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PART EIGHT – Day 888 to Victory (cont.)

ParticleHalting in Obedience

Jonathan had spoken the Word of the Lord to me, saying that I needed to send Sean away, and I wasn’t obeying. Another ewe was having difficulty lambing, and there was division as to what needed to be done. Marilyn determined that others weren’t taking responsibility so she decided to do so, although Sean’s vote was to get a vet.

She decided not to call the vet, but to try and deal with the situation themselves, with neighbor Rose Slingerland’s help (the Slingerlands had experience with sheep). Marilyn decided to use labor-inducing drugs, which was contrary to our philosophy of organic and natural management.

Lois called me to inform me of what happened. Triplets were involved. The first lamb that came died, and the next two were desperately tangled in the mother. We lost the lambs and the ewe. Lois also talked about our whole situation.

I had always viewed these tragedies as reflections and results of a lack in relationship to God. I wasn’t speaking what I needed to speak. I wasn’t making the move to evict Sean, afraid that the farm might fall apart if he left, seeing that he was controlling everything and that Marilyn was helping while he was there. I believed she wouldn’t tolerate kicking him out and would therefore leave with him or wash her hands of any responsibility towards the farm. Besides, she might take Jonathan with her if she left. I was holding back obedience to God, preserving myself, and the consequences were gathering.

ParticleSean Informed of Jonathan’s Prophecy

It was on Day 1200 since the prophecy that I had the vision of Sean dying. It was on Day 1245 that Sean declared Marilyn to be his wife. It was on Day 1255 that Sean got very angry with me, telling me I was speaking “crap” to Trevor. On Day 1289, Jonathan had the prophecy that Sean had to go. On Day 1295 (April 11th), I told Sean of Jonathan’s prophecy concerning him. This was 88 days after the vision of Sean’s death, 50 days after his claiming Marilyn, and 40 days after he got angry with me. None of this or its timing was planned.

On April 12th, I told Sean he had been treacherous with me, that he was a transgressor, a meddler, and an adulterer. Lois told me Sean went after her the night before, angry with her for calling me, demanding to know the substance of our conversation. Lois wouldn’t tell him, and she told me he didn’t believe anything I said.

Today, I was somewhat miserable and battling. I struggled with Sean’s presumption and impudence, in spite of the fact I confronted him on his sins and told him I was considering asking him to leave. I struggled with Marilyn’s siding with him and my concern that all will come to naught if I expelled him.

Lord, help! Thank You for bringing me to this Day of judgment and temptation. Thank You for Your deliverance from the ‘evil one,’ that one within.

ParticleMarilyn the Source of Evil Control

I confessed to Trevor that Sean and his doings were my responsibility. He was controlling everything because he got it from me. Then I realized that this wasn’t true. Marilyn had been the controlling one. Before I met her, I wasn’t one to control any more than many others. While I was an unbeliever, after believing and going to the Alliance Church, and as a Baptist, I was not one trying to control anyone.

But when we got married, Marilyn established control. She was controlling everything at Faith Baptist Church. Les and Penny Mills, Gene Knorr, and Mark Ogden saw it, enemies though they were. Rob and Corinne Hepher saw it, though I doubt these latter traced it to her. Sean was placing his bets on her, believing she would decide the outcome of things at the farm.

Marilyn took control of me and used me to control others. I was her axe man whenever she disagreed with somebody – the neighbors at Moon River, Archie and Cathie, Kerri, the Bensons, the Municipal District of Willow Creek, the administration for our area. She was bitterness incarnate, ever chafing privately, but always wearing a smile and speaking smooth words publicly, as though she was the sweetest person on earth. She poisoned Sean against me and the Lord. Sean willingly ate her dung. She destroyed him.

I recalled the vision I had January 1, 1998, wherein the Lord was delivering me from reaching into the toilet. I saw a woman’s severed forearm laying on the floor. I had also eaten her dung, but now my deliverance from her power was here. The day of that vision was 23 years from the day we were baptized in the Spirit – 8400 days in all – 1200 X 7 or 700 X 12 – rest and rulership.

“I set my heart to know, and to search, and to seek out wisdom, and the reason of things, and to know the wickedness of folly, even of foolishness and madness; and I find more bitter than death the woman whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands like bands. Whoever pleases God shall escape from her, but the sinner shall be taken by her” (Ecclesiastes 7:25-26 MKJV).

