In my striving to be conscious of God and to hear His voice and walk with Him, I slowly learned that I do not get the Lord to speak simply by striving to listen. Nor is He always speaking and I hear or get to hear bits and pieces only as I succeed in efforts to “tune in” like a ham operator trying to pick up a frequency. No, the Lord speaks when it pleases Him, and when He speaks, He is fully capable of making Himself heard with or without any help or hindrance from us.
Until we are humbled and repent of our arrogance, we will neither understand nor rest.
Standing atop a mountain peak,
I could not hear a sound.
In vain I strained my ears to hear
But nothing came except a tear
Because I could not hear.
Cold it grew and I withdrew
To lower levels not by choice,
And there I felt more comforted
But silence remained the only voice
And still I could not hear.
“Am I dead?” in pain I asked myself,
“Is there something wrong with me?
I should think that on these wondrous heights
Is where hearing and seeing ought to be.”
And down I came again.
Lower and lower and lower still,
Not even ground level was to be my fill,
But lower and lower and lower ’til
The darkness smothered me out of sight
And my only friends were sorrow and fright.
But I was not alone.
For in the nether of darkness and tether,
Down where I had made my bed,
And where I resigned to live and sleep,
I heard the Voice instead:
“Come up!” It said, “and into the Light.
Rejoice now with new hearing and sight.
I’ll take away your tether and fright
And you’ll be My servant instead.”
Albuquerque, Spring, 1984
Wee knead ownlee two studdie a langwidge uther than Inglish and soon beegin too diskover thuh mullteatood uv inncunsistenseas inn grambarr and spelling uv Inglish. And isn't it interesting that when Esperanto is introduced with its reason, logic and organized structure, we nevertheless prefer the disorder and confusion of our own language, be it English or otherwise? Needless to say, this is not the day of peace, harmony and wun tung four awl. Rite? Write? Reight? Right? Ring rang rung, Bring brang brung, Sing sang sung, Ding dang dung! Rools Four Inglish Spelling Wun. Teak lawjick, kut it down as aye bough and throw it inn aye slough ore aye trough. Butt that is knot enough. Too. Bee prepaired two bee confowndead, purpleckst and frustraited. Therdlee. Eckspecked two suspecked loozing yore mined. Fore. Dew knot feal thair iz eckneething rong with yoo. Phive. Fourghet triying two halve aye shoor phyre sisthame. Sicks. Thee unfourchunit groop yule joyne iph ignouring mie cownsull, and Seaven. Rimes with heven four whitch yu must hoap aund whitch iz whare yu mey think yu gow iff yu kwit inglish aund teak up sum uther langwidge. Lethbridge, 1984, 85
To his dying day, my father refused to believe me and could not and would not understand that what had been done in me by God made an irreconcilable difference between him and me not only in terms of thought and way of life but very nature. He lingered for the old Victor he was once the father of, not willing to accept that I had died. He went to his grave lingering at mine. If only he had desired not the grave for the two of us but the resurrection. What man in his right mind would trade the skies and birds for the underground and worms? So, in all sadness, I turned my back on him, but do not regret it, no, not for a moment. You linger at my grave, longing for your son; I’ve left the darkness for the light and what is done is done. The change in me is not perceived by frail human sight And so you think that I am wrong and you are surely right. Reason fails to comprehend the things in my new life; Explanations will not do, they only lead to strife. People, habits, memories call but I’ve traded old for new; I’ve traded all that’s bad and false for all that’s good and true. I’m a stranger in this world whom you have never met; I’ve only kept this outer shell on which your hearts are set. My life is hid in Jesus Christ; believe me you will not; Your hearts are very hard and cold, for truth you have not sought. I’d rather walk on foreign soil than to this evil world be loyal, And trade the rags of dirt and toil for robes magnificent and roya...
When you are given to see the incarnation of bitterness concentrated in your direction, I doubt that there can be a more hideous spectacle, especially when residing in one whom you have known intimately for decades and who is supposed to have the opposite, love, toward you. This comes by revelation but also by outer manifestation in the end for, all things must come to light and be dealt with, and are in the "last days." Only understanding of God can give one the encouragement to forgive, and faith to persevere. But bitterness is the lot of every believer and everyone must come to terms with it once and for all in the end. This is the "wicked one being revealed" and dealt the death blow. While it is the worst time of all, yet there is cause for those who believe to lift up their heads because redemption is near at hand. The manifestation of that mysterious man of bitterness is a token of the Lord present for it is in His coming that the son of perdition is exposed and destroyed. But destroyed how? By being redeemed, transformed, resurrected, reconciled to God through the Son of God. It is a great and terrible event. Bitterness cries, "You owe me!" And she will not rest until She gets what she wants. She'll not be persuaded otherwise Nor will a substitute do. "I disagree with You!" she cries to God. "Either You don't know what You're doing Or, You cannot do what's right. So I have to do it! I have to take control of things; I have to protect mys...