Often and for long periods of time does God hide Himself from His called one, even as He did with all the saints and prophets of old and to the present. We desire so much to walk by sight, as in this world, but must learn to walk by faith, by the little given knowledge of the unknown, the Unknown, that we may know Him. And though He hides Himself to try us, He is always there…there is nowhere one can go from His presence. Yet one can choose to do so, and the one choosing so is not called. Emptiness is not a bad sign in itself as one might suppose.
I am ill with sorrow and grief,
Vexation and loneliness;
My soul is filled with groanings and longings;
I look in all directions;
I reach out;
My hand returns empty;
Tears fill my soul;
I cry and cry and cry;
There is no one to comfort, to console, to ease my pain.
Day after day, year after year,
Decade after decade,
I wait, I long, I cry,
I heave and sigh.
There is none to understand.
I wait for morning;
I wait for evening;
I am desolate.
I eat, I sleep, I cry…
Is it sin I say I don’t have
That causes me to be this way –
Desperate, sad, lonely, unfulfilled,
Useless, despised, unwanted?
This is not the abundant life;
Though I have my carnal needs met
And freedom to come and go,
Yet I have nowhere to come and nowhere to go.
All is quiet, uneventful, drab and grey.
Do I complain
Or do I merely state the way things are
For those appointed to such by Divine order,
Not for sin
But for His purposes?
I don’t know;
I do know I am very sad and very lonely;
This I do know.
I note that I’m not fearful
As I once was;
I’m not doubtful of my path
As I once was,
Or am I?
I do not covet my neighbor’s shoes;
There is no being with whom I would trade
Yet I perceive that if
It were not for the Lord’s hand on me,
I would surely be tempted
To end my life.
If it were not for the hope of better things,
I would despair so that
I would arrange my end.
So much for which to be thankful,
Needs provided abundantly,
A good wife,
A new and healthy son,
Health, order, safety and outer peace,
Yet a desperate longing within
For I know not what –
Friends? Companions? Work?
Importance? Usefulness? Fame?
Glory? Honor? Recognition?
I don’t know.
In still times I am troubled.
Why? I don’t know.
I DO know I am very sad and very lonely;
This I DO know.
Moon River, Oct. 29, 1991
Living with loose ends that seem perpetual is one of the difficult facts of life, especially if those ends were not expected to be loose and most of all if those loose ends had at first appeared to have the promise of completion upon which we set our hopes. As we press on toward the mark we gradually begin to learn that those things we counted important, achievable and our destiny were really only elements of a process. With the process complete in any of its stages, we discover firstly a change in ourselves and then the elements we once considered so important are cancelled with our ready consent. The destination is not without but within. When once the work is done within, those outward things we sought fade away, no longer perceived as desirable or important. How many times have I thought I arrived only to discover I was just beginning! That which was is no longer relevant, as a fading flower that falls to the ground. One must come to the sobering truth that all we do is vanity. The greatest works of men upon earth are entirely vain. What's more, as much can be accomplished and\or learned in the most mundane and simple things and activities of our existence as in what we perceive to be higher and more noble works. Who has the measure? The issue is not one of what we do or how well we do it but one of motive and attitude. There is the key of deliverance from Periphery. Periphery, Periphery, Your victims going round, Seeing, smelling, Even tou...
English - Spanish If youth were so important, would we not have been given the wherewith to embrace and enjoy it? But trials and tribulations come as a flood to deliver us, to teach us, to age us. Aged wine, how good! Green fruit, how unsatisfactory! Yet this green fruit doesn't know. It covets its youth, its strength, its firmness, its expectation of longevity and does not care to be consumed. Yes, it much prefers rather to do the consuming. Youth must be told it is there to be consumed and not to consume, that it must wait for that which to it would seem so repulsive as if waiting for something so desirable. Resisting reality, the young one is consumed and loses himself. Embracing reality, time unveils the beauty of maturity and the once young finds new youth imperishable. Immaturity says: My will, not Thine, be done. I want it, I want it my way, I want it all, I want it now. Immaturity says: I'm old enough, I can do it, I deserve it, It's coming to me. Immaturity is indignant at correction, at instruction and discipline. Immaturity harbors resentment, seeks revenge, a settling of scores much in its favor. It takes only the good, despising the bad, not discerning the difference between the two. Immaturity presumes to know, to know better, to know all, despising knowledge and the paths thereto leading. Wisdom is an alien despised, abhorred; folly is embraced as one's dear life. Yet immaturity ends, whether by maturity or destruct...
Jesus said “Judge not according to the appearance but judge righteous judgment.” Therefore there is a right and true and valid judging. The problem is that many do not recognize the difference between the right kind and the wrong, and many lawless, hiding their own sins, refuse to acknowledge that there is a valid kind to which they might be subjected by judges who are used by God. What is the sure and fair standard? It is none other than the revelation of God, given to men who have died and received that understanding and wisdom in those matters they judge, having been given to know the secrets of the heart. The price is the beam by way of the cross. Measure me! How long am I? How tall? How big? How strong? Is there anything to measure When all is said and done? Do I compare to what I was Or what I will yet be? And what will I be? Do I compare to others? What standard will you use? What I have, will I always have it? Is it worth having to lose it in the end? Is the glory worth the shame? Vanity! Utter vanity! Our possessions aren’t two cents! One day they’re here and then they’re gone. Failure never relents. Judge me if you think you can; What measure will you use? Inner, outer, upper, lower, Do you have any clues? Appearance is not all there is In fact, appearance isn’t. It is NOT. But how will you know what is? Does reality not exist? Is it not available? Or is it here and unperceived Only because you are blind? There is an answer. Lethbridge,...