I learned the wickedness of folly, of foolishness and madness. God was now delivering and has delivered me. He has cleansed me of being defiled by a woman:

“These are those who were not defiled with women; for they are virgins. These are those who follow the Lamb wherever He goes. These were redeemed from among men, as a firstfruit to God and to the Lamb” (Revelation 14:4 MKJV).

In this life, once virginity is lost, it can never be regained. Not so with the Lord. He is the Resurrection.

Having heard in 1996 that Marilyn was the second Eve, I now understood that, as the woman led the man away from God, through the power of the serpent (Eve did it with Adam, and Marilyn did it with me), now she must repent and return to the man, who has returned to God.

This is the Great Reversal of the Fall, the Neutralization of the Original Sin .

Thus shall woman be saved. She must repent of believing and following the serpent. Marilyn must renounce Sean and return to her husband, provided, of course, that the husband has turned from her to the Lord. There is no other way.

Marilyn’s dream of the stranger casting a spell on us and making himself comfortable with us was not of Paul, as she assumed and asserted, but of Sean, as I suspected. She must command him to leave, renouncing her devotion to, and faith in, him.

ParticleDream: Lord Near and Ready

In the night of April 14-15, 2000, I had a dream wherein the coming of the Lord was on the very edge of both time and space. He was above a full, dark low cloud ceiling. The sky had a rift in it from one side to the other, like a narrow furrow in a plowed field. In that rift was a silver-colored tinsel rope of the kind we strung on Christmas trees years ago (maybe some still do). There was no light but darkness in that rift.

Two persons, a man and a woman, normally but nicely dressed, descended in a swirling pillar of cloud. I saw the cloud come from above but its landing was obscured by a crowd of people. Then these two persons came forth, the pillar cloud returned upward, and it was not until all was done that I realized what happened.

In some anxiety, I approached these persons and laid my right hand on their chests, enquiring of them. I only saw the woman; the man was there but somehow obscure or invisible, and yet he wasn’t. They told me that the Lord was just above the cloud, near and ready to make Himself known. They didn’t seem to have anything special for me – I was only one of the multitudes, although they seemed a little hesitant of me or somehow cognizant of my shortfall with the Lord.

It was like I was nobody with the Lord, quite in contrast to my original dream and many prophecies that have come from my own mouth and that of others. I almost expected, or did expect, some displeasure from the Lord when He descended, at least that I would be ignored.

After all this, I was crying out to Him and weeping. It seemed that I was genuinely, physically weeping in my sleep as well as in the dream, though there were no tears. When I awoke, I was reminded of two things: one, I mustn’t doubt the past and what has happened, as though God was never there and I did my own thing; two, these sessions of darkness into which I get submerged are followed by revelations/events/developments.

“Something is about to go down,” as they say. Therefore, this time, I will thank and praise Him, rather than grovel and grope in this battle. Indeed, before the darkness came, I was warned that it would come, that I should praise the Lord, and that on the other side of the blackness was a victory.

Lois called and said two things – that she was feeling something occurring with me and that things were taking a turn for the better with Trevor.

ParticleGod Does Not Sleep

To demonstrate His sovereignty in all things, both Heavenly and earthly, God did something peculiar for me. For the first time in many years, I was trying to recall the name of the Dutch man who fell asleep for many years. Within the hour, I turned on the TV to watch Double Exposure. They had a commercial using the name… Rip Van Winkle.

ParticleTelevision, Man’s and God’s Righteousness

Double Exposure could have some racy content, being quite explicit and crude on sexual matters. For that reason, I refrained from watching it, though I enjoyed some of their cleverness and humor in lip-synching news clips and such.

That day, I decided to watch it and there came the mentioned coincidence. This sort of thing has occurred repeatedly with TV (which, in and of itself, I have doubted watching). I can only conclude that the Lord is saying to me, “Victor, I am over all; it is not your righteousness; I am keeping you; don’t doubt or fear; you’ll be found doing what is ordained; you are not to judge by the appearance.”

ParticleThe Day the Son Seeks the Father’s Pleasure

I told Jonathan that I longed for the day when he would be glad to see me for me and when he would enter into my interests and desires. Then I realized the parallel to the Heavenly Father. I have wanted this, that, and the other from Him. By Jonathan, I can begin to appreciate that my Father would like for me to seek Him for Him, His interests and desires.

