PART SEVEN – Surprise Visitors to Day 888 (cont.)
It’s said we can take ourselves too seriously. How seriously must I take myself? By human nature, I didn’t seem to have taken myself seriously. I was the clown, the drunk swinging from chandeliers, the one with all the jokes, full of every kind of foolishness. But when Jesus Christ began to take possession of me, having laid down His life to do so, I became serious – very serious.
“You know what, Victor? I don’t like the new you!” my sister contemptuously exclaimed not long after the Lord’s radical act of mercy on me. I’ve been the new “serious me” ever since.
I see where many take themselves seriously and are ridiculed for it. Comedians have a heyday with this particular foible in people. Why’s that? Some tend to have an exaggerated sense of importance and virtue. We get turned off by those who think too highly of themselves.
But God and the things of God are to be taken perfectly seriously. While I recognize I have no righteousness of my own, my seriousness is about Him. I dare not be light about Him or His calling on my life.
The vast majority of people don’t have a clue about the true faith of God. They don’t believe such a thing is true or possible. They see Christianity as merely an opinion, social stance, philosophy, religious choice, church or denominational membership, or a noble set of values at best. They really don’t believe or comprehend faith as taking up the cross of Christ – a matter of life and death.
Did the prophets of God take themselves seriously? How about Moses, Elijah, Jeremiah, Isaiah, and John the Baptist? Was Moses a happy-go-lucky kind of guy? Was John a joker? Was Paul the life of the party? Their lives were on the line at all times! Did the apostles take themselves seriously? They all died performing their duty to the One Who died for them.
Did they give people a good laugh as they were being stoned to death or burned at the stake? How about Jesus, our Supreme Example? How seriously did He take Himself? How about dead seriously? As with the Master, so with the disciple, who’s no greater than his Master.
Charlatans – unregenerate, light, popular, worldly people – tell me I take myself too seriously. Devils tell me I take myself too seriously. People who have no idea of the gravity of life and of God’s will don’t take Him seriously.
“I am hurting! I am hurting!” He cried in March 1976, calling on me to turn away from the ways and pleasures of those who thought they ought not to take themselves too seriously.
Here is what the apostle Peter said of this matter of seriousness:
“Be sensible and vigilant, because your adversary the Devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking someone he may devour; whom firmly resist in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions in the world are being completed in your brotherhood” (1 Peter 5:8-9 MKJV).
It’s Satan who doesn’t want us to take ourselves seriously with God. Why so? His desire is to destroy us.
I take myself seriously, but I must confess I haven’t done so as I ought. I’ve fought with unbelief and have lost many battles with it over the years, but by the grace of God, I will win the war, having taken God’s will and my calling very seriously. Can one ever be too serious about that?
About January 26, 1999, I received of the Lord that the ordeal that had gone on for over two years would soon come to an end.
Marilyn was very offended with me on the morning of the 28th. Lois was so insecure – always on everybody’s case over every little thing. She was so fearful. No wonder we’d said, “She loves nobody; she has no sympathy or feeling.” Last night, I had to deal with yet another of very frequent squabbles at the farm. I felt that the Lord was very grieved with the way all were conducting themselves. Given that they were supposed to be loving the Lord, their behavior was despicably shameful.
In the night of February 8-9, 1999, it came to me that they at that farm were worshipping other gods, not the Lord. In a vision, I saw devils, the size of Jonathan (he was a small age 7), running around, having a heyday with the people there.
There were many examples of Marilyn taking the lead with us:
She urged me to stay in the mutuals when I thought the Lord was telling me otherwise. In those, we bled profusely and I was sorely chastened, but came through for the better.
She was adamant that Cathie remain out when she tried to return to the farm.
She insisted that Archie must go, and Archie was exposed.
She was adamant that Paul and Kerri should leave.
She was running the farm.
She addressed Bob Fife in his error when the rest of us remained silent.
She stood up to Les and Gene when they came to attack me.
I had the vision decades ago of her guiding me.
I had the vision of her on a throne.
All were looking to her and not to me for leadership at the farm.
It was revealed to me that I needed to confess a carnal, arrogant, domineering, worldly business spirit, attitude, and conduct, which I brought with me from the executive business world of the Bay decades before (not that the Bay was to blame). This confession paved the way for removing the tormenting dreams of going back and working there.
I was also having dreams of trying to make my way through city streets with dead ends and detours, warehouses full of things like grain, junk, boxes, and so forth. Usually in the dark of night, I desperately searched for a way through or across.
