How do I truly know God?

Letters from those finding their way in faith.

How do I truly know God?

Post by Houston »

I will keep this short so as not to bore you with every possible detail.

I grew up in the Church of Christ, born into it, as it were. I of course, have apparently, by your articles been practicing Counterfeit Christianity. I have also read your Marks of the Cult page, and I continue to pick through your website.

What brought me there was researching Todd White. I had also seen sites such as PirateChristianity and BereanResearch speak out against him, but this left me confused.

The reason for this is as you explained in the cults articles - all sides claim to speak truth from the Bible and to have the true revelation, yet they contradict each other so which side is right? I suppose at this point neither, correct?

I was researching the New Apostolic Reformation as being wholly and totally a false movement of false teachers - for which I had spent some time having found it through the Charismatic movement in my city of Nashville, Tennessee.

Some few years ago I had begun attending such services believing I had found the truth of it all - the real God, the real Holy Spirit, the real message....but eventually fell away as I felt I had nothing truly in common with these people other than going to the same place and loving "Jesus" together.

So in short - I have apparently never met or known God or Jesus, even though I was baptized when I 10 years old and "accepted Jesus" into my heart and proclaimed Him the Son of God and who had saved me of my sins. This I was to do in the Church of Christ as I grew up. Then I went on to be deceived later in 2013 or so by a powerfully wicked movement getting wrapped up in the likes of Bill Johnson, Benny Hinn, Todd White, Dan Moeler, and all of those folks.

My point in all of this is simple. All my life (I am 28 years old now) I have only ever wanted one thing: to know God. To really know Him. To know Jesus. To have the personal relationship all have claimed to have in one church or another.

All I want is Truth. The real truth. I have read the book of Taoism (The Way), I have read many philosophers including Descartes, Nietzsche, Kant. and so forth. Things like Nausea and Siddhartha and the Complete works of Chuang Tzu. I have read much and more in my quest for Truth. Real Truth. Real God. The one in the bible.

I suspect I have never known Him, for all my years I am still a slave to sin, still taken with the appetites of sin.

I even fear I may never know God, He may choose not to reveal Himself to me at all. That leaves me with a certain amount of despair, but there's nothing I can do about it. I can't make God choose me, afterall.

Regardless - how do I find God? How do I meet Him? Really know Him?

How do I be a real Christian?


Re: How do I truly know God?

Post by Houston »

Hello Paul and Victor,

I wrote to you all a few days ago and write to you again now for direction.

I feel like a being caught between worlds with probably confused and warped understanding.

Things such as: "How do I be born again and risen from the dead? Is true faith killing myself believing the Lord will literally raise me again?" However that doesn't make sense because it never says any new believer killed themselves to be born again.

Again the terrible realization that for all my life I have merely been bouncing from one cult to another (Church of Christ, the New Apostolic Reformation and so on) a child of the devil even and there's nothing I, myself, as a human can do about it.

I have come to a place of existence which feels as though I am submerged under water, trapped in a glass box and the only way out is if God acts. Only if God gives me the gift of faith, only if God gives me his Spirit, only if God wills that I be saved can I be saved and He very well may choose NOT to. It may not yet be my time. It gives me a certain sense of hopelessness knowing I got so close to the truth but there's nothing in my own power I can do to receive it.

No matter how many times I confess the Lord Jesus Christ it is possible I call only on the man made cult version I have been exposed to instead of the real Lord and no matter how many times - without God's consent for the literal gift of faith implanted I can never believe or actually know truth.

So I wonder what would I do with myself if I am not chosen or if God is unwilling to give me the gift of faith because it is not my time yet. I wonder disillusioned with the world and hating myself and my sin and ready and willing to repent and confess - but despite it all to not be received, I ponder the future of my own existence.

The more I read on your site the more everything makes sense. I wondered why the Bible said one thing and mankind - those in the church - continue to look exactly like everyone else with a faux righteousness. Your explanations uncovering the cult of "church" (all of them mine own branches included and many more such as Catholics, etc) has made me realize the reason why despite the scripture saying my nature will be changed and I will sin no more I continue to do so.

No answers from my church have ever satisfied me because it all seemed rather contradictory to the actual bible.