Yes, Father, that is what I want. Let me put my childish things away, far away, forever. Grant me, Lord, to delight in You and in doing Your will.

Particle – A Lie and the Consequence

I decided to take Jonathan to see Stuart Little at the theater on April 19th. Because we eat organic, we smuggled in our own treats. However, the manager approached me, saying they didn’t allow outside food. I told him we brought our own because of health reasons (which was true, in letter), knowing I might lead him to believe Jonathan and/or I had health problems.

He permitted us, but within minutes, the Lord spoke to me, saying, “Because you said you had health problems, therefore you will now have them.” Was I hearing from Him? In 30 days, I would find out. (This reminded me of the ice cream bar episode in 1981.)

Struggling, I asked for the manager after the movie and confessed my deception, telling him that our intention and approach was preventative and not curative, that I was misleading in the way I expressed myself to him. He was okay with it and understanding. Really, what could he say? He also seemed to know somewhat about foods and their controversies, such as with aspartame.

When confessing these things to Lois and Mark, they didn’t think that there was a problem or that the Lord spoke to me. However, Lois said the thought had come to her about what I would say if I was asked (we knew beforehand that the theater didn’t allow outside food). She said she thought she would say, “Get decent food here and we wouldn’t bring in our own” (which would be speaking the truth for good). Why did Lois have that thought almost simultaneously with the event?

The next morning, I awoke troubled about everything – the past, present, future, earthly and Heavenly matters, all my doings – everything. All these things troubled me, but a truth dawned on me while I was asking the Lord about the theater event and all things in general:

“We get into trouble within when we think we are in control of anything, past, present, or future. We’re never in control of anything, but when we begin to blame ourselves and regret the past and how we did things, truly we’re assuming we were in control of our lives. We aren’t God; it’s not our righteousness and never was. He will do what He will do.”

Peace came. I must praise the Lord.

Particle – Not Another Year of Loneliness and Weeding

In the night, I thought, “I can’t bear the thought of another summer of being alone, subject to the hours of weeding dandelions in the lawn, and for what? Vanity!” But I heard, “It won’t be. It will be different this year.” I brushed the thoughts aside, thinking I was trying to console myself, fighting the reality and unpleasant prospect. I mentioned it to Lois. She went on with her duties and received that, indeed, it would be as I heard. Furthermore, I heard that the change would not be reversed.

ParticleMany People to Come

Trevor dreamt that Paul and Kerri would return, and I saw that many people would be coming to the farm and that it would be busy. It is the Lord’s work.

ParticleDivisional Changes

I found myself talking with Lois and Mark, who often had the same thoughts independently of me, especially Lois, which served as confirmations for me and for her. Marilyn was upset because we didn’t have that relationship now, and I couldn’t confide in her. There was no fellowship.

As I was talking on the phone, Marilyn spoke, saying she heard, “The truth will prevail.” What she didn’t know is that we were saying it was wrong for us to speak against her and Sean in a wrongful spirit or with evil motive, no matter how wrong they were.

Yes, the Truth will prevail, and when He does, there will be great shamefacedness with Marilyn and Sean. They are so convinced they are right, but they are in great evil.

ParticleExpectations of Archie’s Return

Lois, Mark, and I had been expecting that Archie would return some day. If he did, I said, he would be in charge, and if any should disagree, we would say, “Archie stays; you go.” Lois and Mark heartily agreed.

When Marilyn first prophesied that I would be dying, Archie disagreed, saying the prophecy was false. I also recalled that one day in 1996, Archie was crying. I said to him, “Archie, everything is going to be okay.” The following years would make a liar of me.

ParticlePhinehas, Zimri, and Cozbi

As I red in Numbers 25 of the Israelite fornicating with a Midianitish woman and how Phinehas took a javelin and ran it through both of them at once, it occurred to me that Marilyn and Sean, being in fornication, would die for their sin. I then looked in Strong’s Concordance to find the meanings of the names involved. I was somewhat taken aback.

The woman’s name was Cozbi (#’s 3579, 3576-78, 3580), which means “false; to lie, to deceive, fall, be found a liar, be in vain; falsehood, untruth, idol….”

