PART EIGHT – Day 888 to Victory (cont.)
I found nothing in particular happening on this July 10th, but I was reminded of four things the Lord said to me in this ordeal:
One, “Lay down your life for all.”
Two, “Let it happen” (between Marilyn and Sean).
Three, “You’ll not be dying. Will you believe Me?”
Four, “I want you to serve Me with your infirmities.”
Besides these, I had the vision of Marilyn and Sean and the prophecies. The Lord sent strong delusion to us that we should believe a lie (2 Thessalonians 2) because we didn’t have a love of the truth. It is part of the process of our salvation; He will deliver and cleanse us of it all.
On July 24th, I met Evan Yurkoski of Cranbrook, British Columbia, a man about my age, who was holding a garage sale, selling furniture out of a house he had rented on Scenic Heights in Lethbridge. He believed God was leading him to live in Lethbridge, but his wife wouldn’t come with him so he was moving out. He gave me several videotapes from Stan Johnson’s The Prophecy Club, which he was duplicating and distributing to all interested parties. He also sold me a VCR player.
Later reflecting on Evan, I concluded he was hurting (there are hurting people everywhere). He talked of many things and seemed to want to be a minister of God with revelations and explanations, yet at times, I almost expected him to blurt out, “I need answers and help.” Just when it seemed he was about to do so, he would draw back to taking the role of one who meets, not has, needs. We would see and learn more of Evan.
“And then the sign of the Son of Man shall appear in the heavens. And then all the tribes of the earth shall mourn, and they shall see the Son of Man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory” (Matthew 24:30 MKJV).
I received a revelation of the nature of the sign of the Son of man. The sign is the laying down of the life. It is manifest through those who have taken up the cross to follow the Lord, loving and obeying Him, and coming to that place of maturity in Him, whereby they minister His life, bearing witness to the world. There would be those who see these things and repent:
“Behold, He comes with the clouds, and every eye will see Him, and those who pierced Him will see Him, and all the kindreds of the earth will wail because of Him. Even so, Amen” (Revelation 1:7 MKJV).
Some weeks before, when Sean called in the middle of the night to talk, I “gave” Marilyn to him, “putting her hand into his.” What happened then? Why did I do it? I don’t know, except that I felt or thought I was supposed to. But what now? And if I was to be taken at my word, why should I have complained about their relationship (about which she was complaining recently)? Then again, if my word takes precedence, what about “till death do us part” in 1974?
Many of us hesitate to do what we’re unfamiliar with. The whole picture or destination seems daunting or even impossible. The solution? Begin to tackle it by seeking even tiny bits of information and advice from any and all directions. Be patient and don’t lose hope, even in darkness. Soon things begin to crystallize. A step at a time with perseverance will possibly bring one to understanding and the desired result.
If we fail, little or nothing may be lost, but if we succeed, the reward is a sense of accomplishment, well-being, satisfaction, and growing confidence. Peace of mind and rest are a bonus to a problem solved.
Caution: There is a ripening, a timing for things, so patience is necessary, and waiting for such a timing should not be necessarily judged as fear or laziness. It’s never good to be hasty.
On August 10th, after some days of coaxing, Jonathan persuaded me to take him up to Crowsnest Pass towards the Rocky Mountains. We decided to visit George Warnock in Cranbrook. George was known in Christian circles as an author, particularly of his booklet, “The Feast of Tabernacles.”
He and his wife, Ruth, received us as believers, fed us, and kindly gave us a room for the night. During our stay, we met their daughter and son-in-law, Sharon and Warren, who had a nine-year-old seriously autistic daughter, Rebecca. George and Ruth said she became autistic shortly, if not immediately, after a vaccination. They wanted me to pray for her, but I couldn’t do it. I knew, or at least believed, my prayer wouldn’t be heard. Why?
As we visited, we found much compromise in their lives with the world. I asked George what he thought of the baptism in the Holy Spirit. George told me he couldn’t claim he had been baptized with the Holy Spirit and with fire. Here was a man who was now into his eighties, had been famous among many evangelicals and Charismatics, writing books which were rather widely distributed, yet hadn’t received the Spirit. He wasn’t saved. I wondered.
