PART TEN – The Issues of Life (cont.)
From my journal:
Last night I gave Marilyn a hug before bedtime, but when I slept, I had a terrible dream of her, which I believe represented her true feelings. In the dream I told her that she simply wouldn’t be happy until she married Sean (she was very miserable). She blew up, came at me with her fists, crying and screaming, then went away to slash her wrists, resulting in blood on the carpet and floors.
I’ve now had it with Marilyn; I am simply done. She can do as she pleases, but it won’t be with me. I also know that Jonathan is one with her and he goes too. I can’t accept her any more as she is, whoever may be at fault. I don’t know what else to do, but I refuse to allow her to substitute sacrifice for obedience and submission any longer.
On May 19, 2002, Mark, Ingrid and I went to the West Raley Hutterite Colony. The colony invited Mark to interpret for some visiting Japanese Hutterites in their celebration of Pentecost, which they observed in their way.
As we met with them, it was a bit peculiar if not humorous to see Japanese people dressed in black Hutterite garb with hats, scarves, beards and all. The meeting was with them and about 15 to 20 women and children from West Raley. A woman near 70 years of age was ruling the meeting while the men of the colony were conspicuously missing.
Whether some might judge this good or evil, we took advantage of the situation to witness to them of what we had experienced from God and understood to be the true walk of faith. In Japanese, Mark testified of how the Lord had wonderfully blessed and provided for him as he prepared to go to Japan and while he was there. I then spoke of the vision of the Lord’s treasure house and of how Mark had availed himself of it by faith prior to his going (Mark translated). I also talked to them about the weekly Sabbath and the Sabbath year we were keeping then.
We also confronted them on celebrating Christmas and Easter. Finally, we told them they were worshipping at the altar of Communal Living. I also told them they were following in the footsteps of the persecutors of their fathers, burning present day believers at the stake, so to speak, even as their fathers had done. Needless to say, the West Raley people didn’t like to hear these things and promptly shut the meeting down.
Obviously, they hadn’t expected our input. They told me what I was saying was merely my opinion and that I should keep it to myself. I told them that if it were my opinion, then perhaps I should indeed keep it to myself. But, I said, what I declared wasn’t mere opinion. I also told them the wrath of God was on all Hutterites for their idolatry.
The Japanese (about four or five of them) were receptive, if not discreetly elated. They agreed with much of what we were saying, and were hopeful to hear more from us. But it wasn’t to be because we were kicked out by the woman who wore the black pants under her black dress.
When we reported to the farm what happened, Marilyn was upset about the confrontation and of our being expelled. Ingrid marveled at what had happened.
On May 21, I drove to Helena (a 4.5-hour trip) to spend a few days with Paul and Sara. It was then that I realized the boulders was not pertaining to Gene Knorr, Les Mills and those with them, but to those with me – Paul, Sara, Lois, Mark, and others.
While in Helena, upon Paul’s recommendation, I decided to receive a cranial sacral and raindrop essential oils therapy treatment from Linda Morrison. The effects were an emotional release and a well being I had not felt in years – as if I had just awakened from a good night’s sleep. I went back for a second session and felt good, adjusted, and energized.
I don’t know why and I don’t understand, but when I give people a hug, I can read their spirits. Paul and I visited with Melba Berg, a massage therapist, who had purchased the Hsin Ten machines and sold a few. She told us of an experience she had when she was 25, about half her age. She confided that an evil spirit had confronted her and frightened her horribly. She heard a voice saying to her, “I will never leave you,” after which she said she had peace. Since that time, as a massage therapist, she said she had many experiences wherein a power beyond herself has ministered to her clients, quite supernaturally.
That evening, the Lord revealed to me that Melba still had the demon and that it was the demon that spoke to her.
She says she doesn’t read the Bible, has no interest in it, but reads many books about the Bible, particularly from the Unity Church – which itself is demonic. She also has a brother, whom she labels a fanatic fearful of devils, preaching judgment and separation from the world. I expect her perception is distorted.
