PART EIGHT – Day 888 to Victory (cont.)
I told Marilyn I wanted to gather everyone together to talk. We tried getting together at the corral, but the twin calves were bawling noisily, so we went to the garden shop. It was uncomfortably warm there, so we stepped out into the square and began to talk. I asked Lois, Trevor, Mark, and Sean to publicly express to me what they were thinking and feeling. Lois declared that they were ready to leave, that they could no longer bear Sean’s conduct with them. The Bensons were frustrated. I found Lois faltering, however, almost fearful, and she gave me little in the way of substance or specifics to back her standpoint. Mark and Trevor said very little.
I then asked Sean what he thought and felt about everything. He stood there in his usual manner, the perfect victim, innocent, with little to say, primarily giving the impression that he was right in all and they were judging him unfairly. I was momentarily stumped. It seemed, by appearances, that the Bensons were selfish whiners and Sean stood there, as if to say, “What’s all the fuss about? I’m looking out for everyone’s good and I’m confident in what I’m doing! I have nothing against them like they do against me.”
I stood there, doubting, wondering what I should do. “Am I wrong about Sean? Is Marilyn right after all? Is he innocent and simply despised by the Bensons?” I asked myself, “What if I’m wrong? What if the Bensons are wrong?” I well knew they were no angels. As I stood there quietly, I suddenly decided I had to ignore appearance, believe the “hidden evidence,” and do what I had to do. I said, “Sean, you have to leave.”
Marilyn suddenly and angrily blurted out, “I’m leaving!” (She meant she would be leaving the farm and me with it.) I promptly replied, “Go. If you want to go, you go, but he goes.” Marilyn stormed off to the garden shop.
I turned to Sean and spoke these words: “Satan, you are finished. I rebuke you, bind your power, and command you to leave, in Jesus’ Name!” Sean stood there, silent, if not stunned; I couldn’t tell his thoughts and feelings.
Jonathan was a few yards behind me and suddenly cried out, “Dad! Dad! When you rebuked Satan and bound his power, something happened to me! I’m free! There was this heavy weight pressing on me for a long time, but now it’s gone, and I feel really good!”
I turned to lay my hands on Jonathan’s head and pray for him against the powers of darkness, but he wouldn’t allow me. “Dad, no, you don’t understand! You don’t have to do anything! I’m free! I’m okay!”
I took Sean to the house and demanded of him all farm credit cards and any other vestiges of power or authority or ability to influence us in any way, not that I really felt he would do anything illegal to us – he wasn’t one to do such. I told him he needed to pack and leave as soon as possible; I gave him a one-week deadline.
We had just tended to these matters when a strange and furious storm arose suddenly, there having been not a cloud in the sky. A raging wind lifted shale dust from the square, and not only dust, but stones were lifted into the air, which flew northward past the garden shop and the tall poplars in the back yard. I don’t recall ever seeing fifty-foot-tall poplar trees bending as they did, at almost a 45-degree angle. I thought surely they would snap. How could they bend so much without breaking?
There were two great cottonwoods nearest the house (there are several dozen on the property, scattered over ten acres or so); each lost a large branch in the fierce wind; the rest lost none. There was no rain. The wind receded as fast as it had come. In 15 to 30 minutes, it was all over. The Bensons and I watched the strange and dramatic storm from the deck of the house and weren’t afraid. We all felt a sudden cleanliness, comfort, and freedom.
Then Lois, Mark, Trevor, and I did a strange thing, given the circumstances and the late hour (nearly midnight). Still marveling at the sudden storm, we headed into the house, went to the study and onto the computer. Lo and behold, there was a surprise letter waiting from Paul. I hadn’t heard from him in nearly two years. He was responding to a letter I wrote him perhaps a week or two before, expressing my thoughts and feelings to him.
The tone of my letter was congenial. I told him the Lord had been doing great things for me. I also asked him why he walked away and remained away in bitterness. It was open-ended, leaving it up to him as to what to do. We were amazed at what Paul had to say, particularly in our present circumstances.