“Why did you permit Rebecca to be vaccinated?” I asked them.
“We didn’t know it would do any harm,” George replied.
I wondered why they hadn’t known vaccinations were toxic and dangerous. Would God not have protected them if they had been walking in faith and obedience to Him? I asked them if they asked the Lord about the cause of their granddaughter’s condition. They said they had not.
I informed them that they could ask and that He always answered because He would want them to know. I told them about my brother David, who died of cancer because of sin, and of Ahenakew’s son who was struck with the flesh-eating disease because of sin, and that in both cases, the Lord revealed to me the cause of their illness. The point was that these tragedies didn’t come for nothing:
“As the bird by wandering, as the swallow by flying, so the curse without cause shall not come” (Proverbs 26:2 MKJV).
We left it at that. I had nothing to say for the time. After leaving there, Jonathan and I went for a walk. During that walk, the Lord revealed to me that George was “Mr. Middleman,” a compromiser, playing it safe in the name of non-judgmentalism. This is a hateful thing to the Lord.
I prayed, “Lord, let me not compromise, but speak truthfully, boldly, and unapologetically.” Would I be saying anything to the Warnocks?
I realized days after that the Warnocks are ashamed of the Lord, loving the world and all its ways. They had a grave with a cross for a dog, celebrated Mother’s Day, Christmas, promoted ungodly “Christian” books, and so forth. I finally decided to speak to them so I wrote them a letter, telling them what I saw. I also sent them four papers: Commitment, Law and Grace, Obedience, and The Wrath of God.
I want to be one in and with the Lord here and now. I want to be His Presence, His Will, His Person on earth before all, to be in His stead, crucified unto the world, all His, always, in all things, everywhere, for His sake, not mine. Lord, You know.
That fiery desire has never left me or abated all these decades.
While we were at Warnock’s, their grandson Jubal (who was adopted, if I recall correctly – could be wrong) was ill with some kind of flu, but still played with Jonathan. As a result, when we returned home, Jonathan was contaminated and fell ill. Then, I caught it from Jonathan, and was I sick! I wanted to die and stayed in bed.
I realized I was sick because, one, I didn’t guide Jonathan to steer clear of Jubal, from whom he caught this virus. I thought: I won’t catch it, being immune to some colds going around. Speak of selfishness! What about Jonathan? What about everyone else?!
Two, I saw how Warnock’s compromising life brings sickness and death to all those who come in touch with him. He didn’t practise hygiene/quarantine with Jubal and didn’t warn us (except to say Jubal had a cold – saying it matter-of-factly). This sickness was a figure of what George is doing spiritually to all those who look to, and associate with, him.
The Lord showed me that I was very nice in my letter to him – too nice. He is wicked – as Eli. Also, the Lord was teaching me not to compromise. He hates compromise. I must be what I am, be direct, forthright, an Israelite indeed in whom there is no guile, up front – now, from the beginning of any encounter, as I am given to see and know what is the issue.
The Lord once said to me, “Make your enemies now.” I understood that to mean that I needed to speak up. I felt like I hadn’t been direct enough, soon enough. I felt I’d wasted time, energy, resources, and suffered complications and indignities of all sorts for the wrong reasons. Many were allowed to play games with us. Allowed by whom? By us! Why? Because we were trying to hang on to business, relationships, and favorable public image. If this was true, we would be paying dearly in time to come.
Though there is a time and place for everything, we better make sure we speak what, when, how, and where we ought and, perhaps more importantly, why – for the right reasons. We ought to speak not because of a legalistic duty to witness or because religious men coax us to do so or because hell and death are about to break out and we want to save ourselves, but because we love the Lord and it burns in us to identify with Him.
“Father, Lord Jesus, let us not deny You; let us not be ashamed, and let us not testify unto You to glorify ourselves.”
Jonathan invited Thomas Harris and Jeff Webber, neighbors his age, over to play. They proceeded to do so, leaving Jonathan out. With a plaintive countenance, Jonathan complained to me before them, and I said, “All right, one goes. Who will it be?”