I said that Marilyn’s prophecy was false. Lois had fasted and heard that Marilyn’s prophecy was a lie and that she was a false prophetess. Kumiko received that Marilyn would die. I had my vision of Sean dying.

The man’s name was Zimri (#’s 2174, 2167, 2168-73), which means “musical [Sean majored in music at University], to trim, prune [he was sent to prune or to deal with us, as the Lord said], striking with the fingers [Marilyn’s dream of the man casting a spell?]; stand up, bristle, tremble, shaggy, rough, to prick, thorny [he was so hard, as cold as ice], double fleece, fleeciness [yet he could be so endearing, nice and friendly], foliage [as in hiding/camouflage; again, the spell in Marilyn’s dream of the stranger in our midst?]

Marilyn and Sean were both very frustrated with Mark, who, for some reason, always had a problem with the prophecy and their relationship, and rightly so. Each of us believed the prophecy at one time or another and totally succumbed to the idea of Marilyn and Sean’s romance. But not Mark, not totally. They would often be quite angry with him, saying he wasn’t believing, only reasoning, and that he should put his reasoning away.

What does Phinehas mean? It means “mouth of the serpent.” The serpent was known for his reasoning powers:

“Now the serpent was more subtle than any animal of the field which the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, ‘Has God really said, “You shall not eat of any tree of the garden”?’” (Genesis 3:1 HNV)

Phinehas chose a very physical or carnal way to deal with the offending couple. He took a javelin to them. For that, the plague among the Israelites was stopped and God blessed Phinehas and his future generations for it. Reasoning can be carnal and deadly:

“For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace” (Romans 8:6 MKJV).

Mark may have reasoned, or his spiritual instincts were working, but it worked for him and it worked for us, not that I advocate carnal reasoning (there is the good and the bad). Sean didn’t want Mark to reason, yet Sean always reasoned. It was fine for him and fine for others if they reasoned as he did, but not when the reasoning didn’t suit him. Reasoning or not, Mark was often of great encouragement to me during this time, agreeing with those things that Lois and I were receiving.

God said that if the Israelites were to join themselves to the heathen, they would become like them and worship their gods. Cozbi was a Midianitish woman. “Midian” (Strong’s #’s 4079, 4080, 4066, 1777) means “brawling, contention, strife, discord; to rule, judge, strive, contend….”

Marilyn turned into a vicious brawler with me and had turned Sean against me. Both had decided to rule all of us and to judge all things as to whether they were right or wrong, good or bad, and they destroyed everything. This spring we lost a ewe and six lambs so far, a high rate of 30%. Other things were also going wrong at the farm, and Marilyn blamed me for the sheep loss and other problems.

ParticleTwo Thoughts Confirmed by Three Persons

Independently of one another, yet simultaneously, Lois, Mark, and I had two same thoughts. As I was wondering if I was the cause of the problems, I suddenly thought, “Hey! Why am I feeling guilty? Marilyn and Sean are in adultery, smugly wiping their faces, brazen in their ways, and I think the sin lies with me?” Lois and Mark had the same thought.

The second thought we received was that I was prepared to examine and see if the blame rested with me. Marilyn and Sean had no conscience or question about themselves at all. They saw themselves as righteous, period. Thus was the Lord with us, giving two or three witnesses as to the truth and justice of this matter.

ParticleAn Answer for Les Mills

For some reason, I decided to call Les Mills. He was very depressed and disgruntled at the Lord. They had sold their ranch near Cardston and were looking for another farm property. He had previously sought my direction on the matter, and I had nothing to give him. In this call now, I had things to tell him, but I wasn’t getting anywhere, so after the phone call, I asked the Lord to show me what was needed for Les. I received that he needed to bring an offering of his ranch sale to me.

I thought, “He won’t believe that. I don’t want to tell anyone that. Surely, he will tell me I’m money-grubbing. Besides, why do I want his money? I don’t need it.”

It wasn’t a matter of my need, however, but his. Les had to give; he had to commit. He had confessed me as a man of God, saying to me, “Blessed is he that comes in the Name of the Lord,” which reminded me of the same thing happening with Mike Trepanier in 1980, and which went nowhere.

Les had sought my counsel with his lips, and now it was time to put his money where his mouth was. He had been wandering for about a year, not knowing what to do or where to go after selling his property. Now I knew what he needed to do and if he did it, he would receive directions and the blessing of the Lord. As it stood, he was seeking a prophet and God’s counsel for earthly gain. He needed to seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, whereby all these other things would be added to him.

