PART EIGHT – Day 888 to Victory (cont.)
On March 21st, I received that if Lois believed what she received, she would be given more. The next morning I called to tell her so. She said she had received the same. When Marilyn heard me tell her this, she went into blackness. When I confronted her, she said she heard of me, as I spoke to Lois, “He is strengthening the hands of the wicked.”
I then looked up such a verse:
“Because with lies you have made the heart of the righteous sad, whom I have not made sad; and strengthened the hands of the wicked, that he should not return from his wicked way, by promising him life” (Ezekiel 13:22 KJV).
I wondered, “Marilyn heard words that are quite Scriptural. Could she be hearing from God? Is that what I am doing?”
Marilyn said, “What is everybody going to say when they find out they’re wrong?” I know what I would say: “I am (or was) wrong!” I don’t have a problem with that.
I realized that what it boiled down to was this: Both sides are with power, claim to be of God, are quite supernatural, and God has made it so that both sides are convinced. We are in a deadlock and God must expose the wicked and manifest the righteous. God alone will answer by fire and settle everything once for all. I have always wanted to see that, even as God did with Elijah and the 450 prophets of Baal.
I was getting so weary with this conflict; I’d be glad to have it fall out either way. Better for me to be wrong and out of here than to live in doubt and turmoil. There certainly was power with Marilyn and Sean, and we could be made to look so selfish and wicked, but I could do nothing but stand and believe what I was receiving. What a battle!
On March 23rd, Lois had a vision. She saw us all standing in line. She writes: “Victor was at one end and I at the other. The enemy was approaching us and Victor stepped out in front of the line and I with him. We began praising the Lord and the enemy was stopped.” (Mark also saw Lois as a warrior.)
Having written Man of Sin 3, concerning the revelations God gave me, I hesitated to share it with the farm, fearing repercussions, not the least of those being that I might fulfill the vision of Sean dying. However, I began to thank the Lord, and as I did, I was reminded of David and Absalom. I opened my Bible to find the passage. It fell open to a page out of over 1500, and my eyes immediately fell on the caption at the top that said, “David laments Absalom.” My eyes immediately fell upon the last verse of 2 Samuel 18, wherein David said:
“O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would God I had died for you, O Absalom, my son, my son!” (2 Samuel 18:33 MKJV)
I realized that David had to pay for his sins, that Absalom had to die, and that I had to speak.
I was struggling with what to do about Man of Sin 3 when Jonathan called me to report that Sean was “on mom’s case” the day before and that morning, as at other times, telling her what he wouldn’t let her do. Jonathan said that she wasn’t happy, that she was angry with Sean, stomping off from him and doing things to him that she wouldn’t do to me. I sit and wait.
I awoke on the morning of March 25th, asking the Lord why praise wasn’t flowing from me in the past few days. I was finding that while I could “enter the gates with thanksgiving,” I couldn’t “enter the courts with praise” (there must be both or there is something amiss). The Lord immediately told me I had to obey first.
I sent Man of Sin 3 and The Spectacle to those at the farm, knowing full well there would be fireworks, particularly from Marilyn. Both papers were an indictment on us all, especially on Marilyn and Sean. Upon sending the papers, it ceased to rage, and I was again at peace and able to praise the Lord freely.
These papers boldly describe our situation and directly indict the perpetrators. I had held back in disobedience and was now free again. This day, March 24th, was exactly 3½ years since Marilyn’s prophecy of September 24, 1996.
I had told Jonathan that what his mother was doing was evil in God’s sight. She came to me later, complaining about his reaction to her, saying he wasn’t respectful. I said, “Who are you to expect respect and obedience?” Nevertheless, I said I would talk to him.
He and I had a campfire outing that afternoon. I asked him what he would ask for if God gave him a request. “That mom would forget about Sean and that he would become like everybody else, just an ordinary person.” That, above all, was what he wanted.
Marilyn has had nightmares all our married lives, from which I would awaken her when I heard her moaning. She was having them now. When I woke her, she complained that I was at fault for how Jonathan was acting. I told her that, one, her life preached far louder than words; two, she could hardly expect of others that which she didn’t live by herself; and three, how was it she expected others to change to her liking when constantly insisting that she couldn’t change from her course and desires? Should she not heed her own words?
She then accused me of anger, fighting God, being out of control, and that she couldn’t talk to me!! I ceased talking; there was no use. The very things she was guilty of, she accused me.
