PART TEN – The Issues of Life (cont.)
Dan Stanojevic passed away with cancer. We all prayed for direction and all went to the funeral on the Sabbath, January 11, including Jonathan and Ingrid. The ceremony was at the Greek Orthodox Church on 13th St. North in Lethbridge.
The funeral was quite pagan, with drink and food offerings at the coffin. At the grave, a novice priest was totally occupied with the correctness of the ceremony procedure. When the undertaker would hold off the lowering of the coffin, knowing that Senka (Dan’s widow) wanted to have her last parting moments in grieving, the young priest insisted the coffin be lowered into the grave promptly as he sang or spoke his ritualistic formulas.
Not being in a position of authority and not wishing to offend the powers that be, the undertaker acquiesced. After all, it certainly would seem to be a bad business decision on the coroner’s part to please a solitary family but lose the favor of those who determine burial arrangements and decisions for their congregation on a regular basis. Besides, it wasn’t his business to tell others what to do.
As I watched, I was confounded. Seeing Senka’s need and sensing her wishes, should I jeopardize the apparent order of the occasion, step in and insist the priest show more regard to the grieving than to the ceremony? I really had nothing to lose, unlike the undertaker. However, it was the Stanojevics’ general choice of church and spiritual leadership. I figured they were unbelievers and therefore not my responsibility, and it really didn’t matter if they suffered the fruits of their choice – it likely wasn’t a serious matter, so I left it. I concluded that this was a matter of letting the dead bury the dead.
I expect Senka would have suffered some lack of closure by not having one last moment to place her hand on the casket and say farewell to her life partner. As I look back, if I had an opportunity, I would speak up for Senka’s sake. Easy to say with hindsight; things happen so quickly, one doesn’t have much time to consider, especially one so slow on the uptake as I.
Being bothered about this matter later, I prayed, and received that this situation was simply another “” for a time soon to come. Talking to Nenad and Marena, Dan and Senka’s son and daughter, they confirmed to me that they wanted the coffin on the surface for a little while longer to say their farewells. Marena was angry with the priest. This made me feel bad, but I remembered it was a “Trep Prep” and settled for that. Lessons are not easily learned but they do prepare. I also knew it really was not crucially important that things had been different for them. I think I was more concerned of having lost the opportunity to confront false religion and declare a better way to others.
It was around this time that Lana Ackerman, a Harvest Haven customer and yoga instructor, began asking us questions about God and the Bible, and we began to reply. She and her husband Brad came over on the Sabbath, January 11, for the afternoon and supper. She asked many questions and we gave her the answers. Great unpleasantry would come of this relationship.
Among many other things, we informed Lana that as a believer she may not want, or be able, to be involved in yoga, – physical exercise and proper breathing, yes, but some of the philosophy – certainly the spiritual aspect – would be anti-Christ. She was also sharing her rental rooms at her office with others who were into questionable therapy practices, such as advanced Reiki. We suggested she break off all such alliances unless God said otherwise. I don’t think she accepted what we were saying.
On February 4, Brad called to say Lana had fallen down the stairs at her office and broken both ankles. Lana reports she felt as though she was pushed by an unseen force and that there was no way she could have fallen independently. We knew there was a reason why she was subject to evil forces and such “mishaps.” I visited her at the hospital and while there, met her friend Val Smith.
Days later, Lana reported that massage therapist Eric Neilson (later known as Dennise Two Spirit Sage Walker) fell down those same stairs, and he felt like he was pushed. When it happened, he promptly called her in panic and fear (according to her). She told us that one of their clients also fell, and that they heard strange sounds there.
So what could have been attracting these vicious spirits to Lana’s office, which she shared with Liz, Eric Neilson, and Carole Friesen. According to Lana, Liz (last name escapes me) practised spiritualism and burned sage to chase away spirits. Good luck with that! These practices attract, not repel, devils. Carole gave courses in angelolatry and perhaps or likely channeling, another open invitation to devils. And while the Bible teaches that men are not to dress as women or women as men, Eric Neilson cross-dressed in public. That is also an open invitation for devils to enjoy themselves and wreak havoc.
We advised Lana that she needed to get out of there.
Walter Allert had his own dump-trucking business and often hauled gravel for us. On occasion he would ask questions about us and our beliefs. He informed us that we were talked about, and in particular, that neighbor Arnold Willms condemned us in no uncertain terms as a dangerous cult.