I didn’t know where I was going or why. I was just trying to make it through. Often, street hoodlums waited to beat, rob, or prevent me from my destination. It was horrible confusion.
I saw Dauphin in many of them, and they seemed to be related to my newspaper delivery days and to the hospital where my parents worked and where I worked on summer holidays. I asked the Lord to cleanse me of these dreams. I thought they were all permanently gone when they ceased in 1989.
“You’re so negative,” some have said to me, particularly Barny Knelsen, Les Mills, and Gene Knorr. They refer to Paul’s words:
“Finally, my brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are right, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue and if there is any praise, think on these things” (Philippians 4:8 MKJV).
But the negative always and necessarily comes before the positive, sorrow before joy, darkness before light, night before day, labor before pay, pain before birth, death before resurrection, the cross before the crown, vanity before glory, battle before victory, submission before rulership, responsibility before authority, discipline before stewardship, stewardship before rulership, and apprenticeship before mastery.
Consider that it was in the iron furnace of bondage and oppression in Egypt that God formed the nation Israel. It was by the terrible Nazi persecution and through the Holocaust that He raised up the born-again nation of Israel in this century. Man’s history began with his Fall, followed by death, sorrow, and suffering all these millennia. After that, in due time, come resurrection, life, and fulfillment. That’s the way it is.
Those who refuse to acknowledge the negative are stunted in their growth and development; they fear reality, though they think themselves to be the most enlightened and well adjusted. The wicked refuse to pay the price. They choose the uppermost seats in gatherings, the honor and glory, being proud and not humble, wanting to be right rather than to do right.
On January 31, 1999, as I escorted Jonathan to the playground, I met Leanne (23 or 24) and her younger brother, Jeff, who was 7. Their mother had left their father, Peter, for a man she had met on the net.
I found it contemptible that a woman would leave three children (plus an older boy) and a husband for an internet liaison. The whole family was traumatized, all but the woman, whom we later met, along with her boyfriend, Chuck. At times I was tempted to say something, but it didn’t seem to be my business.
We got to visiting with their father, Peter. I discovered in years to come that Peter was about my age, and Jeff was Jonathan’s age. Peter’s birthdate was September 22nd, Jonathan’s birthdate, and Jeff’s was April 1st, my birthdate! When I learned of this remarkable coincidence, I couldn’t help but feel God had some purpose in it all. What the purpose was, we never did learn.
I recall once saying to the Lord that I wanted His perfect will so much that if it were His will that I be the anti-Christ, so be it. I didn’t realize what I was saying and didn’t know why I said it, but I did. Where did such a thought come from?
On the night of February 1-2, I realized the anti-Christ would have to steal, lie, kill, and destroy, standing against all good. I thought, “I’m willing to do that? No way! If God asks me to do it, I refuse.” Would one refuse God? I would do so because, firstly, I didn’t believe He would want or ask any such thing of me, but, secondly, if He did want it of me, I would still refuse. And I thought I was so spiritual, thinking I would do anything for Him, good or bad. No more.
I considered that because I was willing to do evil, people like Bill Welton, Glen Seeman, Aleeyta Starre, Sean Fife, and many others did evil to me, intentionally and otherwise. Sowing destruction, the destroyer must reap destruction. Lord, no more; deliver us from evil.
In the night of February 4-5, 1999, I had a strange vision and didn’t know what to make of it. I was leading a bird away by a cord that was about 8 feet long. The cord hung loose about the bird’s neck. The bird was between the size of a sparrow and a robin. It couldn’t fly; it could only walk or hop on the ground, and seemed a bit flustered.
Miyuki called, asking for prayer to receive strength to quit her job. “I’m coming to Canada,” she said, but she hadn’t followed through in obedience to the Lord, Who directed her to immediately give notice of departure at her occupation.
It became evident she wasn’t going by faith, but was trying to arrange for a replacement for her income security before stepping out. This, according to our experience, is not the way the Lord works, and I told her so. He doesn’t honor our “insurance policies.” Indeed, He hates them because they are His unwarranted competitors. We are to trust Him though we have no reasonable explanation or proof of any kind for the feasibility of His direction.
Was it Abraham or God who reserved and provided a ram as a substitute for Isaac?
I wasn’t at peace with Miyuki and came to the conclusion she didn’t have the faith to obey. She had tried to explain her intentions to unbelievers in order to pacify her employer, mother, and aunt, who would be directly affected by her actions. As they objected, she believed them and not the Lord, because their objections and thoughts “made sense,” while God’s direction apparently made no sense at all.