I know I am not saved. I know I am a child of the devil living in my sin and squalor. I know this because you said the Spirit of Truth testifies to itself and also I am 100% certain I have never met Jesus personally which you also said is required to be a real Christian.

I'm positive I would remember an actual meeting in person with the actual Jesus Christ. I'm also certain I've had strong delusions and probably had encounters with cult Jesus AntiChrist and religious experiences which are all nonsense and non-life giving.

So now I wonder what to do with myself. The only thing I can think of is to keep praying to God for the gift of faith but then I keep wondering if I can even pray to a God I don't know or if I'm just praying to the fake manmade cult god and so nothing will happen.

I just keep reading your site and so far I agree with everything and in many ways it gives me peace. My nature - my flesh even wants to say something like "Oh well all things are reconciled eventually so what difference does it make if it's now or later?" But I think that's just an excuse to be lazy or justify myself to myself and salve the conscious.

I'm so tired of conscious salving I just want real salvation.

Even then I doubt my intentions - probably the flesh of me selfishly wants salvation because truthfully deep down I still believe in the diabolical doctrine of eternal torment and so forth.

I can't trust myself. I can't trust my desire to know God is in anyway pure.

All my life I have been a seeker of absolute and real truth and at last I have finally found it only to realize there's nothing in my own power I can do about it.

I've confessed my sins to God, I've repented or at least I want to repent yet the flesh still tugs at me so I'm not sure I've really repented. All the same old vices such as video games and porn still call to me. So I've gone through the supposed motions of salvation yet found no radical or consequential changes yet - at least I don't think so anyway.

Should I just keep doing them and keep asking for the gift of faith and for real salvation? It seems apparent that I would absolutely know without any question when it happens which is why I'm fairly certain it hasn't yet happened.

I'm not really sure what to do but I'm not ready to give up.

God is out there somewhere and I really want to know him.

As a child and even know I have always been jealous of David's title of "a man after God's own heart"... I want to love God as much as David but I'm fairly positive I've never even met or known God.

I suppose I keep saying the same thing but slightly differently each time so by now I'm sure you both get the picture.

I suppose for now the only thing I can do is be patient, either for a response from you or from God himself.

It seems contradictory to keep trying because I can't save myself at all but I don't want to do literally nothing... but maybe that's the key to it.


Re: How do I truly know God?

Post by Houston »

I know I didn't sign any of my emails previously because I thought it would be apparent from my email address that my name is Houston Bush.

Also I don't have any credentials to speak of.

Also I'm worried I might not hear a response because you guys might be dead. If I remember correctly Victor in the least was born in 1947? So he must be like 70 by now. You guys also keep mentioning the 70's and 80's a lot so clearly you're over 50.

I guess my worry is that my only connection to real truth will be lost if neither of you are around anymore.

Everyone I have ever known is either a proud unbeliever or in the cult of church. I don't know any real believers except you two and I don't have the Spirit of Truth yet (I'm fairly certain I don't because I would know if I did right?) so it seems meaningless to read the scriptures for salvation without knowing God first.

I'm not really certain on the order of things.

What I do know is I want the gift of repentance and I want the gift of faith and I want to do the 3 feasts (Passover and Pentecost and Tabernacles) but first God has to act right? I also can't make God act so I feel a bit stuck.

Anyway I just wanted to tell you who I am and what I want because I'm reading your letter exchanges with Harold and I realized I hadn't identified myself yet.

Houston Bush


Re: How do I truly know God?

Post by Houston »

Hello Victor and Paul,

As I understand things I want to confirm with you that I understand correctly. This will be short.

The verse Harold keeps quoting repeatedly he is not understanding as I see it.

I will use a timeline to illustrate.

A man lives to be 100 years old. He is converted to true Christianity by the Grace and gift of God and literally receives Jesus inside of him completely transforming him at the age of 25.

John is saying no one can say they have no sin because for the above example for the first 25 years this man did sin. However the moment of his true conversion he sinned never again.

Therefore he did HAVE (past tense) sin as that quote Harold keeps using but when he was transformed fully he did not sin again which is NOT contradicting. True salvation means one never sins again am I understanding correctly?