Paul’s letter, with irrelevant material omitted:
I praise God that you are alive and well, in body, soul, and spirit. While I knew somewhat of your wellbeing from Lois’ phone call to Kerri, now I know more. It is indeed very good to hear of what the Lord has done for you.
I was reminded, while reading your letter, of the Beatles documentary on TV several years ago. At one point, one of the Beatles recounted how left out he felt, towards the difficult ending days of their relationship, while the others were apparently getting along. When sharing this with one of the others, he found the other expressing the exact same feeling! What particularly triggered the memory of this incident was where you said in your letter that you were “deeply disturbed by your [my] abandonment and as I’ve [you’ve] seen it, betrayal.” I have had exactly the same feelings concerning you! However, the Lord has been gracious, and I believe we can both rejoice in the marvelous work He is accomplishing.
After we last spoke almost two years ago, I believe it was on August 8th of ‘98, I had two visions one week later, on two consecutive days, at almost the exact same time of day. The first was of Kerri. I saw her in a prone position, arms folded over her chest, eyes closed, something similar to a funeral viewing. I asked the Lord what this meant and immediately heard the words, “Submission to the will of God.”
The next day I saw at first, in my vision, what appeared to be the scene depicted in the Scripture where the Lord was abused before being crucified. However, it was me being led away. There was a second part to the vision, immediately following, wherein I saw Sean sitting, leaning forward, with a determined look (I’m not sure this word exactly describes his demeanor), with a crown on his head signifying he was the ruling authority calling for my death.
Shortly after these visions, I don’t remember exactly when, I asked the Lord one evening, upon retiring, to show me what exactly was going on. That night I dreamed, and in my dream I was working at Davis Business Machines. Some new salesperson from another office was accusing me of all types of wrongdoing towards the company, not in negligence either, but in intention. Amazingly to me, Loren was disturbed and somewhat believing of the canards. In fact, when I tried to defend myself it only heaped more suspicion on me. My conscience, though, was clear, and it was also clear that I needed to remain silent and just “let it happen.”
After this dream it became a lot easier for me to accept what I saw as your betrayal of me, as the Lord determined it. I also hadn’t ascribed any bad intention on your behalf, nor had I ever believed this. I believe I knew your spirit, and still do.
Perhaps you remember that during the time Kerri was sent away, the first time in the summer of ’97, the Lord spoke to me. He told me He had sent Sean among us to divide us, to purge us of other gods and idols. It was the most joyful revelation, words, or dream I had ever received. There was such joy in Heaven overflowing to me in this revelation. Perhaps the sweetness of the promise is always followed, in corresponding measure, by the bitterness of the experience. It has been hard, no doubt, for everyone. But I believe the joy of the revelation was due to the finality and glory of the work the Lord was accomplishing in us. He was very pleased, and it couldn’t be dimmed a whit by the hardness of the present circumstance.
Victor, I don’t believe I ever said I was your enemy. Nor do I believe I ever have been. I believe the Word of the Lord to Marilyn (Israel, 1979), that I was a friend, has never been broached. What I believe I did say was that I hated you. It occurred to me that I had hated your doubting, constant obsessing, backpedaling, kindness followed by gross insensitivity, and your quickness at times to anger. By extension, I hated you. When I saw and admitted this, I felt it was a step forward. I likened it to when you admitted you had hated God. Instead for you, it was as though I had indeed betrayed you and was your enemy. I never did see it that way, nor do I now.
However, there has been a problem. My great idol has been you. As you have said, the idolater serves himself, not the idol. I wasn’t right with God in this. I didn’t truly love you, while serving myself. Certainly what God had planted was there, and His Word stands. But I must admit I’m ashamed that I couldn’t stand up to you and tell you the truth, recognizing you as a human being, as well as a servant of God.