Was Miyuki not that bird? Hadn’t I been compelling her to follow me in faith? Was not the cord a long one, indicating we were a long distance apart? Was she not unable to fly?
When Jesus came, He was so identified with the Father and one with Him that an observer worshipping in spirit and truth could only say that Jesus was God (John 14:6-11). And He said that as the Father sent Him, so He sends us:
“Then Jesus said to them again, ‘Peace to you. As My Father has sent Me, even so I send you’” (John 20:21 MKJV).
Therefore, does it not follow that as He was recognized as God in the flesh by those who believed, people should be able to recognize His saints as Him in the flesh? Are we not His Body, as the Scriptures declare? We are as Him on earth.
“Together you are the Body of Christ. Each one of you is part of His Body” (1 Corinthians 12:27 CEV).
We must be so identified with Jesus and be so one with Him that any worshipper of God in spirit and truth could only say that we are Jesus. The Father extends Himself in and by His Son and the Son extends Himself in and by us, and therefore we’re an expression and extension of the Father (John 17:21-23). Sons become as their father, having the same spirit, nature, power, attitude, ambition, and even appearance. However, only those of God could possess discernment to witness the spiritual reality.
“By this you know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God; and every spirit that does not confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the antichrist you heard is coming, and even now is already in the world” (1 John 4:2-3 MKJV).
Our adversaries come criticizing us of controlling others. But I perceive that if I didn’t control my son, for example, he would leave his clothes and toys laying around; he would eat, go to bed, rise, and generally do as he pleased. We parents would suffer the consequences, as many do, even to the death at the hands of their own untrained, undisciplined children, which we have witnessed firsthand. It happens.
If we don’t control the lawless and unlearned, they will control us. “It’s us or them.” Shall we establish order or permit disorder? Which is of God?
When the lawless say, “You shall not control,” they’re saying, “We insist that we control how you conduct yourself.” They don’t question control per se, only who does the controlling and the methods used.
“You’re not going to tell me what to do” is the manifesto of devils, but they don’t hesitate for a moment to exercise control over others.
Didn’t Jesus Christ, the Servant of mankind, tell His disciples what to do? He constantly did so and never did they tell Him, their Master, what to do, unless they were wrong. And if they were wrong, they wouldn’t be His “disciples” (disciplined ones), would they?
Furthermore, the issue of control isn’t in the act, but in the motive. Those with desire to do what is right have no problem doing as they’re told or telling others what to do for the right reasons and with right motive and spirit. Order is the order of the day. God is not a God of confusion, but of order. Order requires law, law requires implementation, and implementation requires communication.
To be effective, commandments must have teeth. “Don’t tell me what to do,” gives the lawless one his way if the commander stops at the rebel refusal, hence, the absolute need for control if there is to be order.
But comes the Day of Perfection when all will be doing and speaking right because they WANT to.
In the night of February 8/9, it came to me that they at that farm were worshipping other gods and not the Lord. I saw devils, the size of Jonathan (he is a small 7), with same proportional bodies, only “adult,” running around, having a heyday with the people there.
On February 11, 1999, while in prayer before supper at the farm, Jonathan saw a cowboy on an animated wooden horse galloping across a dry desolate terrain, desert-like, except that it had dead trees all around, with trunks pointing upward. The cowboy was twirling a lasso overhead and singing, “Yi yo, yi yo,” or something to that effect. Jonathan felt that Sean was that cowboy.
On February 13th, Marilyn had a vision that those in our community were to be an open book to all – nothing hidden.
I received that they were to be in constant prayer and confession of sin, and the Lord would do what needed to be done, fighting their battles, providing, guiding – everything.
On February 14th, Marilyn wanted the three of us to talk. Sean was in his usual state of troubled spirit, and this time I declined Marilyn’s request because I just didn’t feel like listening to their expressions of feelings for each other.
On February 14th, Lois had a vision wherein she saw Marilyn and me walking down a road at a fast pace, with determination, together, yet with space between us, and then we walked away from one another in opposite directions, smiling at each other; I went left and she went right. When separating, we were both happy.
We had been in touch with Jason Benson on a rather regular basis, hoping we could be there for him. In a phone call or letter, he let us know that he chose Lee as a cellmate at Drumheller Penitentiary. Lee was his friend and partner in crime who had helped Jason kill his father. Seeing he made his choice, which indicated to us his propensity towards evil, we decided there was no more to say or do with him for the time and let him know so. Contact was terminated.
