PART EIGHT – Day 888 to Victory (cont.)
The Mills came, spending about five hours telling us about the Knorrs and Ogdens. The Ogdens were suffering unemployment, poverty, and even plagues of lice, wherein the family was forced to shave their heads, Amanda included.
It was my opportunity to ask Penny about a dream Les said she had about me. Penny was reluctant to tell me but, finally, with some pressing, she said the dream indicated that we were all on the same plane and equal in status.
The Lord had instructed me to be patient with them, but to give them nothing more by way of information. I saw that they believed nothing I had ever said to them. Les was traveling in Ontario and elsewhere, seeing himself as a minister of God with the gift of discernment. He insisted that the Lord was leading him, that we were all equals, that whatever happened to us would be a corporate event, including everyone, and that, finally, he was expecting the “big crunch” to come. They had sold their ranch near Cardston and were looking for another.
The crunch would come all right, but little did he know it would be in a way he didn’t expect. I have so often found that when I’ve expected judgment to come on others, be it a person, community, or nation, that judgment was coming for me. I’ve also seen where people expected judgment on others only to find it coming on them.
Jonathan came to me with a word of knowledge or wisdom concerning the Mills when they left. He said, “Dad, I think they were lying to you, not in words but by the way they were.” Surely, he spoke truly.
When the Mills left, they seemed perplexed, as though their mission wasn’t accomplished or were confronted with something they didn’t expect.
Mark and Amanda Ogden would call to say they loved me in Christian love, trying to “reach” me. Now Mark called and related a dream he had wherein he saw Lois and Marilyn dragging a full garbage bag in a back alley. It was a wintry scene with hard packed snow. “Dirty” blood was coming out of tears in the bag and refuse was spilling out as they went along. They dragged the bag through the midst of Mark Ogden, his mother-in-law, and others who were with him, and continued on.
He didn’t know how to interpret the dream, but he found it significant particularly because of my letters to them. He said they left Amanda and him in turmoil and he said the dream gave them peace. They rejected my letters as focusing on their weaknesses and the dream justified them.
My interpretation, if the dream is of God (not sure it was), would be that Lois and Marilyn were instruments used of God to do some dirty work and cleanse us all of bad blood, which cleansing was sorely needed. While it appeared to be an evil thing, the women meaning it for evil, it was in fact good, God meaning it for good. Being our enemies, Ogdens wouldn’t take it that way.
I believe they concluded that Lois and Marilyn were doing evil in our midst and that I was one of their victims.
They were doing evil, and I was one of their victims. Lois and Marilyn were doing evil, primarily because they were exercising spiritual and psychological control over everyone, inspired by evil motivations of the lusts of their flesh, and in some respects, being rather ruthless about it, which seemed, of course, entirely out of place in God’s economy of things; however, we all had judgment coming to us, and it is ever a two-edged sword.
But while the Ogdens received revelation, how were their lives performing? Mark had declared bankruptcy once, failing to pay due GST taxes to the government. Did that give him a necessary wake-up call? Not at all. At this time, he wasn’t working, they were in unserviceable debt again, and they were poor to the extent that their young children were suffering malnutrition.
He refused to work even when I offered it to him, yet he accepted free farm produce from us, and that rather ungraciously and ungratefully. While it’s true the work I offered him paid low wages at the farm (the farm not being a paying enterprise at the time), it didn’t dawn on him that he could even help without expecting pay; we certainly could have used the help. At least it would have given him some activity to put away his cigarettes and pull his fat body out of the recliner he loved so much.
He wouldn’t listen to any counsel coming his way to help him; he would only accept charity. And Les Mills justified him in the tax predicament, as though it was tyrannical of the government to require those taxes of him. Obviously, it was “another Jesus” they were serving, contrary to the One Who said, “Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s and unto God the things that are God’s” (Mark 12:17).
And Mark smoked, justifying himself in his filthy habit, claiming that by sharing a cigarette with unbelievers, it constituted a bridge to reach them with the Gospel.
“Dreamers fantasize their self-importance; they think they are smarter than a whole college faculty” (Proverbs 26:16 MSG).
“A lazy person says, ‘I am smarter than everyone else’” (Proverbs 26:16 CEV).