O Victor, we have hardly begun to know one another. Forgive me for my craven idolatry, denying your humanity and my own. As for your status as a servant of the Lord, you will hear more on this as you read on….
Now, I regret that I have not sent you the following two items beforehand. I began to, and considered it many times, but didn’t know what else to say, where to begin, etc. I felt somewhat imperious sending you something with no explanation. On November 11, 1998 [my emphasis, not Paul’s], I was moved to write down the following, which I felt was for you primarily, though for the others and myself, as well:
“You will know when the enemy is gone. There will be no guessing or wondering; clearness will prevail like a cloudless morning when the sun rises and shines in glory, all being seen and known in the light of day. It has been the long dark night, by My design it is so and seen in all of creation. Now you will know, even as I have known you in dire extremity. Even now you know the strangeness of My acts is with perfect precision and design, the myriad intertwining of all things for good. Be at rest and do not fear.”
The second thing is that I did call Bernalillo, as you requested, but they never got back to me about the warrior twins [my emphasis again]. However, I did find a book that gave the following information:
The Sun Father has children by mortal woman, and some of his offspring can travel a rainbow from this world to the house of the Sun and back again at will. The little war twins [my emphasis] are such spirits.
These twins were known as powerful sons of the Sun, and leaders of the people at the time of their emergence, and protectors from outlandish foes. Though twins, there actually was an elder and a younger. They are a pair, not of identical spirits, but more often of opposites. In the stories there is often the theme of the elder brother who makes the first attempt, but fails, and then the younger brother succeeds.
For example, in a test of carrying the Sun across the sky the younger brother had to push the elder into a monster’s jaws to succeed in getting the Sun to set, because the elder was afraid.
Despite the fact that they seem to have been conceived in the upper world, they are the ones who lead the people from the underworld.
In one Indian dialect their names mean Son of the Sun (elder) and Water-Dripping Son.
The twins undergo a series of Herculean adventures. [My note: Did you know that Hercules represented Shem, son of Noah, whose great power in God defeated Nimrod?] They go in search of their father and are tested by water and fire, finally acknowledged to be true sons. They end up in the underworld. Leading the emergence of the people. Thereafter they kill various monsters that have been plaguing the human race.
Sandia (Turtle) Mountain is the “home of the war twins.”
There is much more, I am sure, that could be said, and hopefully, Lord willing, we will have opportunity to engage. It is good enough for me that you are well, in the truest sense of the word. Of course I forgive you, it all has been for good. I have not been bitter, brother. The Lord showed me that I had been bitter concerning Sierra and, by extension, towards you as the messenger. That is over. Please forgive me. I know you were not asking for such, but this is all true.
One more thing: Kerri was disturbed that Marilyn was happy about us being together as consolation. Kerri said something to the effect that our lives are expendable so that she (Marilyn) might keep her fantasy. It sounds harsh and perhaps obtuse in reasoning, but I understand and agree. I asked Kerri if she was angry with Marilyn. She said no, she feels sad for her. I believe our spirits are correct towards all.
There I was, rebuking Satan in the square, late in the evening. We had tried to talk by the corral and indoors, but neither was suitable. Rebuking the enemy in the square had happened once before. On August 12, 1996, I had rebuked the powers of spiritual darkness over the farm and cast the red shale dust, upon which we were standing, into the air. The two events were exactly 1440 days apart, to the hour – 12 X 12 X 10, or 360 X 4, four Hebrew years precisely.
This event occurred 40 days after sending my letter to the farm on June 13th, notifying Sean he was to leave.
As if that wasn’t enough, Paul prophesied words that would be fulfilled this night, but he had them nearly two years earlier and, as he said, didn’t share them with me. Why? Because, beyond his knowledge or understanding, we needed to read them on the night of the removal of the enemy. When had he received those words? It was on November 11, 1998, the day I had declared, “I am finished with the prophecy.”
Who says there is no God?