Then his colors came out and he wrote a highly vicious letter to his mother, accusing her of all manner of evil out of his imaginations and bitterness. All his smiles and apparent attentiveness to what we were saying were pretense.
Particle – Jonathan’s Prophecy: One Should Not Be There
On February 18th at 10:50 AM, Jonathan came to me, saying, “I just had a prophecy, I think. ‘There’s one that shouldn’t be there.’” He didn’t know what it was all about.
In February of 1999, I had a vision wherein I saw that I had a sword run through the center of my body, sticking out the back. It had been there all my life, it seemed, perhaps particularly my Christian life…not sure. It was soon to be withdrawn and my pain would be gone. The end of death? The end of the forces of Satan buffeting me? My marriage?
It was fulfilled, because the sword and pain are now gone.
Particle – Is God with Me or Not?
To my shame, there’s no question I’ve asked far too frequently, “Is God with me or not?” The Israelites asked that question of unbelief and were immediately attacked by the Amalekites (Exodus 17:7-8). I’ve been forced to do battle with the Amalekites countless times. That is no question for any Christian pilgrim to be entertaining unless he wants to tangle with the forces of darkness.
I’ve asked this question particularly when having to say hard things to people, the most recent ones being the Mills, Knorrs, Ogdens, and Knelsens. “Is it Christian of me to talk this way? Is this love? They certainly don’t think so. Would Jesus do this? Am I not judging unrighteously? Am I seeing right, and even if I am, should I be saying anything? Don’t I have plenty of fault myself?” Those are all forms of the question, “Is God with me or not?”
Now I said, “Let others question whether the Lord is with them, especially when I’ve said He isn’t.” The Lord told me He would show me His people through His eyes and He has. What a horribly ugly sight! No wonder Jesus is described by Isaiah as a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. Man’s condition grieves Him deeply. Yet they think they’re spiritually beautiful, and that makes them so much uglier. I’ve had to tell them so, but they don’t believe me and refuse to consider.
Suffering their angry reactions to what I say, and believing their denials of guilt, has frequently brought me doubts, but I’ve decided to believe God rather than men. Then I have peace, despite what I see.
Particle – I See What I See
The Lord has told me to be what I am and to believe what I see. I ought not pretend I don’t see or feel these things. I know I now desire goodness, fairness, prosperity, peace, and joy for those people. I know they’re in wickedness. And, if I could only remember how blind I once was to people, I must consider that I see what I see only because the Lord has given me grace to see. As He said, “I am hurting! I am hurting! I will show you My people through My eyes!” It’s a painful thing to witness indeed, but I must see it and tell it like it is.
Still troubled by the way I wrote to those people, I spent time seeking the Lord. He brought this forth to me:
“With you I can attack a line of soldiers. With my God I can break through barricades. God’s way is perfect! The promise of the LORD has proven to be true. He is a shield to all those who take refuge in Him” (Psalms 18:29-30 GW).
I also recalled: “He teaches my hands to war, so that a bow of bronze is bent by my arms” (Psalms 18:34 MKJV).
With those words, I was led to: “Blessed be the Lord my God, Who teaches my hands to fight, and my fingers to war” (Psalms 144:1 DRB).
“Put out Your hand from on high; make me free, take me safely out of the great waters, and out of the hands of strange men; in whose mouths are false words, and whose right hand is a right hand of deceit” (Psalms 144:7-8 BBE).
Strong’s Concordance defines the word “strange” in verse 7:
H5236 – foreign, heathendom, alien
H5234 – to scrutinize, look intently at (with recognition implied), to acknowledge, be acquainted with, care for, respect, revere, or (with suspicion implied), to disregard, ignore, be strange toward, reject, resign, dissimulate….
I fought these people in my vision with my hands; I was full of strength and I found them strange, having to scrutinize them.
A “troop” or “line of soldiers,” as the God’s Word translation puts it in 18:29, is a group of armed persons in some kind of order or formation. In the vision, I had to run through the formation of a line of soldiers.
Yes, the Lord showed me with whom I was dealing and I had nothing to regret whatsoever. The vision was fulfilled to His honor, glory, and praise. It came to me that those six were the children of Bosor (Moabitish origin – of incest or illegitimate origin).
H2114 – to turn aside (as in 2 Peter 2), to be a foreigner, strange, profane, specifically to commit adultery.