He also told us Arnold had an operation for prostate cancer about a year ago. We didn’t know. When we first started marketing the Far Infrared Dome in 2001, we Arnold and his wife Clara to see the machines. We knew that the Dome was very beneficial for the body, the prostate included, and that it enhanced the body’s ability to cope with and overcome many maladies. Now we find that about a year after walking out of the Chi meeting in “friendly” contempt, Arnold was operated on for prostate cancer. And that would not be the end of it.
Mark and Lois went to visit Arnold and his wife Clara, trying to reason with him because he had been slandering us, but he wouldn’t repent. He stubbornly refused to acknowledge any error, wrong or fault. Therefore, withstanding us, he perishes in his sin.
In the night of January 11/12, 2003, I dreamt of people coming for healing. The worldly authorities would try to exercise their power to prevent them from coming and our healing them, but it wouldn’t be a problem. At the time, I didn’t think the dream was of God, but I have reconsidered.
About six months ago, we had a Chi meeting at the farm. Jerry and Bernice Kirchner came. Jerry’s doctors had given him but a short time to live. He was a smoker most of his life (40 years or so) and developed a large and malignant inoperable tumor alongside his right lung. He looked like death warmed over. He also looked like he had given up, but his wife Bernice was not accepting the death sentence.
They more or less pulled out all stops to beat the cancer. Jerry did what many people as long-term smokers find very difficult to do – he quit. They changed their diet and began to treat their water with Grander; Jerry visited Dr. Dan Harper regularly in Conrad for ozone treatments; he bought the Far Infrared Dome from us and began to use it; and, they prayed, asking many others to pray for and with them. Jerry also used the QXCI and I believe he may have been taking Essiac Tea (not sure).
He called me on January 11, joyful and excited. He just received a clean bill of health from his medical doctors. The Kirchners came to our store and gave us all a big hug. There were some tears of joy shed. Jerry promised that he would lend his name and testimony to anyone in need, so that he might give them hope and encourage them to do the things he did to defeat cancer.
Whereas the medical establishment kills with chemotherapy, surgery and radiation, and gives up, alternative health care has often won the day for many people with many ailments, even terminal cancer. God has made available good, harmless, healthy ways to bring people out of destruction, if they will believe and obey. Cancer comes from improper lifestyle; change the lifestyle for good and the hopes for defeating cancer are often very good.
I had no intention to drum up sales and push distributors under us to meet quotas in order to win a cruise with Hsin Ten. I said that if God wants us on that cruise, let Him arrange it. And He did. The sales came and Paul won the cruise for the two of us.
I had been concerned and praying about speaking out against the Catholic Church. Another concern I had was not formally taking the time to pray. Then, as I was praying at meal at the farm, Lois had a vision in which she saw a man on his knees, praying. Above him was a large face with a crown on the head. From That Person a light shone downward upon the man. This vision on January 24, 2003, answered two concerns for me because I knew I was that man under the light. Lois had known nothing of these concerns.
Paul called Forrest Browatzke’s number and his sister answered. They located Forrest about seven months ago in a youth hostel in Kelowna. He was not well physically or mentally. She also informed us he had a history of delusion, as did his father. She asked for prayer. We have prayed, and we believe Forrest will in due time be saved.
In the introduction, if I have not already done so, I want people to know that sin will always have its wages, nobody gets away with anything, and sins are remembered and will sooner or later be found out. This book mentions names to make and to bring home this declaration.
Ingrid informs me that Paul is still persisting in marrying her though she has found herself not interested and I have spoken to him. She tells me there is an element of resentment in his spirit about the matter.
Paul interjects: Not at this time. In fact, I didn’t persist after I heard from others the year before that she wasn’t interested. And I was corrected in my attitude during the fall, when I saw the division by a serpent. I may have had my hopes rekindled somewhat when Ingrid told me about a dream showing us being married, but I wasn’t persisting with her and wasn’t resentful at this time. I wouldn’t report things like this unless stating it is Ingrid’s uncorroborated report – no two or three witnesses.