In the night of July 22, 2000, Jonathan dreamt three times that Sean died. He told Marilyn, thinking nothing of them, and she told me.
(At some point, in relation to my vision, which could also be tied to Jonathan’s dreams, it was revealed to me that Marilyn had killed Sean, in trying to form him into the kind of person she hoped to have for a god and husband. He followed and obeyed her faithfully against me, disregarding me as owner of the farm, as husband to Marilyn, as an elder in the Lord, as a brother in Christ, and, yes, as a human being. He once said that the sooner I died, the better.)
In the past short while, twins were showing up from every direction:
One, the Gregoires, whom we met with four days earlier, had a set of twins.
Two, Evan’s daughter, in Cranbrook, had a set of twins.
Three, I had known Jack and Jim, the twin brothers of the man to whom Evan introduced me, Dave Olynick.
Four, the Sorgards, acquaintances, came to the farm with twins.
Five, upon our arriving at the farm, Marilyn almost immediately led me to the new twin calves, which are very uncommon.
Six, Trevor called the next day to tell me an irrigation wheel move wouldn’t work. He then took the twin engine from another move where it wasn’t needed, which we were fortunate to have.
Seven, Paul’s letter with mention of the legendary war twins, with whom he and I have found remarkable similarities and coincidences.
Why all the twins within a week, when one can go for months without so much as one set, I don’t know. I believe the Lord was giving two witnesses to His sovereignty over all things – earthly, beastly, human, mechanical, heavenly, past, present, and future.
Consider the warrior twins of the legend of Sandia Mountain, a.k.a. the Gemini Twins/Castor and Pollux, the twins that are prophesied to usher in a new age – the two witnesses of Revelation 11, the two olive trees of Zechariah, all these being the selfsame twins.
The enemy was removed and Paul’s prophecy was unveiled, nearly two years after he received it, declaring the removal of the enemy and our coming together for the work to which God called us many years ago.
Total strangers on several occasions have taken notice of Paul and me, asking if we were brothers or somehow related. Now here was one “twin” speaking to the other in perfect timing, referring to the enemy being removed the day he was removed, that we might now come together.
On July 23rd, I called Bob Fife and asked that he come to get Sean. Sean’s mother, Audrey Goff, was upset; she blamed us for the affair and sided with Sean. Jonathan cried and feared; he had to come to terms with it, as well. He said he received that “Mom must leave,” perhaps only for a while, he said. While Sean didn’t really believe he had to go, the Bensons were urging him to pack or threatening to pack for him. Marilyn insisted on proposals of separation, and I agreed with her. Upon hearing of Jonathan’s dreams of Sean dying, she said, “He is dying,” blaming me, saying I was sooo wrong.
Sometime after this momentous occasion, I was watching Touched By An Angel. In this particular episode, which originally aired, I am told, on March 8, 1998, Michael Chiklis played a timid baker named Matt Coletti, who witnessed a crime outside his shop, perpetrated by two men. He saw a third party involved, whom he realized to be the Devil, who was posing as a good-looking, quiet, friendly, innocent mechanic in their town.
Coletti was afraid to say anything. No one believed him, not even his wife, who separated from him. He lost his reputation, image, family, and business, but finally, strengthened by angels, he stood face-to-face with Derek, the mechanic. Matt had to believe, against all innocent appearances, that he was dealing with the Devil and stand up to him. It happened, and the Devil was overcome.
There were several peculiar and exciting parallels to my experience:
There was crime and intimidation.
I lost everything in my life, at least “on the books,” if not in reality.
My wife, in essence, left me and was threatening to part altogether.
I was afraid to take the stand against Sean.
I was strengthened by an angel, as was Matt by angels.
The sixth and most poignant parallel to me was dramatically expressed when Matt stood facing the mechanic, who looked just like Sean in spirit and attitude, as if to say, “Who me? I’m innocent!” Matt had to believe what he knew and not what he was seeing. He started, faltered, firmed up, followed through, and got the victory.
