PART TEN – The Issues of Life (cont.)
On November 1, 2002, I was headed home from Helena after several busy and productive days of meetings with people for the Hsin Ten business, visiting with Paul and Sara, confronting Angela Adamson, Melba Berg, Kerri, meeting Ralph Bauma in Shelby (a preacher trying to do a work in his own strength and wisdom, as most others), receiving a treatment from Keith Barnard, who sold us a BEFE machine that we would be carrying and selling, and checking on an organic farmer in Helena who sold us some potatoes for our store.
We often get offended when others do us evil, whether they mean it personally or not. With such reaction, we, in effect, not only permit them to continue doing us evil, we also help in their evil against us. With time, those doing us evil forget and lose their ill feelings or intentions toward us and they go on, while we might remain harboring resentment and bitterness. Thus we do not contribute to clearing away evil from our consciences or from theirs, which results in much loss in every way.
I bring this up because there was a time when I held resentment toward those that did us evil on November 10, 1989 at Moon River. As they say, however, “time heals all wounds,” and God answered my prayer for ability to forgive all. Furthermore, as my record shows, all kinds of wounds were healed from that event, many of which I had no idea I had, but which had tormented me from childhood, so while they meant it for evil, God meant it for good. He used fire to cleanse me.
Al and Kay Wheeler were among them that day. Because I bore them no ill will, I was able to sell them health equipment as I would to anyone else, and it helped Kay with a problem she was having with her foot. So I had peace in my heart, money in my pocket, and they had reprieve in their ills. What’s wrong with that? Had they ever confessed and repented of the evil done me? Not that I’m aware. Did they need to do so in order that I might have a right attitude toward them? Not at all! Did I need to do anything about them to make them change? No. Leaving it to God is the best thing I could have done.
And would they have purchased anything from me had they borne personal ill will toward me? Not likely. So what good would it have done me to be bitter toward them?
Benny Winther told me of a couple in Calgary who had all sorts of physical maladies, and suggested I go talk to them about the machines. I paid them a visit, demoed the machines and found that though they wanted them, they had no money to pay at the time but asked me for credit. They were strangers to me and not much different to the Winthers that I could tell, but I asked the Lord and decided to leave the machines with them and it ended up okay. Donald and Cecile Bernard honored their commitment to us.
I began to notice that there seemed to be but two days between Sabbaths, that we had no sooner enjoyed one then another arrived. Time was flying. Were we busy? Were we not paying attention? What is the explanation? There does not seem to be one. One man opined and philosophized that time was indeed speeding up because we were at the end of history as we have known it.
Tom Jackson, a star of North of 60, a CBC weekly serial production, told a bit of his story. He was a drunk and vagrant in Winnipeg’s north end. One night, he was thrown in jail and beat up by police. He was aboriginal.
Tom could have gone bitter against the white man, the police, or whatever, but he didn’t. He said he came to his senses in his cell that night and decided that if he didn’t take steps to change his path, he would not survive. He quit drugs and alcohol, went straight, got singing with a gifted voice and became a star. Now he helps others on the street.
From what I can tell, Tom isn’t a believer, but if what he said was true, he certainly had the right attitude and reaction to his circumstances, and followed through all the way. God has blessed him, and has displayed fruits far better than most professing Christ. Not bad for a “drunken Indian.” God chooses whom He will. God bless you, Tom.
God has blessed us tremendously in every way and kept us. I think of how Archie and his family could be blessed had they believed. Instead, I’m told he totalled his truck and is in debt to his son-in-law; Chris receives a head injury and wanders about; Erin has a severe car accident; Ben is in debt, asking for money; Nathan has NCO Financial Services after him for bad debt, and these are only things surfacing indirectly. How much more is there? Kerri is in deep bitterness, full of darkness with fear and anxiety, which she says is “better than the bubble in which we live.”
All around us are people full of despair, illness, poverty, losses of all kinds, worries and conflicts. Indeed, we are in a haven of safety, comfort and provision of all things. Are bubbles really that bad?
Sissy was one of our milk cows and a nasty, unpredictable kicker; milking her was a gamble that could result in serious injury. We prayed for her and she greatly settled down. One day we would sadly, even angrily, find out another cause for nervous cows.
We were having problems with missing meat and likely inaccurate hot weights at Prairie Meats to their favor. What could we do about it? On Friday, November 15, 2002, Marilyn and I went to speak to the management at that time, being Andy and Brian. I believe they refunded us some charges that were in error.
