PART SEVEN – Surprise Visitors to Day 888 (cont.)
Prophetic words came forth on October 16, 1998:
“I’ll be making people cry; they will be moved by my spirit, not knowing what is happening to them, only that it comes from me. In my spirit, I will be reaching theirs, and it will be like soothing, cool salve on a sunburn, balm on an open wound, cool shade from a scorching sun.
But it will be more. It will be the call to be transformed from a hot, dry desert or a cold, barren, forsaken land to a beautiful, enjoyable, fruitful oasis. It will begin with a sensing, a drawing, a realization of what is being held out and of what they lack and have always so lacked. It will proceed to an overwhelming implosion and then a breaking down, as though they’ve been hopelessly struggling in defeat all their lives and are now unable to do anything but surrender to me, into my arms.
I will comfort them and lead them to where they have wanted to be (unknown to them) all along. It will be the casting off of death and the dispensation of life. Neither will they be able to turn back easily ever again. It will be instant addiction, a transformation work leaving its permanent mark, an irresistible influence, which would only cause great pain and anguish to turn way from or to betray.
The sorrow and labor will be, in their yielding, turned to joy and rest, a finish of hell and the beginning of peace, Heaven, and God Himself.”
Les Mills dropped by unannounced on October 22, 1998, and we visited for about seven hours, covering many topics. He insisted he knows the Lord, speaking of his repentance and baptism with the Holy Spirit. He said that, along with so many other things, I had to be a fool to call him anything but a brother. Les was earnest, sober, and realistic, with faults and weaknesses both carnal and spiritual, like anyone and everyone else. He remained firm on his ground and I on mine.
Contradictory? Yes and no. The Lord will sort it all out. I won’t crow if I’m right, by God’s grace, and I’ll be glad to repent and apologize if wrong. Lord, truly who else can know but You?
Les expressed a fair bit about Barny and Helgrid and was illumined about Barny further when I told him what I had seen and heard. Things were making sense to Les.
I wrote these questions of Barny:
If you love me as you say, then:
Why do you call me names and accuse me?
Why do you indulge in speech with others against me, not asking me about the accusations?
Why do you not identify my accusers and get both sides of the story?
How is it you never asked us what we have to say?
How is it you have judged us without allowing us any defense?
You say I’m in danger of hellfire for calling you a fool. Is it any better to call me a warlock?
You tell me to rub shoulders with Les Mills to learn to love. Have you rubbed shoulders with him? Has it done you any good? Is your love his fruit? Is how you treat us what you call “love”?
You threatened not to be so nice if I sent you another letter. What would you do more than you’ve already done? Has what you’ve done been nice?
Barny, I think you talk it up to make up for your great lack.
Lois said she received that I would be the first to enter into what God has ordained for the saints… that rest, the fulfillment of the Feast of Tabernacles, the reconciliation of soul and spirit within, total redemption, the Coming of the Lord Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 15:51-58).
Aren’t we all lawless by nature? On a trip to town and back, I was well over the speed limit, rushing and not paying attention, and passed by a radar surveillance that had me dead to rights. I thought surely I would receive a hefty fine in the mail within a few weeks. In my dismay, Jonathan said: “Dad, I just received a prophecy – You’re okay this time but watch your driving.” Earlier on, before we left home, he had said, “Don’t rush.” I obviously ignored his admonition, often being so hyper and intense, rushing.
A proverb says, “He that hastes with his feet sins” (Proverbs 19:2). I ask, “Why am I, must I be, this way?” The only thing that came to me was that with our flesh we served the law of sin but with the mind the Law of God (Romans 7:25). Yet we’re without excuse because we are to bring our bodies under, the apostle Paul said, so that we honor God and do what’s right.
Marilyn and I discussed the speeding, and the prospect of receiving the ticket troubled me. As I groveled, Jonathan said, “Dad, remember the prophecy,” and to avoid such troubling, he said, “All you have to do is not speed, that’s all; it’s very simple, Dad.”
