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PART TEN – The Issues of Life (cont.)

ParticleRevelations and Reminders of Archie

In the night of August 8/9, I realized several things about Archie, which were triggered by Ben’s letter. The vision I had of giving to Archie and his family while they were resentful receivers was one which was not a warning in the sense of not to give but of what would result. The Lord directed me to give and warned me of their reaction.

Archie has been ruled by envy, unforgiveness and resentment. He rejoiced when prophesying that Marilyn had a miscarriage because of my alleged bitterness toward God in the stock market chastening. He wasn’t necessarily rejoicing because of our misfortune (though possibly so), so much as that he was “hearing from God,” despite the unpleasant message. However, he wasn’t hearing from God that we know.

ParticleThe Little Girl

Then I thought of the little girl Bob Gregson and Paul Cohen each dreamt we had. Did we lose her forever in that miscarriage, falling short of God’s blessing through fault of our own, as Archie prophesied? No, I realized the dreams were unconditional and therefore destined to come to pass without fail. We also know the dreams to be of God because of the testimony of two witnesses.

Dreams from God are seldom if ever meant to be taken literally. Therefore, the dreams were not about a literal, physical little girl. Who or what then did that little girl represent? For years, I wondered until a release of sorts occurred in me. I believe it was at the time I sent Archie the large gift of money, even more than he demanded, which was many times more than was justified. Then, after Ben’s letter, it came to me that the little girl was the Bride of Christ!

And how can that be? Shall we be so arrogant and presumptuous as to dare imagine we bring forth none other than the Church of God? No, there is no arrogance or presumption or evil imagination here. I only report what I received. I understand the little girl to be representative of the universal Bride of Christ, though but a handful of saints God has committed to our keeping.

This afternoon, without my saying anything of those dreams and without telling Marilyn a word of what had come to me last night, Marilyn came and told me the little girl was – you guessed it – the Bride of Christ, and, she added, “without spot or wrinkle” (Ephesians 5:27).

If she and I are together leading this comely, godly girl, why the division and enmity between us? But has there not been enmity between Christ and His bride? All we need to do is read about the Corinthians, the Galatians, and the seven churches in Revelation to find out.

ParticleMy Ishmael

However, I have many questions. Why was the little girl the age she was? What did her age of 3 to 6 years represent? Why was the dream given to Bob, who has so little to do with us?

Concerning Bob, he is my Ishmael primo. When returning to Lethbridge, we began MH Consulting and Bob was the prime outcome of it all. What was MH all about? It was my effort to bring about the prophecy wherein He told me He would begin the work in Lethbridge. MH lasted about 3 months, though not without need and purpose. God still blessed Ishmael, though he was Abraham’s doing out of unbelief. God has blessed Bob, but the birthright evidently has not been for him. He has had to go his way. As Ishmael was cast out, so was Bob.

ParticleMany Ishmaels

Paul’s former wife Alison told me she knew I believed I was doing what was right in God’s sight, not that she agreed. Years later, we discovered she, as a Jew, joined the Episcopal Church, being quite involved. I asked myself, “Why did she do that?” Did she believe she was following up on my example? Why did she misunderstand, and instead of walking in the truth, go into organized religion? Am I responsible? Just what has my part been in this?”

Then there was Keith Dillabough, who, as a kid in his early teens, listened to my testimony. He said very little. Years later, he went to Bible school and became a minister in the Evangelical Free Church. He credited me for what was happening with him. Why was my influence such that he should be wrapped up in the works of men, in formal religion?

There were the people in Prince Albert. When we first testified of receiving the Spirit in 1975, they rejected us. Fifteen years later, when the Lord retraced our footsteps, showing us what He had done for us, Abe and Dick Friesen professed to have received the Spirit. I felt there was a connection to what we had declared to them so many years ago, yet I knew they had not received. They were deceived. Was I responsible here for this counterfeit as well?

We saw Harry Strauss on television, head-pastoring a fair-sized church in Regina. When I spoke in 1974 at the Faith Baptist Church to a group of young people about commitment to Christ, Harry had taken religion seriously but did he take the Lord seriously? There he was, firmly rooted in the nominal Christian establishment, full of dead works. Why?

