PART SEVEN – Surprise Visitors to Day 888 (cont.)
Lois often spoke of Marilyn giggling with Sean. Given the circumstances, only an evil woman could conduct herself so. Marilyn said she prayed and asked the Lord if she was in adultery. She said He said, “No.” Yet both had their sexual thoughts and several fantasies, he looking on her with lust and she on him. Sean called recently, wanting to take Marilyn to the farm. He said the Lord said to him, “I give her to you, naked. Don’t be ashamed.” He said it was a reversal of Adam and Eve in the garden where they were naked, ashamed, and God covered them.
I prayed, asking, “Lord, show me the truth of this whole situation.” Now here it came. I knew the Lord wanted to show me, even as I began to ask, and I said, “Lord, now You want to show me, don’t You?” But Marilyn would still not believe, nor would she until it was all accomplished.
If God was sending strong delusion (2 Thessalonians 2:11), what else would Marilyn hear? What else would she want to hear? In her hopes and passion for Sean, did she want to hear that she was an adulteress? We can only hear from God when we’re unbiased, prepared to accept whatever He wills. She heard from the man of sin in her, who spoke as God. Scrap altogether what the Lord Jesus or I have had to say. That would be legalism – bondage – sentimentality!
When the Lord was finished with Marilyn and Sean, then would all contention and strife cease; then would people desire to come; then would there be peace and joy; then would we rest as when a painful thorn has been finally removed at long last. And the Lord would recall His sheep, which the wolf scattered when He struck the shepherd.
There must come a time when the Lord opens Marilyn’s eyes and she vomits out that which has made her ill. Suddenly aware, she would be ashamed and utterly repentant of how she has been and what she has done.
Then will I be required to take back a defiled wife. Often this is out of the question for man, at least a very unpleasant task, if not an impossibility. How could I? It could only happen if I died, no longer being the husband she had; then she would no longer be the wife I had, and all this by the grace and goodness of God Almighty.
Satan serves the purposes of God on the dark side, which side is every bit as necessary as the light. Not only saints, but all men do the will of God even as did Ishmael, Esau, Joseph’s brothers, Jannes and Jambres, Pharaoh, Balaam, Absalom, Rehoboam, Nebuchadnezzar, the Sabeans, Genghis Khan, Judas, the Romans, Muhammad, Hitler, Marx, Stalin, Obama… every one of them, parallel with those whom God has chosen as His vessels of honor.
Signs and lying wonders are performed by the man of sin, this evil one, this first Adam who was created in the image of God, who is called a son of God, and who has latent powers of God. But all these things must be, and the deception will be so powerful the elect themselves would be stumped for a time, as we have been.
“Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders…”
“And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness…” appearing as righteous….
“Because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved” (2 Thessalonians 2:9-10).
What truth? The Law of God, the testimony of the Scriptures such as, “Husbands love your wives,” “Wives, submit to your husbands,” “If a man even look at a woman with lust,” “Women are to be silent in the churches….”
Marilyn ran everything – not only did she not ask her husband at home but told him abroad (1 Corinthians 14:35) and, in all hypocrisy, praised and trashed me at the same time.
We were sent strong delusion that we should believe a lie, so that the man of sin, the son of perdition within, who doesn’t love the truth, would be exposed and finally done away with.
What was now happening looked like destruction, and it was, but truly, it was medicine and healing in disguise. Evil was being destroyed. That is why God couldn’t tell us anything. The left hand mustn’t know what the right hand does, as Jesus admonished. The strong man mustn’t be warned before his house is broken into; else he would be ready to avoid loss. If God had stood in the Garden, Eve would not have fallen to temptation. But so it had to be, and so for us.
I often wondered how it was I couldn’t see or understand what the Lord was doing, seeing how the Scripture says God does nothing but that He shows it to His prophets. While at first, I didn’t see these things, yet the Lord long ago showed me. As I expressed them and wasn’t believed, I myself didn’t believe, but He has shown me what He’s doing, why He’s doing it, and what the outcome will be, at least in part. And it’s all so necessary and good. The Lord is delivering our souls.