Of course, it is! And I feel ashamed to have to be told such simple things, yet thankful the Lord blessed us with such a son.
If there is one thing I would have asked and did ask of the Lord concerning Jonathan, it was that God would be with him as He is. And it was prophesied that He would be with Jonathan, even from his mother’s womb.
“Father, my sins are over my head – speeding, vulgarity, covetousness, resentment, gluttony, worry, regret, unthankfulness, lust, pride, self-centeredness, anger, impatience, intolerance…. Is there no respite, no end, no final, conclusive victory or absolute triumph? If there is, how and when, Lord?”
The Christian writer, Preston Eby, in Kingdom of God Part 17, wrote, “No Christian alive has ever experienced this,” speaking of complete victory on earth, resurrection, manifestation as a son of God, victorious not over the fleshly lusts and carnal weaknesses only, but over death itself. Oh, how I longed for this! Oh, if I could only have it now!
For the night of October 27th, I see recorded in my journal a dream I had, which I didn’t believe was of God at the time, yet the description makes me wonder:
“People coming, all ages and backgrounds and occupations, coming to bless and be with us. The dream didn’t seem to be of the Lord. A young man had come, pretending to be familiar with us, making himself comfortable, trying me in particular, and noting my receptivity and honesty with him, committed himself to me and after him came many more, joining themselves to us in fellowship.”
I wrote in my journal:
I have many regrets about myself, my past, the way I’ve been – I deserve the worst – so disgusted with myself I don’t even want mercy. What can I do concerning all those I’ve hurt, maimed, permanently impacted? I must be changed, first of all; nothing else can be before that. Then I hope for the opportunity to heal, deliver, help in meaningful and permanent ways, especially those I’ve hurt, if possible.
Lord, if You will have mercy, let it be not for me, but through me to those who need it everywhere. Grant me to correct not only the wrongs I’ve done but the wrongs of countless many others. That’s all I ask. And then, Lord, You can do what You want with me; consign me to the flames I so deserve, if You will.
We are nearing our birth – the labor pains come in greater intensity and frequency. I can feel something happening. We are coming forth.
Particle – Deliverance Determined from the Doors of the Deep
I have called the formal, nominal churches the “gates of Hell” of which Jesus spoke. The word “Hell” as used here is “Hades,” meaning “unseen” or “place of the dead.” That is exactly what the world’s churches are – places of the dead. An interesting thing is that the true Church would prevail against them; Jesus “led captivity captive,” having descended into Hades and delivering the spirits out of it.
This same action continues; as with the Head, so with the rest of His Body. The individual members of His Body lay down their lives and ultimately deliver souls out of Hades, out of the gates of Hell, out of the church systems, out of the grip of the harlot and Satan and darkness.
Particle – Limbo and Purgatory
Protestants don’t believe in Limbo and Purgatory as real places in the next world or in any way for that matter, but I say that these places and, more properly, these states of being, exist here in this life. Are we not held for a time or times, not because of sin, but by the wisdom of God, for the purposes He’s working out (Limbo)? Aren’t we baptized in the Spirit of Him Who is a consuming refiner’s fire and thereby cleansed, chastened, and purged, (Purgatory) before we enter into Heaven to have that peace and joy of pure fellowship with God?
Carnal minds have taken these terms and brought them into disrepute and incredibleness, whereas the spiritual mind can receive these truths. Of course, only the Spirit would have made them known originally.
Love? What man loves? If Solomon “loved many wives,” what of it? Did he have a special love for one in particular? It only says he had 300 wives and 700 concubines. If Israelites loved Gentile women, what of it? They weren’t supposed to. Does emotional, passionate, romantic love count before God?
Jacob “loved” Rachel and the Lord took her early. Neither was she buried with the patriarchs. Leah, whom Jacob did not “love,” the Lord honored; He blessed her in the fruit of her womb, and she was buried with Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Rebekah, and Jacob.
Samson loved a woman, not because God was blessing their marriage, but because He was seeking occasion against the Philistines.