He went into politics with Alberta First Party purposing to run for election. Here was a man so full of himself that he presumed to change the country for the better, yet failed to pay his dues, as the Bible exhorts, and starved his own family in laziness:
“For even when we were with you, we commanded you this, that if anyone would not work, neither should he eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10 MKJV).
I bring all this up concerning these people because we have a world full of hypocrites, professors of faith in Christ who have nothing to do with Him. They are the liars of whom Jesus said:
“And watch as I take those who call themselves true believers but are nothing of the kind, pretenders whose true membership is in the club of Satan–watch as I strip off their pretensions and they’re forced to acknowledge it’s you that I’ve loved” (Revelation 3:9 MSG).
Strangely, contrary to my doctrine and understanding, I was moved to pray, on September 28, 1999, for Delores Molnar, who passed away in 1988 – eleven years before. Can we not pray for the dead? Who says we can’t or shouldn’t? I see nothing in Scripture to disagree with it. Are we who are in the Spirit limited in time or space, seeing the Spirit of the Lord isn’t limited?
I recalled cursing my father some years ago. I was so angry with him and his obstinacy toward me that I said if I saw him in my backyard, I might take a rifle and shoot him, and I cursed him. How horrible! Oh, the depths of wickedness that lay dormant in our hearts! Was that where my troubles began? The Scriptures say:
“And he that curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death” (Exodus 21:17 MKJV).
“Whoever curses his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in deep darkness” (Proverbs 20:20 MKJV).
While we don’t enforce such laws in our Western society as in Moses’ day, or render like punishment, it has been revealed to me that we experience spiritually the same consequences of breaking God’s Law as sinners did in ancient Israel. The Scriptures simply teach us the effects that breaking the Law of God has on us. No matter how wrong my father may have been, I had no right to curse him. I visited death upon myself by breaking God’s Fifth Commandment to honor father and mother. I repented of cursing my father some time ago.
The Lord showed me that I was utterly guilty of every sin, including all those worthy of death. I cursed my earthly father and deserved death. I cursed my Heavenly Father and deserved even worse. I cursed my wife and all others.
I went greedily after reward as did Balaam, and he died for it. I have been unthankful, unholy, proud, haughty, implacable, boastful, a drunkard and glutton, a sluggard, lording it over others, critical, judgmental, without natural affection, unbelieving, blasphemous, disobedient to my Heavenly Parents, a false accuser, certainly incontinent (ever exploding in rage), fierce, a lover of pleasure, an adulterer, ever looking at other women, time and time again, and covetous. Had I not “crept into houses and led captive silly women who were laden with sins,” such as Lois and Kerri? Had I not been “ever learning and never able to come to a knowledge of the Truth”?
Had not my Day of Judgment come and all my sins brought before me? Were not the books now being opened on me? Did I have anything to say in my defense? No, nothing. I had but one hope, that the Lord would redeem me (I was supposed to believe that He had already, yet I saw that I had yet to be delivered).
On the morning of October 5th, as I was praying, I received that our provision is not according to how cheap or for how little we can get things, but according to God’s capacity to provide. His capacity is infinite. We are so silly, yes wicked, to worry about money matters, not that we should be reckless or irresponsible. Let the government tax us, the lawyers rip us off, the dealers overcharge, and the thieves steal (as did Judas from the common purse). We will be none the worse for it. In fact, with right attitude, we will be increased, not diminished. We will grow and come to realize the completeness and inexhaustibility of God’s treasure house, available for meeting our every need, physical and spiritual, temporal and eternal.
The following November 10th was 40 months from the day we first viewed the farm for purchase; it was the first anniversary of Bob’s dream of the Lord’s coming for me; finally, it was the day (“10th day of the 11th month”) Noah ended total confinement in the ark by opening the window and sending forth a raven and a dove. The total period from February 10th to November 10th is nine months, the gestation period.
It was on November 10th when I said I was finished with the prophecy. It seems the prophecy was a form of ark for me, which ark represents death. The ark’s dimensions and proportions resemble that of a coffin. The proportions, I’m told, match that of the human body.
Did the man child come forth on November 10th? The synagogue of Satan was there, through the Mills, Knorrs, Ogdens, and Knelsens, ready to devour me. And the man child was caught up to safety, unto God and His throne, there being warfare in Heaven at that time, as my two war visions showed years ago. The pieces all fit.