I picked up from Melba a spirit that would altogether despise chastening and which would make me feel as a tyrant for even contemplating discipline toward anyone.
As we parted for the day, we hugged each other. Melba’s hug and demeanor said, “I reserve the right to myself in all things and am afraid or very skeptical of any person. At the same time, I’m open to enter into a relationship, something meaningful.” The signals were obviously mixed. As I consider, I realize it was Melba and the demon in her – two entities. The demon refused the Law of God but was willing to come and control another as it did Melba. I fear that those whom Melba gave massage treatments to could have fallen under the power of this devil.
Later, at Paul’s, we prayed for Melba’s deliverance, rebuking and commanding the demon to come out of her. We received no confirmation or indication of anything.
I also saw Kerri at the Real Food Store where she was now working. By then, she was cold and wouldn’t talk to me.
When Marilyn has her time of month, the legions of hell come forth raging. This time, while we battled, Jonathan had a Word concerning her: “Mom’s changing inside but it isn’t visible yet.”
Ingrid told me that on arrival and seeing Paul, she felt nothing for him as on the internet when she was exclaiming repeatedly that she loved him. She said, “There just wasn’t anything there.”
Two men came to the farm store on May 29th. They were members of the Twelve Tribes, a religious, communal organization founded by Gene Spriggs. I believe they were traveling between their Nelson, British Columbia and Winnipeg, Manitoba communities. Their site: . Mark talked to them and they seemed interested in who we were and what we were doing. We would have subsequent Twelve Tribes visitors.
Ingrid struggled with unbelief, ignorance, legalism, wilfulness, and lack of understanding. I suspected the possibility of her turning on us in bitterness if she didn’t get her way. Yet I didn’t envision it. It appeared that the Lord would keep her in spite of herself – that would be grace.
Ingrid continued to battle for custody of her children through her lawyer in Belgium. On June 4, she received a long letter from the lawyer, along with a letter from Beth Schmidt, Sara’s mother, who testified against Ingrid and us.
I had a talk with Ingrid and instructed her to put her faith in God and not in the justice system of the world, or even in justice itself.
Trevor is talking about bringing Michelle to Canada. His presumption disgusts me. I decided he should phone her in our presence so that we might get a better understanding of their relationship and Michelle’s state.
That day came on June 8. While I had very little to ask or say, Lois and Paul had some things to say. I later talked to Michelle on Yahoo Messenger and filled her in on Trevor. She had a right to know what he was all about. The internet kind of romance tells very little and Trevor in his vanity, pride, and delusion would tell even less. It made her reconsider, not only because she was informed but also because there were others involved. It didn’t take two brains to determine she would not be marrying only Trevor. As well, she was divorced, with children.
Paul received a call from Talya Polinger in Israel. She related how as she was driving through an Arab village, she hit a little girl who suddenly dashed out on the street. Talya stopped, was beside herself in shock, cried for help, fearing for her life as a Jew. She suddenly heard a voice saying, “An angel is with you.” The Arabs were surprised that a Jew would have that compassion and concern for an Arab. They did her no harm.
This call, along with Ingrid’s rejection of Paul, sparked a renewed interest in him to go to Israel.
It’s official. As of June 1, 2002, Harvest Haven is now the seventh president in the Hsin Ten MLM organization in Canada. It took about 18 months to get there from the day we bought a Chi machine – not great and not bad, certainly unexpected. It has been quite a journey, and prosperous in every way.
In reading Revelation 21:1-4, it occurred to me that while everyone preaches going to Heaven, the Bible teaches Heaven coming to earth. The first is a doctrine of escapism, the second is victory over the world, the flesh and the devil. Didn’t Jesus pray, “Your will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven”? And didn’t He say, “In the world, you’ll have tribulation, but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world” (John 16:33)?