I’ve loved several women, yet there was nothing in the Lord to it, not even when, as a believer, I loved one and she me, or so I thought.
It’s a curious thing to me that wherever it’s mentioned that men loved women, it was always a relationship not favored or honored by God, as men would expect. These “loves” were apparently against God, His will, and His Law.
David’s love for Bathsheba is an example of illegitimate passion. Shechem of Canaan loved Dinah, Jacob’s daughter, which was unacceptable to Jacob and his family. David’s son, Amnon, loved his half-sister, Tamar, and raped her, after which, he hated her. The love I had for other women I know to be the same kind of love these all had, and it was without true substance, as with these mentioned.
The love I had for Marilyn wasn’t for her body or her looks, money, popularity, humor, intelligence, or power. Was it for personality? Perhaps, at least in part. Was it for common interests? Perhaps. But I think it was simply that we were bound together not in our own loves, but in God’s. Before we married, I missed her when she was away, I felt free and good to confide in her, and our destiny in interests appeared to be one. It was God’s love reigning, in spite of our faults.
I also note that where marriages were blessed and honored of God, as with Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, Joseph and his wife, Moses and his, love wasn’t mentioned, only with Isaac and Rebekah. Even there, Rebekah practised deception on her husband. Was that love?
My conclusion? The Lord enlightened us from the very beginning concerning love, Heavenly and earthly, spiritual and carnal, willful and emotional. Our flesh desires a fulfillment that it ultimately isn’t destined to have with God. One choosing the earthly, sensual, Hollywood brand of love is as a man choosing a prostitute over a wife or finding fulfillment in something or someone other than the Highest.
We believers take for granted the day-to-day benefits we have in this world and the price paid on our behalf by those saints passed on to the next world. We imagine them with magical powers, protecting us with ease, not realizing there is thought, planning, wisdom, understanding, and knowledge applied, strength and courage marshaled, and effort exerted, perhaps with some risks, both known and unknown to them – all these things on a constant basis.
As well, they harbor hopes, bear anxieties, and are tried and tested as are we in this life, only on another plane of their development. No, we’ve no right to assume there’s no price for saints gone on to pay even now as they minister to us.
God creates and recreates – as in the twofold feeding of the multitudes, provision of money to pay the taxes, filling of the fish nets, raising up from the dead, multiplying of the oil and meal for the widow and her son, and Lazarus’ restoration to life.
We needn’t live in the regret of losses, failures, and mistakes. He replenishes what is lost even if through foolishness, as with the prodigal son. Being of the race of Adam, haven’t we all done foolishly, lost, and suffered? But subjection to vanity is what it’s all about. The things of this world don’t perish because we set our hearts on them. Rather, we ought not to set our hearts on them because, by very nature and purpose, they perish. And if our hearts are set on that which perishes, where are we but set on course for inevitable loss, sorrow, anguish, and disappointment?
On November 9th, Mark’s Japanese friend, Miyuki Sasaki, wrote me (while in Japan, Mark had spent much time talking to her about the Lord). She said she was treating the things of the Lord lightly, not keeping contact with us, taking Mark for granted, and treating me as some sort of psychiatric or “lifestyle counseling” service. She said she loved the things of this world, like work, home, family, and reputation, and that, consequently, she doubted us, the Lord (or our “version” of the Lord).
She spoke of a struggle to pray and to believe, saying she seemed to be building a wall around herself and wanted to be free of it. She said she didn’t know what to do, complaining she had no time with her daughter, Ruth, every day wanting to quit work and be with her. She said she realized that a husband wasn’t the answer to security and freedom.
She closed the letter with: “Victor, what should I do? I want to be rid of myself as I am right now. I want to be able to just see God and not be caught up with everything else. Can you help me? I really don’t know what to do or where to go.”
I didn’t take her request lightly. I prayed and asked the Lord what I should say. I told her she was to quit her job as soon as possible and put her trust entirely in the Lord to guide and provide for her, her daughter Ruth, and her mother and aunt, who were living under her roof. Here is the letter I wrote her:
Miyuki, you ask what you should be doing specifically. You are to give the shortest notice allowable to your employer(s) and leave your job completely.