What a difference there is between earthly and Heavenly police! I recall once driving on the Shellbrook Highway to Prince Albert in 1976 when I spotted an RCMP cruiser that had passed me do a power turn and follow me at a distance for a half mile or so, finally abandoning my trail. He was out to get me, not personally, but generally. On earth police lay traps; it is what they know to do their jobs. I don’t condemn or envy them. Their powers are limited.
I recalled the dream I had in 1976 of the Patricks and Dave Grier. The Heavenly police pulled Marilyn and me over because we were going against traffic. They were there to protect and help, not penalize, exercising a positive influence and correction. Yet they let Dave and the Patricks go on.
I recalled a drunken party a Tycholiz woman had in her suite at Thorndale Apartments in Dauphin in 1977. It was disturbing everyone in the block well into the morning. I called the police. A female constable answered and would do nothing unless I revealed my identity and it was submitted to the host of the party. My car was parked near the entrance and if they knew who complained, my car could be vandalized. I didn’t understand why my identity needed to be disclosed.
All the police had to do was check the party for themselves (it was only a block or two from their station) and see that I wasn’t making things up. The constable would do nothing for me. I hung up the phone in frustration, resigned to suffering wrong because there was nothing I could do about it.
I recalled the incident at Manipogo Beach north of Dauphin, where there was an unruly camper next to us and we had nobody to whom we could report. We paid our weekend fees and were stuck with their nuisance.
George Kush, the man who betrayed me at the Moon River conflagration of November 10, 1989, was accustomed to speeding by our place to the horse paddocks. There were often young children dashing about, so one day I flagged him down and respectfully asked him to control his speed for the children’s sakes. His wife, Josephine, was with him. He said he would do so. He also cryptically said he would watch out for me, too.
Minutes later he called, in a rage, railing and cursing: “Hey, Moses, you little shit, you! The next time you wanna talk to me, you talk to me privately and not in front of my family, okay? You got that, you little shit? I’m gonna come over there and kick the shit out of you! You’re gonna make a fool out of me in front of my family? Don’t you ever do that again, you hear me, you son of a bitch? You little shit? You got that? You got that?”
My reply: “George, why are you so worked up? My son’s life and that of the neighbors’ children is the issue here! I thought I was very civil with you!”
Apparently his ego was as a balloon pricked, producing a loud bang. I told him that my request of him was quite reasonable and that his call of obscenity and threats was illegal. He continued to curse. I told him that if he thought what I did was worse than his speeding endangering children, then his thinking was perverse. I said “Goodbye, George,” and hung up on him.
He was so volatile I decided to call the Fort MacLeod RCMP. There I got the second female police officer for as many police calls as I’ve made in my life. It was a Constable Andres, who asked for a letter of complaint and promised to contact him. When she did talk to him, he denied everything. She said the incident would be on record and closed the file – it was his word against mine, I guess. I knew the police had bigger fish to fry than these kinds of disputes, though who could tell where such might lead, given George’s spirit?
I recalled how on November 10, 1989, George declared so proudly, “And I don’t lie!” even while he was lying. God would deal with him in due time in a way I hadn’t expected.
The guiltiest deny most emphatically the vices that bind them, and most sincerely claim the countering virtues. Beware when one says, “I am a reasonable person.” It is a very unwarranted and most unreasonable claim.
I recall the many incidents with the Arnoldussens where I could have called the police but didn’t do it. God would deal a severe blow to them that I neither desired nor imagined.
What was the Lord showing me? He was showing me that just as I was never to ask or depend on any man for money, so I couldn’t depend on the earthly police or other earthly institutions for any help. “My help is in the Name of the Lord,” said the psalmist, and I had to be of one heart and soul with him. The Lord’s angelic police are far more ready and willing to help, and perfectly effective.
I even wonder if they can barely be restrained from any opportunity to help those they’re assigned to help (Hebrews 1:14).
I’ve heard of men being unfaithful to their wives, and undoubtedly, it’s often the case. However, what I’ve seen far more often is that women leave their husbands. In my childhood, I remember three divorces. In each case the women left the men – Olga left Nick Atamanchuk, Bill Panko’s wife left him, and Alice Michayluk left Bill. In each case, the men were devastated. In school and college, Lydia Kisel left her husband, Pat Dennis left fiancé Bob Southam, Florence Yaschyshyn left Eugene Gawadziuk, and Gerry McClintock’s fiancée left him. While there were other examples of men leaving women, only one comes to mind – Gerry’s cousin, Don McLeod, left his wife.