(Please be aware, dear reader, that in this, and all other portions of the Theo-autobiography, I am expressing how I saw things at the time, when going through great trial and difficulty. Bear with me and know that all will be made clear in following Parts of the Theo-auto, by the grace of God.)
I began to pray and thank the Lord for the circumstances and suddenly it occurred to me that Marilyn had spiritual possession, that she was under demonic control and needed deliverance. My breath was taken away! All these years I’ve been married to a demon-possessed woman and didn’t know it?! How shocking! “Lord,” I cried, “why didn’t You tell me? How can this be? Why?”
It wasn’t for me to ask or know why, only to believe what I was told. Everything was with purpose and I would understand later why things had to be this way. I believed it had something to do with the overturning of women’s power over men, ever since Eden. Somehow, a historical event was happening here, but we would understand later.
Then I began to enumerate and put together many pieces of the puzzle:
One, Lois received that we were to shout out the deliverance.
Two, Marilyn said she couldn’t change. That speaks of spiritual bondage.
Four, Satan is a rebel, and Marilyn rebelled against me.
Five, Satan is a murderer, and Marilyn wanted me dead.
Six, Satan is a liar, and Marilyn was deceptive with me.
Seven, Satan entered Judas, who betrayed. Marilyn betrayed me.
Eight, Satan preaches the Scriptures, but doesn’t live by them. He is contradiction, and Marilyn has been in utter contradiction.
Nine, there was no reasoning with her.
Ten, Mickey Patrick once rebuked devils in Marilyn (1976), not that there were any cast out.
Eleven, Marilyn had incited me against many over the years, always complaining and accusing others and subtly persuading me to say or do something.
Twelve, her mother was full of devils, and recently I was seeing such a similarity in their attitudes.
Thirteen, control was her thing. It is Satan’s thing. It is not God’s thing.
Fourteen, I lost my joy in the Lord when I married her. She fretted against everyone and everything, though she always masked it.
Fifteen, she had constant nightmares, many of demons attacking.
Sixteen, false prophecies – this last great one, the urging to stay in the stock market, her dream of 11 saved back in the early eighties, which never developed. She heard so many things that have been false, many of which were patently obvious and which I’ve recorded.
Seventeen, she had great bitterness. How can one be so bitter and not have devils?
Eighteen, Lois said she received that I needed to pray for Marilyn. For what? I now knew that it was for deliverance, but when?
Nineteen, in Revelation 2:24, speaking of Jezebel, to whom I have paralleled Marilyn, it refers to knowing the “depths of Satan.”
Twenty, Marilyn opposed fasting and many times tried to dissuade me from it (and maybe had). She was opposed to Lois’ fasting, and on the 14th day, before Lois received the answers she was seeking from the Lord, Marilyn suggested there was no point in the fast. Immediately after, Lois received answers concerning Marilyn and the situation.
Twenty-one, she and Sean bristled at our recent praising the Lord.
Twenty-two, Marilyn saw me gaining weight and commented on it, yet fed me anything and everything, baked and cooked pastries, etc., and left them out for me to eat. This morning when I finally decided to do something about my weight, she tried to tell me nothing would work, that my fate was sealed. Could this be anything other than the enemy?
Twenty-three, all these years, Marilyn opposed my witnessing to others and stood in agreement with my enemies.
Twenty-four, she always had a false humility and duplicity.
Twenty-six, her family was “converted to Christ” through her, but their conversions were spurious, every one of them – father, mother, and brother. Would one not call these “tares,” that which the enemy has sown?
Twenty-seven, she more than once viciously snarled, “Yeah, you want me to be this meek, submissive wife, groveling at your feet!” The voice of a devil. I wanted no such thing – the very thought was unbearable.
Twenty-eight, these are the possible names of devils, the characteristics of which I had seen in Marilyn: bitterness, fear, control, false prophet, adultery, stubbornness, whoredoms, false humility, false piety, rebellion, and pride, to name some.
Twenty-nine, Marilyn was very skilled at twisting things and being duplicitous. She was full of “escape,” constantly using evasion tactics.
Thirty, she committed many general evils, like worshipping Sean, denying my headship, arguing, snarling, being defensive, and having fears of all kinds.
Thirty-one, “two entities vying for power”? I received these words on a walk I took after a major battle with her, having asked the Lord why we were fighting.
