PART FOUR– Bernalillo to Moon River (cont.)
“Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth. I did not come to send peace, but a sword” (Matthew 10:34 MKJV).
I’ve heard it said many times, “Whatever divides is not of God.” Of course, that simply depends on what is being divided and why. Isn’t it of God to divide truth and error, clean and unclean, sheep and goats, wise and foolish, wheat and tares, faithful and heretics?
And doesn’t God wound and break? Doesn’t He call one to forsake wife, children, parents, and friends? Is forsaking easy and pleasant? If so, it would not be forsaking.
The problem is that those who lodge complaint against division presume to be in the right. They object to being divided when any among them is called to disagree for righteousness’ sake. And they’re under the false notion that pain, suffering, and sorrow arising naturally from division are ever products of Satan, and never of God. But these same people will indulge in dividing others in the Name of God, when advantageous to them, and think nothing of it.
I am not sent for division’s sake;
I do not come to attack;
Strife and debate I do not sow,
Yet all these are found where I go.
I haven’t come for evil’s sake,
Bearing trouble, sorrow, and pain,
Yet the sword I bear
Will cut in two
And each half in two again.
There are those who wish to take the truth
And claim it for their own,
But others, joined to them, declare
“If you go, you go alone.”
I cannot help but cause this woe
If I am to speak what is true;
I can only hope as time goes on
That your loved ones will come, too.
But you cannot wait for them to come,
The time to heed is now.
Just as you cannot wait for yours,
The call cannot wait for you.
As friends increase, my enemies mount
In numbers greater still.
There are very few who know they’re sick
And eager to swallow the pill.
But many there are who take offence
That the truth should upset their life
And hence the division, the sorrow, the pain,
The debate, the anger, the strife.
But come if you will, take the medicine,
Be healed in your soul, made free,
And in place of what you leave behind,
Far greater things will be.
Particle – More Eating Out Eating Me
On another eating out occasion, Bob Gregson bought dinner for us at Erickson’s Restaurant in Lethbridge because I had helped him and Lynn manage an art show at her parents’ home. The helpings were pretentious in artful presentation, and scanty. The food value was all of 10% what was paid.
We weren’t the ones paying for it, but I still thought, “This is vanity, and people are falling for this stuff?” All things are relative, of course. My wife has been a very good cook, and our helpings are generous.
Perhaps, however, I haven’t spent enough time letting my poem, Bellyache, Bellyache, sink down into my inner being?
Particle – Mary Kozak Revisited
For some reason I decided to get in touch with Mary Kozak, the first person I knew of in the Hafichuk family that left the Catholic Church, having professed faith in Jesus Christ. I wrote her, she replied, and it was immediately obvious I had to go on without her. She was a member of Armstrong’s Worldwide Church of God, likely having been persuaded by the radio program, The World Tomorrow. I had already gone beyond where she was prepared and called to go. There was nothing more to say or do there.
Particle – Further Feeble and Frustrating Fumblings at Free Consulting
I decided to try operating a consulting business out of our Bluefox home and let people pay what they would, if they would, forgetting that it doesn’t work to offer services and leave the value of them to the discretion of the recipients. I ran an ad in the paper.
I received a call from a welder who needed financial counseling. In an hour, I saved him hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars. He decided to pay me an hour of his income, that being $35. I wasn’t impressed, but at least he seemed sincere and simple in his thinking, and appeared to be not trying to cheat me.
Another fellow called, complaining about being forever tired. After some questions about his personal life, it turned out that he was sleeping with two girlfriends, not letting each know that he had the other and trying to satisfy them both. It was apparent that he knew his own problem and wanted to find a way to solve it without giving it up.
I told him fornication was wrong, that it would only lead to his downfall, and that his dishonesty was also wrong. He acknowledged these things to be true and asked me how much he owed me. Shamefully, I must say that I told him it was up to him. Apparently fumbling for his wallet, he said he left it in his car and took off without paying. His dishonesty continuing, there was no reason to believe I bettered him in any other way. He would destroy himself.
I look back and think, “I should have refused any pay. The situation was disgusting.” Speak of being slow on the uptake! How soon forgotten that God had already shown me, only months before, whom I should advise. It was those He would bring, those who were coming to be changed for the better, essentially and spiritually, and not the idolaters and fornicators of this world.
