Marriage Bed Undefiled
Revelation on the Nocturnal Relationship of Husband and Wife
“Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but
fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4
There is great error and subsequent bondage stemming from the
carnal man’s passions, from pagan philosophy and lust concerning
the marriage bed. The Hebrews writer speaks not of carnal things
only, as a literal bed shared by man and wife. He speaks of a relationship
between man and wife, of the sacred institution of marriage.
The purpose of this teaching is to identify an idolatry, manifested
physically, that has consumed many a marriage with dissension,
defeat, condemnation and bitterness. The worship of this god has
been the cause of great physical, mental, emotional and spiritual
Husbands and wives are defiling their beds
because worshipping marriage.
Who says a man and a wife should share the same bed incessantly?
Who says they should not have separate beds or rooms or even houses,
and come together for relations only at appropriate times? Who
says they should be disturbed every night by one another’s
tossing and turning, pulling covers, snoring, bad breath, getting
up for the bathroom, passing gas, and so forth? Who says they should
be tempted with each other by being in the same bed when they may
be called to abstinence for prayer and fasting for a time, or when
the woman is at her time of the month? Who says a man and wife
should play with fire? I have said who says, and will say it again,
We know that marriage is sacred in God’s eyes. A man is
to be his wife’s and no other woman’s, and the wife
is to be her husband’s, and no other man’s. That is
what the Hebrews writer was saying. However, husbands and wives
are defiling their beds everywhere, not primarily because they
bring illegitimate partners into it, but because they have fallen
to worshipping marriage and the marriage bed, bringing the latter
to a physical compliance that burdens one, heavily and unnecessarily.
As a teenager, I had a friend whom I would occasionally visit.
Consequently, I would visit with his parents, who were nearly in
their sixties. They obviously got along fine, talking, laughing
and joking with each other and with their son and me as we visited.
It was never otherwise.
But there was something curious to me about them. Not only did
they sleep in their own beds, but they had their own rooms. “What’s
wrong with them?” I wondered, “Is there something wrong
with their relationship?” It was not evident that there was.
Indeed, I thought they got along better with each other than did
my parents, who slept together in a cozy, double (not a queen or
king) bed. I recall my parents often complaining about how room
temperature was fine for one but not the other, how covers would
be ample for one and not the other, or how Dad would snore, disturbing
Mom, or how one would pull the covers from the other, or toss and
turn, waking the other. But they slept together because they were
husband and wife, and “husbands and wives are supposed to
What is wrong with believers living even
in separate houses?
There is a saying: “Separate beds, then separate rooms,
then separate homes,” as if to say, “If married couples
don’t sleep together, soon their relationship will grow cold
and they will, eventually, divorce.” Of course, the saying
spoke not of the physical act so much as of attitudes. There were
parents, in separate rooms for years, but together in the same
house to their graves, apparently getting along just fine. And
they were not Christians.
what is wrong with believers living even in separate houses?
What about Abraham and Sarah, “Christians,” our parents
in the faith? Here is the record:
“And Sarah died in Kirjath-arba; the same is Hebron in the
land of Canaan. And Abraham came to mourn for Sarah, and to weep
for her” (Genesis 23:2 MKJV).
It seems they were not only living in separate tents (houses)
but in separate cities. Granted, Sarah might have
expired while “out
of town,” but, in any case, Abraham did not bring her back,
though he did transport her body to the tomb. It says he came to
mourn and to weep for her. But let us assume they did not live
in separate cities. They certainly lived in separate houses:
“And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and
took Rebekah, and she became his wife. And he loved her. And Isaac
was comforted after his mother's death” (Genesis 24:67 MKJV).
One can assume Isaac and Rebekah remained together in what was
Sarah’s tent, but I do not believe this was so. I believe
Rebekah assumed Sarah’s tent and Isaac had his own.
They did not forsake each other and they
did not divorce.
Did Abraham and Sarah take a sad departure from their faith in
the end? Not at all. The Scriptures clearly testify that they both
gloriously overcame unto the end and together became
known as overcomers and our parents in the faith:
“For so once indeed the holy women hoping in God adorned
themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands; as Sarah
obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose children you became, doing
good and fearing no terror” (1 Peter 3:5-6 MKJV).