It’s a shame that Ruth was kept by God to be a blessing not only to you here and now but to others down the road, yet she has no mother.
You look for a husband, a weak, earthly husband, who provides skimpily and so imperfectly. You are to look to the Lord Himself as your Husband and He will protect and provide for you as no earthly husband could ever imagine.
Obey and you will have peace, joy, and fulfillment. Trust Him; marry Him; obey Him. No good thing will He withhold from you.
I tell you this in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ, by Him, of Him. Don ‘t be afraid. Do it and you will see God. – Victor
For years, we had wondered what was required of Miyuki in order to enter life. Now we knew. Would she have the faith to obey? As usual, the order was a tall one, just enough to kill. After all, obedience through faith means to take up the torture stake, even as Abraham, our father in the faith, was tried with his son, Isaac.
On the evening of November 8th, Jason Benson called, saying he was following through with a guilty plea. I had told him that if he admitted his guilt and accepted the sentence, which we believed would be seven years, the Lord would take care of him.
On November 9th, surprisingly, Gene Knorr called, speaking of Elwin Roach, a Christian writer, whom he said taught as I did (or I as he), saying that the manifestation of the sons of God would appear quite normal, nothing unusual in certain respects, though the very unusual would nevertheless happen.
Then Chris Hafichuk called confessing, crying and apologizing, but for his own sake, which I told him. When Chris said, “I’ll do whatever you say or require of me,” Marilyn said, “If you repent, you’ll know what to do” (she received not to believe him).
With these two unusual phone calls on this day, I said, “If I get two or three more calls this evening, I’ll know that something big is happening tomorrow.”
Then Jason called again, for apparently no particular reason. I had things to say to him, which he received.
Then Les Mills called and we talked in agreement, which was somewhat unusual.
I didn’t recall ever having so many phone calls in one day in a long time. I said, “There’s two, and if there’s one more, that’s it… I’ll know tomorrow is it.” Within minutes the phone rang. It was Miyuki calling from Japan in response to my letter to her plea for help.
I concluded, “Lord, one way or another, You come for me and I go to be with You. Lord, comfort my son. Do what You must do for all.”
November 10th was finally here – Day 777 of the prophecy. I had things to say to some people. I wrote in my journal words to be passed on if I was taken.
I encouraged Les Mills to obey God and not compromise in what he received to say to anyone.
I wrote to my mother, saying, “The Lord doesn’t condemn you and neither do I. Repent.”
I wrote to Lynn Gregson, clarifying where I stood in relation to Bob and her and her suffering, which she laid at my feet.
I wrote to Casey Overbeek, telling him he was mocking God in all his ways, though full of what he thought were Christian works, calling on him to repent and assuring him that while I was telling him things he didn’t wish to hear, I wasn’t condemning him.
Condemnation? What is it? It is damning someone, not desiring their good, relegating them to total disposal. Telling them their sins so that they might repent and be saved, healed, cleansed, and made at peace with God is the very opposite, though willful sinners call it condemnation. “You’re putting me under condemnation!” they spitefully cry.
“No, I’m only telling you that’s where you already are and don’t know it.”
As Jesus said:
“He who believes on Him is not condemned, but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the Name of the Only-begotten Son of God. And this is the condemnation, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than the Light, because their deeds were evil” (John 3:18-19 MKJV).
As Harry Truman said, “I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.”
In writing the letters to Les Mills, Casey Overbeek, my mother, and Lynn Gregson, I spoke more freely, perhaps because I wasn’t going to be the one delivering the messages. I recalled that during the 10-day fast when I expected the Lord to take me and I wrote messages to various people, I was bolder, knowing or believing I wouldn’t be there to face the possible consequences. So in this last time, expecting the Lord to take me, I was bold in what I had to say, particularly with my next-door neighbors.