I even heard of Henry Blackaby being involved with people in Brownsville, Texas, with talk of the Spirit of God. Did I have anything to do with that by our testimony to him in 1975? In perusing Henry’s books and witnessing his works these past few years, I know he hasn’t received the Spirit, just as surely as I knew he didn’t have the Spirit in 1975 when we bore witness to him.

I believe I have stumbled people in two ways, whether by offensive conduct or by conduct in trying to witness to people of the Lord. The second category has produced Ishmaels, even as Abraham tried to help the Lord provide him a promised son by taking Sara’s handmaid, Hagar. How often have I relied on the power of the flesh to produce sons in the Spirit?

ParticleEugene Peterson

Paul called Eugene Peterson, author of The Message. He told Paul that at his age, he was not interested in any more knowledge or conflict. Paul then had things to say and so did I, as follows: “What a difference between carnal knowledge from the Tree of Knowledge, and spiritual knowledge from the Tree of Life! One makes one sick and tired of it, and empty, while the other fills and gives one to hunger for more, out of fulness and to continue the ‘good fight of faith’ to the end.”

ParticleRocky Mountain Hemp

Every once in a while, one is confronted with a particularly unpleasant fellow. I know I have been known as just that very sort of fellow many times by many people, so I do not write this now in a holier-than-thou way. Mark talked to Roger Snow, owner of Rocky Mountain Hemp about organic farming. Roger fairly sneered, mocked, and jeered at all things organic, condemning the whole concept and practice as deceptive and illegitimate.

ParticleGuitton Farms Certified Organic Beef

Dennis Guitton, an organic beef farmer near Claresholm, Alberta, an hour’s drive from Harvest Haven, is another very unpleasant fellow. Because he pays good money regularly to be certified, it gives him the impression that we have no right to call our product organic because we are not certified, though we meet all pertinent human, environmental and animal health and nutrition requirements. Furthermore, we exceed some standards in very significant ways. “Certified organic” is not nearly enough in our books.

Mark Benson once called him in search of organic straw for our cattle. He was rabidly unreasonable, derisive that we should be asking for organic straw because we were not certified organic. What? Must we be certified to have the right to do things as they ought to be done?

How is it he has the right to be organic because he is certified while we have no right to be organic because we have chosen not to pay certification boards when we already go well beyond organic standards by conviction?

How is it he reserves the right to scorn us simply because he has a drain on his income for his qualifications, which costs we don’t consider fair or necessary or even effective?

Who is he to judge us? Who is he to decide whether we’re honest or not? Who is he to police us in his bitterness of having to pay in order to have someone certify his organic operation?

On our part, customers and all others are free to come to Harvest Haven and see that we take measures in our organic operation that Guitton has yet to dream of.

Being proud of his official categorization, resentful that we are not milked by bureaucrats, and ignorant of wholesome practices because he is in it for the money and not for conviction’s sake, Guitton does what he can to accuse and condemn us. For example, we were once an active member of the Organic Agriculture Centre of Canada, supplying it with helpful materials and reports.

We suspect that he objected because we were not certified. OACC rejected our participation shortly after our encounter with Guitton. The exclusion was based not on proven lack of quality, not on examination of any kind, and not on the fact that we were not organic (which we are in real terms) but simply because we have not been certified organic.

It is this kind of rabid and crass ignorance that spoils much good for many. Nevertheless, we know that God rules and is sovereign over all things, and that He works out His purpose for all, and Guitton will know the fruit of his doings, as will Roger Snow and others likeminded. Am I annoyed with people like that? Yes, I certainly am. Shouldn’t I be? Trouble was approaching for both men and we would hear of it when it came.

Who says there is no God?

ParticleMark Rebuked Sharply

Perhaps Mark was reaping what he was sowing. I had to rebuke Mark and address him more than once for being contemptuous, sarcastic, and cynical. He has been arrogant and has reminded me of others in years past who were like him, truly sour, but who would laugh and smile as though they weren’t serious when they were very serious.