In the past few years of this writing, neighbor Peter Webber’s wife left him for an internet acquaintance; a potter and school teacher (Matisz) was abandoned by his wife; Lynn Patrick left her husband, Mickey, for another man after 20 years of marriage and two children. All three men were obviously hurt.
Are men today up in arms against women? Isn’t it the other way around? Is there such a thing as a masculist movement? Beware and judge discreetly the complaint of victims!
I watched a CJIL program called Lifeline, hosted by Dick and Joan Deweert. A married couple spoke of what went wrong in their marriage and how they redeemed it. She spoke of how she had grown to hate her husband and was praying for God to change him. She had pinned all her hopes on him, expecting that he would fulfill all her needs and longings. It didn’t happen, and she became bitter. He grew worse until she began to realize that her faith should have been in God alone, that only He could be her fulfillment.
They said a prime cause of divorce was that spouses entered marriage expecting fulfillment, emotionally and every other way, from the partner. Not finding it, they sought another partner. But God never intended for people to look to their partner as the source of fulfillment.
The couple also pointed out that as partners became divided in their goals and occupations, they grew further apart from each other. We bought the farm. Gradually, Marilyn took over control of it, and now, in her occupation, she found someone else and cast me off.
Why do the Scriptures counsel men not to be bitter against their wives and not the other way around? Why was I born of a bitter woman (my mother)? Why did I marry bitterness incarnate?
“And I find more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands like bands. Whoever pleases God shall escape from her, but the sinner shall be taken by her” (Ecclesiastes 7:26 MKJV).
I have not pleased God.
One morning, I awoke troubled, having recalled a phone call I had with Jim Flynn. He was telling me of whole cities in Columbia being won to the Lord through fasting and prayer. I heard that drug cartels were being ousted, their power broken; witchcraft, idolatry, and the occult were being swept away; bars were closing, converted to meeting places for worship. I heard that churches were multiplying, uniting, cooperating, and praying together. People were being healed and saved, and prisons are emptying. City councils were helping people by supplying stadiums and advertising for meetings to preach and worship. Agriculture was becoming many times more fruitful, streets were safe again, and the cities were attracting outsiders.
I heard these amazing things. Were they true? Why was I troubled? It made me feel doomed in terms of having a relationship with God. Here we sat in all kinds of trouble, serving no good and with nothing but evil happening in our midst. Where did I go astray?
Troubled, I prayed. I was reminded of being confronted by this same sort of scenario many times before:
Two, we heard that the Spirit of God was moving in great ways with Bill Kellers and Dave Roberts at Mount Zion Christian Center in Saskatoon. Within a few years, the church had dispersed to the four winds, when it was discovered that Dave and Bill were homosexuals.
Three, we thought we were missing out on great things in Winnipeg while Art and Doreen Beals were there in the middle of it all, rejoicing and marveling at all that was happening. It turned out the preachers were all money hungry, glory-seeking charlatans, and Art was the devil in my vision, which was fulfilled in 1981.
Four, Ernie Chadwick sent me tapes of speakers who were supposed to be in the midst of, and instrumental in, a move of the Spirit – men like Paul Cain and Rick Joyner. It turned out to be empty sensationalism. The “Kansas City Prophets” turned out to be demonic rogues.
Five, we had come in contact with the “move of God” in Winnipeg when returning from Israel. It was a movement of men, not of God. The Lord told me they were “children in the gates of the city, neither coming in nor going out.”
Six, the widespread Charismatic movement itself was very exciting and promised great things. We found it to be but chaff in the wind and not only so, but deceptive and devilish, a counterfeit move of God.
Seven, there was the “Toronto Blessing” that attracted hundreds of thousands from around the world. We found it to be a diabolical movement.
Had I enough reminders? I realized, as I went for a bike ride, that the stuff I was hearing of Columbia would prove to be another false alarm, children playing and sounding a toy trumpet, imitating the “Last Trump,” works of men with signs and lying wonders to deceive.