“…which have forsaken the right way, and are gone astray, following the way of Balaam the son of Bosor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness…” (2 Peter 2:15 KJV)
Adulterers and adulteresses they were, with all deceivableness of unrighteousness, having a form of godliness but denying His Resurrection Power.
Around February 25, 1999, Lois had a vision of me sitting on our loveseat. The Lord said, “Come, it’s time.” My reaction was, “So quick? That’s it? But there are things left undone!” It didn’t matter… those things didn’t matter.
A flood of thoughts of understanding began to come to me. I was taken to one level where there were many people. “Not here… higher,” I was told.
Coming to a second level, with fewer people, I was told the same.
At a third level with very few, again, I was told the same, until I was brought to a fourth level where there were no people, but a throne on which I was to sit and rule. I had understanding of many things that caused me to realize why things were, how and what they were, and that all was designed and ordained.
Without understanding, one would fight and resist these things or try to change them somehow. The levels were levels of understanding, but also of authority. They were also dimensions. The fourth was imminent.
Archie had many grievances with me. I considered that I had been cruel and merciless to him and his family, without consideration or understanding, as with all people, albeit unintentionally. I decided that I wanted to address those issues as much as I was able.
When I called to get Archie’s fax number, he answered. I felt and believed I wouldn’t be able to talk to him directly, so I simply asked him if he was willing to accept a fax from me right away. He consented. My faxed letter to him on the 26th of February 1999:
Archie, I know that you have grievances with me, legitimate or not. I’d like to know what they are, if there are any legitimate ones, and to address them if you’re willing.
Let me know what they are and what I could do about them to your satisfaction, reasonable, that is, if possible.
If you mentioned any of them before and got nowhere, try now and I will consider from there what to do. Please be clear and specific. I’m not asking you for anything else at this point. Victor
It was some time before I heard back from him.
There were several things I found quite desirable of the Mills and the Knorrs. For years, I had been longing for fellowship with married couples, as we were married. All our Christian years, we hadn’t had that privilege. We were lonely that way.
I desired that we could have fellowship with more people our age, which the Knorrs and Mills were.
I appreciated that the Knorrs and Mills were regular, down-to-earth, country-type folk. I had always had a liking and comfortability with such.
They had skills I appreciated and which I knew we could use – some very much so.
Gene was a carpenter, and a good one at that.
Les was a cattleman; we had cattle he could advise us about; we knew so little.
Vicky was a wildlife artist and a very good one, I was told. I was hoping to receive art from her.
Penny played the guitar; it was good to have someone else into music.
They also had some inclination toward organic foods.
Doctrinally, these people believed in the restitution of all things, an important doctrine but not a common one among believers. They believed in the baptism of the Holy Spirit and the gifts, another uncommon element among evangelicals.
They had brought us writings of some prominent Christian authors like Preston Eby and others. They even brought me Eby’s writing, “The Man of Sin,” which was precisely in agreement with what the Lord was revealing to me at that time – a marvelous coincidence.
They took an interest in what I had to say and were eager to talk about the things of God and revelation from Him. They looked forward to the fulfillment of the Feast of Tabernacles, a matter the Lord was also impressing upon me at that time.
They were out of the church systems – again, a precious commonality to be desired.
They were seeking fellowship, as were we, and they seemed to understand some of my trial with Marilyn and Sean. Personality-wise, I very much appreciated, indeed enjoyed, every one of them, even the Ogdens and Barny Knelsen. And there were several of them, leading me to believe that the Lord was finally breaking things open for us.
It seemed like it could have been a dream come true. There was so very much desirable with them for me. I’ve little doubt many people would have been willing to sacrifice or compromise much for such benefits.
Yet, I instinctively knew I had to recognize their spiritual conditions and forsake their tempting benefits. I had to trash my desires and speak for their sakes, though I also instinctively knew (as well as by experience) that they would walk away from me, hating what I would say. I was hoping it would be different with them than with so many others, but I resigned myself to the worst.
March 1, 1999 had now come. It was Day 888 from the day of Marilyn’s prophecy on September 24, 1996. On Day 666, Sean visited me in my home and I labored with him on the prophecy, trying to tell him that I wouldn’t be dying and that what he and Marilyn were doing was wrong. He didn’t believe me. On Day 777, which was November 10th, I was finished with the prophecy, though I recognized it wasn’t yet quite finished with me.