I called for everyone to gather at the garden shop and declared to them what I had received on Marilyn on Sunday night. Surprisingly, she consented to be prayed for. I then had her sit down, and I prayed for her, as a daughter of the Lord, laying my right hand on her head. I told Marilyn she had devils and needed healing and deliverance. I addressed the enemy, whoever and however many were in her. She was testy, grudging, despising me. Sean was with her in heart. There were no signs of anything happening, but I accepted that all was done.
To Trevor, I said, “You need to wake up from your sleep and come out of hiding” (he had been passive). After praying for Marilyn, I asked him if he had anything. He was reminded of the dreams Paul Cohen and Bob Gregson had, wherein Marilyn and I were leading a godly little girl.
Mark was reminded that we needed to shout the praises of God. Lois was reminded of us as an army standing in a line against the enemy and said that the enemy was finished. I asked Sean for nothing, knowing there was nothing but enmity.
When done praying for Marilyn, she asked if I was done, put the chair back in its place, and walked away from me. She had a jacket for Jonathan for me to take home. She threw it at me, being cold, resentful, and unforgiving. All I could say was, “Praise the Lord,” and I left. The Bensons and I realized that we were to literally shout praises unto God, though we didn’t seem to do it.
If we had shouted God’s praises, would Marilyn have changed there and then?
“The Lord is bringing us into a new life. In it, there is no room for self-consciousness, stuffiness, ‘self-respect,’ conservatism, inhibition, apology, doubt, or fear. Fear of man has no place. Respect of the world is not the issue. Satan is to be ousted. He is finished and the territory he has usurped and held all this time is to be taken from him. How? We believe and obey the Lord by putting away all doubts and fears, praising Him and shouting the deliverance of the Lord. He has given us the keys to victory and we must see to it that we use them.”
Marilyn reiterated her position, declaring she stood firm. I said nothing. Lois now said for the second time, “You have done all that is required of you and all that you can do. You must leave it in the Lord’s hands. It’s all up to Him now.” She told me she received this twice to give to me.
The essence of sin is to take what we have for granted. Lord, I ask You to forgive me for taking for granted my wife, my son, Your sacrifice on the cross, Your vocation on my life, all Your provisions of every kind, Your guidance and protection, all Your servants, my health, the health and wellbeing of my family, a peaceful neighborhood and country. The list is infinite.
I have taken You for granted, Lord, is what it boils down to. Forgive me, Lord! But more importantly, now grant Your servant (and not only Your servant, but your son and heir to all that You have and even are) to worship, adore, and praise You. Grant that I should live a life of praise and thanksgiving unto You.
I woke up from a nap on the afternoon of March 31, 2000 with these thoughts: “It would be so nice if something were to come along and begin a new life for me, doing something I enjoy, something purposeful, enjoyable, like a dream come true. I’ve lived lonely and have felt so useless and empty.”
I received that I would be spoken to and would know when the time came as to what I should be doing. I had thought of various good works I could head out to do. I recalled a prophecy back in 1984 in Bernalillo, wherein the Lord said, “You’ll be hurried and harried, but keep the peace. You will know beyond the shadow of a doubt what to do because you’ll be shown clearly” (words to that effect).
What I received today witnessed with Lois. She said I was to wait on the Lord and that these things coming indicated that I was going to be given something. She added that I had been in preparation, my heart now changed, and that I would be seeing and reacting to people and things quite differently from before.
Marilyn directly, emphatically declared that I was not her head. She then praised the Lord. I called her a whore, an adulteress, saying she was in black faith, being faithful to Satan. I said it was in vain that she praised the Lord with her lips. I said, “The hypocrisy and contradiction take away my breath! It’s amazing how you can come directly against the Word of God and stand declaring your faith and righteousness!
“The Word of God says, ‘God is the head of Christ, Christ the head of the man, and man the head of the woman.’ You stand, boldly declaring I’m not your head, you have publicly chosen another man as your husband, making null and void the Word of God and His Law, and then you praise the Lord? Furthermore, you pontificate to me about how I should believe, be thankful, and recognize that the Lord is doing all these things.”
I said, “It’s not up to a harlot to preach to me, and I am believing and thanking the Lord!”
I then went downstairs to pray and begged God to give me a Word. This was April 2, 2000. I took a Bible from the bookshelf and in it I found an old prophecy. The date of the prophecy was October 31, 1991. I had burned all old prophecies and this one remained in a Bible I chose of 60 or more Bibles, minutes after I prayed for a Word from the Lord. Was this an insignificant coincidence? I red the prophecy and found it applied to my circumstances. I was thankful.