We held a Chi meeting at the farm on June 7, 2002. Our guest speaker was Dr. Dan Harper from Conrad, Montana, a medical doctor to whom Paul sold a Chi machine, Hot House, and Reflex Energizer, and who was experiencing great success using these with his patients when nothing else in conventional medicine would work. He professed faith in Christ.
When Dan first arrived, and without prior notice, he immediately took his guitar inside the meeting room and began to sing Because He Lives. Not exactly the world’s entertainment, and not what the people were expecting. However, most enjoyed it, even the Jehovah’s Witnesses, Ralph and Evelyn Olson, an elderly couple. Spontaneity has its place and its power.
Dan was an entertaining speaker and the 61 people who attended had many medical questions to ask him. We had him return for another meeting before he moved to the southern U.S.
We were glad to have Dan visit us. Dan also had some words of comfort for Ingrid. He told her that in forsaking or losing her children for the Lord’s sake, she would gain far more. She needed to hear it from someone else besides us.
Now that Ingrid decided Paul was not the man for her, Paul set his sights somewhat on Chemdah. It was all I could do to beat Paul and Trevor off of every single woman that came into their sights. He confessed his thoughts and intentions to me by email concerning Ingrid and Chemdah. My eyes are sore from rolling, my lungs from gasping, my heart from pumping and my head from beating it against a wall. Interestingly enough, though Ingrid was living at the farm, Trevor expressed no interest in her, unlike how he was accustomed to doing with so many women, wherever they were.
Yet constantly I would be reminded of the words from the Lord in the eighties, saying of Paul,“He will make his calling good.”
We went to the Twelve Tribes website and found they had several beliefs similar to ours, such as observing the Sabbath, eating organically, homeschooling, taking responsibility for one’s health, and living in community. The people in Nelson wanted to get together with us on a Sabbath. They were quite excited about the prospect of others having similar beliefs, though we knew we were not nearly as similar as might appear. Still, we decided to hear them out, so we invited them to come and visit us.
This year would come to be billed by the media as the worst year in memory or recorded history for agriculture in Western Canada. In our area, farmers were taking serious hits with drought, floods, cold, frost, unpredictable rains, and grasshoppers. Around us, we were seeing farmers struggling, and from afar we were hearing of their having to cope with strange weather patterns and adverse conditions for growing anything. Most farmers and gardeners couldn’t do their sowing and planting or fieldwork.
They had never seen a situation like this before, southern Alberta being a semi-arid zone. And this was the year we didn’t grow anything because of the land Sabbath, which was kept by Israel every seven years. What are the chances of something like this happening? Would we be doing this every seven years? We thought so.
On June 15th, anger arose in me. We have been made to feel apologetic, ashamed, defensive and doubtful of our position and faith in Christ. We have been made to feel so by the enemy, the religious. But they’re the ones who should feel thoroughly ashamed and guilty. Now I’m angry with their phoniness, and thus we speak. It is God’s turn to have His say; today is His Day.
Ingrid returned to appear in court to regain custody of her three girls. We had police records to submit, along with recommendations from others like Tom Bump, Paul’s landlord, who spoke well of Paul. I told Ingrid she was to go and not compromise with the opposition in any way. Indeed, I was to learn later that it was because of compromise in the first place that Ingrid was returning.
On the morning of June 25, Marilyn said she had an adulterous relationship with Sean. She had been pondering what was the true answer to Penny Mills who had asked her, Just what is your relationship with Sean?”Her answer had been, “We’re friends.” She couldn’t even say, “Brother and sister in Christ.” One would think there ought to have been a spiritual context, of course. But how could she have even mentioned Christ or a Christian relationship, given the reality?
On June 26, Ingrid let us know she lost her bid for her children. The court believed lies without evidence. They didn’t even bother to have us investigated. Ingrid, and we with her, were learning that it is not about being justified or exonerated in the flesh. The world will believe lies. Let’s speak the truth, honor the Lord, and live for Him. If we must suffer, let us gain the eternal riches.