In retrospect, what irks me about Ingrid is that she led me on and then dropped me without even speaking to me – and then talked behind my back! Did I ever do that with her? She was cold and selfish. Now that I think of it, Trevor did the same thing to Sara – just led her along and dropped her without a word. He, however, came back to her with an apology about the way he behaved, without anyone saying anything to him about this. (This happened much more recently, when he was being corrected on things after Martin became manager.)[End]
By now she has given up hope appealing to the court in Belgium for her children. Her appeals have fallen on deaf ears. God is not with her in them.
Marcia told us she had cosigned with her first husband for a mortgage on a house her mother inhabited in England. Her former husband disappeared, leaving Marcia with the debt obligation. If she did not keep up payments, she and her mother would lose the house.
I asked the Lord what she needed to do. I received an answer, which was that Marcia cease making the payments. Why would God not require us to keep our promises and financial obligations? Would leaving her mother with the debt be honoring one’s mother? This answer was not one that seemed to meet the requirements of God’s Law and ways, but neither did the call to sacrifice Isaac. I told her to stop making the payments, and that she needed to forsake her family, particularly her mother, letting the dead bury their dead.
“This is hard,” replied Marcia when I told her. However, she gave her mother notice that she was no longer sending her mortgage money.
Just as her debt problem was addressed, Marcia received her US Permanent Residency Green Card, for which she had been waiting a long while. Was God blessing her obedience? Were these related to the two chains I saw her with?
It wasn’t until after Marcia’s obedience that she informed me of other factors that made the command of God understandable. Marcia told me her older brother lived with the mother, but was a no good vagabond who leached off of her for all his needs while he ran around with women and did drugs. Marcia also informed me her brother once sexually molested her at an early age. She said she reported the assault to her mother but her mother wouldn’t do anything about it, being protective of her son. Indeed, Marcia was made to feel like the culprit in the crime. Neither did the son ever confess or apologize for anything.
I was now seeing that as long as Marcia paid their bills and the mother was supporting and protecting a bum who would not lift a finger to help in any way, things would not change and Marcia would be an accessory to crime. I was satisfied and thankful.
Jonathan had been sleeping on the balcony at the farm when we stayed for days at a time, and complained about being lonely and afraid. On February 7, he became ill. At first we thought it was measles, then the flu, or “just something going around.” With retrospect, I believe the cause of his illness was the tension and stress because of the conflict between Marilyn and me and the general problems we were having at the farm.
On February 10, 2003, I had a vision of Ingrid lingering, tending to look back. Paul wrote a letter, putting words in her mouth that she ought to be speaking in faith. She continues to fear her enemies and to choose intermediaries (like unbelieving lawyers) to fight her battles. She must recognize her battle as spiritual and not earthly, and that it’s the Lord’s battle and not hers.
Around this time, Lois told me that she was so overwhelmed and thankful by a realization of what God has done for us, she had to sit down.
In the night of February 15/16, 2003, Lana dreamt that there were hundreds of people in a room, praying, singing and praising God – families and ordinary folk, rejoicing. She said it was like a healing place, a large room.
On the night of February 17, 2003, I had a dream wherein I visited Or-Kids organic store. The business had some activity though not much. I was speaking with a couple of employees. One was a young man who was their bookkeeper, informing me that they were having financial problems. Cherie Petrie came up beside me with a tray to serve someone near me. It seemed like we were in a small deli or quick-serve cafeteria. She was well dressed, appearing attractive and prosperous. She ignored me, as she does in reality, sulking against me, yet appearing to be pleasant, as in real life with us.
Phyllis Bates examined me and told me I had no metal toxicity, which was good to hear, seeing I had a dozen amalgams for three decades while grinding my teeth. On the other hand, she said I have circulation and pancreas problems, digestive problems, that I am not absorbing calcium, am dehydrated and lack salt. She recommended certain supplements.
Marilyn has been depressed, moody and generally miserable for the past weeks and months. I could only tell her she was in bitterness, self-pity and self-justification. She confessed she hadn’t forgiven Lois and me for the situation with Sean. I told her that was not news to me or to anyone else. It simply didn’t occur to her that she was the offender and not those she offended. She commits adultery on me and doesn’t forgive me? Lois ceases supporting her in adultery and now she won’t forgive her? How amazing are the wicked in their contradiction!