My note while editing July 4, 2016: I now realize that I can’t trust Mark’s perception and reports of his dealings with others. You’ll see why.

ParticleMother Nature

Nature was never man’s mother. It is pagan earth worshippers who think so, and only the thoughtless followers of custom and those who don’t have a healthy faith in God use the term.

ParticleIt’s Sonny Out Again

Now we have another round with Sonny, who called us from Cardston, complaining that his wife kicked him out. I was beginning to suspect he was cunningly using and abusing the white man and approaching me because I professed faith in Christ, a weakness to be exploited, as he saw it. But I went along with it, wisely or otherwise, drove to his home just outside Cardston, picked him up and his few belongings in a sports bag, and brought him to the farm.

I left Sonny with those at the farm because Paul and I had another trip to Calgary with meetings slated for a few days. I asked them to take care of him and keep him occupied until I returned.

ParticleMessianics in Calgary

Blair and Linda Wetmore were customers of Cody’s, who graciously offered us lodging when we demonstrated the Chi and Hot House in their fine Calgary home.

They were Messianics. For the most part, Messianics mistakenly think to attain or enhance favor and fellowship with God by practising Jewish rituals, using a smattering of Hebrew language, and gathering extra-Biblical knowledge from Jewish sources. Blair did some teaching and Linda was, as is usual in all marriages of the fall, the “power behind the throne.”

On the second evening of visiting with them, Paul told them about how God directed him to separate from Alison in 1979. This visibly disturbed Linda, while Blair appeared to be considering. On the morning of August 28 I told them of the dream I had of the coming of the Lord. I also gave them some writings – Obedience, The Sabbath, The Church, Law and Grace, The Gathering, and Are We a Cult? I was defensive and Paul said so. I was afraid of offending and losing their friendship and business.

Having visited with them for several hours, praying and grasping what they were doing and teaching, we returned to Lethbridge and sent them a letter for their spiritual correction. This was, as usual, without enmity, but, as usual, taken with “grave assault.” We meant all good and no harm, but the reaction was as though it was otherwise. We have found that invariably, whenever we speak the truth against man’s preferred error and method of worshipping God, people are much disquieted. The Wetmores, sad to say, were no exception, and cut us off.

ParticleThe Calgary Grander Conference

Dan Stewart of Water Revitalization Technology held a Grander Conference downtown at the Regency Palace restaurant. Attending were his wife Carol and niece Laura; Rob Schultz, his assistant; Darren, his trainee, with whom we would have more to do; George Janiak, a Polish inventor, scientist, and university professor, with whom we would have more to do; Marek Krolikowski, with whom we would have more to do; Randy Widmer, naturopath and owner of Good For You, a wholesale supplements business in Calgary, and son Chad Widmer, with whom we would have more to do; Jock Bell, formerly of Trinity Water in the US; Michael Thomas from California, gardener and member of an eastern mystic commune, with whom we would have more to do; Marg Kopi, homeopath and owner of Kopsikum Health Centre in Calgary, with whom we would have more to do; Rupert Goodhart, owner of a massage therapy in Cochrane, AB, with whom we would have more to do; a Donna from Bozeman, Montana; John Folkins; Brian Eckert from California, with whom we would have more to do, and Bonnie Kam, with whom we would have so much more to do.

ParticleAddressing Cody Again

Cody invited us for supper to his home. Again, we addressed Cody on several of his spiritual errors and contradictions. As usual, he dodged, parried, and thrust back, but without substance and in vain. By this time, when I would ask Dena how she felt about what was being said, she candidly agreed that we were right, and tried to reason with Cody, giving him examples in their lives of how what we were saying applied.

ParticleSonny’s Sorrows and Subsequent Strife

When we returned to the farm from Calgary, we found that Sonny was not feeling well. He blamed it on sunstroke because the boys had put him to work outdoors. He also suffered caffeine withdrawal because we didn’t serve him coffee. Finally, he said he was bothered about business matters, but he didn’t say he was bothered about being kicked out by his wife and separated from her. He did complain about how she abused him.