Marilyn thought Lois had a problem of putting me on a pedestal. Speak of a beam in one’s eye!
Kerri was given the gift of seeing subtle things, as prophesied. She saw Sean’s subtlety, the subtle beast – the serpent in the garden. But Kerri wouldn’t listen to me or to anyone else; she fought and consequently left us no choice but to expel her. Fine to have knowledge and revelation, but what one does with it is what is important:
“And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:2 ESV).
On January 4, 1999, while in prayer, Lois had a vision of Marilyn standing with arms raised to the sky. From behind her came flying a large white bird. Marilyn was turned in the opposite direction, away from the bird to a dark valley immediately before her. She had an expression of peace, resignation, and determination to go into and through the valley as a necessity. At the other end of this valley was a bright light.
On January 5, 1999, Marilyn and I had another horrible battle. I was struggling with Sean, with the situation, with recent neck pains that wouldn’t go away, with rejection, with nothing to have or to do, with doubts, and with my body weight.
Marilyn was so utterly embittered. She laid the blame for everything squarely at my feet and I didn’t care if she was wrong – let her be right about that – likely was; I really didn’t know. Would God not bring to conclusion this hell into which He had cast us? “Lord, where are You? When will You come and deliver us from ourselves, from me?”
On the night of January 6-7, 1999, I saw Sean was holding us hostage; he was the main culprit in all the divisions between us. I’d seen the same before at various times. That morning Marilyn awoke wanting to talk and said she was very angry with Sean because he had gone out doing as it pleased him once again. This was in spite of talking to him and always, always trying to help him.
He was incorrigible. He said he loved Marilyn and Jonathan and wanted to do what was right, but he was a liar. I also recognized that while he talked of being and doing right, the fruits weren’t there. Yet Marilyn, Lois, Trevor, Mark, and Paul, with all their problems, faults, and weaknesses, seemed to have at least a touch of faith or care, though they didn’t talk about it.
Lois prophesied to Marilyn that she was helping Sean, but he didn’t deserve it. I agreed with that and believed my prophecies concerning Marilyn and Sean. (See Prophecies for Individuals and A Word Concerning Sean.)
On January 7, 1999, Lois had a vision of a wineskin at the end of its supply, dregs at the bottom, and she thought of me. I recall her telling me about it, and I knew it pertained to me.
Of these people, I saw these Scriptures fulfilled:
“For certain men crept in secretly, those having been of old previously written into this condemnation, ungodly ones perverting the grace of our God for unbridled lust, and denying the only Master, God, even our Lord Jesus Christ” (Jude 1:4 MKJV).
“In the same way these dreamers make the flesh unclean, having no respect for authorities, and say evil of rulers” (Jude 1:8 BBE).
“But these speak blasphemously of those things which they do not know; but what they do know naturally, like unreasoning animals, they are destroyed by these things. Woe to them! For they have gone in the way of Cain, and in the error of Balaam they have rushed for profit, and have perished in the rebellion of Korah. These are stains in your love feasts, while they feast with you without fear, caring for themselves, they are waterless clouds being carried along by winds; late autumn trees unfruitful, twice having died, having been uprooted, raging waves on the sea, casting up the foam of their own shame; wandering stars for whom the darkness of the netherworld has been reserved forever” (Jude 1:10-13 EMTV).
They were indeed a self-righteous, presumptuous, arrogant, stiffnecked, light, and rebellious bunch.
I much pondered matters of Law and Grace and their place. Gene accused me of representing Law that is no longer in force as it was with and by Moses, yet Moses and Elijah both appeared on the mount of transfiguration with Jesus. Elijah was there on the mount with, and not instead of, Moses. Oh, how those who hate the Law of God argue and contradict themselves!
