that our way to peace and fulfillment is in denial, hardship and deprivation until the final day! The epitome of selfishness: "I want," it declares; "I want it all," it demands; "I want it all now," it screams. It loves to be pampered and cuddled. It has no notion of cost to another, No care for one's needs or desires Other than its own. When not obliged, Its world stands still, Its heart bound in the thing it wants. A thousand things a day it wants. "My way!" it cries, Not for reason's sake nor truth, Not for right nor even good, But for self, and when denied, It pouts; Sullen and resentful, It eats itself And those around Unless it gets its way. The child of evil is ruled By its passions And its whims, By its ignorance And its needs so perceived. At every turn it cries Unless it gets its way; It clings to itself to live, Held in the grip of death. But deliverance comes As an enemy, In the form of a rod, The rod of chastening, of discipline, ...