The revival in Columbia was supposed to have come by way of much prayer and fasting. But what about the “great revival” in Nineveh? Was there much fasting and prayer there? On the contrary, Jonah was bitter and preached in bitterness, prophesying destruction. The whole city was saved in a matter of a few days because it was the Lord’s work, not man’s.
The notion that men must cumulatively fast and spend great energies and time in prayer in order to move God to save souls He loves and for whom He died is a diabolical one. Intense intercessory prayer displays self-righteousness at its worst, impudently pitting man’s holiness against God’s, to God’s shame. He is made out to be a stubborn ogre. Where do we ever find testimonies in Scripture of God moving to save only when people give themselves to prayer and fasting?
I’m not saying we shouldn’t pray and fast or that breakthroughs don’t come by such; they do; I’ve had them, several times. I am saying God is not limited by man. Prayer and fasting aren’t God.
The parable of the importunate widow pressing on the unjust judge for a favorable judgment is often cited to promote persistent, repetitive prayer. Those referring to this parable fail to realize that importunity is not an act, but an attitude. Fervency is not an act, but an attitude. Jesus is not urging works, but dispositions growing out of a healthy relationship with God through faith and obedience, a knowledge of God and His ways.
Surprisingly, Chris Hafichuk called and asked for my music tapes and sheets. It seemed like his request was a pretext or excuse to call. He said he was bartending at Georgio’s and taking auto mechanics at Lethbridge Community College. He said he had a second girlfriend and was living in a basement suite with a friend from First Baptist Church where he was attending. Shane Porter, who went to First Baptist, owned the suite. Chris said he tried College Drive Community Church but didn’t like it, saying the pastor was too removed. He had also visited Coaldale Christian Fellowship, pastored by Frank Harms.
Chris told me that Nathan didn’t go to church anywhere and that he (Chris) was in touch weekly with Archie and Cathie, who were in Kelowna, BC, doing the handyman and inkjet businesses, as previously.
On October 9th, I met with Dorothy Frame. She and her daughters were upset with a letter I sent her in August, confronting her on things she had said concerning God, Jesus Christ, and the Scriptures. She said her daughter, Marjorie, was livid and would never talk to me again. Being that Dorothy didn’t have long to live, I wasn’t prepared in good conscience to let her pass with the erroneous notions she had, perhaps mainly because she was convinced she was a believer (she was a member of the United Church of Canada). I pointed out her error in a matter-of-fact and direct manner.
After talking to Dorothy, I reviewed the letter and found nothing in it that should offend them, though I knew it could. It convicted them of their wrong and that was their problem.
Within three weeks, I received reports that Dorothy was full of pain, breaking down, miserable, unreasonable, and irascible with those assigned to take care of her needs. At the end, her mind would go before she did. This woman was the one who called me a “bullshitter” when I spoke of God to her some years ago and was offended when I had tried to reason with her for her good. So “bullshit” God made my counsel to her.
On October 16th, while garage-saling, I decided to buy Jonathan some organic ice cream so we dropped in to our bitter competitor’s, Or-Kids Organics, the only place it was available. The owner, Cherie Petrie, while displaying a thin veneer of friendliness with me, played her cards close to her chest. I met Cherie’s mother, Georgina, and had a brief talk with her, though I noticed she was negatively influenced toward me. This chance meeting would have some future significance.
Meanwhile, it was frustrating, and I wondered why I was so foolish as to go there. Was ice cream worth it? The day would come when we would hear of lies Cherie spoke of us, telling people, for example, that Harvest Haven was not organic. This affected many people, including Trevor and Cindy Aleman, organic producers, who eyed me as some kind of low-level charlatan. We would find chickens coming home to roost for Cherie, her mother, and those with whom she had to do.
I couldn’t begin to record all the battles Marilyn and I would have almost every day, some vicious, though not physical (I had purposed to restrain myself and, by God’s grace, was able to do so, though barely). On October 17th, Jonathan came crying, commanding me to stop fighting. He decided to go to the farm with Marilyn because of me. I reacted to Marilyn while she was in her time of month, a nightmarish time without fail. There was no reasoning with her, and with her tears, she always appeared the innocent victim, deceiving Jonathan.