I tried reasoning with him, confronting him on his profession of faith. It was obvious he didn’t believe. I tried persuading him that God would take care of all things for him as he believed and obeyed, but he would have none of it. He left on Friday, the 29th, in the middle of the night. But things were by no means finished. The man would demonstrate his true self to us.

ParticleMissing Goods

A week or so after Sonny left, Mark and Trevor noticed the new chain saw was missing. Sonny had made comments on it while there and they strongly suspected he stole it. Mark called the RCMP, who knew Sonny and his tendencies. They contacted him but he denied stealing anything.

Some days later, however, Trevor spotted the chain saw in the south pasture among the trees. They then recalled how one night they had seen a car stop at night near the pasture and remain still for a minute or two with its lights on, then it moved on. They surmised that Sonny must have secretly dropped the chain saw off.

Some time later, days or weeks, Mark and Lois met Sonny and his wife at Shopper’s Drug Mart on Mayor Magrath and confronted him on the theft of the chain saw. “Did you call the police on me?” he asked, while his wife withdrew herself from them. They said they did call the police, and Sonny was surprised that Christians would do that. We concluded that the RCMP must have persuaded him to return the goods if he knew what was good for him or he simply returned the chain saw in fear of possible consequences.

It seemed he was quite familiar with the evangelical Christian forgiving, do-gooder psyche, and artful in the liberties he could take with it. It just didn’t happen to be a part of our psyche. Still, he didn’t admit to theft. We never saw or heard from him again.

ParticleBen Expressed Shock at Parents’ Conduct

Ben Hafichuk wrote. When I told him we had sent his parents money, he said he was shocked because they had said nothing about it to him. They had asked him for money when he wasn’t working. Archie had to be rather desperate to do that. Yet, though I gave to Archie, without compulsion, there was not a hint of gratitude, only a tiny “thank you” note, without signature, likely out of obligation and perhaps a gesture in hopes of receiving more. The Lord’s warning came true.

Who says there is no God?

ParticleAn Answer from God for a Man

On or before August 31, 2003, a Ken Cooke (not our Hsin Ten up-line fellow) came to our store with his wife Wanda. He was dying of cancer. Because he and his wife professed faith in Christ, I talked to him in spiritual terms. I told him the privilege the Lord had granted me, that if anyone wanted an answer from God, they could ask me, I could ask the Lord, and He would answer.

I told him that if he confessed and repented of all known sins, asked God to show him secret sins, confessed and repented of those, asked God what He required of him rather than what he wanted of God, obeyed when informed, and if he gave thanks for his situation as is, cancer and all, there could not be anything more that he could possibly do. The ball would be squarely in God’s court. I prayed:

“Father, all things are in Your hands. Ken asked me to ask You for him what is required of him. You have shown me that Ken in his life has rejected knowledge and counsel, and thus he is where he is now and he will die. However, the hope is that in the next world, he will be corrected and taught obedience and faith. He will be disciplined and redeemed with stripes. It will be a good thing.”

I called the Cookes. They didn’t believe. She was Baptist, he preferred Alliance, and she had been Pentecostal. They said they would be in Lethbridge September 2. I decided to give them the message then. They didn’t show up because, being in a bad way, he was admitted to the Lethbridge Regional. It was there that I visited him and gave him the message on September 9.

At first, I halted to speak to Ken for two reasons. Judy (or Karen?), a friend of theirs, was there and I didn’t feel free to speak in her presence. My feelings were confirmed when I later discovered her outspoken beliefs to be so contrary to Biblical Christianity. I also hesitated because Ken said he had just received good news from the doctors. I momentarily wondered if I was wrong in what I heard from God, but that is usually how it works, as was the case with Hugh Crawford, for example (See particle, How Much Time Does Each of Us Have?).

I gave Ken Proverbs 1:24-33 and told him that as things stood, he wouldn’t live. I allowed (perhaps with undue compromise) that perhaps the Lord would spare him if he truly repented. He said, “I will; I do repent. Pray for me, you and your group, and I will pray for God’s forgiveness.”