I see a principle here – one should speak always as though he was about to go and be with the Lord, as having nothing to lose in this world. Of course, he would also be cognizant of the fact he was about to face God and therefore would want to say what was needed, the way it needed to be said. In such a mindset, there’s rest and victory and, perhaps, power? This consequent boldness wouldn’t be a matter of degrees but more a matter of disposition.
Jonathan persuaded me to pull out the guitar and sing him my songs. I had to choke back the tears as I sang.
But there was another great battle with Marilyn.
First thing on the morning of November 11th, Jonathan said, “Dad, nothing happened yesterday. That’s something, eh, Dad?”
“Sometimes God does things or things happen without being seen,” I replied.
He then said, “Dad, I just had a feeling (or felt a prophecy)…. It’s a short one….”
“Go ahead, son.”
“You’re going to be around forever!” he replied, mildly wondering.
November 11, 1998 was a day we would remember with wonder, not because of “Remembrance Day,” but because of what we’d see the Lord do in the not-too-distant future, as you’ll see.
Marilyn asked, “What do you want from me?” My answer: A wife that loves me and is one with me – specifically her, not another. This is not to say that such was my primary desire, but only wherein she and I are concerned, if we were to go on. I told her that I didn’t want our relationship restored anymore, that any feelings I had for her were gone, that I wanted no more of the relationship we had these past years, but I wanted a new marital relationship with her.
On this November 11th day, I said to Marilyn, “I’m finished with your September 24, 1996 prophecy.” Somehow the day before was a closure, which I inadvertently verbalized on the 11th. November 10th was Day 777, a number of completeness made in Heaven, a Day of Rest. It was on the 10th day of the 11th month that Noah opened the window of the ark to a new world. It was 40 months before that day that we saw the farm, and 40 months before that we purchased it.
How does one arrange numbers and events such as these, or walk away from them without consideration? I doubt very much an explosion of gases could do it, no matter how long ago that took place.
Who says there is no God?
In the course of keeping a journal and remembering some dates, I discovered some marvelous timings in our lives that couldn’t be ignored. It’s not that I need these to prove the existence of the Supreme Intelligence of the Universe, but one can’t help but marvel at the precise timing of apparently unrelated dates, people, and events (personal, Biblical, and otherwise) working together in perfect harmony. I found many of these without deliberate searching or pondering. I have no doubt there’s a calculated mathematical pattern including every event and atom in our lives and all of creation.
Herein I record some instances of significant numbers of days connecting significant events, which God has given me to recognize. I remind the reader that the dates July 10th and November 10th have been very important for us, not because we chose them to be so, but because it was abundantly evident that God in His will deemed them significant for us, governing our lives by and in those dates long before we realized it.
I found the number 3 common and representing God’s will, having a Heavenly significance. I didn’t record many such instances; however, I did record a marvelous timing of a multiple of 3. It was 300 days after Marilyn’s prophecy on September 24, 1996, to the day I began the major 25-day fast on July 21, 1997.
Tens, hundreds, and thousands (adding zeroes to numbers) signify increasing significance. From August 2, 1998, the day I left Paul at Glacier Park, the last time I saw him before God would unite us in spirit to be a witness unto Him, to November 10, 1998 was 100 days.
From September 24, 1996, the day of Marilyn’s prophecy, one day after the first day of the Feast of Tabernacles, to February 6, 1998, the last day of my second fast, is 500 days.
Marilyn’s prophecy came 360 days (a Hebrew year) from taking possession of the farm – October 1, 1995 to September 24, 1996.
The number 6 represents labor. “Six days shall you work….” The number of the beast is 666, representing the strength and religious activity of man and of the flesh, which is unrighteous and which destroys:
“Concerning the works of men, by the Word of Your lips I have kept me from the paths of the destroyer” (Psalm 17:4).
