This song came for Caren Lampitoc, whom Paul met in Philadelphia.
How different we discovered the Christian walk to be in comparison to what we had expected or were led to believe it would be! It was lonely, painful of soul, friendless, fraught with enemies on all sides and the greatest enemy was on the inside. How we had to do battle with unbelief, with our carnal desires, ambitions, hopes, dreams, with the lusts of the flesh…lusting mostly for social security, belonging, importance, usefulness.
All must be surrendered or lost; there really is no choice in the matter when the call of God is upon one. He that keeps his life loses it and if he loses it for the Lord’s sake, it is still lost, if only for a time, even if replaced with more and better somewhere down the road. The main thing is that one must trust God in it all and let it happen. One must learn and accept that God is in charge of all things, working all for good.
Lord, when You first called out my name,
I knew I couldn’t be the same;
I didn’t know what I would do…or be;
I thought the future I could see.
For awhile I ran in reckless joy;
I played with You like boy with toy,
And slowly I began to understand
That You are Lord and it’s Your hand.
Right now I know that You’re with me
And through these tears it’s hard to see
What’s going on with You and me
But You’ve said, “What will be will be.”
It’s been so hard for me to be so still;
Like fire to ice it’s will to will.
You’ve shown me that I’m the one so cold,
Yet in my ways I’ve been so bold.
Nothing’s going the way I thought it would;
It’s so different and very strange.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ve gone astray;
Seems no one’s here to come my way.
Chorus repeat 2x
Winnipeg, MB; February 27, 1981
My soul, as are the souls of others, as God chooses, is compelled to love, desire and serve God, no matter what. We falter, we fail, we don't always know what God thinks or feels about us but we press on as if there is no choice. It is an irresistible and unconscious force in spite of everything.
I was given this song while ministering to some men in the Prince Albert Correctional in 1976. I cried, and they cried. I felt for them and they with me. God only knows how this song affected them in time.
In December of 2010, there came a call to lay down the life for another. There was no one else to do it, and it didn't matter; the duty and appointment were ours alone. It appeared this person's life was on the line. He was suspected and accused of, condemned, and hunted for, alleged horrific crimes in his country far away and many years ago. In my contemplation of these matters, realizing we could lose everything, a tune came to me in the middle of the night of January 30/31, 2011, followed by these words (Unfortunately, I don't recall the tune).