I then spoke to them about honest dealings. I said that if they were to treat their customers fairly, God would bless them and their business. While I didn’t speak the corollary, it was implied, that being if they didn’t treat their clientele properly, there would be a curse.
Andy said nothing but Brian spoke up almost immediately, appearing as though he was uncomfortable with what I had just said but putting a brave face on it. He said, “Well, I take that blessing from God because we’re honest with everybody!”
I wasn’t assured by Brian’s words or spirit and wasn’t satisfied with what we achieved there, suspecting we would suffer more loss by pilferage, but we had nowhere else to go at the time to process our meat. After not so long a time, we found another cutter. I also felt that by claiming the blessing, Brian unintentionally was also claiming the curse.
But it was not long before we got wind that Prairie had a reputation for theft. One rancher, Hugh Crawford, found out he and others were being cheated out of substantial amounts of meat. Prairie Meats shut down not long after, experiencing various problems, financially and perhaps in government regulations hygienically. The blessing obviously was not there, but the curse surely was.
The day would come when Andy would revive the business, this time without Brian, and it would apparently go well. We would be pleased with their service and integrity.
Marilyn heard the words, “a change in course,” meaning we were going to see a change in direction and operations. We shared this with the others. I said we were to fear nothing, that it is our day now.
You, Lord, are healing and cleansing, preparing us with finishing touches for the work You have called us to.
I had a vision on November 24, 2002, of Archie and Cathie, poor, in need of money and all things. I saw myself giving to them, only to provoke great resentment toward me. Marilyn said at the time of the vision that I would have to remember it. I believed I was receiving a warning from God that when the temptation came to give that I should resist it or I would be sorry.
My note in June 2016: Years later, I recall this a bit differently, which is why we should write things down; we can’t trust our memories. That said, I also recall that I would be greatly troubled if I gave and there was no gratefulness. I should be prepared to help them without appreciation, not necessarily that I shouldn’t give at all.
I perceived that one could go in short term with Nortel shares and make some very good returns in a hurry. I asked the Lord about it and received 1 Timothy 6:6-19, especially 9-11:
“But they who will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts which plunge men into destruction and perdition. For the love of money is a root of all evils, of which some having lusted after, they were seduced from the faith and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But you, O man of God, flee these things and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, and meekness.” (1 Timothy 6:9-11 MKJV)
I recalled the Lord teaching me that one cannot play with fire and not get burned. I am to walk with God, worshipping Him, not laying up treasures on earth, and He will give me whatever He chooses.
Incidentally, Paul reminded me that God owns it all and when we are in Him, so do we own it all. Furthermore, in Isaiah it says that the Gentiles will bring their wealth. We don’t need to go seeking it. And, in Christ, we inherit all things. Inheritance is not earned – it is simply given. Therefore, as I see it, there’s no need for me to go into the stock market. Quite the contrary, unless God speaks to me, confirming to do something like this, I dare not enter and consider myself forbidden to do so.
Paul McCartney caught my attention about this time and I envied him. “Boy, does he have it made in this world!” What is coming over me? I’m finding my heart colder toward the things of God, dulled in the spiritual, and I’m afraid. I’m suddenly double-minded. Father, keep me on You and on You only.
Today, November 30, though Marilyn still wants Sean, I don’t consider the road traveled to have been a rocky one at all. I’m very thankful that God has done what He has done.
The Muslims are rising up in great force and strategy, ready to destroy and fully determined to ruthlessly dominate the world, but the West sleeps on.
Many, most, if not all nights are troubling to me. I struggle with my conscience and have forgotten to give thanks. The enemy has victory over me because I have not been wide openly honest with everyone, concerning not only business, but all matters. Yet, I see that the things that trouble me are of no consequence to anyone. I mull them over, justify myself, rationalize and live in torment.
The world is full of trouble. There’s Iraq, vaccinations, Kyoto, governmental oppression and corruption, gun registration laws, Muslim aggression, plagues, false Christianity, medical tyranny, the list goes on and on. But I must praise God and know that He’s able and deals in all things.
Troubles! We have lost about a quarter or more of our lambs – a huge percentage. This troubles me and triggers a search for sin. Why does God let this happen or why does He curse us with these losses?
On this Sabbath, we answered the business phone for a freezer ad we had running.
I struggle with dealing with Jonathan on the Sabbath. He has spent several of them with friends and Scouts instead of with us. How do we spend our time on this day? How should Jonathan spend it? Lord, give me wisdom to do as You will.
It is plain in Scripture that there are certain things one does during the week that one doesn’t do on the Sabbath, like servile work and “finding one’s own pleasure” (Isaiah 58:13). However, I also find that when I have a problem with doing some things on the Sabbath, like shooting sparrows, I realize they should not be done on any day, unless evidently necessary.