We just received word from Lois’ brother Terry on February 24 that my aunt Lucy (Lois’s sister and Ernie Mouck’s wife) was dying of a terrible cancer that was eating her jaw. Their daughter Arlie called to get information on our Far Infrared Dome, but they did nothing about it. Lucy died on March 22, 2003. In , he and his house have had their share of trouble.
The Seventh Day Adventists are all caught up with the so-called “Second Coming” because they have never experienced it. They’re waiting for Christ to come in the flesh when they need to know Him after the spirit. The spirit of anti-Christ denies that Christ comes in the flesh presently but declares that He comes in the flesh in the future. Their spirit is one of denial – denial that Christ is known in the spirit, denial that He is in the present, and denial that He comes in the flesh now by His people, which people the SDA’s are not.
The greatest fact we know and have today is that You, Lord, are Here, Now, with and in us, and it is Your time, Your hour to declare Your Kingdom, glory and power by us.
So often we sat at meal and marveled at how peaceful it was without Sean. We could not help but express ourselves with the freedom we had to do so. On the other hand, Marilyn could not help but come to Sean’s defense and extol him. She continues to worship, defend, admire, and love him.
On February 28, I visited Lana’s studio. As I entered and examined, I received that she was to close the door to the place, the business, the people – everything. It was finished. I told them so.
Brad and Lana had come for the Sabbath and stayed for dinner about five times. On March 1, they came late and were defeated, demoralized and discouraged. She had failures, betrayals, disappointments and losses. I told them it was all part of the whole process and that it was all very good. I knew they needed it but what I did not seem to be conscious of was that these sorts of things do not occur with a new believer; these are things that happen to the wicked, those who talk but do not walk, in short, the hypocrite. But we would soon find out more.
I shared some of my past with them, we prayed, and Lana concluded that she was done with the business. However, they were asking curious questions, probing circumspectly. They had been talking to people about us.
At this time, I was having an email correspondence with her friend, Val Smith, whom I was confronting on her spiritual state and stance, particularly her infatuation with Hermann Muller, a false spiritual teacher, to put it mildly. Val brought my comments to Lana, who called me on March 2nd, being quite upset. She immediately presumed to know and understand enough to judge me on all I had said and done, and was quite belligerent about it. I kindly, patiently, but forthrightly asked her some questions, and then said what had been coming to me for days for them: “Lana, you and Brad need to count the cost.” She was afraid I was offending Val.
By March 4, Brad and Lana were avoiding me, said they had been “praying and now question whether we are of God.” They had also been visiting with the Seventh Day Adventists and Mike Lemon, who called me a false prophet. As far as the SDAs are concerned, Ellen G. White was a true prophetess, and the last one. So how could I be a prophet after her? Not that I was the least interested in being recognized as a prophet.
I tried reasoning with the Ackermans by correspondence, to no avail. With Brad having family in the SDAs, and having no understanding of what I was saying to them concerning the organization, they joined them. I doubted they would remain with them for long because I concluded that Lana was a critical, bitter woman, whose relationship with anyone or anything would be shallow and temporary at best, unless those involved sufficiently agreed with her. This Brad was wont to do. He was her toy poodle, ready to please and obey at a moment’s notice, supposing, in his selfish lusts, that it was a virtue to do so.
In the very end, the Ackermans condemned me, mocking and scoffing, and went their way. They were putrid, in dramatic terms. I marveled at how swinish they could be.
The farm called on speaker phone on March 3 citing Jonathan’s offenses and expressing concern. Jonathan was rebuked and discipline was in full order for him.
It seems to me, as I write and look back, that this was where he began to be closed toward the farm and all those there. I have for a long time had a problem with the way Marilyn has related to Jonathan and allowed him certain attitudes and freedoms that I didn’t think a parent should permit. She treated him as her buddy, and allowed him to treat her as his buddy or girlfriend, except where it wasn’t in her selfish interests to do so. Such attitudinal conditioning would carry over to all relationships. I’ve tried to combat this arrangement in various ways, unspoken and otherwise.
However, I can’t say Marilyn alone is to blame for the division. I know I could be very blameworthy. What if, for example, their judgment of Jonathan was not right, I believed it, and faulted him? Where then would I stand in his estimation? What if I haven’t been the father I should be, and I expect I haven’t been? I also believe that Jonathan must learn to take responsibility and be prepared to be misunderstood; it is part of life.