Not telling Lois what came to me, I called her and told her about the conversation I had with Les. Lois received that Les needed to bring an offering. Confirmation again. I told her that is what I received, yet I was balking.

I called Les and told him what he needed to do. I also told him that the authors he was reading – Eby, Roach, and others – were giving theory but no practical, and that the practical was what it was all about. The secret was in the doing, not the knowing; in the life, not the knowledge.

Les received nothing of what I said, just as I expected. I also expected that they would guffaw at what I said among themselves. So it was.

On May 6th, I decided to call him again. I had composed another letter for him. He soon showed up at the door without notice. Les was worse than when we had last talked, so down he was. We spent nearly 6 hours talking and he unburdened himself, though he didn’t change. I reiterated the Lord’s requirement of an offering from his estate. I also prayed for his deliverance and healing. We didn’t get into the letter – he was in no shape for it.

In essence, Les blamed God for his condition and circumstances and wouldn’t repent of it. I detailed a letter to him days later, expressing that which the Lord had shown me concerning him. He needed to repent before the Lord would do anything more for him. The onus was on him, not the Lord.

ParticleLois’ Vision: Marilyn and Sean Scolding

On April 30, 2000, Lois had a “picture” of Marilyn sitting on Sean’s lap, while the two of them were shaking their fingers, scolding the Bensons and me.

ParticleUnconditional Forgiveness for Mother

On May 6th, I called my mother to express unconditional forgiveness to her, no matter her stance, whether she was repentant or not. I expected that she would think I was the offending one and in need of forgiveness. We talked for over an hour, she asked for a picture of Jonathan, and we sent it to her. To me she showed no emotion or commitment of any kind.

She had never seen Jonathan, and I had never involved her with him at any time, except to let him talk to her on the phone when she called, which he did, though there was little to talk about. She had sent some Christmas and birthday gifts, which we accepted and thanked her for, though she knew we didn’t observe those occasions.

Particle – Message to Sean Before All

On the morning of May 7th, I called the farm and, on speaker phone, said to Sean, “You are an enemy of all that is good, honest, decent, pure, holy, godly, and true.” It was all I said, and I left it. I was hoping Lois would sign off the call, which she did. Minutes later, after I left the house, Marilyn called Sean. When I returned, I asked her who she was talking to and who called whom.

I then said that the words Marilyn had once said to me, when I called to encourage Lois, applied to her, which were “strengthening the hands of the wicked.” I told her that the words I had just spoken to Sean also applied to her. She defiantly replied, “Okay,” thus fulfilling Proverbs 30:20: “Such is the way of an adulterous woman; she eats, and wipes her mouth, and says, ‘I have done no evil.’”

ParticleMy Position in Jesus Christ

One day, with sure knowledge, conviction, and power, I said to Mark, “I am the resurrection and the life.” These were words that came to me with recognition of my position and power in the Lord. I had now entered into the Feast of Tabernacles, having been raised from the dead by the power and will of God and made one with the Lord, even as He had prayed (John 17).

We experience death at repentance, burial when baptized in the Holy Spirit, and resurrection when entering rest. This third and last step is the overcoming, which Jesus promised, as recorded in the Revelations to the seven churches. I am the victory of God. I said to Mark, “Not only do I have the victory, I am the victory.” This is that “Second Coming of the Lord,” the victory He has wrought in those who have endured to the end.

ParticleDesire for Reconciliation with All

I had called my mother. I talked to my neighbors. I was praying for Marilyn. There was in me a desire, if not zeal, for reconciliation and peace with all people. At Jonathan’s suggestion, I decided to talk to Steve and Marquise Harris and ask their forgiveness for the way I had been as a hardhearted, inconsiderate person. Yes, Marquise had done me wrong, but I didn’t care.

They were both very happy, Marquise gave me a hug, crying, and Steve decided to give me a book, The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey. I red the book and found it to be nothing more than sentimental religious trash, fanciful notions of God and His will and ways. I wanted to talk to Steve about it, but it never happened. Steve wasn’t at all interested in entering reality.