Why do we refrain from radio and television on the Sabbath? Why do we stay away from certain mundane or worldly subjects on the net? It’s good to do so, but then I realize some of the things on TV, radio and the internet shouldn’t be entertained by any true, faithful Christian on any day.
Why, for example, do we waste time on entertainment when we could be doing something of value? Isaiah speaks of not speaking our own words on the Sabbath (58:13). What is he talking about? Aren’t we called to a life of holiness (separation unto God) as saints? Should we be speaking “our own words” at any time?
Because it’s not the Sabbath doesn’t mean we’re free to do anything we please. Why do we find some people living like angels on Sabbaths or Sundays and as devils the rest of the week? Isn’t it because they don’t permit the instruction of the Sabbath to permeate their being that they might live properly before the Lord on all days? Is it not because the Sabbath itself really means nothing more to them than any other day, and that they don’t have the Spirit of God in them to do right?
I awoke on the morning of December 11, 2002 realizing how I had forgotten Your Words in March of 1976 at Prince Albert, saying, “I am hurting! I am hurting!” Lord, please, turn me and I shall be Yours; do with me as You please – cause me to serve You and not any other god. Lord, please! Let my life be wholly Yours.
Reading the genealogies of Matthew and Luke, one finds a sudden difference in names from David onward. Matthew goes to Solomon, anointed earthly regal son and successor of David, while Luke goes to Nathan, another of David’s sons. How can this be?
What came to me was that Solomon was the carnal lineage, but Nathan the spiritual, though both lead to Joseph, our Lord’s stepfather.
Solomon was a carnal type of the spiritual king prophesied to sit on the throne of David. And as is inevitable for carnality, Solomon in all his great wisdom proceeded to corruption. As the earthy man Adam fell to his wife, so Solomon fell to many wives and worshiping other gods.
But David’s other son Nathan was likely named after Nathan the prophet of God who came rebuking David for his sin of adultery with Bathsheba, from whom came Solomon.
In Matthew, Jacob descended from Solomon and is Joseph’s father by blood; in Luke, Joseph’s father is Heli. Jacob brings the earthly birthright from Solomon. Heli, descending from Nathan, brings with him the spiritual birthright of Judah.
The first Adam is of the earth, earthy; the last Adam is Heavenly. First the earthy, then the heavenly; “the elder shall serve the younger.”
We see in Scripture that at times there is both a carnal and spiritual connection. Isaac was not only Abraham’s physical, but spiritual son because God chose Isaac. Not so with Ishmael. As well, Isaac had two sons, Jacob and Esau. Jacob, the second born, was the one chosen of God to possess the spiritual birthright, and the lineage was recorded from Jacob. So could this be the explanation? Finally, Jacob had 12 sons, and all are named as the tribes, yet Judah was the chosen one through whom Jesus the Christ came.
1 Corinthians 15:45-49 MKJV
(45) And so it is written, “The first man, Adam, became a living soul,” the last Adam was a life-giving Spirit.
(46) But not the spiritual first, but the natural; afterward the spiritual.
(47) The first man was out of earth, earthy; the second Man was the Lord from Heaven.
(48) Such the earthy man, such also the earthy ones. And such the heavenly Man, such also the heavenly ones.
(49) And according as we bore the image of the earthy man, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly Man.
There is a physical lineage and there is a spiritual lineage.
The “fork” came at David for the Lord’s lineage. David was the one chosen to be the “father” of the Messiah. God promised him there would not fail to be a king on a throne from David. Obviously, in the carnal realm, the promise failed when Solomon sinned. After the Babylonian exile, there was no more king from David. But was not the Lord’s Word true and His promise faithful and fulfilled? Of course, it was.
Now there is the qualifying “If your children take heed to their way, to walk before Me in truth with all their heart and with all their soul, there shall not fail you, said He, a man on the throne of Israel.” Do we not know that the carnal man will always fail? So the earthly throne by Solomon failed. But the Heavenly throne by Nathan continued and does continue to this day. Kings on earth in Israel failed at the Babylonian captivity and since. But Christ, the Son of David and Seed of Abraham, continued and does so to this day.
Today, on December 18, Marilyn confessed fear of rejection and wanting so much to be important to me. I confessed myself a failure in not loving her.
Being cut off from a romance with Michelle, Trevor resumed his attention to Sara. Rebuked for it, he mopes, feels sorry for himself, and has even spoken several times of suicide. Lois has been burdened recently by his attitude. Frankly, I get so fed up with him that if he were to follow through on his suicidal thoughts, I might consider it a great favor.