A fornicator asking help to do more of his own thing, not willing to repent or pay for good counsel? These incidents were the Lord’s appropriate rebukes of doing things my own way.
Particle – English, Oh English!
Wee knead ownlee two studdie a langwidge uther than Inglish and soon beegin too diskover thuh mullteatood uv inncunsistenseas inn grambarr and spellyng uv Inglish.
And isn’t it interesting that when Esperanto is introduced with its reason, logic, and organized structure, we prefer the disorder and confusion of our own language, be it English or another? Needless to say, this is not the day of peace, harmony, and wun tung four awl, as unreasonably expected by proponents of Esperanto. Rite? Write? Reight? Right?
Ring rang rung, Bring brang brung,
Sing sang sung, Ding dang dung!
Particle – Rools Four Inglish Spelling
Wun. Teak lawjick, kut it down as aye bough and throw it inn aye slough ore aye trough. Butt that is knot enuf.
Too. Bee prepaired two bee confowndead, purpleckst, and frustraited.
Threa. Eckspecked two suspecked loozing yore mined.
Fore. Dew knot feal thair iz ekneething rong with yoo.
Phive. Fourghet triying two halve aye shoor phyre sisthame.
Sicks. Thee unfourchunit groop yule joyne iph ignouring mie cownsull, and…
Seaven. Rimes with heven four whitch yu mussed hoap aund whitch iz whare yu mey prezoom yu gow iff yu kwit inglish aund teak up sum uther langwidge.
Particle – Water Does Not Always Find the Lowest Level
In October of ’84, I was given another poem to express what we were learning.
Inconsistency and contradiction are facts of life which increase in both stature and clarity as we grow in spiritual maturity. Stature, because we’re subjected according to our own increasing capacity to withstand these foes; and clarity, because as we increase, we see more of what has always been there.
Is it not ironic that the fool
Rejects the very thing that would deliver him
From the pain and failure he calls bliss?
Water does not always find the lowest level.
Is it not ironic that those
Who stand in need the most
Stand strongest against provision?
Water does not always find the lowest level.
And those who have less need
Have it because they have learned
The value of the provision
To minimize the need.
“To him who has
More shall be given,
And to him who has not,
Even the little he has
Shall be taken from him.” – Jesus
On October 19, 1984, I wrote Lois a letter in which I described, by revelation, the meaning, significance, and manifestations of the seal of God (Revelation 7:3 and 13:16). It was coming to me as I wrote. See The Mark of the Beast and the Seal of God.
My aunt, Delores Molnar, was having struggles. She, as Lois, called and wanted to talk. She had been holding the Lord at arm’s length. She knew she was supposed to be living differently than she was, but was asking Him for some time. “Let me go on this trip to Europe with Fred, doing what pleases him, and then I’ll change my ways and obey,” was something she had said to God. Of course, that will never do with God.
I had a vision of Delores. She was held captive in a transparent glass cube, suspended in outer space. The cube was about the size of a regular-sized bedroom or living room. She was frantic, trying to get out, knocking on the wall with her fists, looking outside, but trapped, unable to escape. I was sitting in outer space, watching her. I was much bigger than the cube she was in, possibly ten times bigger. I was seated in a chair of some kind, just observing.
When I told her about the vision, Delores was disturbed and told me that she had just had something very similar. She saw herself on one side of a great gulf, by herself. On the other side were saints rejoicing together, whom she was unable to join.
We went up to Camrose to visit Fred and Delores, and it was rather pleasant. Their log home, fireplace, and good food offered us comfort and relief from our circumstances and loneliness. We remained for nearly a week, visiting with them. As a result of that visit, Fred wanted us to return, perceiving we were very helpful to Delores. Lois had also come up to see us at Camrose, bringing her boys, Trevor, Mark, and Jason. All were spiritually edified. I recall having brought my guitar, and I sang the songs the Lord had given me. Fred expressed an appreciation for Job.