It was on July 22, 1998, 666 days after Marilyn’s prophecy, when Sean came to our home from the farm to recuperate. That’s when I told him that I was not going to die and that it was wrong for Marilyn and him to carry on as they did. (It was the only day in that long stretch of time that he did visit me.) He chose not to believe me. I thought the number of the day, 666, referred to him, while Marilyn and Sean, with Marilyn’s influence, I believe, concluded that it referred to me.
Yet, according to Marilyn’s prophecy, I was to have a ministry like unto Moses!
The number 7 represents a totality or completeness. From September 24, 1996, the day of Marilyn’s prophecy to November 10, 1998 is 777 days. On the 11th of November, without realizing what I was doing in terms of timing (as with all these events), I decided I was finished with Marilyn’s prophecy, in terms of her interpretation and waiting to physically die. There was a completeness God had accomplished in me. In completeness, there is rest.
Going back 88 days from Day 666, then 88 days more takes us to 490 days (7 X 70) after Marilyn’s prophecy, to January 27, 1997, the day I began my second fast.
I found several instances of the number 40, which represents a period of trial and testing to completion, a generation or the end of flesh.
I’m convinced every detail in the universe and in our lives is timed perfectly.
From February 17, the day the 40-day rain of the Noahic flood was complete (by the Gentile calendar) to March 29 (a prophesied day for us) is 40 days.
From the last day of my first fast (August 14, 1997) to the ‘97 anniversary of Marilyn’s prophecy of September 24, 1996 is 40 days.
From Yom Kippur, September 30, 1998 to November 10, 1998 (Day 777) is 40 days.
November 10th is the day Noah opened the window of the ark (10th day of the 11th month – 40 days after the 1st day of the 10th month, counting Hebrew years of 360 days). That day must have been quite a shocker to Noah and his family.
The number 8 represents a new creation. I found many 88‘s.
If one were to take the Name “Jesus” and give the Greek letters a numerical equivalent, the sum total would be 888. He is our Resurrection and Life, the “New Thing” God is doing, the Firstborn of all creation from the dead, Who came through death, conquering it for us. I found the number 88 in days to be a timing between many of the significant events in our lives:
From the first day of the first major fast, July 21, 1997 to the Feast of Tabernacles, October 16, 1997 is 88 days.
From November 10, 1997 to the last day of the second fast, February 6, 1998, is 88 days.
Counting back 88 days from July 22, 1998 (Day 666), I find the record of recognizing Paul’s enmity, Archie’s note of enmity, Trevor’s bitterness revealed, Cindy Dempsey’s enmity manifest, and Marquise Harris kicking me out of her house.
From October 3, 1997, the day I wrote the “Man of Sin” letter to the farm, to the end of the farm fast, December 30, 1997, is 88 days.
From my last full day at the farm, July 7, 1997, to the delivery of the “Man of Sin” letter to the farm on October 3 is 88 days.
It is 88 days from April 12, the day the seven people came to visit us, the day I had the vision of the boulders, to July 10, 1998.
Five is the number of blessing and life. The number 50 is significant. It is a multiple of 5 and 10.
It was on the 5th day that much of life on earth was created.
Keeping the 5th commandment, honoring those from whom we have received life, we are promised long life.
We have 5 senses, 5 fingers on each hand, and 5 toes on each foot, all representing life and blessing.
Noah was the 10th from Adam (2 x 5) and preserved life on the ark by twos and sevens, while all else was destroyed, the earth undergoing baptism of water.
Upon the birth of the 5th man on earth, Enos, men began to call upon the Name of Him Who is Blessing and Life.
It was on the 50th day after the resurrection that people received the Spirit of Life at Pentecost, the anniversary day of the giving of the Law of Life at Mount Sinai, the Law composed of 10 commandments (2 x 5).
On March 28th and 29th, we experienced subtle but significant workings of God in our lives, particularly mine, as others testified.
From March 28, 1998, 50 days after February 6th, the last day of the second fast, to Jonathan’s boulder vision of June 24th is 88 days.
As if these were not enough, I recorded all these 88s on August 13, 1998 – 88 days to November 10th!