I then lectured Thomas and Jeff, who have both on occasion betrayed or turned on Jonathan. I told them they would either be friends, not just for now but consistently, or nothing. They had a choice and it was to be made now. I related my childhood experiences with my cousin and pointed out that Jonathan had never done to them as they were doing to him. They agreed. I said that if he were guilty of such, he would be in trouble with me.
It has been taught by some that children should be allowed to work things out on their own. In other words, let evil be done and eventually it’ll work out. I don’t agree. Children need instruction and discipline. When I was eight, Jonathan’s age, nobody stood with me, not my parents, not anyone. I don’t see that it was ever good. God do so and more to me if I don’t stand with my son when such situations arise.
It occurred to me that Solomon’s wisdom was the best there was, had been, or would be of this world, though not of the one above. That is why he fell – the wisdom of this world wouldn’t prevail and wasn’t to be glorified. That is why Jesus said, “Behold, one greater than Solomon is here.” The saints have the heavenly wisdom because they have the Mind of Christ.
Furthermore, Solomon’s wisdom was attractive and honored by the world, while the Lord’s wisdom was not always, if ever, so. Solomon’s wisdom was used only for himself and his people. For examples, Hiram, who built the Temple, wasn’t pleased with the cities Solomon gave him; Solomon took eleven years building his own house when the Temple took only seven; Solomon taxed the people heavily and gathered riches, was arrayed in splendor, gathered many horses and chariots, against God’s admonition, and married many wives, which he was commanded not to do. No, Solomon’s wisdom was very great, but it wasn’t the wisdom ultimately intended for all those who are destined to rule with Christ.
I think of having lost up to three years or more of Jonathan’s life because of my whoring after riches in the stock market. Yet losses of every sort are common to all. King David lost his sons, Amnon, Absalom, Adonijah, Bathsheba’s first child, and possibly another. He lost years with his family while serving in Saul’s court and later when fleeing to the wilderness for his life. In his military campaigns, he was often away from home and family.
As a teenager, Joseph suddenly lost his entire family and wouldn’t see them again for over two decades. His own brothers wanted to kill him and sold him into slavery.
Solomon, in all his glory, didn’t have even one son in whom he could take pleasure. The one succeeding him (Rehoboam) was a wicked fool by whom Israel and Judah were divided. Yet all this was God’s design. No, there’s nothing sure or of great value to cling to in this life. It is all vanity, as Solomon said, but we will see the value of God’s works in the hereafter.
I wrote in my journal:
Lord, how would I really know the folly of heaping riches, the plight of the rich man, and the truth of Your counsel, had I not experienced it all for myself? How would I know the betrayal of a spouse, the heartache of a lover’s betrayal, extolling, yea, worshipping another, had it not been that I was subjected to it?
How is it, Lord, that we can be so naïve as to expect You to know, experience, and suffer all things, while we simply hear what You say, believe it, and never experience it? And so we have been made subject to vanity, to folly, to darkness and consequences so that we may no longer be innocent. But in and through these things, we get to know the sweet taste of victory, the freedom that comes from nothing left to lose, knowing God is all that counts, that He is ever present and in full control for our benefit.
Adam and Eve had to sin; the Fall had to be.
On August 26th, I received a reply from George Warnock. He exemplified the very things I said of him. He is a religious, self-righteous, self-important, wicked fool, a false teacher leading many down a rosy path, which they are glad to take, not knowing it leads to Apollyon’s lair.
“How do they crave destruction.” Warnock’s constant theme was non-judgmentalism. Why? Isn’t it because he didn’t wish to be judged because he knew he was guilty? That’s why people cry, “You’re judging!” They live in sin and wish to remain there. So it is with George and Ruth Warnock.
As much as my flesh wished earnestly to do its own thing, I deeply desired to do the will of the Lord. I was thrilled at the thought of it. I wanted to be utterly identified with Him before all the earth, come what may.
Many great things can happen to a man on this earth, but what greater, more rewarding thing can possibly be than to walk with the Lord Jesus on earth and in Heaven, right here and now? There’s nothing that compares or comes close. Indeed, it goes without saying.