Particle – A Hesitant Gift of Money
On one cold wintry day, Marilyn and I were leaving the Molnars to drive back home, about 250 miles. Delores hesitantly gave me something as we were leaving. It was a check for $1,000, signed by Fred. She was trying to determine if she should give it to us. Though I could be wrong, she seemed to be debating whether we were of God or not. She gave it to us, studying me. Though we were in some need, I almost refused it, thinking, “If she isn’t fully persuaded, I don’t want it.”
I asked her, “Delores, are you sure you want to do this?” I was assured that the Lord didn’t need them to provide for us. She decided it was the thing for her to do, and we accepted it. There were more struggles to come for her, big time.
Around this time, I wrote another poem, Help in Disguise.
(The scalpel, cod liver oil, and discipline are examples of many things undesirable and hard to take, but which are there, presumably for our good.
It won’t suffice to judge good and bad by our own understanding. We can tell nothing by appearance. So our selfishness and lack of understanding are addressed by trials and tribulations, by fires that purge us of pride, self-sufficiency, and the arrogant state, in which we think we know what is best for us.)
Particle – Mother and Daughter in Turmoil
Delores told us of acquaintances of hers, a Romanian woman named Ivah, and Leah, Ivah’s daughter, who lived together near Camrose. Whether she told me of them before or after, I had this vision at 104 Bluefox Boulevard in Lethbridge, 1984:
I saw a thin older woman walking with her head in a dust cloud, blindly leading her daughter down a paved road. She was adamant she was right, and she continued forging ahead. Her daughter, who was dark-skinned and had thick, long black hair, sat down by the curbside, coughing from the dust to which her mother had subjected her. The daughter was annoyed and refused to go further.
The meaning of this vision was soon to be revealed to me.
We returned around the Christmas season to spend more time with the Molnars and Lois and her boys. We played hockey on the Molnars’ dugout and enjoyed talking about the Lord and spiritual matters.
It wasn’t long before Fred’s true colors began to surface. I’ve been a careless dunce when it comes to many things. I had tried to make an adjustment on Fred’s VCR and on his computer. In both cases, I messed up, causing Fred some consternation.
When doing my 5BX exercises in our guest bedroom, he was concerned that I was wearing out his carpet while running on the spot, so I ran on a carpet remnant. (The house was in obvious need of new carpet throughout, however, and he had the money to replace it.)
When sitting on his sectional sofa, he would tell us how to sit, watchful to regulate the pressure on the back cushions, which were sown on one edge to the main body of the sofa, lest they should tear away at the stitching.
He’d hear me clearing my throat and spitting in the sink in the bathroom while brushing my teeth and asked me not to do so, lest I accidentally spit somewhere inappropriate (maybe I did without knowing it!). It seemed there wasn’t much I could do in his home that didn’t rub him the wrong way.
Fred had a small plane and pilot’s license. One day he took his son Gary and me for a ride. Not watching where I was stepping to board, I stepped right where a label on the wing says not to step, or I didn’t step where directed to step. Fred mildly rebuked me for it, and rightly so, I suppose.
However, on the way home, he and Gary scoffed at me incessantly for several minutes, and they continued in Delores’ presence when arriving home. Yes, I goofed, but did there need to be such a big deal made of it? There had been no harm done. Fred was bound by money and was contemptuous of those who weren’t as efficient and capable as he.
Often he referred to lawyers, real estate agents, and stockbrokers, among others, as low-lifes. I was none of those, but I didn’t feel any better.
Particle – Trevor Promised Proper Speech with Commitment to Effort
Trevor was born with cerebral palsy and has a speech impediment. One day at the Molnars’, he was promised that if he committed himself with full effort to speak properly, he would be given the ability to speak clearly. Many times we reminded him to believe and obey, but he disregarded the promise. To this day, 27 years later, his speech is the same, perhaps worse.
Fred was quite eager to bring out the wine and liqueur at suppers. He was also sensitive to my enjoyment of them as well, for he would tease me, pouring some for himself and others, but ignoring me. By Fred, the enemy was dealing with my enjoyment of these things.
As I look back, I expect that when the Lord spoke to me about it being better not to drink, He was more specifically speaking of the complications that would arise with Fred, and the power Fred would exercise over me in cynicism. The fact that we once drank together in my pre-Christian days would move him to test me and see if I was as much of a Christian as I presumed to be.