By the 28th, I began to have doubts. Is the website casting pearls to swine? Did our site cost Ingrid her children because our enemies had no understanding of what we were saying? Ingrid returned from Belgium July 1.
Nadiv (a.k.a. Harold Urban, legal name), his wife Nahara, and their newborn, Shemini Yom (their community-adopted Hebrew names) arrived July 5th about 6:45 p.m. from Nelson, BC, ready to begin the Sabbath and weekend with us. They were quite excited. We received them warmly.
The Twelve Tribes swaddle their newborns, wrapping their arms against their bodies for hours at a time. Nahara told me it taught the children discipline for one thing. They have a dress code with what seems to be rather uniform but practical, healthy, and modest clothing appropriate for men and women. The men wear short ponytails and beards, for practical purposes, they say, which also makes sense.
They have a worship code, and an actions code. There are many laws and principles that apply to all their lives – even going to the bathroom. Nadiv tells me they squat for a healthier, more evacuative bowel movement, claiming that sitting on modern toilets inhibits proper movement, which seems to make sense.
We talked until late in the evening. On July 6, we asked them many questions and talked all day. The Lord told me this event was big and far-reaching. Lois and Trevor expected that something significant was happening. Paul said there would be a division in their organization because of this visit. Both Ingrid and Sara were also present this weekend.
Editor’s note: Years later, it turned out Paul’s words were prophetically accurate.
I confronted Nadiv and Nahara on those things I saw as error. I saw them as into good works, placing the cart before the horse, doing these works in their own righteousness. Paul put it well in correspondence with Sholom, another Twelve Tribes member: “You have sought to demonstrate the invisible God by the visible works of men, while He demonstrates Himself in visible men doing the invisible works of God.”
I spoke to them about the baptism in the Holy Spirit, which they didn’t believe, much less experience, as a group. I also told them community living was a god to them, not that I faulted community living per se.
They kept referring to Master Yahshua. I told them they knew Him as “Master,” would know Him as “Friend,” and finally, as “Brother.” I said, “You’ll be able to look Him in the eye (Nadiv said he couldn’t) and see Him in you and you in Him. You will see Him as He is.”
“Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be. But we know that when He shall be revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is” (1 John 3:2 MKJV).
I told them that where we were (spiritually) was the Kingdom of God; we didn’t need to await Christ’s return. He was here, in us.
We sent them away with a good supply of food. They were quite happy to have met us, and asked us if we would be willing to be a stopover between Winnipeg and Nelson. I said, “The door is open.” I didn’t say this because I agreed with them but because I welcomed opportunity to bear witness to them of the truth.
As they left, I saw some barely concealed cynicism in Nadiv toward us, and I also believe they were a little shaken. Why? I don’t know for sure, but I think it was because they found they weren’t the only ones thinking to share in community. Also, we didn’t reject them, as is the custom with practically everyone else they meet in a spiritual or religious context. Perhaps they wear rejection as a badge of honor, thinking they are hated and persecuted for righteousness’ sake. We pinned no such badge on them.
They have been trained to think that only those belonging to one of their Twelve Tribes in the world are of God. If we weren’t members of their organization, we weren’t holy before God. Though they were naturally reluctant to say these things directly, I managed to press this much of an admission out of them.
I later learned that founder Eugene Spriggs actually categorizes people, as do the Jews, into three distinct groups – the holy, the righteous, and the filthy. It seems they believe that only their members are holy, of course, but that we could have favor with them if we received and agreed with them in all that they believed even if we weren’t members. Thus, we would be known as righteous.
The filthy are those who despise or have nothing to do with them or their thoughts and ways. The day would come when they would deem us as filthy.
I became accustomed to looking forward to what the Lord had in store for us each year on the tenth day of the seventh month. It took me years to realize that things could be happening on that date, of which we weren’t aware, and would not be for perhaps years to come. For example, on the same day I was having the vision on July 10, 1986, the ground was being broken for our future home. We would not know that for about two years.