The Word of the Lord to Victor (found April 2, 2000)
“I have given you power, rushing fiery power that will destroy your adversaries on the left hand and on the right, before and behind, above and beneath, without and within. You will rule over the nations with a rod of iron and as vessels of a potter smash them to pieces and scatter the powder to the winds. My vehemence will be manifest in you, nothing thwarting it. Mouths offending and opposing I will shut and they shall not be opened.
You are My chosen vessel, and I will not tolerate any to touch you any more than the apple of My eye. They have all poked their fingers at My face and have fingered their noses at Me. They have all railed and vomited on Me and on you because of Me. No longer will they be tolerated and permitted to do so.
You speak, My son, and fear nothing. They will proceed no further as they have done. Only do not do as do they in man’s railing and wrath. Speak the truth by My Spirit in the spirit of righteousness and temperance, and I will surely see to the results that they are entirely in your favor and in the favor of all those who stand with you and whose interests you represent.
It’s here, My son, it is here! The time for victory is here. I will turn to shame the heads of those who despise you and they will turn or I’ll break their necks. They will swallow their poison. They will be forced to revere you or die. Those who resent you can no longer do so without death to themselves. This is the beginning of your partaking of the heritage of the saints, as you have not known it before, which the Lord your God has granted. Amen.
Do as you please with your investment money. It does not matter. If it was important that you should have more you would have more, and so will it be in the days ahead.”
October 31, 1991
Note: On this day of March 31, 2015, I was reviewing this Theo-auto Part, having just finished reading that prophecy. We then held a Bible reading with Sara and Jeannie. We had been reading Psalms and resumed at Psalm 35. It was marvellously in tune with the prophecy. Remarkable.
Who says there is no God?
I told Marilyn she was in adultery, though she wasn’t in sexual, physical conduct with anyone. Mentally and spiritually, she and Sean were guilty, yet Marilyn wouldn’t make a clean break from me. I likened her attitude towards me to that of the Quebec separatists towards the Dominion of Canada. They wish to have their cake and eat it, too.
They want all the benefits of a province of Canada – the federal grants, trade benefits, international advantages, Canada’s currency – yet they want independence in everything – finances, education, immigration, medicare, politics, language, associations with other nations, and more. They want all the benefits of marriage without the responsibilities.
On April 4th, Marilyn spoke to Clarence Halma and John Schussler back-to-back on the phone, not having heard from either one in a long time. These are the two farmers I had told in 1996 that I was being taken. I believe they were the two men I saw in the first dream I had in 1972.
Mark came to me, very frustrated with Sean’s hypocrisy, contradiction, and arrogance, as well as the way Sean and Marilyn related to each other. All was beginning to surface, and people were taking their positions.
On April 5th, I served Marilyn notice that Sean’s time was about up. She was upset. I wondered if I wasn’t stepping out of line, failing as a peacemaker. Then I thought of Solomon who, upon ascending the throne of Israel, had potential enemies eliminated – his half-brother, Adonijah, the general, Joab, the priest, Abiathar, and eventually one from Saul’s house, Shimei, who had cursed Solomon’s father, King David.
What a start for peace! How is it Solomon did these violent things in righteousness when his very name means “peace” and his reign was established as one of peace, the greatest and most glorious period Israel had ever known in all its history under kings? For one thing, he followed his wise father David’s advice. One must eliminate the enemy for there to be peace. As it says:
“Cast out the scorner, and fighting shall go out; yes, quarrels and shame shall cease” (Proverbs 22:10 MKJV).
Marilyn was as slippery as a slimy pike, confounded and contradictory in almost all she said. She was without the Law of God for a foundation. Many times have I said, “I wish I had taped our conversation because she says so many things, then denies them or denies their meaning.” Yet, if I had presence of mind, I was able to prove her error, though she still remained unrepentant.
Jonathan had a Word (prophecy) for me on April 5, 2000. “Dad,” he said, “you have to tell Sean to go.” When I told him (wisely or not) the possible consequences – Marilyn leaving with Sean – he cried and cried, but remained steadfast in his Word that I needed to expel Sean. I was amazed at his courage. It wasn’t as though he didn’t love his mother – he surely did; I have envied their close relationship. He had the wisdom from God and integrity to go with what God gave him. There was no other explanation.