This, on the 688th day from Marilyn’s prophecy. Psychological? How about all those other events and dates? Is my mind in control of everybody and everything, including Biblical records? Think it if you wish, but I don’t think so.
Who says there is no God?
Page 10 PART TEN - The Issues of Life (cont.) Particle - The University of Lethbridge This is not necessarily a reflection of all persons at the University of Lethbridge, but in visiting it on September 16, as well as on other occasions, I found it to be Hell. It is dark, stuffy, oppressive, confining, pretentious, misleading, full of empty promise, atheistic, humanistic, confounding - a labyrinth leading only to dead ends in life; it is anti-Christ - generally spiritually unpleasant. They call it "education." Particle - Stubborn and Stupid Incarnate We talked to Cody about Trivita, which uses the Lord's Name but has nothing to do with Him. Cody argued. We talked to him about Somalife, of which the Lord said, "Men tinkering with complexities they don't understand." Cody argued. We talked to him about the copycat Chi machines from John Stewart, and how it was immoral to sell them for two reasons - the producers were stealing from the producers of the original, and the machines did not do the same thing at all; on the contrary, they did damage. Cody strongly resisted and argued. We talked to him about Roger Snow's polluted hemp product and his questionable marketing strategies that tried to give the image of being organic when Rocky Mountain Hemp was anything but. Cody simply would not listen until problems followed to confirm my judgments and declarations. For example, Cody was buying wholesale and selling retail to some people who decided to buy direct f...
Page 16 PART ONE – Darkness to Light (cont.) Particle – Turning to Jesus Christ After seven evenings, each with hours of instruction, I began to believe that Jesus Christ was The Answer for me. I knew I was not right with God, I was not able to make myself right with Him, and I wanted so much to be right with Him. Here George told me exactly how it was possible, and the only way possible. Finally, somewhat sheepishly, I said, “George, can we pray?” There I was, a proud, stuffy, stogie-sucking salesman, at a crossroad of life. He was out of his chair and on his knees in a flash, and I got down on mine. Almost instantly, I was surprised. I didn't know what to say or how to pray. I thought if anyone knew how to pray, it would be a Catholic! I was silent, stumped. It didn't even occur to me to pray an “Our Father” or a “Hail Mary.” “Speak respectfully to God as you would to a loving Father, a respected person,” George quietly advised. “Tell Him your thoughts and what you want.” Awkwardly, yet desperately and sincerely, I asked Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sins and to take over my life, which I confessed I could not manage or change on my own. George also prayed, he shared some Scriptures with me to assure me God had heard my prayer, and we rose from the floor. I did not feel, hear, or see anything. A little disappointed, yet somehow at peace, I went home. Particle – God Is Real! In the days to follow, changes occurred in me over which I had no control and for wh...
Page 12 PART EIGHT – Day 888 to Victory (cont.) Particle – Halting in Obedience Jonathan had spoken the Word of the Lord to me, saying that I needed to send Sean away, and I wasn't obeying. Another ewe was having difficulty lambing, and there was division as to what needed to be done. Marilyn determined that others weren't taking responsibility so she decided to do so, although Sean's vote was to get a vet. She decided not to call the vet, but to try and deal with the situation themselves, with neighbor Rose Slingerland's help (the Slingerlands had experience with sheep). Marilyn decided to use labor-inducing drugs, which was contrary to our philosophy of organic and natural management. Lois called me to inform me of what happened. Triplets were involved. The first lamb that came died, and the next two were desperately tangled in the mother. We lost the lambs and the ewe. Lois also talked about our whole situation. I had always viewed these tragedies as reflections and results of a lack in relationship to God. I wasn't speaking what I needed to speak. I wasn't making the move to evict Sean, afraid that the farm might fall apart if he left, seeing that he was controlling everything and that Marilyn was helping while he was there. I believed she wouldn't tolerate kicking him out and would therefore leave with him or wash her hands of any responsibility towards the farm. Besides, she might take Jonathan with her if she left. I was holding back obedience to God, prese...