ParticleMore on My Angelic Visitor

The victory and power I was experiencing in recent weeks seemed to stem back to the visitation of the angel on February 25th. Today, on March 10th (14 days later), more came to me of that momentous occasion. In essence, the person was saying, “I’m here on a mission on your behalf, to do your work for you. You won’t have to do anything – I’ll handle it.”

I am to rest. I’m not the motor or pump; I’m not the water; I am but a passive conduit. God is the Motor and Pump, and His Spirit of Truth and Love is the Living Water. Through me He is pouring out His Spirit upon the earth.

Particle – Not to Share with Marilyn

I struggled with whether I should be sharing with Marilyn. She resented my not confiding in her. I had incurred vexation and damage often, and she took what I shared and gave it to Sean or used it to bolster her position. I couldn’t do it. Lois received that when I said to Marilyn, “The Lord rebuke you,” He was doing so by no longer imparting to her. One day, out of pity, I shared with her, and it was despised – twice it happened. I said, “Why do I do it?”

ParticleIf Sean Goes, All Goes?

More and more, whether rightly or wrongly, I was inclined to cast Sean out. If he went, Marilyn said she would go with him. If they went, the business would go. If the business went, the farm would go. I didn’t see any reason to keep anything.

ParticleVictory in Consequence

On April 19, 2000, I lied to the theater about our snacks, heard words of rebuke as a consequence, and wondered if the words were from the Lord. On May 13th, 24 days later, I realized the words were from the Lord. In a strange and unusual way, my old leg injury began bothering me soon after, causing me to realize that all these years, since 1971, the Lord had been keeping my leg. Indeed, my illness-free life was being taken from me for lying, just as He said.

I also began to realize that victory was not just a momentary event, as in a battle won, but something sustained indefinitely. In order for there to be a constant victory, evil or opposition must be present.

Thankfully and interestingly, I found myself praising God now, in spite of my fall, my sin. At one time, I would have been so down, as with the ice cream bar incident and so many others. Now I saw that, one, it wasn’t my righteousness; two, the Lord required me to serve Him with my infirmities; and three, victory was only meaningful in the presence of infirmity…. “You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies.”

ParticleMy Attitude or Perspective on Offerings Brought

I now recognized that I not only didn’t want Les’ offering, I despised it. I recalled the vision I had when offering all my possessions to the Lord. The vision showed I had offered garbage and all vile things on an altar.

I saw that an offering or tithe is simply a statement saying, “I’m willing to part with the physical in order to enjoy a relationship with God.” The money itself is no more valuable to God than the ink to sign a contract. Yet we as signers are so prone to place value on the ink rather than the contract, and we expect God to be impressed. The fact is we’re using His pen and ink of faith to sign.

ParticleInforming Les and Penny of My Vicarious Benefit to Them

Again, I called Les and Penny. I told Les that my life was taken and laid down for him, that where he had no faith, my faith was provided; where he lacked in thanksgiving and praise, my life (soul) was the compensation – I would believe and give thanks for him. Yet I also knew (and said) that it was beyond me, I myself wasn’t doing it, but the Lord in me.

I told Les I was that second goat presented alive on the Day of Atonement. I also told him I may yet need to do what he originally said I ought to do with Marilyn and Sean (by reason and law) – to expel Sean and remove Marilyn from authority at the farm. For the time, I had to obey and “let it happen.”

The Lord’s brothers had urged Jesus to go up to the feast. He told them that they should go, that they were free to go as they pleased, whereas He could not. Later on, He went. Les acknowledged that he had been going by the natural. I told him the natural was the synagogue of Satan… the carnal mind at enmity with God, the thinking and ways of the man of sin, who comes with reason, logic, knowledge, and the letter of the Law of God.

ParticleMarilyn Blames Me

Surprisingly, yet not, Sean suddenly said he didn’t have the same feelings for Marilyn he once had. Marilyn was fighting and blaming me for it. I talked to Lois, and she confirmed that Marilyn was doing just that. I couldn’t seem to do anything right, and Marilyn blamed me for any wrong.

My God, she was ugly! What a horrid spectacle! I felt like I did battle with a vigorous, vicious venomous viper. Praise God, we have (He has) the victory. I didn’t even have to fight her. She fought with God Himself, Whose angels battled on my behalf. I only needed to believe… and I did.