I marveled at the parallels and had to conclude that these things were no coincidence, but that God is over all things, including TV, the movie industry, the writers, producers, and actors (which many professing Christians condemn), the timing – everything.
I’ve already expressed how I believed God was preaching the Gospel to the world by Star Wars, without the world or George Lucas or anyone else apparently realizing it.
At midnight of July 23rd, Chris called, angry, bitter, and railing. He said the whole of Archie’s family was devastated by me, and Archie said fourteen years of his life were ruined. We talked for over 2½ hours. I informed him of many things, even the timing of his call (given our circumstances), the sovereignty of God, my past wickedness, God’s judgment on me, His love for them, and the available forgiveness, mercy, and redemption.
I prayed for him and his family, blessed him, offered to help, and expressed my desire that God make things right – restore, reconcile, and bring them into the victory. I knew He’s able to do the impossible.
But where was God? Why wasn’t He there for them? Was I more powerful than He? It seemed Archie worshiped me, not God. Didn’t Archie believe in the Omnipotent God? If I’d been a curse to them, and at this point I won’t deny I was, had Chris no faith in the Scripture that says:
“As the bird by wandering, as the swallow by flying, so the curse without cause shall not come” (Proverbs 26:2 MKJV)?
Today, July 25th, was Day 1400. The night before, I dreamt of Marilyn defending, serving, and adoring Sean, while looking at me as if to say, “So what? Who cares?” It was impudence, contempt, and disdain for me. When I related these things to her, she said, “That’s the way it is.”
Marilyn was battling regrets and fears that Sean was leaving, trying to find some way to prevent it. Jonathan came to me saying, “Dad, I think I just had a prophecy,” and whispered it in my ear. “It’s for Mom – ‘Let go of him and peace shall come.’”
Then the debate came. Who was “him,” Sean or me? If Sean, she would ask how to let him go. I knew I couldn’t answer that for her – it was a matter of the heart, which is beyond methodology or explanation. I recalled how Paul said that if there was a witness from God that he and Kerri were to remain single, they were ready to do so. I suddenly realized Marilyn had to publicly renounce Sean, just as she had publicly chosen him over me as her husband.
I was watching one of Evan Yurkoski’s tapes from The Prophecy Club, I believe, and the Lord revealed to me that Chuck Youngbrandt was a false prophet. All his prophecies were false and he was inspired by “another Jesus.” His “conversion to Christ” was counterfeit; he was seduced by evil spirits.
Evan informed me that Chuck was laying hands on all people interested and was “sealing the servants of God.” What he was really doing was receiving glory to himself and possibly passing the seductive spirit, by which he prophesied and operated, on to others. I asked Evan if Chuck laid hands on him for this alleged purpose. He said he wanted to go to Calgary that Chuck may do so. I had good reason to believe Evan might receive an evil spirit if he allowed Chuck to lay hands on him. I warned him not to go. I wasn’t at all confident he would listen.
I finished reading Yancey’s What’s So Amazing About Grace? and took many notes. He says some true things, but he’s terribly light on repentance. While he calls for it, his perspective on grace is imbalanced and misinformed. He seems to presume grace is exercised by man, in man’s wisdom, and thus he judges men according to his perceptions, after the appearance. He would not, for example, see God’s grace in Joseph’s brothers at enmity with Joseph.
I’d say Philip only knows Christ after the flesh and therefore condemns the righteousness of God. He has focused on the lack in men of his concept of grace. Thus he is self-righteous and judgmental – really quite satanic when it comes down to it, savoring the things of men, not the things of God.
On that note, it’s clear that Yancey is quite popular, choosing man’s ways and righteousness. Men love to have the preeminence over God, and they hate the thought of correction (judgment). Such will suffer great disillusionment.
On July 27, 2000, I called Paul for the first time since 1998. This would turn out to be 105 days or 3½ Hebrew months to November 10th.
