For a while back that I remember, I would have fears to get up in the middle of the night. Often, I tried sleeping more to avoid going to the bathroom when urged to.
Why did it start? I am not sure, but what came to my mind today is the years I spent watching YouTubers play horror games (let’s plays). It’s been a long time since I watched, say, Pewdiepie, on such videos. Playing with darkness is a terrible idea, and it’s one of the evil things I’ve done.
For some weeks, I put effort into fighting the fear by just going to the bathroom without turning on lights. Sometimes I would have devilish voices in my head during this or the presence of an evil spirit being over my shoulder.
My home had a chaotic event yesterday, but the phone call with Victor and others helped many things. A big one being my confession of my evil heart hoping that people die after hearing the Word of God. I would tell somebody about God and be hopeful for them, and my heart would say, "Don't you wish they reject the Truth and die?" Whatever hope or love I have for neighbors isn't of me. Nevertheless, Victor prayed to Jesus Christ to fight the forces of darkness afflicting me, and to give a sound mind. I cried and felt broken, and I hoped for His help.
Before I went to bed, some devils tried throwing doubt about God doing a healing. “He won’t do that for you!” The response was “It is written...” Also, I knew I did not deserve any gift. All I was given to do was pray and hope for His will to be done as Victor prayed. I think there is more fulfillment of this prayer to come.
So I woke up around 3:30 AM this morning, went to the bathroom in the dark, and wrote this to Victor on FB Messenger:
I can’t see what frightened or fought the demons. What I know is that I felt free to walk around my dark house. Some demonic voices, yes, but something pushed them away or silently rebuked them.
Anyway, I had to say something now, at this very early hour of [the] morning: I got up to go to the bathroom and was bold against the dark instead of afraid. It’s gotta be God at work, and it’s so freeing! Thank God!
Other things going on in my mind that I don’t understand. What I’m feeling is some sort of outside pressure pushing away voices. Devils are scared.
I also think that about 48 hours ago, I was afraid of the dark. Sure, I’ve forced myself to go to the bathroom with only a nightlight on, but I asked God in bed later, “What evil am I doing to deserve such wrath, Lord?” I thought I was sinning or something. After that, that night was peaceful.
I’m texting and it’s dark around me. Not bothered. Hmm, is this freedom?
Time for me to sleep again. Thank You, Jesus Christ! Thank you, too, Victor.
This may all seem like a small thing God did, still...
Zec 4:10 (KJV): “For who hath despised the day of small things? for they shall rejoice, and shall see the plummet in the hand of Zerubbabel with those seven; they are the eyes of the LORD, which run to and fro through the whole earth.”