“Lord, lead and do. Let me not preserve my life. Let me not even calculate, but let me be utterly abandoned to You, one with You.”
On August 31, 1999, I had another battle with Marilyn. Lois made a remark on August 27th that angered me. She said that Marilyn was submitted to Sean as her head and that it was a good thing. I needed to ask:
One – Was it good that she was submissive to Sean, but not to me? Was it that he was her husband and not I? If I was her husband (not in name only, but in the Lord), how was it good for her to be submissive to another man and not to me?
Two – If he was now her husband, in which case it would be good that she be submissive, then what were she and I doing living in adultery?
Three – If Sean was in charge over the farm and over my wife, then to whom did he answer? There was no talk of his submitting to her, yet she was over, and responsible for, the farm. There was no talk of her or our being owners, while Sean, as manager, submits to us. There was only talk now, from both my wife and Lois the whore, of Marilyn being submissive to him. Again, was he now over the farm, over my wife, and over me, as well?
Four – If he was over all, then why was my name on the farm, and how did Marilyn continue with my name? And how long would that go on? The answer, of course, in the mouths of those three was, “Until you die shortly; we believe the prophecy.” The whore and the ex would also soon say, “Sean is answerable to nobody but God,” if they weren’t already saying it. Marilyn had already said that the farm wasn’t mine but God’s, and so it is, yet He had thus far put my name on it. “Not for long,” I heard them saying, “not for long.”
Many dates had been heard and set for my demise by all of us. They now expected the possibility of my demise on the third anniversary of her prophecy, 24 days hence.
James Russell Lowell wrote the following poem, “This Present Crisis,” in the 1840’s or 50’s, a rare sample of wisdom from above.
Once to every man and nation comes the moment to decide
In the strife of Truth with falsehood
For the good or evil side….
Then it is the brave man chooses
While the coward stands aside,
Till the multitude make virtue
Of the truth they had denied….
By the light of burning heretics
Christ’s bleeding feet on track
Toiling up new Calvarys ever
With the cross that turns not back….
Though the cause of evil prosper,
Yet ‘tis Truth alone is strong;
Though her portion be the scaffold
And upon the throne be wrong
Yet that scaffold sways the future,
And, behind the dim unknown,
Standeth God within the shadow
Keeping watch above His own.
– James Russell Lowell
Something repeatedly came to me in the past week or more. Great trials and sufferings are coming and are upon this world. These sufferings and judgments are needful, in order that people will seek after the Lord. Only a remnant will be spared and will seek.
Our job will begin after these fires. Nobody will listen now or has been listening. But when the meaning they have placed upon life has perished or lost its appeal, then will they become earnest in seeking the imperishable.
I think the Lord has told me that then is when it will begin for me. Until then, I writhe in the fires upon me, feeling helpless, desperate, yet not without hope. Is that hope groundless or vain? Could be. I don’t really know. But I think some of this is hope for what was, and it must go. What was is destined to be gone forever, and the new must replace the old. The new will be much better. Truly, the old is not desirable at all. God forbid that I should return to the old. In fact, I’d sooner have the present pain.
So, in a nutshell, there’s no saving of souls now. They will not listen. That is the reason or purpose of the coming tribulation/persecution/judgment/fire. They will know that the Lord has loved me and has been with me. Then will they come seeking and worshipping. With humility and meekness, and not pride and stiff necks, will they come, saying, “Not my will but Yours be done,” rather than the reverse.
After a terrible night, it came to me that at the farm, we had a bunch of spiritual “I’ll tell you touch-me-nots” – no humility, only pride; no love, only selfishness; no meekness, only impudence. I feel the wrath there again, and God will not, cannot, allow things to continue.
“Lord Jesus, I don’t ask You to spare us in our sins, even though we temporarily repent. Instead, I ask You to make a clean sweep of us and do what You must do, and get it over with. Instead of three years or three months, Lord, make it three days. Let us fall into Your hands. Lord, cleanse us any way You must, but cleanse us, and hasten it also, Lord.”