There are three main Feasts God gave to Israel, each representing a spiritual experiential stage in the life of the believer. These are Passover, Pentecost, and Tabernacles, representing repentance, receiving the Spirit, and sanctification – the entrance into rest or Christ coming and establishing Himself finally in the believer who has matured in Him – it is the overcoming spoken of to the churches in Revelation.
I’ve never heard of anyone laying hands on someone in prayer that they might receive repentance. I’ve never heard of anyone being rightly prayed for with the laying on of hands in order to enter into rest. (I have, however, seen it once informally taught and practised in 1975 by Steve and Ilene Rudd of the Northern Canadian Evangelical Mission in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan. I believe they received this teaching at a Bible college in the US.) It is a false teaching because the third Feast is all about overcoming, and one doesn’t overcome by being prayed for.
The two events of repentance and sanctification are represented by the first Feast, Passover, held in the first month of the year by God’s designation, and by the third Feast, Tabernacles, held in the seventh month. However, with the second Feast, Pentecost, held in the third month, often (not always) people are prayed for to receive the Spirit of God, and the prayer includes the laying on of hands that the Holy Spirit might be imparted. For examples, Ananias in Damascus laid hands on Saul to receive his sight and the Holy Spirit (Acts 9) and Paul laid hands on the Ephesian disciples to receive the Holy Spirit (Acts 19).
A parallel to these three Feasts is the arrangement of the Tabernacle of Moses, of which there were three parts. The outer court had natural light, the Holy Place had candlelight, and the Holy of Holies had no light at all, God being the Light.
As one having received the gift of repentance, I still thought and understood naturally. As ones having received the Spirit, we had a light that often comes by the laying on of hands (in our case, however, nobody laid hands on us as with those at Pentecost in the upper room and Cornelius and the Gentiles, for examples). Candles are a light that comes by the “laying on of hands,” that is, a work by the agency of man.
But entering rest means that God is the Light. We no longer go by reasoning or by any effort on our part. Now we rest; there is no sun in the city of God, for God is the Light:
“And night shall not exist. And there shall not be a need of a lamp and of light, because the Lord God shall illuminate them. And they shall reign forever and ever” (Revelation 22:5 EMTV).
There is no light in the Holy of Holies because God is there, giving a light that passes all understanding, not at all discerned by the carnal man, who continues to reside in darkness.
Contrary to those who say otherwise, we do not dispense with the Law of God now that we have tasted His grace. Neither would we remove it simply because it doesn’t change human nature. God’s Law is ever legitimate for the following purposes:
to represent the nature of God;
to constrain the lawless; and
to expose lawlessness.
By the Law, I know my sin. Without the Law, I’m ignorant of my need before God. By His Law, I’m acquainted with God’s character. I discover that He’s so high above me and that I can never have fellowship with Him until I’m like Him. But the part men hate most and fight tooth and nail against concerning the Law is that the Law operates as a restraining force until man comes to have his change of nature, whereby he is no longer lawless. The Law of itself changes nobody, but it must be present as a tutor until that change comes.
Galatians 3:21-25 HNV
(21) Is the Law then against the promises of God? Certainly not! For if there had been a law given which could make alive, most certainly righteousness would have been of the Law.
(22) But the Scriptures imprisoned all things under sin, that the promise by faith in Yeshua the Messiah might be given to those who believe.
(23) But before faith came, we were kept in custody under the Law, confined for the faith which should afterwards be revealed.
(24) So that the Law has become our tutor to bring us to Messiah, that we might be justified by faith.
(25) But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor.
In the night of January 13-14, 1999, Trevor dreamt that both Law and Grace went forth from me in accordance to where people were coming from and what was needed. Also, he received that it would not be much longer that I would have to deal out the Law to them.
How clever Satan is in shutting the mouths of those who know the Truth! A common notion among evangelical Christians is that they must be gentle and quiet, without speaking anything that might create strife or tension. That is why, for example, nobody dares make a peep in “church services.” All is kept formal and proper, with a pretentious decorum that stifles all reality.