I hated her for how Jonathan was pained and tried to avoid battle, yet found myself so helpless in my angry reactions to her wickedness. Added to my grief was his conviction that I was the culprit. It made me question myself. Was I the ogre, the unreasonable brute she made me out to be? Could be. How should I make such a judgment, being subjective?
How cursed a thing that Jonathan should suffer this! Regretfully, tragically, we would live to see the fruits of our conflict, and Marilyn would wipe her mouth of them all. Never once did his pain and turmoil seem to bother her. What a wicked, selfish bitch! Would it not have been better for Jonathan if we had parted? Surely! Yet it seemed that God was restraining us from doing so.
Why would I not leave or throw her out? Her adultery was evident to all. How could anyone in his right mind expect me to put up with this? Yet, I knew what the Lord had told me: “Let it happen.” I had to obey. Was I obeying in spirit as well as in letter? I wondered.
I also wondered why she wasn’t divorcing me. I could only conclude she was expecting me to die soon, which is what she firmly believed. I said, “If Sean is your husband, how can you live with me? Why don’t you leave? I want you to leave.”
Her reply, “That wouldn’t be right.”
“What? Is it right that we tear Jonathan’s heart apart with these horrible battles?” I asked. “Is it right to choose another man as husband, yet live with me, fighting me on nearly every issue at every turn?”
She seemed altogether unconcerned about Jonathan or me or anyone at the farm (constantly complaining about the Bensons) or even her lover, Sean. She only cared for herself. This Scripture hit home to me:
“Such is the way of an adulterous woman; she eats, and wipes her mouth, and says, I have done no evil” (Proverbs 30:20 MKJV).
And: “Like the adulterous wife, instead of her husband, she takes strangers. They give a gift to all harlots, but you give your gifts to all your lovers, and bribe them to come to you from all around, for your fornication” (Ezekiel 16:32-33 MKJV).
And what was Jonathan supposed to feel, think, and do?
I realized that, soon after Marilyn would leave for the farm, I often felt guilt at how I failed to minister to her while here at home. I also missed her (can you believe it?)! One day, I had to call and tell her so. I told her I missed her, not the tyrant or the bitch or the bitter, miserable one, but the one I once knew.
I remembered being so happy to see her years ago and how affectionate I became toward her soon after her prophecy saying the Lord was taking me. I had expected to be dying and felt much tenderness and compassion toward her. I see that these last three years had taken their toll on me and how I’ve felt about her. She wasn’t the one I once married and knew, or so I thought.
I saw the word “miscreant” in Treasure Island as I red to Jonathan. It stuck with me for some reason, and while I thought it to refer to some unethical, troublesome, undesirable person, I didn’t have a more educated understanding.
Now I thought of the prophecy of my being taken and of how I was expressing my love for Marilyn publicly thereafter, as at the farmer’s market. But I also recalled how Lois had stood by witnessing my doing so and smiling. Unknown to me at the time, she was aware, while I wasn’t, of the prophecy that Marilyn would be marrying Sean. Suddenly, the word “miscreant” was there for me, applying to Lois.
“Miscreant?” I thought. “It doesn’t make sense for her.” Then I looked it up:
One – “depraved, villainous, or base….” This was close to my understanding, and I didn’t see it as applying to Lois, though I have seen those things in her, as in a vision in the 80’s in particular. I recalled how she had often lied, gave excuses, and unjustifiably defended herself. However, the next definitions hit me between the eyes:
Two – “misbelieving [not “un-” or “dis-” but “mis-”], holding a false or unorthodox religious belief….” I thought of Lois believing the secret portion of the prophecy and being a whore for doing so, keeping it from me, and choosing sides with Marilyn.
Three – “a vicious person….” She had often been rebuked in the past because we saw in her a contemptible partisan spirit (“us vs. them” attitude). I often referred to her as a mauler, a brute, verbally taking an axe to people… vicious?
Four – “a misbelieving person, as a heretic or an infidel.”
“heretic” – a professed believer who maintains religious opinions contrary to those accepted by his church….”
“infidelity” – “unfaithfulness, disloyalty.”
I knew the word “miscreant” applied to Lois in all its essence. When I thought of the prophecy, my expression of affection to Marilyn soon after, and Lois’ silence about the second part while witnessing my affection to Marilyn, I was angry. Unfaithfulness and disloyalty were what I thought of.