There are eighty-eight days between the time I delivered the vision of Sean to this prophecy of Sean to go. Jonathan spoke these words 88 days after my vision of Sean dying was delivered to all on January 7th, and on the 40th day after I met the angel on February 25th in Coaldale.
Jonathan called on the 6th to ask me if he should ask Marilyn to mention his prophecy to Sean. I said “No.” I thought he should leave it for now. Likely, I would be the one to tell them. Was I holding back? Should I not have been following through immediately on the Word from the Lord by Jonathan? Would there be trouble if I didn’t act promptly?
He pressed me in the next few days on several occasions that his prophecy of casting Sean out was from the Lord and to be performed shortly, not urgently, but soon. Lois felt the same way.
One morning I saw that God had matched up one who had an enormous problem with being or appearing wrong (Marilyn) with someone who was a strong critic, always faulting and pointing out wrongs (me). To the flesh, no worse match could be made; to God, no better. One would balance the other.
Talking to Mark and Lois, I red them the pages of notes on the angel I met. We had been receiving like things:
One, Marilyn and Sean were increasing in the conviction of their beliefs and direction by a quantum leap.
Two, Sean must be given the rope to hang both himself and Marilyn.
Three, Jonathan’s prophecy was of God, but the timing is yet to be determined.
Four, to eyes that see, the Truth is there, perfect and obvious. There is no cause for doubt.
Five, we would know them by their fruits, not by their words. Sean writes off all that I say, do, believe, and am, and Marilyn with him. It is treason and witchcraft. They have pronounced death on me by the prophecy.
Six, where did it stop being that I was from the Lord? Has the Lord said so? No. Seeing that I am from the Lord, how could they prevail or escape consequences?
Seven, Lois received that we are to avoid strife and speak only that which we are given to speak. At the same time, I received that we were to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.
Marilyn and I had another battle. She was very upset because I wasn’t willing to confide in her any longer. Jonathan and I then went for a hike and I prayed with Jonathan, asking the Lord to destroy me if I was in the wrong. Within minutes, an answer came.
The Lord said Marilyn was not hearing from Him; she had cut herself off from Him in that she had cut herself off from me; she was not rejecting me or fighting me as I have been assuming and taking somewhat personally, but the Lord; she was fighting Him. Finally, in her fight against Him, she could/would receive nothing from me but would resist it all, distorting, avoiding, perverting, and resisting. She was full of darkness, lies, and accusations.
They were having problems with a ewe lambing, so Jonathan and I prayed. “Dad,” he said, “I just had a picture of the situation. Aunt Lois and Mark were praising the Lord, Trevor was just standing by, and Sean was saying, ‘We don’t have time for praising the Lord – there are other things to do.’ Dad, all this was hidden. They are all doing these things inside.” I took this to be revelation from the Lord.
In the night, it came to me that the ewe needed a calcium shot. I found out in the morning that this was exactly what they gave her, and she was better.
I addressed Trevor on his stance toward me. He was quite hard and resisting, but I unexpectedly blessed him with God’s mercy. He resisted, but it was done and the fruit would come forth soon. He did say that he didn’t believe Marilyn’s prophecy, and he believed what I had to say in the letters to them.
The word “creepy” came to me about Trevor – he had turned into a zombie. On April 13th at 4:20 AM, it came to me that he had handed his will over to Sean.
“And a man who commits adultery with a man’s wife, who commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. And the man who lies with his father’s wife has uncovered his father’s nakedness. Both of them shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be on them” (Leviticus 20:10-11 MKJV).
Sean has committed adultery with a man’s wife, and he has also committed spiritual adultery with his father’s wife, in that he was my son in the faith. The Bible says both shall die. I had the vision of Sean dying, and Kumiko Konoshita, a woman in Japan Mark had met and whom we corresponded with, believed Marilyn was going to die.
Dorothy Frame was breaking down physically and mentally. Her daughter, Pat, gave us notice that she didn’t want our involvement because of the letter I had handed Dorothy about her sins and those of her daughters, urging them that only the Lord could help them. We received reports from her caregivers that Dorothy was irrational and abusive.