The Lord answered: “Thus says the Lord: I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and whom I will, I will harden. I have removed and I will remove whom I will. The dust in the balances is in My hand. I weigh all out and determine the finish of all things. I will soak you and saturate you in oil and set you on fire, because you have requested it of Me. And I will do according to the heart’s desire of all those who ask of Me. None will be refused. I will make a swift cleansing of all things and everyone. You will rejoice at it. You have sought for deliverance and, behold, it is yours; I have given it to you. There is no command now, no requirement, no condition now. All is finished.”
“Lord, Your will be done in earth as it is in Heaven.”
It was in 1984, 12 years after the dream in 1972 of His coming, that the Lord revealed to me who walked with Him in the dream. Jesus was 12 when He knew He must be about His Father’s business and 30 when He began His ministry eighteen years later. If our times were to be paralleled in that respect, the 30th year would be 2002.
“Husbands, love your wives even as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it,” the Bible teaches. I was a horrible husband, if I should be called one at all. I was so often angry, impatient, intolerant, inconsiderate, stubborn, selfish, stupid, brutish, crude, miserable, insensitive, proud, impetuous, sulky, chintzy, and more.
Marilyn hoped to have a husband that loved and cared for her, one with whom she could feel safe, comfortable, confident, and reassured; one from whom she could receive sympathy and affection. To my shame, she found none of these things with me. Is it any wonder she searched elsewhere for fulfillment?
And I thought of myself as a man of God? Frankly, I was dead. I was a selfish, egotistic, foolish, total jerk, a jackass of the first order, mean, sick, bound, unbelieving, hypocritical, and false.
I failed utterly as a husband, broke my vows the day we married, and Marilyn had every right to leave me. Under God, she was free because I never was a husband to her. By my attitude and conduct, I killed her as a wife. “Til death do us part”? Death has parted us – I killed her with everything I was and did. I should have been able to see her pain and disappointment. I should have cared, sacrificed, compromised, and given myself to her. I had no idea, no capacity for good, no love, nothing.
On September 19, 1999, I recalled, and was struck with a “panic attack” about, the prophecy to Dr. Janice Noji. This would not be the first time I had doubted it to be of God. Looking it up, I found it took place in April of 1996. It was at a time when Lois and I received, independently, both within two weeks, that Deuteronomy 18:20-22 spoke of me as a false prophet (as well as Deuteronomy 13:1-5):
“But if I haven’t spoken, and a prophet claims to have a message from me, you must kill that prophet, and you must also kill any prophet who claims to have a message from another god. You may be asking yourselves, ‘How can we tell if a prophet’s message really comes from the LORD?’ You will know, because if the LORD says something will happen, it will happen. And if it doesn’t, you will know that the prophet was falsely claiming to speak for the LORD. Don’t be afraid of any prophet whose message doesn’t come from the LORD” (Deuteronomy 18:20-22 CEV).
A little over five months after the prophecy to Janice, Marilyn prophesied that the Lord was taking me.
I discussed this with the people at the farm, saying the prophecy to Noji must have been false. They all disagreed. I didn’t expect that her business would fail outwardly but spiritually. Outwardly, it might flourish, the appearance contradicting the prophecy, but in the spiritual realm (as often happens), Janice would lose the excitement, inner peace, joy, and fulfillment in her work.
Doubting, I decided I would write Janice and confess my fault and wrong, until I began to consider other points. When Moses offended, God immediately spoke to him and told him his fault and what He would do about it. When Saul offended, he too was immediately told what God would do. When David was confronted on his sin, he was told what would come. When Solomon strayed, God made it known to him.
In my case, I was told that the Lord was taking me, without condemnation, and that He had a glorious ministry prepared for me, like that of Moses at the mount of transfiguration. Did that sound like the end of a false prophet?
I also considered that Dr. Noji refused treatment to Archie and his family, despite her Hippocratic oath. Archie didn’t prophesy or deliberately offend her in any way. She professed faith in Christ. Would Christ do what she did to her brothers and sisters in Christ, assuming her faith was genuine? Would He react that way? Would He not turn the other cheek?