So for the 26-100 year mark is no sin but there was once sin from 1-25 based on my tiMeline example.

Is this the correct understanding?

Sorry if I write too much. I'm just very excited about all of these things on your website.

Houston Bush

Paul Cohen

Re: How do I truly know God?

Post by Paul Cohen »

On Mar 21, 2017, at 9:33 PM, The Path of Truth <The Path of Truth > wrote:

What writing are you citing, Houston? We have over a thousand on our site.
Please present the context, as well, with quotes.




Re: How do I truly know God?

Post by Houston »


Apologies on the vagueness I was caught up in the moment and assumed you would also know directly what I was talking about.

The context is Harold continuing to accuse you and Victor of having sinned post becoming a Christian.

Context from Harold:

"...Saved people do sin. Again here is the verse that states this which I gave to Paul:

"If we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." (1 John 1:8)"

Thus is my question and scenario: do I understand correctly what John writes in 1 John 1:8 being that we cannot claim to be without sin because before becoming Christian we did have sin, however after that point we never sin again.

Hence the 25 years of sin and 75 years of no sin post conversion in my example below.

Is my understanding accurate on this case?

Also I don't yet understand the difference between infirmities/weakness of the flesh and sin.

Are infirmities the verses that Paul says this:

Romans 7:14-21 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me."

Basically sin is 100% factually knowing and being disobedient to God on purpose but infirmities are evils which the sin (flesh) still inside you do but it is not sin because you do not wish to do it? Also because you have the Spirit of Christ inside you you cannot willingly and purposefully disobey God (sin).

I'm not sure I can read any scripture properly yet or understand anything because as far as I know I have not yet heard God's voice and I do not yet have His Gift of Faith or Spirit.

I'm working through the rest of your website having just recently read Repentance and also on Confession and also On How One is Saved and so many more.

My only conclusion is that nothing can be done except by God's will - no matter how much I may want to know Him or understand Him or His Word or anything else, my desires are meaningless. Only if God is willing will I receive any of the gifts (Faith, Repentance, Holy Spirit and more). So what happens if He chooses not to give them to me? What do I do? I don't particularly like the idea of living the rest of my days forsaken and to giving myself over to my own flesh and desires and sins. That seems meaningless. It is possible that for now it is God's will I live a meaningless life though until a later time when He decides to save me.

Sorry for the ramblings... I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading on your site lately.

You may have seen my other emails or not.

Regardless thank you for replying to this one!

Houston Bush


Re: How do I truly know God?

Post by Houston »

Hello Paul and Viktor,

I know I ask a lot of questions. This time I ask again, to be thorough in understanding and not argumentative.

As I was reading through your story about Angelica Zambrano I came upon your statement here:

Nowhere in Scripture does one find a report of physical pain when visited by the Lord. Fear, yes, faintness, yes, but pain, from a “smiling, loving, passionate” entity? I don't think so. And even though this is reported to be a visit unto death, does anyone really think Moses and Aaron suffered so, when the Lord commanded them to go up on the Mount to die?

So my question is this: in Genesis 32:25-32 it says the following: “And Jacob is left alone, and one wrestleth with him till the ascending of the dawn; and he seeth that he is not able for him, and he cometh against the hollow of his thigh, and the hollow of Jacob's thigh is disjointed in his wrestling with him; and he saith, `Send me away, for the dawn hath ascended:' and he saith, `I send thee not away, except thou hast blessed me.' And he saith unto him, `What [is] thy name?' and he saith, `Jacob.' And he saith, `Thy name is no more called Jacob, but Israel; for thou hast been a prince with God and with men, and dost prevail.' And Jacob asketh, and saith, `Declare, I pray thee, thy name;' and he saith, `Why [is] this, thou askest for My name?' and He blesseth him there. And Jacob calleth the name of the place Peniel: for `I have seen God face unto face, and my life is delivered;'”

So it may be pedantic and very much Pharisee of me but by strict definition is this not a case of visitation by God and physical pain?

It could be argued that Jacob doesn't say "ouch my hip that hurt" but I can't imagine it did not hurt either.

This story confuses me anyway because how could God NOT overpower a man in any way?