ParticleJonathan Praises Me

Twice in 24 hours, Jonathan said to me, “You’re the best dad ever.” I asked him why. He said, “Because you do things for me and let me do things.” In the past, I’d been restrictive with him, and he was expecting restrictions now that I didn’t require. I never knew how to take these things.

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wHaT tHe LoRd HaS dOnE wItH mE; Part VII, Page 10

Page 10 PART SEVEN – Surprise Visitors to Day 888 (cont.) Particle – I Am Evil I wrote in my journal: I am evil, a hypocrite, a destroyer; always was. There has been no change in me. I've tried to believe, think, and speak right; to love, obey, submit, repent, suffer, accept, thank, rejoice, and do and be all those things I thought were expected of me as a believer in Christ. I've failed miserably and suffered the loss of almost all things. Being blind, I probably don't see clearly at this point that I've lost everything. I criticize, condemn, point the finger, “judge,” “smite with the fist,” “lay heavy burdens,” enslave, impose, demand, trouble, rail, find fault – always. I chafe at things I don't like; I fret, stew, and verbally, violently retaliate. I'm that meddling, destructive son of perdition, man of sin, false prophet, anti-Christ, accuser of the brethren, devil, adversary to God, to all good, and to all mankind. I am ‘that wicked one.' I'm vile and have nothing to do with God or He with me. No wonder I've lost everything! No wonder I'm hated by all, including my ex-wife. I'm a damned soul and have neither the ability nor desire to change. God knows I've wanted to be different, or does He know that I haven't wanted to be different? God damn my soul! If I don't destroy myself, God will. If He won't, I will – I've done it. All these years, for decades, I hoped for change, deliverance, resurrection, and healing. I prayed, begged, wished, and cried for it. God ...

wHaT tHe LoRd HaS dOnE wItH mE; Part III, Page 16

Page 16 PART THREE– Israel to Bernalillo (cont.) Particle – A Witch in Foremost I had to do a painting job for Olga Gaydos in Foremost. Staying in a motel, I found the clerk, the daughter of the managers, dressed entirely in black. When I asked her about it, she said she was a witch, which surprised me somewhat. She also claimed that witches could place curses on people. I didn't feel led to speak to her about the Lord (perhaps I should have), but I also didn't feel the least bit threatened by her, knowing that the Lord's people are kept from any secret curses, and the enemy can have no power over us except the Lord permit it. It has often concerned me that I didn't help people come to the Light of life when occasions such as this one arose. It seemed like it wasn't the time or place, or I wasn't the person for it. Particle – Treat Your Customers Right In one of these years, Marilyn and I went shopping at Hill's Pantry for bulk and organic foods. One day I bought a bag of chocolate-coated peanuts. They were stale, so I returned them. A young man “served” me. When I presented the goods to him, he looked at me like I was an idiot. Perhaps it was small of me to complain, but I thought they should know, and I also thought I had either a replacement or refund coming for something I didn't bargain for. He took my bag to the back and returned minutes later with a new bag. I thanked him and left. As we were driving away, I tried the peanuts. One was good, one was stale; on...

wHaT tHe LoRd HaS dOnE wItH mE; Part IX, Page 8

Page 8 PART NINE - Signs of New Times (cont.)Particle - Letter to My Mother and Sister in the FleshI received some understanding of my life's dealings and relationship with my mother and sister and decided to write them:TO: Anne Hafichuk Ron and Barb Hrehirchuk All others concerned March 2, 2001I have borne witness to all of you of the Lord Jesus Christ, in God's idea of perfection (obviously not yours or mine), in my frailty or what the apostle Paul called the "foolishness of preaching." As with the apostle Paul and all other saints, I know that in myself, that is, in my flesh, "dwells no good thing." That is the way it is. Nevertheless, Paul preached in spite of his infirmity, sent by God to do so, to bear witness to unbelievers. There were those who believed the Gospel and many more who didn't. Jesus declared that those nearest of kin to His disciple would be his foes. He declared that a prophet is not recognized in his own country. So it has been between you and me.From the day I believed, 28 years ago, you have not believed, but have opposed and shunned me till now. You have laid all blame for the break and lack in our relationship squarely on me and have rejected all accountability for yourselves.I've tried to tell you that the Lord has apprehended me and given me to know the truth, that you haven't known the truth, and that you don't know it now. I've tried many times to make amends, if perchance there was faltering or unfairness or sel...
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