Often have I had the secret, if not open, notion that I am not to argue (though I could seldom prevent myself) or take a stand on matters, lest I should upset someone and make people uncomfortable. Often I’ve seen people shrink away sheepishly or fearfully when I bring up or respond to controversial issues, especially publicly.
But the Lord has demonstrated good things to me when I have spoken up. I’ve seen people liberated and thankful. He has shown me that I’m not laying down my life as a Christian by being “meek,” respectful, polite, diplomatic, politically correct, uncontroversial, and quiet. On the contrary, I’m keeping my life; I’m saving my skin.
I lay down my life for His sake by “shouting from the housetops” that which He has spoken in my ear. I endanger myself socially, economically, and in other ways when I speak the Truth. The world hates the Truth. The Devil hates the Truth; the prince of darkness hates the Light because it exposes him, and if I speak the Truth, his world is upset.
By speaking up, I rock the boat and make waves. It costs to do that. They will throw me out of the boat, even if the waters are shark-infested and I’m miles from shore.
Shall I speak the naked, direct Truth to those who need to hear hard things? I’ve debated that so many times, with some fear, and now I debated it again because I was working on yet another letter to send to the Mills and the Knorrs, a hard one – likely the hardest of all. I saw their wickedness and corruption, and I couldn’t help but speak.
Dated January 17, 1999, I had Sean deliver the six-page letter into Gene’s hand at the farm (Gene was working there). So that I could talk to them directly, it was given them in a sealed envelope with the request that they not open it until we were to meet.
They paid no attention to my request, belligerently opening it on the way to our place and proudly declaring so. Did this very act not prove the veracity of the contents of the letter?
Marilyn was home and stood with me when meeting them. I was surprised that we were standing together on anything at this time. I concluded that they were a threat to her, seeing they had confronted her on Sean. So even I was acceptable as an ally to her when standing against her perceived enemies.
In the letter, I sharply rebuked the Knorrs and Mills, directly telling them they were the “synagogue of Satan,” as the Lord had told me months before. Still, when they came over to talk, it seemed to me I was quite meek and passive with them in person for the first while; I had little to say. However, after some attacks and absurdities from them, I stood up. Marilyn said to them that she stood with me in what I had to say to them. Three and a half hours later, they left.
That night, I came to realize that the vision came to pass with Les and Gene.
Jonathan had a prophecy, saying, “Dad, those boulders shaking are Satan.”
Masa, Sam, and other Japanese fellows were operating a grain farm they were renting from Joe and Mary Slovak, organic farmer acquaintances of ours living near Wrentham, AB. The Japanese were working for Shinji Shumeikai of America. We became acquainted with them at farmer’s markets and in some more personal and direct dealings. When I saw their leaflet outlining their beliefs and spiritual stance, I was moved to respond with a four-page paper, addressing many of the errors expressed in their literature and declaring to them the Lord Jesus Christ.
I gave them my paper, asking Mark to translate it for them. They paid little, if any, attention to it, partially because they didn’t seem to recognize the implications of working for an organization they knew little of and didn’t really care to know.
I wondered if they wouldn’t experience wrath from the Lord for their association with an organization that was plainly religious and anti-Christ. They were warned, they would suffer, and we would see it happen.
After the battle with Gene and Les, and Marilyn’s standing with me in it, I realized I hadn’t been much of a support and protector on her behalf throughout our marriage. I was incapable; it was foreign to me; I was oblivious to such a thing. We had always talked of how she never stood with me, and while that may have been true, I was also never there for her, or for anyone else for that matter. She was often on her own in battles and struggles. I hoped I would be far more considerate and dutiful to her in that respect.
For a number of weeks, I’d been having dreams of working at the Bay or going back to work there – a nightmare. It’s peculiar how we can have these kinds of dreams and somehow not fully realize it consciously. But as I was becoming aware of them, I asked the Lord to remove them, encouraged by past experience that my awareness of them was a token that they were on the way out.