Understand, I didn’t purposely time it this way; it happened, as with all other timings.
On the night of July 27th, as Marilyn, Jonathan, and I drove home, Jonathan decided to divulge the prophecy he had shared with me some years before. He said, “Mom, Dad is already dead. The Lord has taken him.”
I was surprised. “That’s the prophecy you said I shouldn’t tell?” I asked.
“Yes,” he replied.
“There’s more,” I said. He couldn’t recall. “Can I say more or tell the rest of it?”
I continued, “You said that I had died, that part of me was in Heaven and part here” (he had also told me that I was different, and that I would never die).
The mention of Jonathan’s prophecy only gave Marilyn fuel for her agenda. On the morning of July 28th, Marilyn called Sean to ask him if she should divorce me, marry him, and the two of them would take over the farm. As the touch of garnish on this creative meal, she asked that I finance them. Sean’s reply was, “It wouldn’t be right.” She dropped the proposal. If he had said, “Yes, let’s,” I have little doubt she would have done it.
Bob arrived with a van to take Sean back with him to Toronto. But here we were, Marilyn desperately trying to find some way to hang on to Sean and, consequently, I was debating if a change was occurring in the circumstances that called for allowing Sean to stay after all. Marilyn was so miserable that I was seriously entertaining letting the farm go with her and letting them do as they pleased. I would walk out of everything and start anew somewhere else altogether. I was also fed up with the Bensons and their constant bickering with one another.
Marilyn wasn’t taking Jonathan’s prophecy of “letting go of him” as applying to Sean, and there was no peace. All others knew full well it meant Sean.
Paul and Kerri were in touch with us from Great Falls. Paul called for the first time since 1998 and firmly declared that Sean should go. He also received a promise from God that he (Paul) would again have the farm.
On July 29, 2000, Marilyn called Sean. Consequently, Bob and Sean came out to our place. More clearly than ever, it was revealed to me in that talk that Sean demanded his rightness and insisted that all others bow to it, whereas we were called to lay down our “rightness” for those who are wrong.
Sean, Jonathan, and Jonathan’s friend, Jeff Webber, went for a walk to the river, while Bob, Marilyn, and I talked. When they returned after two hours, I asked Sean if he had received anything. He said he knew that it was up to the rest of us and not up to him to change. He also said he heard that “Lois was pure poison” to me. He insisted he should be at the farm, running it, and Marilyn with him.
In our presence, Sean argued with his father and with us. He stubbornly refused to acknowledge any wrongness whatsoever on his part. For the first time, Marilyn said she saw Sean as he was – he had to be right and was intransigent (she had but a glimpse). Out of his own mouth he showed himself plainly, and I knew he had to go. Bob was relieved that his son could come with him; he also marveled at Sean’s hardness.
Lois prophesied that Bob didn’t know what he was getting himself into and would be calling me for help in the near future. Bob and Sean were opposing substances of unreality, something like constipation and diarrhea, each with his own essence of false love. There would be conflict between them.
This time, without anger, I told Sean he was arrogant, impudent, stubborn, and there was nothing more to be said. When they left, I gave Bob and him a hug. Marilyn was crying. It was hard for me for two reasons: 1) I saw Marilyn’s pain for him, and 2) I knew he had died.
Evan Yurkoski happened to drop by as they were leaving. He said he saw the death in Sean. He had things to say to Marilyn, and she admitted she was wrong. Peter Webber, our neighbor, also came by. Peter’s wife had left him years earlier. We all shared rather openly some of what was happening between Marilyn and me. Somehow, it may have helped Peter. He wasn’t alone.
Do you recall how Peter Webber and Jonathan had the same birthdate, Peter being about my age, and Peter’s son Jeff, being the same age as Jonathan, had the same birthdate as I? Isn’t that interesting?
On July 30, 2000, Bob and Sean left for Toronto. Bob was very happy they were on their way.
