I am mildly surprised as I read these words months after writing them. Mildly, I say, because it isn’t a surprise and yet it is, to see how I have been so down in my hopes, feelings and outlook on things. I marvel somewhat because I know this has happened on many occasions while in between those times I have also felt quite to the contrary, as though the Lord were very much with me and that by Him, nothing was impossible. I have particularly felt the latter way, with full conviction immediately after the Lord has manifest Himself to me in some way, unmistakably. But how soon and how able we are to forget and to be in despair!
The whole world rots before my very eyes.
Blind I am not to its corruption;
Men bide their time in vain travail
Or wait until they have to go.
Suffering and death are everywhere,
Sickness, disease and hell;
Selfishness and greed reign over all;
Each man denies another’s rights.
Hell is on the left, Death is on the right;
Fake religions promise emancipation;
Vain hopes carrot asses everywhere;
The wisest are led by them,
bled by them,
and slain by them.
God is here, God is there, God is everywhere;
There is no truth, no mercy, no compassion,
No righteousness nor justice in this earth.
Men are quick to boast their virtue,
To make a show of goodness,
‘Til they have you where they want you
And slit your throat for what you have
If even so very little.
I see the wickedness and the cruelty,
The deception of every man
But though I have power to see all this,
There is nothing I can do;
I am helpless and selfish as other men,
Striving for the truth yet against it all,
Hungering for the right nowhere in sight,
Contributing to its non-existence.
I have sought to be the Lord’s,
To be His and His alone,
To serve Him well and do His will
But I have sought in vain.
There is nothing for me to do;
My searching is at an end.
I can not go on; my hope is gone;
I see no other way.
What then can there be for me?
Where will I go and what shall I do?
I despair and cry and writhe inside;
My God has forsaken me.
He has forsaken me, I do not know why.
I know that in me there is no good
But I thought and hoped that He would come
And save me if He could.
I am worse than I was a while ago,
And worse I get each day.
What can I do and where will I end?
What more am I able to say?
My depressions come more often;
They envelope me as a shroud.
My strength is fainter day by day
To withstand the onslaught of evil.
I have boasted and spoken of my God;
I have acted as though I have known Him.
Some, though few, have sought my words
To guide them on their way.
But now I find I am no guide;
I have no one to guide me.
Silent and subdued within,
After many years, I am at an end.
Promises have come and also gone;
I stand with empty hand;
Nothing to show for all my work
And sacrifice and search.
If I could find someone to end
This miserable life I have led,
I had let him have the privilege
If I knew the other side.
It may well be from pan to fire;
It may be for the worse;
I do not know so I can not go;
I must bear this curse.
Lethbridge, Sept. 1984
Jesus said “Judge not according to the appearance but judge righteous judgment.” Therefore there is a right and true and valid judging. The problem is that many do not recognize the difference between the right kind and the wrong, and many lawless, hiding their own sins, refuse to acknowledge that there is a valid kind to which they might be subjected by judges who are used by God. What is the sure and fair standard? It is none other than the revelation of God, given to men who have died and received that understanding and wisdom in those matters they judge, having been given to know the secrets of the heart. The price is the beam by way of the cross. Measure me! How long am I? How tall? How big? How strong? Is there anything to measure When all is said and done? Do I compare to what I was Or what I will yet be? And what will I be? Do I compare to others? What standard will you use? What I have, will I always have it? Is it worth having to lose it in the end? Is the glory worth the shame? Vanity! Utter vanity! Our possessions aren’t two cents! One day they’re here and then they’re gone. Failure never relents. Judge me if you think you can; What measure will you use? Inner, outer, upper, lower, Do you have any clues? Appearance is not all there is In fact, appearance isn’t. It is NOT. But how will you know what is? Does reality not exist? Is it not available? Or is it here and unperceived Only because you are blind? There is an answer. Lethbridge,...
I marvel at how worshipers of God so-called can become and are so much more important to themselves than the One they profess to worship. I marvel at how they worship themselves for worshiping God and how they do worship the worshiping itself. I marvel at how they insist and demand of God how that He should be worshiped. In essence, they are demanding that men worship them for their dedication and wisdom in the way they worship God. In essence, they demand of the One they profess to worship that He worship them! I marvel at the reversals of men, their utter contradictions and their blindness to it all. Tell me, all you religious, And answer me if you can, About the One you call your Master, Even the Lord Jesus Christ. Do you follow His example And do as He asks you to do? Or have you taken another way To serve Him as you choose? Did He wear religious garb? Did He call Himself good? Did He wear a gold-plaited electric chair Around His waist or neck, And over His head, a hood? Did He ask others to worship His mother? Did He call Himself “Father” or “Reverend” or “His Holiness” Or any other such thing? Did He ask that they pay His way? Did He ask that they kiss His ring? Did He gather a congregation And form a membership Over which He would hold sway? Did He sit down on a throne And put on a fancy hat? Did He ride a fancy horse, Protected by a sword? Did He baptize babies? Or ask for celibacy? Did He lord it over others with pomp And show and...
This was written at a time when we lived in a literal desert in Israel and I could feel all the things expressed, within my soul, because we were also in a desert in our spiritual lives, a desert through which all pilgrims on the journey to the city of God must pass. This writing was also prophetic of events that would shortly come to pass as we spoke the Word of God to Paul, whom the Lord had given us to be our friend. As a matter of coincidental fact, the day of this introductory writing (Oct. 9) is, I believe, the very anniversary almost to the hour, of Paul forsaking his wife in obedience to the Lord, to walk in the Way of Life. The desert is dry and parched, and I am hot and thirsty; We two have been matched as partners in this stretch of our history. The sun’s scorching face is forceful enough; from it I can find no escape, No shade, no water, no nightfall to comfort my soul in its wearisome journey. Miles and miles of burning sand, I scarcely know where it began… It started with greenery, then greenery and sand, and now it is sand upon sand. Yet after some miles I’ve trodden and feel I can go no farther, A trickle of water comes out of a rock, destined for that very hour. With leanness of soul and hungering for life, not a soul for months have I seen, And all my possessions have slowly been lost, ’til much lighter my journey has been. It’s strange how the harder the trials, the sweeter the life becomes; The easier the life filled with comforts, the more ...