I don’t recall when this happened, but it happened. I was putting out the daily birdfeed and finding close to 200 house sparrows coming and devouring it. On cold days, I could go through as much as 4 kg of birdseed (8 or 9 lbs.) every day. Not only were the house sparrows voraciously feeding, they were chasing away more timid varieties of birds, like chickadees, nuthatches, and a few species of real sparrows.
I decided to take my BB gun and shoot some house sparrows to discourage them from taking over the tray feeders – a silly thought, I know. So I shot one, it landed on the gravel just below a little bush, and I went to fetch and dispose of it.
As I reached down to pick up the lifeless body, a real sparrow sat almost directly above it on a branch of that bush facing me (I don’t recall what variety it was). How strange that was! Normally, it would have been long gone at my approach, but no, it sat there quiet and sad, not moving, wiping its bill on the branch, presumably from feeding. I wasn’t more than three or four feet from it, and the bleeding body of the dead house sparrow was almost directly below it.
Then it spoke. “Why did you do that? You put out the feed for them (house sparrows), they trust and depend on you for the food, and then you kill them. Why? Why did you do that?”
It didn’t scold; it was just sad, almost crying. There was nothing wrong with it otherwise. Having spoken, it flew away. I was shocked and so ashamed. I picked up the body of the house sparrow and took it away. I never shot another sparrow since, and to this day, my treachery towards those birds has bothered me.
Did the bird speak to me in an audible voice? No, but it spoke loud and clear by its spirit, or God spoke by it, even as an ass spoke and rebuked Balaam, though in that case, it was an audible voice. I confessed my fault to God, sorrowfully apologized, and determined I would never do such a thing again.
Particle – Idolatry Comes in Good Forms
Isn’t it true that much idolatry focuses on certain positive attributes that can be found in God? Look at Shinji Shumeikai, for example. They praise the virtues of honesty, sincerity, and truth and promote organic agriculture.
Many professing faith in Christ worship the Bible and even worship worship itself, both of which are good in themselves.
Perhaps the most deceptive of all is to worship the historical Christ, thus missing out on the Living, Present Christ, which is what true worship of God is all about. Idolatry can be deceptive and insidious.
How many times have we heard, “Nobody’s perfect!”? But who are they that say so? That’s the question. And here’s the answer: It’s said by those who don’t recognize Jesus Christ for Who He is, the Present Savior from imperfection. One of the problems is that the nature and application of perfection are misunderstood. There is no perfection of the flesh. It is a moot point to say, concerning the flesh, “Nobody is perfect and never will be in this life.” That’s like saying, “Pigs don’t fly and never will.” Perfection in Christ has nothing to do with the carnal man, who resents the very thought of it.
The apostle John wrote:
“Everyone who has been born of God does not commit sin, because His seed remains in him, and he cannot sin, because he has been born of God” (1 John 3:9 MKJV).
What is John saying? Almost anyone professing faith in Christ and reading the Bible will insist that we are all sinners who cannot help but sin and that we never will stop sinning until after this life. They quote the “giant” Christian, the apostle Paul, who said, “I am the chiefest of sinners,” and use him as an apparently ideal excuse for their own sins.
Never mind that they don’t try to reach the height of virtue that Paul tried to achieve; never mind that he was not going around hopping into bed with other men’s wives; never mind that he charged or solicited nothing for his ministry; never mind that he preached Christ openly and forcefully everywhere he went, literally laying down his life that we might have the Truth. They ignore all those things, take some isolated words, and distort their meaning to justify their wickedness.
The Lord revealed to me that the perfection of which Paul, John, and God speak are in the inner man, in his spirit and motive. That man is one in Christ, is like Christ, and will not, indeed, cannot sin. As we believe and obey, we grow. As we grow, the spiritual man takes control and Christ is finally manifest.
Perfection in this world is not in the flesh and never will be until the resurrection of the body. Perfection is in the motive, which motive is formed in Christ, beginning at the new birth. Those who say, as an excuse or self-justification, “Nobody’s perfect,” have not known the Lord or are, in the very least, in deep need of correction.