US Customs has become a very unpleasant experience, thanks not only to Al-Qaeda, but also to the ineptitude of the American government or those who desire to take away our freedoms. Is it a conspiracy? Could be, but it doesn’t matter. The Lord is in charge of all.
Even in adverse circumstances, God provides treats. After we booked in at the Wellesley Inn in Fort Lauderdale, we took a walk to a restaurant we quite enjoyed – Lester’s. No, it wasn’t organic, but then we weren’t expecting to eat organic for the next week. Lester’s was good. The food was delicious, the portions generous, and the prices right.
On this cruise, we met many people, and with many of them we would have occasion to speak of important and spiritual issues, if not on the cruise, then in future. For now, let me just name them. They were:
Gordon Pan, CEO of Hsin Ten, and his son Eric Pan; Jerry Tsai, a senior executive, and his wife, Julie; Sean Wu, the Canadian manager; Kenny Lai, a Hsin Ten executive; Joe Hong, a motivator from Hong Kong; Gary Pollakosky, the new, 27-year old marketing manager in New York (who did not remain long with Hsin Ten); Tony Randeiro, a rather excitable man, who was the marketing manager in New York for North America for a while; our uplines, Ken Cook and his wife LeeAnn Stetson from Lethbridge were there, as was their upline, Bob Nelson, a top distributor, with his son Robbie, from Minneapolis; Conrad Ching and his wife Judy, from Hawaii; John and Deanna Sudweeks from Utah, top distributors; Peter Armstrong of Florida, top distributor; Martin and Cora Severson of Camrose, Alberta; Dr. Nathan Lipton and wife Vera of Dallas, Texas; Terri Snow; sisters Chandler and Jo Mitts of Mississippi and Louisiana, Harry Bushenlonga of Swan River, Manitoba, Canada, with friend Fred Ponto; Eugene and Cynthia Thompson of Saskatchewan, Mitch and Michelle Fields of California, Jeff Kowalski of Minnesota, a prominent distributor; Edna Rogers of Saskatchewan, Canada, also a prominent distributor, and her daughter Delores Mishleau and Delores’ husband Ken, from Minnesota; a Carol Applegate, from near Denver, Colorado; and from Mexico – Raphael Garcia (the life-of-the-party kind of guy), his wife Maria Inez and his sister Rosa, Ernesto and Conchita, Jesus (Hayzoos) and wife Hilda – the Mexican group a lively, fun-loving, yet also quite sober at the same time, typical Spanish bunch, at least somewhat “typical” to me.
The cruise ship was the Monarch of the Seas. While Paul and I were asleep in our room after midnight of March 8/9, 2003, I heard someone call my name. I awoke thinking it was Paul, but it wasn’t. In less than 24 hours I would find out who it was.
The following night at supper, Kenny said he thought he saw us on an upper deck the night before and called out to me. I asked him what time that was. He replied that it was at 12:30 a.m., about the time I heard my name called in my sleep. I told him I heard his voice but I also assured him that we had been asleep in our cabin for over an hour, which meant it was entirely impossible (logically speaking) for me to be on deck or to hear his voice. Kenny then informed us that he called me because he wished to talk about God. For a while afterwards he deliberately sought our spiritual counsel and communion.
The Hsin Ten management planned some mental exercises for us to test our imaginations and various mental skills in teamwork, while blindfolded and under a time limit. We were also competing with other teams. Concentrating on the first test, I was able to devise a solution.
In the second, however, we were told to signal to one another only by roaring like a lion. Well, I had learned how to roar like a lion with my son, not from the throat but as lions do, from deep down, which I did. However, I had nobody reply to me, could not locate team members, so I kept at it.
I think I made a complete fool of myself, showing off to everyone just how I could roar like a lion. Of course, the point was not the roaring but solving the problem. I later thought of ways I could have solved it, but I was too caught up in roaring like a lion. Will I ever learn? Will I ever change? God, how foolish I feel.
I want everyone to know that I’m forever doing something foolish, one way or another. If it isn’t giggling or trying to be funny when I’m not, or saying something entirely stupid, it’s something else as asinine, but I do it. Man of God? Yes, but it most certainly isn’t because I’m made of the “right stuff.” It’s not my virtue – I am entirely bereft of any.