Now here was a curious thing: How is it I didn’t feel the same way toward Marilyn? After all, wasn’t she primarily responsible? I don’t know that I ever felt that way toward her, though I have been angry, jealous, and sorrowful. Somehow, it seemed she wasn’t guilty in the same way as Lois. I didn’t understand, but Lois was particularly guilty of whoredom and infidelity. Just the day before, I said this event was an exposure of all.
When discussing this matter with Lois, she couldn’t deny the truth of it.
Page 16 PART EIGHT – Day 888 to Victory (cont.) Particle – In Timing Square I told Marilyn I wanted to gather everyone together to talk. We tried getting together at the corral, but the twin calves were bawling noisily, so we went to the garden shop. It was uncomfortably warm there, so we stepped out into the square and began to talk. I asked Lois, Trevor, Mark, and Sean to publicly express to me what they were thinking and feeling. Lois declared that they were ready to leave, that they could no longer bear Sean's conduct with them. The Bensons were frustrated. I found Lois faltering, however, almost fearful, and she gave me little in the way of substance or specifics to back her standpoint. Mark and Trevor said very little. I then asked Sean what he thought and felt about everything. He stood there in his usual manner, the perfect victim, innocent, with little to say, primarily giving the impression that he was right in all and they were judging him unfairly. I was momentarily stumped. It seemed, by appearances, that the Bensons were selfish whiners and Sean stood there, as if to say, “What's all the fuss about? I'm looking out for everyone's good and I'm confident in what I'm doing! I have nothing against them like they do against me.” I stood there, doubting, wondering what I should do. “Am I wrong about Sean? Is Marilyn right after all? Is he innocent and simply despised by the Bensons?” I asked myself, “What if I'm wrong? What if the Bensons are wrong?” I well kne...
Page 9 PART TWO – Pentecost to Israel (cont.) Particle – Al and Peggy Ryan Young in the Spirit, we attended a couple of meetings at Al and Peggy Ryan's home on Shellbrook Highway, west of Prince Albert. They were rather charismatic in personality, leading in song and praise, and they were big on Bob Mumford, the entertaining Charismatic champion of the day, playing his video tapes for those interested. Attending were several people from mainline denominations, such as Lutherans, Catholics, United, and Anglicans. We weren't comfortable there, however. After a couple of meetings, we dropped out. I was told that the Ryans once lived in Vancouver, where Al worked in a ministry with drug addicts on the streets. Because Al received threats on his life, Peggy wanted no more of it and urged him to leave his work, which I was told they did. I couldn't understand that. If a man is called of God to work somewhere, why would he abandon the work to the Devil, especially if he had the power of the Spirit of God, which is what these Charismatic meetings were supposed to be all about? Was his retreat an admission of the powerlessness of God against Satan? Had Al ever been called to ministry there in the first place? Or had God, not his wife, led him out of there? Had God, in fact, abandoned those slums to destruction after all? I wondered about such things. What would the Lord be doing with us, and what should I expect of Him and of myself? Particle – Reverend Roderick Riled...
Page 18 PART ONE – Darkness to Light (cont.) Particle – Man Fails… By God's appointment, George Lynn happened to be back in town the week I was convalescing. He visited with me for a few hours, and we argued over Catholic doctrine. He was upset while I was not, and with my intellectual arguments, which I learned from The Faith of Millions, George was stumped. I was not angry with him this time, and at the end of our visit, I asked that we pray together. He consented, and later confessed that he had been humbled because he was not the one to suggest we pray. He went away crestfallen, knowing I was happy and determined to go back to the Catholic Church, fully persuaded of its authenticity and authority. Particle – …but God Prevails All was not done, however. Until getting ill, I had been reading through the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, a few chapters each day, and at this point I was beginning Paul's first epistle, the one to the Romans. In that week, having plenty of time, which was quite unusual for me, I red all of Paul's epistles. By the time I reached the Book of Hebrews, God had opened my eyes. I was amazed. He reached me to the heart. He unveiled to me the truth of what Paul was preaching. Though I had been persuaded otherwise by intellectual argument, I realized that what Paul was teaching was greatly at odds with what the Catholic Church taught and practiced. The contrast was stark. It was a bright and holy light that shone onto the p...