This song came for Caren Lampitoc, whom Paul met in Philadelphia.
How different we discovered the Christian walk to be in comparison to what we had expected or were led to believe it would be! It was lonely, painful of soul, friendless, fraught with enemies on all sides and the greatest enemy was on the inside. How we had to do battle with unbelief, with our carnal desires, ambitions, hopes, dreams, with the lusts of the flesh…lusting mostly for social security, belonging, importance, usefulness.
All must be surrendered or lost; there really is no choice in the matter when the call of God is upon one. He that keeps his life loses it and if he loses it for the Lord’s sake, it is still lost, if only for a time, even if replaced with more and better somewhere down the road. The main thing is that one must trust God in it all and let it happen. One must learn and accept that God is in charge of all things, working all for good.
Lord, when You first called out my name,
I knew I couldn’t be the same;
I didn’t know what I would do…or be;
I thought the future I could see.
For awhile I ran in reckless joy;
I played with You like boy with toy,
And slowly I began to understand
That You are Lord and it’s Your hand.
Right now I know that You’re with me
And through these tears it’s hard to see
What’s going on with You and me
But You’ve said, “What will be will be.”
It’s been so hard for me to be so still;
Like fire to ice it’s will to will.
You’ve shown me that I’m the one so cold,
Yet in my ways I’ve been so bold.
Nothing’s going the way I thought it would;
It’s so different and very strange.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ve gone astray;
Seems no one’s here to come my way.
Chorus repeat 2x
Winnipeg, MB; February 27, 1981
There exists the notion that victory speaks only of joy, peace, love, rest in their counterfeit forms, the wishy-washy, mushy-gushy kind that has no place in reality. This song expresses the reality. There is war before victory. With war comes bloodshed, hard times, threatenings, loss and destruction, but the victory is there in real terms, earned and established by the Lord.
Twice in my life has the Lord enlightened me on this person in particular, once by revelation without the experience and the second time by a taste of what Job suffered, taking me back to my mother's womb, my earthly origins. It is not our righteousness.
Who has not wanted to fly? Why do we have airplanes and stories like Peter Pan? Most of us have dreamt of flying by faith, that is, being airborne, powered by believing we could. Within, we can. God gives us that power in our relationship with Him whereby our spirits soar.