Months before, the Lord gave me the revelation that it has been women and not men who have reigned, the ordained order being reversed since the beginning of time because of what is known as the “original sin.” Today, in the end of times, feminism is in fruition and is the crowning glory of authority usurped, of rebellion at the roots – in family and general society.
Marilyn was running the farm while I was at home. Why was this? Was it good? Ultimately, I say it was not. I believe that’s the way it was for now because the Lord was teaching us personally this truth of order and authority, which applied to the whole world. Why was He doing so? Upon us was laid the responsibility to teach others in this Day of the Lord, in which all is coming to a climax.
If we were honest with ourselves, we’d look and see that it’s rare, especially in “Christian” circles, that men are the head. Almost invariably, women wield their subtle powers (often not subtle at all) and run the household. If they’re the weaker vessel, as the Bible says, it is in body only, not in mind and spirit. Even in body, while they’re unable, on average, to exert strength equal to men, they’re often able to endure pain and hardship unlike men.
But when I see working women, particularly in business, I see hardness. It is etched on their faces and expressed in their countenances, spirits, and attitudes. I see them hurting. I saw this with Marilyn.
Les Mills once asked me, “Why do you have to be all right or all wrong? Why can’t there be a mixture? None of us is perfect; we’re all learning. There’s something wrong with you when you can’t be wrong on some things unless you’re all wrong.”
Perhaps Les was right that there was something wrong with me, for who has heard of any man being all right? We’ve had tyrants like popes and some national leaders like Hitler, Mussolini, and Mao Tse Tung claiming to be all right, only to find they were crazed, power-hungry souls seeking their own glory and being horribly wrong. Do we not know? Haven’t we learned that Jesus is the Only One Who, as a man, was all right? And even He, the Bible says, learned obedience by the things He suffered.
But is there not an all-rightness in the Lord by virtue of a calling on one’s life in Christ, such as He placed upon me? He even called me His Sabbath, which is represented by the number seven, which stands for completeness. How is one complete without perfection or perfect without completion? If we speak of completeness, aren’t we speaking of His work and not ours? If He has completed His work, is it not perfect? My first dream from God showed me walking with the Lord in perfection, and Lois had several visions of me as a perfected spiritual man.
Yes, I am a man and not God, with infirmities and with a record of having failure, loss, self-service, bitterness, and more. That is the carnal man, the first Adam. But the Lord has done a work, creating a Sabbath of me, wherein He manifests Himself to the world. It is the Day of the Lord in me, and in the day of His wrath and judgment, there is no wrong, as unpleasant and disagreeable as this may seem to the earthy men of sin, who have usurped His world in His Name.
Yet it appears there is and must be wrong (even as He appeared to be born from fornication) because He comes with clouds, as a thief, without recognition or comprehension. He comes to judge, and the son of perdition can’t stand in the judgment, no matter how righteous or innocent he deems himself to be.
The man of sin is indignant when confronted and exposed. After all, hasn’t he been “godly”? Has he not prophesied, cast out devils, taught in the streets, helped many, done many great and wonderful works, even miracles? Has he not received and imparted many revelations to others? Has he not preached the Word of God and sown the seed far and wide? Has he not “converted souls to Christ”? Has he not sacrificed his worldly goods, time, energies, even his family and very life for God?
How dare anyone even suspect, never mind question or suggest, least of all assert, that the first Adam, the man of sin, is wicked and unacceptable to God?
I’m sent of the Lord, having been prepared of Him, to execute His judgment on the man of sin in all in this day. I sit with the Lord on the throne, wielding His rod and scepter. The judgment stands and no man can overturn or escape it. I am all right in Him, not of myself at all, but all in Him.