END OF PART VIII
COMING NEXT: PART PART IX – THE FOURTH DIMENSION, PHASE ONE
On to a new day and the next phase of victories, but with more trials; more mountains to climb and valleys to descend. And seldom do things unfold as expected.
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Page 7 PART FOUR– Bernalillo to Moon River (cont.) Particle - The Sword “Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth. I did not come to send peace, but a sword” (Matthew 10:34 MKJV). I've heard it said many times, “Whatever divides is not of God.” Of course, that simply depends on what is being divided and why. Isn't it of God to divide truth and error, clean and unclean, sheep and goats, wise and foolish, wheat and tares, faithful and heretics? And doesn't God wound and break? Doesn't He call one to forsake wife, children, parents, and friends? Is forsaking easy and pleasant? If so, it would not be forsaking. The problem is that those who lodge complaint against division presume to be in the right. They object to being divided when any among them is called to disagree for righteousness' sake. And they're under the false notion that pain, suffering, and sorrow arising naturally from division are ever products of Satan, and never of God. But these same people will indulge in dividing others in the Name of God, when advantageous to them, and think nothing of it. I am not sent for division's sake; I do not come to attack; Strife and debate I do not sow, Yet all these are found where I go. I haven't come for evil's sake, Bearing trouble, sorrow, and pain, Yet the sword I bear Will cut in two And each half in two again. There are those who wish to take the truth And claim it for their own, But others, joined to them, ...
Page 11 PART EIGHT – Day 888 to Victory (cont.) Particle – Lois to Believe and Receive More On March 21st, I received that if Lois believed what she received, she would be given more. The next morning I called to tell her so. She said she had received the same. When Marilyn heard me tell her this, she went into blackness. When I confronted her, she said she heard of me, as I spoke to Lois, “He is strengthening the hands of the wicked.” I then looked up such a verse: “Because with lies you have made the heart of the righteous sad, whom I have not made sad; and strengthened the hands of the wicked, that he should not return from his wicked way, by promising him life” (Ezekiel 13:22 KJV). I wondered, “Marilyn heard words that are quite Scriptural. Could she be hearing from God? Is that what I am doing?” Marilyn said, “What is everybody going to say when they find out they're wrong?” I know what I would say: “I am (or was) wrong!” I don't have a problem with that. I realized that what it boiled down to was this: Both sides are with power, claim to be of God, are quite supernatural, and God has made it so that both sides are convinced. We are in a deadlock and God must expose the wicked and manifest the righteous. God alone will answer by fire and settle everything once for all. I have always wanted to see that, even as God did with Elijah and the 450 prophets of Baal. I was getting so weary with this conf...
Page 11 PART FIVE – Moon River to Harvest Haven (cont.) Particle – Emptiness Within Often and for long periods of time, God has hidden Himself from His called ones, as with all the saints and prophets of old. We desire so much to walk by sight, but we need to learn to walk by faith, by the little given knowledge of the unknown, in order that we may know Him. And though He hides Himself to try us, He's always there; there's nowhere one can go from His presence. Emptiness isn't a bad sign in itself, as one might suppose. I am ill with sorrow and grief, Vexation and loneliness; My soul is filled with groanings and longings; I look in all directions; I reach out; My hand returns empty. Tears fill my soul; I cry and cry and cry; There is no one to comfort, to console, to ease my pain. Day after day, year after year, Decade after decade, I wait, I long, I cry; I heave and sigh. There is none to understand. I wait for morning; I wait for evening; I'm desolate. I eat, I sleep, I cry. Is it sin I say I don't have That causes me to be this way – Desperate, sad, lonely, unfulfilled, Useless, despised, unwanted? This is not the abundant life. Though I have my carnal needs met And freedom to come and go, I have nowhere to come and go. All is quiet, uneventful, drab, and grey. Do I complain, Or do I merely state the way things are For those appointed to such by Divine order, Not for sin, But for His purposes? I don't know. I do know I...