Peter Armstrong came by and listened to a spiritual conversation Paul and I were having with Kenny Lai. Peter later shared with us some of his background, which was not an easy one. He spoke of the decadence of America. I was surprised, but found him to be a thinker, and not a shallow man. I told him America’s decadence was why we needed the Muslims as God’s chastening rod. He didn’t like to hear it. I don’t like to think it either, but it’s true.
Peter also wondered if there was some way he could be involved in a spiritual work. I told him there was, but he needed to know that it wouldn’t and couldn’t be with money or any expectation of monetary reward. I’m not sure I got to tell him that, but I know I wish I had.
Peter, it’s up to the Lord as to whether He wants to use you in such a capacity, and how. If you check us on our site, you’ll see what God is doing with and through us. The Lord grant you His goodness and reveal His will to you. You need not live in guilt, shame, or desperation. There is THE Solution, Jesus Christ, Lord of lords, Creator of all. He has made Himself known to us as a Very Present Help.
Because Peter seemed to be searching for more, I wanted to talk further with him, but it didn’t happen. I tried emailing but there was no reply.
Unaccustomed to being away from the family for more than a day, I missed Marilyn and Jonathan. I expected that if I told Marilyn so, she would not receive or appreciate it. I certainly knew she didn’t miss me. I feel bad for her, for us.
Ken and Delores Mishleau are part of a sect of the Seventh Day Adventists. As we passed their dinner table on the cruise ship, we got into a discussion. Ken was combative and quite miserable, and I was not about to back down or ignore the foolish, religious things they were saying. I found them self-righteous and haughty.
Delores soon dismissively put an end to the discussion, seeing they weren’t getting anywhere. Time and time again, I’ve found that in Seventh Day Adventist circles, women openly, brazenly rule, while their husbands act as castrated poodles. Oh, they bark, but no more. Their masters do the chasing and biting.
I suppose this grows out of their following a woman, Ellen G. White, their prophetess. I also found it rather strange that while the women in SDA circles often make a show of piety with long dresses, presumably to cover their legs, which Delores did (which is fine and good), she had no problem appearing in public at the pool and in the lobby in a bathing suit, showing all the leg there was to see.
It was around this time that America invaded Iraq, with the accusation that Saddam Hussein possessed “weapons of mass destruction” (WMD), which possession we were told was a grave danger to the West. I said that if it took this step, America was stepping into something much bigger and much more serious than expected. I was close to calling it America’s Waterloo. Yet it seemed that George Bush was damned if he did and damned if he didn’t. I can’t explain, except that America was headed for necessary judgment.
Prime Minister Jean Chretien of Canada was against the Iraq invasion.
On March 18, 2003, we sent out a paper, Buddhism and Deepak Chopra, to several people. Seeing Chopra was so popular an advocate of Buddhism, which was touted as virtuous and even in harmony with Biblical Christianity, I knew I had to write a response and make known the great difference between the two.
Ben Hafichuk called us several times just to talk. Cathie’s father, Gordon Donald Duck, died in February. As Archie and Cathie attended the funeral in Toronto, they stopped on the way to see mother, Anne Hafichuk, in Dauphin.
Elizabeth married Rodney Tribiger, an accomplished artist from Kelowna, BC. As I peruse his art, I think I might prefer it to even Robert Bateman’s excellent work because, besides the excellence of performance in the detail, Rod enlarges the atmosphere and scope to enable one to receive a greater sense of the reality.
Elizabeth too had artistic abilities, and I still have a simple picture she did in her childhood years, which I framed in a curious way, and which I would be glad to freely return to her, if she so desired.
I expected that if we mixed our earthly business – the organic and health product sales at Harvest Haven, with heavenly business – proclaiming the truth and addressing people’s shortfalls with God, as in our spiritual website, The Path of Truth, there would be conflict.
I speculated that people would accuse us of using God and religion for mammon’s sake. Another possibility would be that when truth is spoken and sins and hearts are addressed, people would be offended and not want to do business with us.
How well would Jesus have done if He had product to sell? Would the people not wonder, and if those who followed Him were His customers, how would that sit with people and His business? In just one day, He would have taken quite a hit in his sales volume and profits. John records that after speaking some hard-to-understand words to His followers: “From this time many of His disciples went back into the things behind, and walked no more with Him” (John 6:66 MKJV).