They did not forsake each other and they did not divorce. However,
in the end, they did share “sleeping” in the same tomb
together…no danger there of disturbance by snoring or tossing
and turning or arguing over the thermostat setting:
“The field, which Abraham bought from the sons of Heth.
Abraham and Sarah his wife were buried there” (Genesis 25:10
The problem today is that husbands and wives by the millions bury
themselves in turmoil, frustration and fatigue by sleeping together
because they feel they should out of vain tradition. They don’t
get as good a nightly sleep as they could or should, and even their
relationships are strained as a result.
Also, the Bible teaches that in times of contagious disease or
illness, we are to practise quarantine and sterilization. Wise
the counsel of God. So what do so many married couples do when
a partner has a cold or the flu? They sleep together! How wise
is that? Perhaps they think to fulfill the words of the apostle
Paul who said, “When one suffers, all suffer”?
But from where did this tradition of sleeping in the same bed “for
better or for worse” come? Suffice it to say that it did
not come from the counsel of the Holy Scriptures. We have given
credible examples to the contrary. So is sleeping with one’s
wife or husband every night so important? Obviously not according
to God’s Word. Consider those who had more than one wife,
like Jacob, David and Solomon. Obviously, they did not think it
necessary to do the impossible.
Sex has been traditionally worshipped
by the world.
We could leave it at that, but I believe I know from where this
tradition arose, and why we, as Christians, should bury it in its
own sleep, together with its defiling, unholy partner, the lust
of the flesh, manifesting itself not only in sexual lust, but also
in pride, ignorant feelings of obligation, insecurity, and inordinate
affection, that is, idolatry of the institution of marriage.
The predominant, ancient, pagan religions often focused on sex.
That is why, for example, we have “Easter” with the
symbols of prolific reproduction, like rabbits and eggs. (For those
ignorant of rabbit reproduction – they do not lay eggs any
more than do humans; eggs are incidentally symbolic of reproduction.)
Easter, aka Ishtar, Ashtoreth, Diana, Semiramis, Isis, aka dozens
of other names of goddesses throughout the world and its history,
had temples of worship, employing priestesses who officiated in
ceremonial sexual orgies. Sex was the thing. Easter was referred
to by Jeremiah as the “queen of heaven” (Jeremiah 7:18;
44:17-25), which was, of course, an abomination to God. She may
have had a different name there and then, but we speak of the same
The point is that sex has been traditionally worshipped by the
world. Marriage has been important to many societies for propagation.
I am not denouncing sex or marriage; God has given mankind sexual
reproduction to replenish the earth; sex is not evil or dirty or
wrong in and of itself – we would not be here without it.
But as with almost any other created thing, men have given themselves
to worshipping the creature, having inordinate affection, thus
destroying themselves in idolatry and sin of all kinds. That is
Christians have fallen for this ancient,
burdensome carnal policy.
The ungodly emphasis
on the pleasure of sex has solidly imbedded itself into nominal
Christendom. The Catholic Church, though
presenting itself as the Church of God, is nothing but ungodly
and antichrist. It is simply a recent representation of
the carnal man under another name or guise. Where Catholicism went,
the emphasis was on propagation so that there would be more Catholics.
This is no different than other societies and religions. Islam
today promotes proliferation, as in the “occupied territories” of
Israel, with the strategy of outnumbering its “opponents” and “oppressors.” They
hold out the hope that the concept of democracy with one person
and one vote will be the undoing of Israel as a Jewish nation,
even as the late Meir Kahane solemnly warned. To persuade men and
women to sleep together constantly was not advice for good health
and relations; it was a strategy to promote numbers and kingdoms,
and thus power, wealth and security.
From the Catholic Church came most, if not all, other church organizations
naming themselves Christian. Priding themselves in believing the
Bible and breaking with the pagan doctrines and practices of Catholicism,
Protestants still maintain the teaching of eternal torment for
the majority of mankind, Sunday-keeping, infant baptism, trinitarianism,
baptizing by sprinkling or pouring, sometimes with oil rather than
celebrating Christmas and Easter, dividing people into clergy and
laity, having formal church services, holy images and religious
titles for leaders…the list goes on (none of which is substantiated
but rather condemned in the Bible). Added to all these, they maintain
the error that men and women must sleep together (that is “slumber
and snore,” not just “have sex”), if they are
to live together as man and wife.