Jonathan had a vision on April 10, 2000 at “5 to 12,” he said. “How do you know it was a vision?” I asked him. He said it wouldn’t go away and, at the time he had it, he thought it was simply a mind’s picture, but now he knew he had a vision:
He was facing south (this he emphasized), coming out of some bush, which had been thick and which he had been “hacking his way through.” Coming into a clearing (all this on a hill), he viewed hills on the left and on the right. Before him and down below was a lake, and behind the lake more hills. On those hills he saw both green and brown patches of terrain. The sun was neither high nor low in the sky and to the right of his focus, which suggested later afternoon.
I asked Jonathan if he had any thoughts on it, and all he could say was that he felt his prophecy of needing to kick Sean out was about to happen or should be happening. Though I had told him that his mother would likely leave if I kicked Sean out, and he wept bitterly at the thought, he remained firm.
Page 20 PART TWO – Pentecost to Israel (cont.) Particle – Jim Humors Me I received a degree of contempt from my school and rock band buddy, Jim Puls. He was now an electronics technician and owned Gordon's Radio and TV, a business he and his partner bought from Gordon Shave, who had established and owned it for years. While Jim and his wife, Eileen, were always friendly, they always had that curiosity as to what was going on with us. In short, all my friends and relations had gone on to bigger and better things, while we were languishing financially, occupationally, socially, and to many it seemed, mentally and spiritually. On at least three occasions, over the period of a few years, I tried to speak to Jim about the Lord. He asked the same question each time: “So what should I do?” (Those very words.) I think that each time, I gave him the wrong answer. Knowing he wasn't prepared to believe and receive the Lord, I suggested he get into the Scriptures and read. Yet I knew that would go nowhere. I suppose that's why it didn't occur to me to get together with him to read and study the Bible. I also found his question evasive and disingenuous. He was humoring me. I was surprised to find that Jim didn't realize he asked me the identical insincere question several times. Particle – “You Have Denied My Name” One day, Marilyn and I visited my parents. Dad and I sat and talked. He reached from his chair to mine, embraced me, and passionately said, “Victor, Victor, ...
Page 11 PART FIVE – Moon River to Harvest Haven (cont.) Particle – Emptiness Within Often and for long periods of time, God has hidden Himself from His called ones, as with all the saints and prophets of old. We desire so much to walk by sight, but we need to learn to walk by faith, by the little given knowledge of the unknown, in order that we may know Him. And though He hides Himself to try us, He's always there; there's nowhere one can go from His presence. Emptiness isn't a bad sign in itself, as one might suppose. I am ill with sorrow and grief, Vexation and loneliness; My soul is filled with groanings and longings; I look in all directions; I reach out; My hand returns empty. Tears fill my soul; I cry and cry and cry; There is no one to comfort, to console, to ease my pain. Day after day, year after year, Decade after decade, I wait, I long, I cry; I heave and sigh. There is none to understand. I wait for morning; I wait for evening; I'm desolate. I eat, I sleep, I cry. Is it sin I say I don't have That causes me to be this way – Desperate, sad, lonely, unfulfilled, Useless, despised, unwanted? This is not the abundant life. Though I have my carnal needs met And freedom to come and go, I have nowhere to come and go. All is quiet, uneventful, drab, and grey. Do I complain, Or do I merely state the way things are For those appointed to such by Divine order, Not for sin, But for His purposes? I don't know. I do know I...
Page 15 PART TWO – Pentecost to Israel (cont.) Particle – A Sense of Betrayal I felt the Lord had let me down, if not betrayed me. How could I trust Him in anything? How could I believe Him? Why would He lead me on like this? Why would He not have told me plainly that David was going to die? What was wrong with me that He wouldn't talk to me? I had tried to believe what God told me over a year ago, that David was healed. I was shocked, not only with the sorrow of David's death, but also because my own spiritual condition or position was questionable now. I had declared that David would live; others had declared that he would die, and he died. They hadn't believed, while I thought I had; yet they were right, and I was wrong. Once again, I was the religious fool. Particle – Hard Realities With all the grief, my parents didn't want us to leave their place now. I feel badly that I wasn't capable of loving and comforting them. I was so hard, so judgmental and unfeeling. However, so were they, and I have learned that hard draws and needs hard. Particle – Buying for the Buried or for the Buriers? My parents asked me to help them decide what to buy for the funeral. Because everyone dearly loved David, he being that gentle, humorous, friendly soul, many would have readily done almost anything for him. What also made it so hard was that he was leaving us in his youth. Still, being the practical-minded one, I suggested they get by with minimum expenses. “Why feed an ex...