Many are they that come on the net with so-called Christian values and distort the Truth, ignoring the Scriptural testimony or perverting it with reasoning argument that can persuade the simple and unlearned. Skylar Burris is one of these with whom we tried to communicate. She is a reasonable example of how intelligence, skill, and education are no guarantee of wisdom or understanding.
During this time there appeared to be good reason to hope good things for and with Chemdah Ashmiel. She listened and accepted correction, acknowledging many things we said to be true. Paul had many talks with her.
Through Chemdah, we were introduced to friends of hers who manifested a hatred for whites and insisted the Messiah was black. Her friend Riyyah was one such person. We deal with a mentality not interested in the truth but having a chosen anti-Christ agenda.
It comes down to might being right and not the other way around. It is about what they can do or get or how they can promote themselves. To them, it is not about the will of God but a matter of using Him to get what they want. “I want the world to know that black is beautiful, and what better way than to declare that even the Messiah Jesus was black and that white is ugly and evil?”
It is almost scary to realize how there exist in our society these inbred racial, ethnic, social, philosophical, and religious hostilities often masked in friendliness, hidden from others who are not sympathetic, until emotions erupt.
The Jews experience this all the time from almost every direction. Blacks suffer it from whites and whites from blacks. Muslims suffer it from others but mostly they bring it on themselves, taught to hate anything contrary to Islam. Their own Koran and Hadith teach, yea, demand that they hate and kill all infidels (nonmuslims) if they will not believe and convert to Islam.
So now I experience this hatred from Riyyah. It is an unreasonable, illogical, selfish hatred, but it is very real.
Suddenly, on this December 26, Trevor is reported to have changed. He’s doing his work with purpose, cheerfully, and well. Now that is different for him! Will it last?
On the 27th day of December, Chemdah called to talk about receiving the Holy Spirit. Lord, Your will be done.
Today, it came to me to give Archie a significant sum of money – $20,000, considerably more than the unreasonable amount he required of me before, and which I angrily refused to give. I struggled with it and consulted with others – Lois, Paul, Ingrid, Trevor, and Marilyn. They really couldn’t help me.
Finally, I decided I needed to do it, but knowing full well there would be resentment, and not gratitude. Sure enough, there was no response but for a tiny card with the printed “Thank you” on it – no signature, no personal writing, nothing. I was thankful to have been warned.
In giving, however, I had a reward, a freedom of conscience I hadn’t had with them till then. I didn’t seek or need their gratitude, and that’s the way it ought to be. I later discovered from their son Ben that they had been in dire need about the time I sent the money.
How people can consume themselves with unforgiveness and hate, and even deceive themselves into thinking they do otherwise! Archie insists he has forgiven me but I know otherwise.
The day after we sent the money, I had misgivings. I thought I had simply wasted it, especially when I recalled how we used to give to Archie and Cathie in the seventies and all they would do was squander it and expect more.
However, Paul encouraged me to follow through and Jonathan said, “Forget about it; let it go; let the money go and leave it.” We see it as a finality for me and for Archie. With this gift, his judgment is complete.
I sent it in seven separate payments of $18,000, $1800, $180, $18, $1.80, 18 cents and 2 cents, spread about a week or so apart. Why? I don’t know. I wondered if it wasn’t a sort of signal to Archie that time was running out for him to forgive.
On December 29, I had to continue my full-time job as “match-breaker” and address Paul on his conduct with Ingrid and Chemdah. He was debating marrying one or the other, making his thoughts and intentions clear to them. Though Ingrid had decided he wasn’t for her, he wasn’t convinced because she was also wavering. If she was not going to marry him, then he wished to marry Chemdah.
About this time, Paul attended his nephew Jonathan’s bar mitzvah. Paul’s younger and only brother Seth had invited him to come. At the event, Paul saw before him the fulfilled reality of a I had in the ’80’s of his parents and two women. His father was dead, his mother was positive and receptive of him, and there were two women in the scene, which Paul concluded were Chemdah and Ingrid.
This year ends with Marilyn in her continuing turmoil of fear, anxiety, confusion and resistance to me. Whenever Sean is mentioned, she reacts with defensiveness of both herself and him.
The Lord has been impressing upon me to speak up and not be afraid. I find courage and faith rising up with an exciting eagerness to be a witness unto Him and unto His greatness, sovereignty, and faithfulness. He has done enough to persuade me that He will keep us in all things and bless us.