It wasn’t that I believed Christians oughtn’t to drink at all, so much as that many evangelicals don’t drink, thinking it sin or unwise. On that perspective, Fred would judge me. At his table, though I did partake, I was better off not doing so, as counseled by the Scriptures:
“When you sit down to eat with a ruler, pay close attention to what is in front of you, and put a knife to your throat if you have a big appetite. Do not crave his delicacies, because this is food that deceives you” (Proverbs 23:1-3 GW).
Besides telling Delores about the vision I had of her, we also confronted her on sin, telling her she needed to stop being double-minded. For example, there was a time when she spoke favorably about speaking in tongues, saying how edifying it was to her. Yet, when we received the Spirit and the gift of tongues, and she heard about it, she was alarmed that we might be deceived and then renounced this gift.
“Which will it be, Delores?” I asked. “Yes, there’s the false, as with everything else. We’re aware of that, but why are you going back and forth? Are you now telling us that tongues are illegitimate altogether before God?”
She had no answer. She was addressed on many things until she was as distressed as before we came.
One day, Fred was frustrated about something else and blurted out in anger, “Victor, I want you to take your hands off my computer, my VCR, and my wife!”
Remarkably, as Lois perceived later, we were to see the dramatic, and sadly tragic, fruits of his decision and declaration, not only for the computer and VCR, but also for his wife.
Particle – Steve Hawkins of Manchester
Somehow we found out that Steven Hawkins (a fellow we had met on OM in Manchester, England in 1975) was in Edmonton, Alberta. I believe it was through Karen Alm, who had heard of him. We called and he called back. Steven was with a Jewish Messianic group. We hadn’t known he was Jewish.
We had spoken to him in England about receiving the Spirit. As we spoke now by phone, he claimed to have been baptized in the Holy Spirit, but it didn’t witness with us. I also tried to tell him that affiliations with formal, religious organizations weren’t the Lord’s will for him. However, he had his pleasure and comfort there, and we couldn’t fight it.
Particle – Talks Apparently Fruitless
In these months of September through December of 1984, Bob Gregson called many times wanting to talk about a variety of things, usually business, but also philosophical – seldom, if ever, spiritual. The day would come when he had strong and angry words for me that would make me wonder why he had continued calling me during this period. He declared he had no respect or use for anything I had to say to him.
Particle – Bob Gregson with Reverence for Truth
I struggled much with Bob Gregson while talking with him about spiritual and business matters on several occasions in 1984. During that time, I saw this vision and related it to him on January 15, 1985. In the vision, he was standing behind a counter or lectern. He was speaking, and he had the most earnest respect for truth, very sober. I heard a voice say, “A strong angel will go with him wherever he goes.”
Bob had several dreams that seemed significant, though not necessarily promising good for himself or anyone else. They had to do with his wife, Lynn, his father, and their printing business. They seemed to indicate he wouldn’t prevail in faith. Twenty-seven years later, nothing has changed.
Particle – Molnars’ Money Castle
In my mind, there seemed to be a contradiction with Fred concerning money. On the one hand, he was willing to give to us when we were in need, though I would never ask for anything or let our needs be known. This occurred on several occasions. On the other hand, he seemed consumed with money matters.
During the time we visited with the Molnars, I had a vision of Fred. He was inside a round enclosure of bill packets of money, stacked about five feet high, the enclosure about eight feet in diameter. There were people outside the enclosure.
Fred had a long rod, something like what gambling table attendants use at casinos to pass out or take in chips. With this instrument, he was dispensing packets of bills to those outside his enclosure. His nose was up in the air, as he did so, and I think he wore a crown on his head, though not sure. I was reminded of the proverb:
“The rich man’s wealth is his strong city, and as a high wall in his own mind” (Proverbs 18:11 MKJV).
Particle – The Victory of the Lord
In February 1985, I was given a song to express the reality of warfare and victory in the heavens. With war comes bloodshed, hard times, threatenings, loss, and destruction, but victory and restitution are sure, earned, and established by the Lord.
(Click HERE to listen to “The Victory of the Lord,” or to read the lyrics.)
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