Often and for long periods of time does God hide Himself from His called one, even as He did with all the saints and prophets of old and to the present. We desire so much to walk by sight, as in this world, but must learn to walk by faith, by the little given knowledge of the unknown, the Unknown, that we may know Him. And though He hides Himself to try us, He is always there…there is nowhere one can go from His presence. Yet one can choose to do so, and the one choosing so is not called. Emptiness is not a bad sign in itself as one might suppose.
I am ill with sorrow and grief,
Vexation and loneliness;
My soul is filled with groanings and longings;
I look in all directions;
I reach out;
My hand returns empty;
Tears fill my soul;
I cry and cry and cry;
There is no one to comfort, to console, to ease my pain.
Day after day, year after year,
Decade after decade,
I wait, I long, I cry,
I heave and sigh.
There is none to understand.
I wait for morning;
I wait for evening;
I am desolate.
I eat, I sleep, I cry…
Is it sin I say I don’t have
That causes me to be this way –
Desperate, sad, lonely, unfulfilled,
Useless, despised, unwanted?
This is not the abundant life;
Though I have my carnal needs met
And freedom to come and go,
Yet I have nowhere to come and nowhere to go.
All is quiet, uneventful, drab and grey.
Do I complain
Or do I merely state the way things are
For those appointed to such by Divine order,
Not for sin
But for His purposes?
I don’t know;
I do know I am very sad and very lonely;
This I do know.
I note that I’m not fearful
As I once was;
I’m not doubtful of my path
As I once was,
Or am I?
I do not covet my neighbor’s shoes;
There is no being with whom I would trade
Yet I perceive that if
It were not for the Lord’s hand on me,
I would surely be tempted
To end my life.
If it were not for the hope of better things,
I would despair so that
I would arrange my end.
So much for which to be thankful,
Needs provided abundantly,
A good wife,
A new and healthy son,
Health, order, safety and outer peace,
Yet a desperate longing within
For I know not what –
Friends? Companions? Work?
Importance? Usefulness? Fame?
Glory? Honor? Recognition?
I don’t know.
In still times I am troubled.
Why? I don’t know.
I DO know I am very sad and very lonely;
This I DO know.
Moon River, Oct. 29, 1991
Things are seldom as they appear – if ever. This is because two factors obscure the reality. Firstly, the object of the observation seldom conducts itself outwardly as it really is within or behind the scenes. Secondly, the ability on the part of the observer is limited at most times so that he is not able to see as he ought to. And woe to the one who tries to acquire that which he desires by trying to give the appearance of either getting it or already having it. Truth in the inward parts is not only the desired end but the means to that end. “I am the way, the truth, and the life…” Child of fullness and plenty, have you any idea How empty you may be? Your stomach is filled With emptiness. You laugh Your laugh is hollow. Child of laughter and merriment have you any idea How sad you are? Your heart has a notion Of sorrow on the way. You scoff; You scoff at you know not what. Child of scorn and scoffing, have you any idea How the arrows you shoot reverse? Your own conscience tells you Of condemnation imminent. You despise That which you do not understand. Child of pride and knowledge, do you have any idea Of your ignorance and foolishness? You know it all But not as well as you are known. You pray For mercy – you have none. Child of prayer and fasting, have you any idea How full you will yet be? You are now empty On the way to fullness. You cry; Your tears are not in vain. Child of weeping and sorrow, have you any idea How happy you...
They speak for themselves. Naivete says: "All that men say is true, or at least most of what they say is true." "All their facial expressions tell their true feelings." "Most people in everyday common affairs have no reason to lie or to be deceitful." "People conduct themselves as normal beings always or almost always. One can usually take them at face value." Naivete has never met Discretion - never heard of her. But Naivete has a sister: Pride says: "The friendship of people towards me comes out of their admiration for me." (sometimes true) "People see something special in me even if they can't put a finger on it. If they don't, they ought to." "People respect me because I am something special." "All centers on me...all." "All things said and done toward me to my dislike are offensive, wrong and unjustified." "Don't rebuke me; don't rail on and on. It's only your ignorance and bad attitude. I don't want to hear it." "I have spoken. Let all men fall down and worship." "World, watch the grace, see the grace that issues from my precious lips." "I'm sure glad I'M right." Blindness is the brother of Naivete and Pride. Blindness says: "I see me; I see what I do; I see what I see and what I say; there is nothing else." "I don't see the circumstances, their elements, their noteworthiness. With the help of my sisters, I only believe the flatteries people speak to me, of me." Destruction, the child of Pride and Blindness (a marriage of incest) says:...
It has been said that confidence is a plant of slow growth in an aged bosom. This can also be said of its lack. How crippling is the power of uncertainty and fear! It can reduce an otherwise mighty man to an emaciated personality fit for little more than to exist. Ironically the victim is paralyzed so effectively by his own power which makes him so weak. In this he is practically omnipotent so far as his state is concerned. Nothing can alter this condition but a fiery judgment that comes into every man's existence sooner or later and either delivers or destroys the wretched soul depending on his inclination and desire. I see a BOY. He hungers for an acknowledgment and appreciation of himself. He hungers for love - which only a good father could give - but finds none. "See, daddy? See, daddy?" he exclaims, waving his arms wildly. His Daddy ignores him. Always crestfallen, the boy is unable to cease trying to prove, to please. No matter the greatness of his efforts and accomplishments; they are not enough. His countenance tells both his effort and his frustration. I see a SOLDIER. What an excellent soldier he is! What a fine sword he possesses! All his armament, his physique and his skills are to be both admired and feared by friend and foe alike. But what will he do in the Firestorm that approaches, nay, that is even here? As the father, it recognizes no sword; it laughs at physique and scoffs at skill and experience. I see a PRI...