Maybe Jacob came to the wrong conclusion of who he met. I don't mean to challenge because to be honest I would much rather learn from you two, the only two real Christians I know, than be argumentative or stubborn or be turned away. I just wanted to make 100% certain and thorough my understanding.

Houston Bush


Re: How do I truly know God?

Post by Houston »

Victor and Paul,

I receive you both as the only true Christians I have ever known.

I have read so much more than when I first messaged you both.

I receive all you say to be true and it brings me to despair.

This is my dilemma: I now know the truth and there's literally nothing I can do about it.

No matter how righteous I try to be, no matter how I try to keep the Laws of God, no matter how I try to get His attention it is all meaningless.

God has either chosen me as one of His or He has not. That is the truth. Jesus is Lord of literally all things, including my destiny and my life. If He chooses I am not one of His than what am I to do?

I can't stand the idea of continuing to live knowing the real and true Jesus Christ is out there but if He does not choose me then I will never know Him.

Everything is meaningless. What am I to do? Continue in my vanity and meaningless sin? Continue to compile heaps of wrath on my head as I affront, offend and sin against God? I can't not sin unless Christ lives in me.

If God does not choose me then I get to live another meaningless 60 years blaspheming and adultering and thieves and lying and cowering and the thousand million other sins I have?

I can't go back to church anymore. I can't continue in meaningless works of man and man's righteousness believing in a fake Christ and a fake gospel.

What choice do I have left but to kill myself? At least then I know I'll have not heaped another 60 years of sins and death upon myself and though excruciating my stint in the Lake of Fire may be shorter than it would be and though taking the long way about at last I will finally know God face to face.

In the end I will know Him and praise Him no matter what. Via the physical death and Lake of Fire route or through Salvation in Christ in the here and now.

So what does my life become if Christ does not choose me as one of His own?

Everything is so pointless, useless and futile without Him. Why bother existing at all?

I am a Pharisee, a wicked blasphemer more vile and crooked than any other. I have so many sins I can't even confess them all because I've forgotten them even as I pile new ones on daily.

Why continue in this way? It's not my choice to be saved it's His choice to save me.

What do I do?

I feel nothing but despair at the moment. There is literally no hope without Christ - not on this Earth anyway.

Houston Bush

Paul Cohen and Victor Hafichuk

Re: How do I truly know God?

Post by Paul Cohen and Victor Hafichuk »

I guess my worry is that my only connection to real truth will be lost if neither of you are around anymore.

Houston, the issue for you is that you need a connection to the Real Truth, the Lord Jesus Christ. We can only point you in His direction and cannot serve as your connection to Him. You've tried religion and philosophy, depending on your meager carnal resources, but you've not come to Him and gotten real.

Your many questions aren't the issue, even if we had the time to answer them all. You need to seek the Lord with all your heart, as per our teachings and exhortations. Then He will minister to all your needs, and you'll begin to receive answers to many things that presently are closed to you in your unbelief.

Here's one question we will answer, however, because it does matter very much:

My only conclusion is that nothing can be done except by God's will - no matter how much I may want to know Him or understand Him or His Word or anything else, my desires are meaningless. Only if God is willing will I receive any of the gifts (Faith, Repentance, Holy Spirit and more). So what happens if He chooses not to give them to me?

What does the Word of God say?

Matthew 7:7-11 MKJV
(7) Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened to you.
(8) asks For each one who receives; and he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, it shall be opened.
(9) Or what man is there of you, if his son asks a loaf, will he give him a stone?
(10) Or if he asks a fish, will he give him a snake?
(11) If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Father in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him?

“And the one who comes to Me I will in no way cast out” (John 6:37 MKJV).

“But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6 MKJV).

Is God a liar? If so, there's no hope. If you believe He isn't truthful and faithful, there's also no hope. But if you believe the Lord Jesus Christ, that He is Who He says He is and does what He says He does, committing yourself to the truth that He speaks, you'll find the following:

“For all the promises of God in Him are 'yes,' and in Him 'Amen,' to the glory of God by us” (2 Corinthians 1:20 MKJV).

He that seeks will find. Keep pursuing and don't stop. In due time, as the Lord promises, you WILL find.

Paul and Victor

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