Whether the custom or directive of man and wife perpetually sleeping
together was out of lust or for propagation, it does not matter.
The custom is not a God-given one (there is not a shred of Scriptural
support for it), and common sense (something in apparently shorter
supply every day) declares that the tradition is not a wise one,
being highly impractical. We, as Christians, have all fallen for
this ancient, burdensome carnal policy, conditioned and deceived
from the cradle into thinking it to be godly.
What is more important, our pleasure or
Speaking of the cradle, children have been abused and robbed of
God-desired rights and privileges, yea, necessities on all levels
by this diabolical policy. How so? When our son, Jonathan, was
born, we immediately had a crib for him - which is fine - but where
should the crib be? In “baby’s room”? No. In
mother’s room. For a while, I think it was in our bedroom;
but it was not long before Marilyn insisted, against my wishes
(it was in the days when I was still idolatrously following my
wife’s counsel as though it was God’s), that Jonathan
have and be in his own room.
It made no sense. Why separate an infant from its mother? It needs
all the attention - diaper changing, breastfeeding, comforting
and assurance. And in it all, why should the husband, who is required
to rise and go to work each day to support the family, be subjected
to all the interruptions of his needed rest? And why should he
have priority over his children with his wife, their mother and
nurturer? It makes no sense at all, but, oh, the husband and wife
must be in the same bedroom and bed, while an infant or toddler
must be marooned in its own room of isolation and darkness. How
stupid and wicked this is! But the world is full of darkness.
It was not long before I insisted that Jonathan be in our room,
which he dearly desired. He could not understand, in his young
wisdom, contrary to our aged foolishness, why we should have company
at night and he should not. We set up a sleeping area on the floor
for him and he much enjoyed it. He would talk a bit and then bid
us goodnight, sometimes three or four times. He was thankful, did
not feel left out, and felt the solace and security of nearby parents.
Did we have the freedom of privacy for conversation and sex we
wanted? Not like it would be without his presence, but what is
more important, our pleasure or our son? If the former, let us
all fornicate and forget raising families, shall we? As I write,
I think you can pick up on the annoyance I have had for spending
most of our lives believing this lie, perpetrated upon us by ancient
foolishness called wisdom and “Christian” principle.
Let captives take advantage of the unlocked
years ago, circumstances led to my sleeping in a separate
bed and room. I discovered I loved it! I could read for a while
before bed, without annoying Marilyn, I was not disturbed or afraid
I was disturbing her, and when arising the next morning I was
more refreshed, and so was she, if not for the fact that her pagan
tradition-defiled conscience gave her a guilt or low self-esteem
trip in our not sleeping together. “Where have I been?!” I
proclaimed to myself. “Where have we been?” What
we had been doing was, quite frankly, insane.
What about “love”? Don’t we want to “show
our spouses love”? Isn’t sleeping in separate beds
or rooms an indication that we don’t love each other? If
that is the case, we should not go to work, or go separate ways
during our waking hours, when we can love, but we should sleep
together, annoying each other, when we can’t love? All arguments
against this long overdue revelation are plain illogical and foolish.
While this revelation is new to us, I am sure it is not so to other
more reasonable-minded and free-spirited persons, not to mention
those enlightened by God’s Spirit. I hope to have broken
some chains here.
said these things, if married couples are comfortable and not disturbing
their partners, it is not a problem sleeping
except in cases of a need for quarantine, isolation, or for necessity
of sexual abstinence for times of prayer and fasting, as the Bible
specifically instructs, or for other sufficient reasons. If sleeping
together is appropriate, and conducive to rest and well being,
how can, or why should, anyone argue? The purpose of this paper
has been not to bring into bondage by replacing one false dogma
for another, but to bring enlightenment
and deliverance from the not-so-inconsiderable consequences of
Let captives in spirit, mind and body now
take advantage of the unlocked door from their imprisoning marital
may marrieds enjoy the newfound freedom with one another.