On this day, I received an answer from the Lord for Barb Howell, Stan Howell’s wife. She had asked for prayer and counsel as to what to do with Stan and his prophetess head, Kathryn Padilla. Barb was deeply troubled, understandably so. Stan was pressing her to believe and join him and Padilla. She said she simply couldn’t accept Padilla’s sovereignty over Stan, seeing him as her willing puppet, deluded by falsehood.
I expected the answer I had for her wouldn’t suit her, which was usual with the Lord’s answers to people for their problems. It was required, and not only required, but excellently advisable that Barb submit to her husband in all things feasible, and in so doing, she would have the victory. I gave her 1 Peter 3 and Ephesians regarding wives submitting to their husbands and winning them to faith by that submissiveness. I emailed her the answer and asked her to reply.
We long to see others believe and turn from their wisdom and ways, but they rarely do.
I had a four-hour talk with Akaid Diaz, our computer tech, an evangelical professing Christ who attended a Baptist church. He is so darkened, indoctrinated by men. These people have a knowledge of the Scriptures, yet a carnal and not a godly one. They live in a parallel universe, a twilight zone, where things appear the same but are quite antagonistic to God. It’s the fallen man’s image of God parading as the risen Christ.
Some movies can be much the same in their effect as imitations of reality. They mimic, dramatize, and impress, so as to move one more than if it were the real thing. The trouble is that the moving doesn’t last or effect any valuable change. It only stirs emotions for a while. And that is what people look for – pleasure, adventure, anything but the Truth of God and His righteousness.
It is strange how Jonathan is so dear to me, yet I write so little of him. He’s growing, developing, and I’m thankful for him. I want him to be the Lord’s, serving him with all that he has and is.
I recall how he went through stages where I’d suddenly find he wasn’t the same person. The child that was born was not the same child of a few weeks later. He was the same, yet different. This was puzzling, if not troubling to me because I missed the one who, so swiftly and unexpectedly, was no longer there.
It was almost like a death, not that I didn’t appreciate the replacement, but I think I had a deeper appreciation for the one that was. This pattern of things is a reminder of how fleeting this life is and serves as an incentive to pay attention and appreciate the brief present moment.
During this time, I am writing and completing The Persecutors and Persecuted and The Purpose of Evil.
We called Sal Caliendo to see what was happening. He had been afraid to come out west from New York for fear of not having work, which was silly. However, not long after, he was fired from his job. The thing he treasured before God, he lost, as things work. “He that seeks to save his life will lose it”. Sal didn’t see God as the Provider. At this stage, he was hardened and belligerent toward us, strengthened in his sin by an evangelical church he was attending that counseled him to ignore us.
Men must confess that they have disobeyed God, have followed their wives and have been controlled by them. If not married, most men seek a wife, as do Trevor and Paul, looking for fulfillment in her and marriage, which again is to be controlled by them. Men must repent of following their wives and turn to God.
When men have done so, wives must turn about and follow their husbands. Upon repentance, they will discover and confess that they haven’t been living, but dying, because as warned by God they would die eating from the Tree of Knowledge. Women will realize they’ve been ruling by the wisdom and power of that tree, deceived by that subtle serpent and walking by the reasoning mind and logic, which is contrary to the Spirit of God.
Existence on earth has been a widely unrecognized tragedy, a nightmare of monumental, all-encompassing impact. This is a place and time of suffering and sorrow, as a result of The Fall, which has been the work of the serpent. The only answer is that God grants grace to turn back to fellowship with Him.
Today, nearly two decades later, I received revelation on why I, as a Christian, had to Ray Spencer. Paul and I were dealing with Lidy Flom, a president level Hsin Ten distributor, who claimed she was being abused by the company. Hsin Ten terminated her distributorship for what she considered to be illegitimate reasons.
If what she was saying was true, then the company should be stopped from hurting its distributors. I suddenly realized that by suing Ray Spencer, that is, his business, Sunwest Cabinets, I put him out of commission so that he was no longer able to take advantage of other people, both customers and suppliers.