I also decided to speak to Ken when his wife wasn’t there. I wasn’t free to do so in her presence. Again, my sense would be confirmed, not once but twice. The first time was when I asked Ken if I should repeat the message to her. His reply was an unhesitant “no.” I perceived that she was an obstacle to his spiritual welfare.

I visited Ken again on September 12. Wanda thanked me for coming and I gave Ken The Vashti-Esther Transmutation.

ParticleThe Boot Conflict

On our way to Calgary on August 26, Paul and I delivered groceries to Sherry Boot’s sister Corinne in Claresholm. There we heard that Sherry’s father-in-law was killed in a tractor accident. On September 3, I talked to Sherry about the incident. She said, “Well, he died a believer. He’s in a much better place now, in peace, enjoying himself with Jesus.”

I knew that wasn’t true. Should I lose another Harvest Haven customer and friendly neighbor? I will if I tell her the truth. Why not shut up and “leave well enough alone”?

How did I know what she was saying wasn’t true? I know because the Bible says otherwise, and I believe the Bible. Furthermore, knowing the Lord and His ways, as taught of Him, I knew things didn’t work the way people like to think they do.

There’s not one example, doctrine, or testimony anywhere in the Bible giving the slightest suggestion that people walking by faith and pleasing God ever die by tragic accident. It just doesn’t happen, nor is their untimely death an immediate “Pass Go” into the Father’s arms because they profess faith.

I knew I wouldn’t be true to God or to Sherry if I didn’t tell her that her doctrine was error. After all, if she believed lies, she would remain in them and perish as well. I had to tell her, and I did.

She was upset and quite combative. While I gave her Scripture, she gave me hypotheticals and when I asked for substance, she of course could give me nothing from Scripture to prove her commonly believed evangelical doctrinal theories and fantasies. Oh, the harlot church has done a tragically fine work on its members!

I wrote Sherry a letter on September 5 trying to reason with her. After a couple of exchanges, as I expected, she withdrew, canceled future grocery orders, and we didn’t hear from her again. Perhaps I didn’t handle things properly? Could be!

We continued to do business with her husband Mark, who was in trucking. We weren’t offended with them. Their enmity with me was her choice and solely one-sided. We had no quarrel with Mark’s father; I had never met the man. Indeed, had he known the Lord, I may have met him.

Now where’s Sherry’s love as a Christian? Even if I am her enemy, where is the obedience to the Lord, Who commands that His disciples love their enemies? Why do Christians get offended when confronted with truth? Is it because they simply are tares and not wheat? Christians in name only? Or because they still need to get honest with themselves, even if they are Christian?

What do we do with these words from Scripture?

“He who is of God hears God’s Words. Therefore you do not hear them because you are not of God” (John 8:47 MKJV).

“We are of God. He who knows God hears us. The one who is not of God does not hear us. From this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error” (1 John 4:6 MKJV).

If I speak the truth to anyone, would it not be best to repent, acknowledge the truth and live, rather than to go on in lies and destruction? As those who perished with the tower of Siloam, so will all others likewise perish (by untimely, unnatural death), unless they repent, according to the Word of God (Luke 13:1-5).

Editor’s Note 2016: A few years ago Sherry returned to buy our groceries and we’re on friendly terms. Hopefully she understands and has forgiven me.

ParticleIt Costs to Speak the Truth

We are losing Harvest Haven customers one after another by my speaking the inconvenient, unpleasant Truth. The reward from the world for honesty and truth is rejection, even death by execution. Instead of gratitude, it repays truth with resentment and indignation, unforgiveness and revenge.

The religious speak to please, as they please, and are rewarded by their audiences. Both speakers and hearers have the mark of the beast (Revelation 13:16,17). It is on God’s record that unless we have that mark, we aren’t permitted to buy or sell among those that have the mark. The religious carry this spiritual mark, which presents as loving and caring, but the bearers of this mark are soon offended when confronted and differed with.