I must be faithful to Him and make known to the religious in no uncertain terms that unless their righteousness exceeds that of the Pharisees, they will in no way enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
In the night of January 22-23, 1999, I received a message from the Lord, a realization of a great truth to bring any through who believe and walk in this revelation:
If we accept our lot in life, no matter what it is, we have victory; we have reached that long-sought-after summit. While we envy others or emulate them, while we long for fame or anything we don’t have, other than the Lord, we fail. “Acceptance with Joy” was one of Hannah Hurnard’s flowers, as related in Hind’s Feet in High Places. From this revelation, which I received while praying for Sean, I came to write Acceptance.
Page 9 PART ELEVEN - The Issues of Life to Troublous Times (cont.) Particle – Another Healing On the Sabbath, May 19, 2007, Marilyn and I began the day with a battle. I was speculating the worst that would happen because of my doing something ignorantly - setting up the sprinkler system valve boxes without canceling the factory-preprogrammed, 10-minute time cycles, thus risking burning out the valves (something I knew nothing about). Marilyn then went into her usual defensive mode and preaching, unable and unwilling in her fear to acknowledge any blame. I suddenly realized that my habit was always to assume the worst outcome to mentally prepare for it with the hopes I won’t be so disappointed if there were disastrous results. If things turned out not so bad, I could rationalize and console myself, saying, “Oh well, we only lost $3000; we could have lost $5000.” While I had sensed this tendency and habit, I had never fully realized, acknowledged or confessed it. I could do so today. I also realized that Marilyn’s tendency to overreact to my overreaction was with purpose. Yes, I was guilty of bracing for the worst but was she right in throwing gasoline on it? No, but her infirmity in such cases, which are numberless, served to bring me to realize my infirmity. Therefore, her infirmity has been a tool in God’s hand to deal with my problem. She may be wrong but He’s always right, working both good and evil for ultimate good. Conclusion: The faults and infirm...
Page 3 PART TEN - The Issues of Life (cont.) Particle - Dream: Marilyn Discovered and Confronted From my journal: Last night I gave Marilyn a hug before bedtime, but when I slept, I had a terrible dream of her, which I believe represented her true feelings. In the dream I told her that she simply wouldn't be happy until she married Sean (she was very miserable). She blew up, came at me with her fists, crying and screaming, then went away to slash her wrists, resulting in blood on the carpet and floors. Particle - Had it with Marilyn I've now had it with Marilyn; I am simply done. She can do as she pleases, but it won't be with me. I also know that Jonathan is one with her and he goes too. I can't accept her any more as she is, whoever may be at fault. I don't know what else to do, but I refuse to allow her to substitute sacrifice for obedience and submission any longer. Particle - The Fifteenth Eviction for our Faith On May 19, 2002, Mark, Ingrid and I went to the West Raley Hutterite Colony. The colony invited Mark to interpret for some visiting Japanese Hutterites in their celebration of Pentecost, which they observed in their way. As we met with them, it was a bit peculiar if not humorous to see Japanese people dressed in black Hutterite garb with hats, scarves, beards and all. The meeting was with them and about 15 to 20 women and children from West Raley. A woman near 70 years of age was ruling the meeting while the men of the colony wer...
Page 22 PART ONE – Darkness to Light (cont.) Particle - Open Confessions Not Always Wise I confessed a critical attitude to several. While some accepted my confession and apology graciously, I saw the countenance and attitude change with others, Henry included. I saw resentment that was not there before my confession. Les Nelson was another person I remember having a changed countenance toward me immediately, from friendliness to resentment. I don't think it necessarily wise to confess secret sins to others. Confess to God, repent, and go from there. Nevertheless, those confessed to are all tried, aren't they? Will they forgive and love, as they ought, or is theirs a vain profession of faith? Particle - The Call of Consecration God was calling me up higher. It occurred to me that everyone wanted God for a friend, always needing, wanting, and asking Him for something. How many prayers are simply selfish requests and focused, not on God, but on self! But it occurred to me that God wanted friends. Abraham was known as the friend of God. I concluded that I also wanted to be God's friend, seeking Him and being here for His sake, and not my own. Some Scriptures were sinking deep into my soul, finding permanent residence: “I beseech you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, pleasing to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, in order...