Linda Stromsmoe came to the farm. It was immediately evident she had neither love nor respect for us. The Stromsmoes had been associated with Pascal Gregoire in the accounting world, as well as the Evangelical Free Church where they attended. She brought with her a scathing letter from Pascal’s parents for Ingrid, Paul, and primarily, me. The Gregoires composed the letter with the help of Joseph Gregoire’s brother, a Catholic priest, and requested that Linda hand deliver it to us.
The Stromsmoes were firmly against us. The idea of Ingrid leaving her children behind was unthinkable to them. They sympathized with her, whom they saw as a victim, and were in agreement with her parents and in-laws, who, ironically, took her children from her because she couldn’t accept their demands against her conscience.
Not one to shrink back from a conflict, Ingrid immediately set out to respond. I wrote a letter, but debated sending it. Ingrid urged that I do so, convinced they needed to hear it. She translated it into French and we sent it.
On August 11, I decided to hitchhike home to Moon River from the farm. I received no ride, walking about three miles until I reached Broxburn Vegetables. I decided to drop into a mobile home on the property and call someone to pick me up. Jacob Harder, a manager working for Paul De Jonge, owner of Broxburn Vegetables, answered the door. Soon Jacob, who was of Mennonite background, began to talk about God.
As we talked, his wife Susan confided that she had cancer. We talked of the Lord, of sin, and of the fact that the hardships they were facing were not for nothing.
This visit would trigger a correspondence by email with conflict that would extend to November. Jacob would be exposed as cynical, ignorant and sarcastic, having no faith at all, though thinking and claiming to have much. We parted ways with me as his friend and him as my enemy.
Pascal left two vehicles to Ingrid when he died. When Ingrid returned to Belgium, she left them with John Straat’s son, David, who was in the car selling/repair business. The Straats were considered family friends, not only in Canada but in Belgium, where John at times visited with the Gregoires.
When Ingrid returned to Canada and tried to retrieve the van, David said he couldn’t return it because he had, with Ingrid’s consent, put the van for sale in a car lot a friend of his owned in Stirling. Ingrid asked no questions, naively believing David’s act was a favor, judging by how it was presented to her. Now David claimed his friend wanted $1800 for storage of the vehicle, seeing it had been stored because it had not sold. Straat said he could not do much and was caught in between.
We wondered about Ingrid’s options but didn’t think it would be worth a legal battle. She eventually surrendered the vehicle to the lot owner to pay the debt. It seemed this fellow was, or these fellows were, living the legendary reputation of used car salesmen, particularly with helpless widows.
However, more would soon come of this situation in a surprising, coincidental way.
Meanwhile, Sara had a visit from her Aunt Sally and Uncle Steve, who concluded she was anything but brainwashed and deluded. They also reported that her grandfather Newby (her mother’s father) was defending Sara, in spite of Beth’s accusations. That was certainly a different experience for us.
Quoting from my journal:
For the past couple of nights, I had troubling dreams. This morning, on August 17th, I had another fight with Marilyn. Jonathan was crying. I haven’t seen him this distressed in a while. I want death or a divorce – no more of this. She goes or I go, but somebody must go. I am fed up.
Jonathan and I decided to take our fishing rods and head up to the Crowsnest Pass for some leisure time together. On the way there, we dropped in on Phyllis Bates at Pincher Creek. Phyllis was an exceptional alternative health care practitioner who had turned many cancer patients around, several of whom were pronounced by the conventional medical establishment as terminally ill. She was also selling Hsin Ten equipment with us.
It so happened there was a last minute cancelation of an appointment, so Phyllis had time for me. She did some muscle testing, examined me, and found that I had a yeast problem, manifest in tiny red spots and moles on my body. She said I had kidney and pancreatic problems. She suggested Uva Ursi, vitamins A and D, and Bowel Plus for cleansing. She also looked Jonathan over and discerned that he had an iron deficiency, recommending some supplement.
