Often and for long periods of time does God hide Himself from His called one, even as He did with all the saints and prophets of old and to the present. We desire so much to walk by sight, as in this world, but must learn to walk by faith, by the little given knowledge of the unknown, the Unknown, that we may know Him. And though He hides Himself to try us, He is always there…there is nowhere one can go from His presence. Yet one can choose to do so, and the one choosing so is not called. Emptiness is not a bad sign in itself as one might suppose.
I am ill with sorrow and grief,
Vexation and loneliness;
My soul is filled with groanings and longings;
I look in all directions;
I reach out;
My hand returns empty;
Tears fill my soul;
I cry and cry and cry;
There is no one to comfort, to console, to ease my pain.
Day after day, year after year,
Decade after decade,
I wait, I long, I cry,
I heave and sigh.
There is none to understand.
I wait for morning;
I wait for evening;
I am desolate.
I eat, I sleep, I cry…
Is it sin I say I don’t have
That causes me to be this way –
Desperate, sad, lonely, unfulfilled,
Useless, despised, unwanted?
This is not the abundant life;
Though I have my carnal needs met
And freedom to come and go,
Yet I have nowhere to come and nowhere to go.
All is quiet, uneventful, drab and grey.
Do I complain
Or do I merely state the way things are
For those appointed to such by Divine order,
Not for sin
But for His purposes?
I don’t know;
I do know I am very sad and very lonely;
This I do know.
I note that I’m not fearful
As I once was;
I’m not doubtful of my path
As I once was,
Or am I?
I do not covet my neighbor’s shoes;
There is no being with whom I would trade
Yet I perceive that if
It were not for the Lord’s hand on me,
I would surely be tempted
To end my life.
If it were not for the hope of better things,
I would despair so that
I would arrange my end.
So much for which to be thankful,
Needs provided abundantly,
A good wife,
A new and healthy son,
Health, order, safety and outer peace,
Yet a desperate longing within
For I know not what –
Friends? Companions? Work?
Importance? Usefulness? Fame?
Glory? Honor? Recognition?
I don’t know.
In still times I am troubled.
Why? I don’t know.
I DO know I am very sad and very lonely;
This I DO know.
Moon River, Oct. 29, 1991
English – Spanish Who has known that the Day of the Lord, the Great Day of Judgment comes in the anointed servant of God who comes without warning or fanfare or observation? Who has known that he not only comes as a thief but abides and performs as one and leaves the households he has visited with their due judgments while most are totally unaware until it is much after the fact? I am Truth. I judge all things, And all things come before Me, Creatures great and small, Young and old, Foolish and wise. I ever preside, Here and now. All is under My scrutiny; I am the great white throne; I am that I am. All are haled before Me; All are tried, All are made manifest, All are sentenced, All are recompensed According to the thought of their hearts, The words of their lips, The works of their hands. No man is exempt, Even for a moment. I judge the saint; I judge the heathen; I punish the evildoer And reward the righteous, Right where they stand. None can escape Me; Whether it be My wrath Or My reward, They receive their just dues. The fool despises Me, Is blind to My presence, Ignorant of My power, Scornful of My law; He perishes. The wise love Me And honor Me And are blessed, Prospering in all things. Lethbridge, Alta., March 1986
Though men have many idols, which they worship consciously or otherwise, they do not serve these gods so much as themselves. Idolatry’s purpose is to serve one’s self, to preserve one’s self in the flesh, from the cross. If an idol fails to serve the worshipper in the way that he seeks, he will remove that idol from its pedestal soon enough, and find another, unless of course, he is determined to wait patiently for that idol to produce its desired effects one way or another. Idolatry is inconsistent, contradictory and unprofitable in every way. Money is only a medium of getting. Getting is the medium for serving self. It is serving self until God is worshipped in spirit and truth. In the Scriptures There are many polarities. One of these Is God and money. A man will make his vows to God Ever so faithfully And fervently, Professing to believe. But let it cost him money, Not another’s, but his own, Let his wallet be threatened And then we see the fruits, The heart exposed, True thoughts unveiled And he walks away, Having nothing But his money. He has his god And his fruits tell it. Though he justifies himself, He is sad and empty. You say you believe in God, Yet He is the One who gave you What you have. He is your source. But I will tell If you are a bird By the feathers that come, If they come. Better I should wait For feathers to come of themselves To prove you are a bird, Rather than demand That you show me feathers. Feathe...
"You've got to walk...that lonesome valley...you've got to walk...it by yourself..." the song goes. As it was with our father of faith, so with every sojourner. "Look to Abraham your father, and to Sarah who bore you; for I called him alone, and blessed him and increased him." There is no other way. On the day that I set out to walk with God I became lonely. My family insisted That I remain with it - I chose my loneliness, Part of the price to pay For obedience to God. I entered a family of those Who claimed to walk with God, Only to discover feigned faith. They insisted I be as they. Called out from among them Again I was lonely. He gave me a wife Knowing it not good That I should be alone. Together we searched for friends - A cup of water here And a cup there But no well. Today, after many years, He gives us a son Who helps to bear our loneliness But we are lonely. What is it to be lonely? It is to be alone In desires, in thoughts, in understanding, In conversation, in goals and interests, In activity, in purpose. Added to our loneliness, Betrayals and disappointments To sharpen the pain that is there - They come with smiles And depart with frowns. Added to our betrayals and disappointments, The enmity of adversaries Opposing what we are And why we are here, Hating us without a cause Added to the hatred, Loneliness, For they hate us And us alone. Moon River, Oct. 29...