I concluded that the enemy was trying me, persuading me that the appearance of things proved me false, and that I needed to go on, in faith that the Lord would make all things clear to me in due time. I concluded the prophecy was fulfilled.
At this point, as I write this Part from my 1999 journal record, I just received an understanding of Danny’s dream of 1996. I didn’t understand it at the time I recorded the dream, in 1999.
Interpretation: I was the one driving the tractor and Archie was the man behind it. His children were the fertilizer bags he was beating. I reversed the tractor over him and one of the children (I recall that he had once severely spanked his son Chris, at which I was appalled. I was responsible for it in a certain respect, though I didn’t know about it and wouldn’t have approved its severity). The developments at the farm soon reversed on Archie, forcing him to leave. He and his family left the farm because I asked him to leave, everyone agreeing and urging that I do so. This was the fulfillment of the dream.
As for there being another tractor working the field without bags in the background, there would be a present and a future farm operation, one red and one green, very different from each other. I believe the main tractor was red and the one in the background was green, but I’m not sure.
Without experiencing it, it’s impossible to understand what it’s like to be alone, lonely, depressed, forsaken by a wife, longing for a son. It’s impossible to understand loss, defeat, failure, the consequences of greed, of lust, of foolishness, and of gathering up treasure on earth. It’s impossible to understand anything, negative or positive, without experiencing it. So, beyond my will or effort, I’ve been subjected to these things – to vanity. As the Scripture says, “…not willingly but by reason of Him Who has subjected the same in hope…” (Romans 8:20-21).
Of Jesus, the Bible says:
“For we do not have a High Priest Who cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities, but was in all points tempted just as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15 MKJV).
Having experienced the dark side, it then says of Him:
“Looking to Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith, Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2 MKJV).
Death seals the power and prepares the way to life.
A journal entry:
I had another terrible night last night, but was able to come through by being given to remember that the Lord is the Source of all, that He is sovereign.
Yes, I am that fool, the simple one who passes on and is punished, the one who hastes with his feet, acts without counsel, and “buys the farm” (an expression used in the World Wars for pilots who were killed). I am the one born April Fools’ Day, the loser, the self-righteous hypocrite, the seed of Nimrod, who built Babel, proving so by my works and fruits.
But God is destroying that “me,” that wicked one, that son of perdition who, as described in Isaiah 14 as the King of Babylon, with the name of Lucifer, “smote the people in wrath with a continual stroke – he that ruled the nations in anger…” (Danny’s dream, Archie’s vision, Marilyn’s warnings to me, and my vision of the man hit in the forehead, killed and lowered into the grave, which seemed very deep, if not bottomless). This is that anti-Christ, the first Adam being destroyed in me, nothing spared.
I thought my destruction was completed at the end of my major fast of August 1997, then at the end of my second fast, February 6, 1998, then November 10, 1998, and at other times previous and since. I thought Lois’ vision of my shooting out of the cloud of darkness was fulfilled. None is done. I’m still in Hell and horrible torment… with fear, regret, chagrin, anxiety, loneliness, desolation, misery, darkness, and “weeping and gnashing of teeth.” Yes, I am in outer darkness and confounded.
The battle I saw in the two battle visions years ago rages on. It is the battle for my life. The farm is Babel, yet it’s something the Lord is doing. I’m wicked, yet there is that new man, too.
Les and Gene came speaking truth. They saw the evil going on with Marilyn and Sean; they said I wouldn’t be dying, and they saw the farm as Babylon, the works of men. They were right, yet they were wrong. Satan was right in what he said would happen to Adam and Eve if they partook of the Tree of knowledge. He was right in what he said to Jesus in the temptations, but he was in the wrong. If we had listened to Les and Gene’s counsel, we would not only lose the farm, but our souls, as well.
We have been sent strong delusion that we should believe a lie because we took pleasure in unrighteousness, not loving the truth. There is a mixture of the old Adam and the new creature in Christ. When the Lord is done, there will be no more mixture, yet the two will be one new man. The spirit will be divided from the soul (Hebrews 4:12), the message will be clear, and the fruit pure.