She enthusiastically declared that God had given an opening for our sakes. I was thankful for this.
Introduction Table of Contents PDF Version PART FIVE – Moon River to Harvest Haven The Third Dimension (cont'd) (More of) The Feast of PENTECOST At the end of Part Four of wHaT tHe LoRd HaS dOnE wItH mE, we decided Moon River Estates was not for us. Well, look what happened next…. Particle - House Arrest After viewing several homes, Jim said an acreage had just come on the market, which seemed to have the features and conditions to suit our needs. We headed west on the #3 highway. Several miles out, I asked Jim where the home was. He evaded my question and kept driving until we took a certain turn. “You're taking us to Moon River!” we said. “Jim, you know we don't want to live there….” He said something like, “It has all the conditions you need. You have nothing to lose by looking at it.” We were almost there, so we agreed. It was a warm, sunny, friendly day on February 22nd, 1988. As we drove up to the property, I was immediately impressed by a new 8” white pine log two-story home. “This certainly is different,” I mused. When we stepped through the front door, my attention went from the tiled floor entrance to white pine log walls to vaulted and beamed ceilings. As I looked the house over, it seemed to warmly embrace me. I liked it, but more importantly, it liked me - which counts for something if you want a home and not just a house. Not knowing the price while viewing it, the figure that came to mind was $129,000; Marilyn had the ...
Page 10 PART EIGHT – Day 888 to Victory (cont.) Particle – God's Reminder of His Sovereignty Gene Knorr called weeks before, testing the waters, asking how things were with us and how business was. Because business had increased, I told him so. “Well, that's normal for business to grow the longer it's around,” he replied. I suspected he was hoping we were falling apart for not listening to him. But I thought, “Yes, I guess it's normal for a business to grow as people get to know the business is there.” A few days ago, Marilyn said that she was thankful and that the Lord was bringing business. Repeating Gene's thought, I said, “It's natural – many businesses and other things grow after a time of labor and pain for both believers and unbelievers. We shouldn't assume anything special is happening for us.” The Lord cut off the business abruptly, dramatically. Then last night, when Marilyn reported the sudden and strange drop, I went to bed and in the night the Lord showed me why. I was the offender, unthankful, not giving the Lord the glory, taking things for granted, and repeating the words of the enemy. The Lord went on to show us more. He showed us that He is in everything, present both in time and space, in all things, deliberately, actively upholding all things. Nothing is to be taken for granted - not business growth, not income, health, or so much as a single heartbeat or blink of an eye or flutter of a bee wing. He &ldq...
Page 10 PART SEVEN – Surprise Visitors to Day 888 (cont.) Particle – I Am Evil I wrote in my journal: I am evil, a hypocrite, a destroyer; always was. There has been no change in me. I've tried to believe, think, and speak right; to love, obey, submit, repent, suffer, accept, thank, rejoice, and do and be all those things I thought were expected of me as a believer in Christ. I've failed miserably and suffered the loss of almost all things. Being blind, I probably don't see clearly at this point that I've lost everything. I criticize, condemn, point the finger, “judge,” “smite with the fist,” “lay heavy burdens,” enslave, impose, demand, trouble, rail, find fault – always. I chafe at things I don't like; I fret, stew, and verbally, violently retaliate. I'm that meddling, destructive son of perdition, man of sin, false prophet, anti-Christ, accuser of the brethren, devil, adversary to God, to all good, and to all mankind. I am ‘that wicked one.' I'm vile and have nothing to do with God or He with me. No wonder I've lost everything! No wonder I'm hated by all, including my ex-wife. I'm a damned soul and have neither the ability nor desire to change. God knows I've wanted to be different, or does He know that I haven't wanted to be different? God damn my soul! If I don't destroy myself, God will. If He won't, I will – I've done it. All these years, for decades, I hoped for change, deliverance, resurrection, and healing. I prayed, begged, wished, and cried for it. God ...