This question people commonly ask has perplexed me for many years now. I know that my calling is not in any of those mundane occupations that have been a means of paying my way, be it selling mobile homes, working with handicapped people, ceramics, trucking, being a handyman, managing a motel, consulting in business, farming, or selling organic foods and health devices. Neither is my calling as a writer. For years, I told people I was retired, which, in real terms financially, was true, because the Lord promised me in 1984 that He would take care of my concerns while He used me to address His.
Now at the end of 2002, I was pondering this question and the appropriate answer to it and still couldn’t come up with a comfortable, realistic answer. Was I a minister of God? Yes, but not in the sense that everyone was accustomed to think of a minister. Was I a man of God? Yes, but what is that? Can anyone understand or judge? Would they believe me? Not likely. I had no papers or commendations from recognized authorities. So when I tried to give an answer, I was always uncertain and appeared to be evasive.
I ask, “What would Paul, Peter, and John the Baptist reply to that question?” While Paul was making tents to pay his way, would he have replied that he was a tentmaker? Certainly to those he ministered to as an apostle, he said he was an apostle, but did he tell outsiders what he was? Why should he? They would not believe him and he would only open himself up to lack of understanding at best, or ridicule, or worst of all, deadly persecution, gaining nothing by it. What did he answer to those who didn’t understand?
So what does one say and to whom? I knew it depended on the person asking, but I had no pat answer. Those to whom the Lord revealed who I was didn’t need an answer, and for those who asked, there was no answer.
Marilyn brings in the New Year confessing that her belief of the September 1996 prophecy continues, along with her love for Sean. Until now, she has been hiding and hedging. This was no surprise whatsoever to me or to anyone else. The woman has been a confounded, deluded, shameful harlot.
Ingrid reports evil entities approaching her at night ever since Pascal’s death. I received that she was holding items of which she needed to let go. Lois helped her get rid of hundreds of dollars’ worth of pictures. “Great idolatry,” Lois said. Death and darkness will cling to her as long as she clings to her past, out of which the Lord is calling her.
Upon ridding herself of these, Ingrid’s torments ceased.
Lord, who tithes and brings offerings? Does Jonathan? Ingrid? What about those not on the farm who have no earnings but work with us? How do they bring offerings without earnings? Do I? Where and how? To what poor do we give? Is it to any and all or is it only to Christ’s brethren?
The walls of Jericho fell down and every inhabitant of Jericho was destroyed but the family of Rahab. Where was her home? It was on the wall that fell. What does that tell us? The portion of the wall with her home must have remained intact. Therefore, the one with faith survives and even thrives in the center of danger, the worst possible place in any situation.
Other examples are Daniel in the lions’ den, his three friends in the furnace, and the Israelites caught between Pharaoh’s army and the Red Sea. Have you ever been there?
My dental care people tell me that I’m the classic example of one grinding his teeth. I notice that I clench my jaws when I exert effort or when I stretch. I do not notice anything in my sleep or discomfort in my jaw when I awake; neither does Marilyn notice anything. I have set myself to breaking the habit of clenching my teeth at any time.
Grinding of teeth is not good. How much more so when one has a dozen or more highly toxic mercury fillings, which I’ve had that can be ground and released into the body? Yet, the Lord has kept me.
In January of 2003, I saw Chemdah, dressed in colorful, African garments, leaping and rejoicing, saying, “I’m free! I’m free!” In each of her hands she had a big iron chain, one on each side, at near shoulder level. She has not been free. I saw this vision of her before she left San Diego to come to Helena. I see that though she has been set free of chains that have bound her, she still brings them with her. What are those chains?
We have tried to correct her. At times she has seemed to receive it but more often than not, she resists and argues.
One of the things we told her she needed to do was to forsake the name “Chemdah,” which was given her by religious rite or custom in HOY (House of Yahweh). She needed to make a clean break in every respect. Her original name was Marcia so we recommended she take it on again.
Ingrid lost her appeal in court for custody of her children, even though we told nothing but the truth, had a good home rented and ready for them, and offered ourselves for official examination of any kind by the authorities, which the court proposed to conduct but did not follow through on. We tried demonstrating responsibility and capability to care for the children, while Ingrid’s parents and in-laws told many lies.
Paul was insisting, even poetically or dramatically that he loved Ingrid and that she was meant to be his wife. I was considering their situation when, about January 10, 2003, I had a vision in which I saw Paul having a choice. He could choose Ingrid and have only her, or he could choose the Lord and have everything. I saw him sitting at the table, relaxed, with arm over the back of an empty chair next to him, free, talking to others there, all things being his.