I made a bit of an effort to keep business and spiritual matters separate. However, circumstances would lead to demonstrate the absolute unreality and impossibility of such a notion. I wondered if I shouldn’t stay out of merchandising altogether if I was to be faithful about my Heavenly Father’s business. But it became evident our farm was a teaching lesson itself, a witness to the world of how farming, food production and business should be done in this day of industrial, chemical, conventional agriculture.
I did realize that one cannot protect his business interests while serving God. It is all or nothing. If we lost sales, fine; we needed to be faithful to God first, always.
Page 15 PART TWO – Pentecost to Israel (cont.) Particle – A Sense of Betrayal I felt the Lord had let me down, if not betrayed me. How could I trust Him in anything? How could I believe Him? Why would He lead me on like this? Why would He not have told me plainly that David was going to die? What was wrong with me that He wouldn't talk to me? I had tried to believe what God told me over a year ago, that David was healed. I was shocked, not only with the sorrow of David's death, but also because my own spiritual condition or position was questionable now. I had declared that David would live; others had declared that he would die, and he died. They hadn't believed, while I thought I had; yet they were right, and I was wrong. Once again, I was the religious fool. Particle – Hard Realities With all the grief, my parents didn't want us to leave their place now. I feel badly that I wasn't capable of loving and comforting them. I was so hard, so judgmental and unfeeling. However, so were they, and I have learned that hard draws and needs hard. Particle – Buying for the Buried or for the Buriers? My parents asked me to help them decide what to buy for the funeral. Because everyone dearly loved David, he being that gentle, humorous, friendly soul, many would have readily done almost anything for him. What also made it so hard was that he was leaving us in his youth. Still, being the practical-minded one, I suggested they get by with minimum expenses. “Why feed an ex...
Page 6 PART EIGHT – Day 888 to Victory (cont.) Particle – Jonathan Asks About the Sabbath On November 21, 1999, as Jonathan and I sat reading Exodus 20, he asked me why we didn't keep the Sabbath. I didn't feel at peace about any answer I gave him. Why? I found myself getting into a sort of confusing defense against keeping the seventh day, the Fourth Commandment. I also had to reason with him about keeping another day, Sunday. I was confounded by man's theology, and it wasn't making sense while trying to answer a child's simple question. Particle – Haste Is Never Necessary One of the things I have learned is that there's never need for rushing; rushing always accomplishes the opposite of what is intended. Haste indeed makes waste and “he that hastes with his feet sins.” Haste is bred of unbelief. God is never in a hurry. So many things continue in desperate condition and it seems God does nothing about it… until the time. There's never a need to hurry, unless He says so, and He rarely if ever does. Particle – A Fire Played With Marilyn and Sean are playing with fire, and already they're burning. The fire grows and spreads, and is capable of burning everyone, given time, nobody exempt. That's how it works; the heat is felt by all who are nearby to varying degrees according to their proximity. It's not easy to stand outside, watching a home burn with family inside, being told to let it happen. I take it by faith that this fire is a purifying on...
Page 3 PART TWO – Pentecost to Israel (cont.) Particle – My First Letter of Spiritual Criticism When we left the Baptists after being rejected because we had received the Spirit, we returned to the Alliance church. It was now quite different in spirit or atmosphere. Granted, we were in a new spiritual realm within, but I could see that, compared to what the congregation was like before their new building - relatively more humble, alive, and busy - now they were subdued. The people had lost something in their construction and expansion. In my pre-Spirit baptism days as a repentant convert to Christ, I had admired the Alliance pastor, Ernest Regier. I saw him as a meek and humble man. After I received the Spirit, however, I realized that he didn't have the spiritual traits of meekness and humility, that what I had seen was only an attempt of the flesh to be godly or Christlike. I was now seeing through him. This was at least the fifth pastor in the first few months since being baptized in the Spirit, whose heart had been partially revealed to me. I now wrote my first letter after receiving the Spirit, and I told Mr. Regier what I saw. Why didn't I tell him personally? I don't know. Was it fear or lack of confidence? Maybe. I did think that perhaps he wouldn't listen to me if I tried talking to him, and I had a better chance of expressing myself more accurately and completely on paper. The following Sunday, he and his wife made a beeline for Marilyn and me when...