On March 2nd, I couldn’t shake what I felt, heard, and found within, that the Lord’s work was finished, though I had willingly accepted and believed all that was contrary to what I felt within. I was to wait on the Lord only, not on death or on prophecy fulfillment or on sensational change within or without.
The Lord brought the synagogue of Satan, the battle raged, and now they were gone. We were going from mission to mission, duty to duty, glory to glory, step by step.
I kept hearing, “What are you waiting for? It’s done! Believe! Get on with life. Do whatever is required of you, of whatever nature.”
When I shared this with Marilyn, she was sorely distressed, agitated, frustrated, offended, and angry. Why did I even bother to tell her these things?
END OF PART VII
COMING NEXT: PART VIII – DAY 888 TO VICTORY
Believe it – the next Part contains marvelous events you’re sure to appreciate.
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Page 11 PART TWO – Pentecost to Israel (cont.) Particle – The Patrick Connection and Odyssey Our time was coming to an end at Branion Drive. Fred and Joyce Meiers were returning to claim their house, so we had to find another place. The only problem was we had no money, or work to earn money, to afford a home. When they returned, they thought it irresponsible of me not to be working. As members of the Alliance Church, they were also in disagreement with our walk in the Spirit, thinking it foolishness. I couldn't blame them for their judgment according to appearance. The problem is the appearance seldom reveals the reality of things. Meanwhile, Dave Loewen had made mention of two men who were pastoring a thriving, though controversial, independent Charismatic church in Saskatoon, called Mount Zion Christian Center, and suggested we get in touch with them, so we did. They in turn told us of a couple living in Prince Albert, Mickey and Lynn Patrick, suggesting we get in touch with them, so we did. Particle – A Fist in the Air We invited Mickey and Lynn over one evening, and we had a time of sharing and singing. I recall Mickey, with his eyes closed, raising his fists into the air while we were praising the Lord, as though locked in a trap of pride and rebellion. I thought it not a good sign. Nevertheless, we decided to get together again. Because they had a toddler, Rena, it was more convenient for them to meet in their home, which we did from then on. It soon ...
Date: Fri, 12 Sep 2003 14:16:49 -0600 Subject: Re: Harvest Haven Herald, Issue # 3, The Unabridged Version 🙂 From: Karen & John Davies To: "T. Benson" My reasons for subscribing to your newsletter was to find out when the strawberries were ready, not to read your position on gay marriages. Please take me off of your subscription list as of now. Thank you for your attention to this matter, Karen Davies Greetings in the Lord Jesus Christ, Karen! I know that you do not believe in the Lord Jesus Christ but I greet you in His Name because I do believe in Him, seeing He has revealed Himself to me and shown me His great love for me, and for you. I know that you do not believe in Him, even if you claimed otherwise, because you would not and could not take the stance you do if you did truly believe in Him. I also believe that He is the Issue here in our little conflict. I was quite surprised that for four or five words of something expressed contrary to your opinion, you were offended and quite willing to cast away five pages of information that could be of value to you and to others. It must be very difficult for you to live in a world of diverse opinions, as though you were the only one entitled to have one, and to try to shelter yourself from any communications that bear mere traces of anything contrary. That is a sad state indeed. What is perhaps worse is that you take a decisive stand against the One Who cr...
Page 13 PART FIVE – Moon River to Harvest Haven (cont.) Particle – Husbands Set Apart for Children I recall how Howard Benson remarked that when their first child was born, Howard felt neglected, if not abandoned, by Lois. Consequently, he said, he went and found other ways to occupy and fulfill himself, apart from his wife. I recall Jim Puls confessing in the 70's he was miserably depressed. I believe it was at a time when he and Ilene just had their first child. After many years, I realized the depression I had been feeling since Jonathan was born was due to a major portion of Marilyn's attention transferred from me to the one who needed and deserved it so much more. I didn't realize what was happening at the time. Had someone explained it to me and I understood, I think I would have found it significantly easier to cope with. But then, perhaps the poems I wrote a month after his birth might not have been written and wouldn't be serving others. (I don't believe they only expressed my feelings about what was happening in that situation, but how our lives were in our spiritual pilgrimage.) Particle – Consummate Inventor of the Wheel I often wonder why I've had to learn many things the hard way, re-inventing the wheel again and again. Where were the parents and grandparents, the teachers and counselors who could have helped me so much? There were none. Why didn't God provide them? Particle – Jonathan Falls Jonathan was just over a year old when he climbe...