ParticleOur First Personal Family Sabbath Eve Supper

On September 5, 2003, Marilyn, Jonathan and I had our first Sabbath eve supper together and alone that I could remember. It was our 153rd Sabbath. Does that mean anything? I don’t know. It was a unique event though, like when the disciples drew up a full net of fish and counted 153 (John 21:11). The net was not torn. Was this a promise?

ParticleMiracle II: Of God or Not of God?

On September 9, 2003, I met with Ron and Reva Wilde concerning a product they had left with us to try. Weeks ago, they came to our store, seeking to sign us up with them as multi-level marketing (MLM) distributors for Miracle II, a mysterious and allegedly miraculous all-purpose product they claimed could clean or cure almost anything. They sold it to us with a money-back guarantee, wanting us to try it out.

The labels and claims were religious, the ingredients secret and it was up to us to determine the product’s validity, so I asked the Lord about it. Here is what I received on Miracle II: One, God was angry with His Name claimed and identified with the product, and two, the product didn’t work.

Today, I told the Wildes what I received and as certainly expected, they didn’t believe me. Reva could scarcely conceal her scorn. “But he got this formula from God!” they protested. And how could I argue with the results they and others were experiencing? I admitted I couldn’t, but my job was not to argue with or believe man; my job was to believe God. I said we would see how things turn out by and by.

I also told them that the inventor, Clayton Tedeton of Louisiana, was either deceived by devils or was a deceiver himself and that his story wasn’t from God. An excerpt of his story from: www.miraclesoap.com/producthistory.htm

“It was God who gave me the formula for the Amazing Miracle II Soap. I awoke one night in July, 1980, to see names of minerals all miraculously flashed on my bedroom wall, along with the formulas on how to mix them.”

The Wildes refunded our money in full in friendly fashion, though it seemed to us they were not a little annoyed that I should be so obtuse and spiritually deluded.

I also believe, by study, experience, and revelation that Mormons (“Latter Day Saints”) are inclined to search for hidden treasure, for a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, even as their prophet Joseph Smith was wont to do. The same tempting, deceptive spirit rules the entire organization. The Wildes are Mormon. Therefore I was not surprised at their gullibility for the product and their reaction at me for saying what I received of God. Of course, Mormons are by no means the only ones that fall for these sorts of things.

ParticleA Sorry Tussle with Marilyn

An incident came up in which I was angry with Marilyn, which made us both feel very bad. I apologized to her.

ParticleA Catholic Comes to Convert

Harley Laporte was a brother-in-law to neighbors of ours in Moon River Estates – Luc and Maria Demers. Harley came to the farm with his wife, Filomena, Maria’s sister, which opened the prospect of winning me to the Catholic Church. Harley and I had some correspondence in which he asked me if I still sinned. It was a controversial and provocative question, to which I gave him a Biblical reply. He responded with a little scorn and insisted I give him a more accurate or truthful answer, but I assured him the answer I gave was both. He was eager to debate me on that and other theological issues. We began a correspondence by email that would lead to some interesting developments.

ParticleA Baptist Battles both Within and Without

Karl Nyborg, a university student and bachelor, was another steady Harvest Haven customer. I believe he attended the Park Meadows Baptist Church with his sister. A professing Christian, he was not comfortable with things I had to say to him concerning the truth of God, which things contradicted him, evangelicals, and nominal Christendom in general.

When his sister found out about our conversations and what I said to him, she called the farm, very upset, and raged incoherently at Lois. Why would she be so upset? Do Christians have the security of the Rock of Ages, the peace of God they claim to have? If their relationship is real, yes, they have these things. So, was the faith of the Nyborgs one in Christ or in faulty doctrine? Was it reality or religion for them? Was Jesus Christ Karl’s Lord or was his sister his lord?

ParticleThe Public Forum Correspondence

On the ninth of November, 2003, we published our third issue of the Harvest Haven Herald. In it, I made the following remark in a six-page letter:

“And what about the wars? Iraq, Afghanistan, Russia, the Middle East, Africa, and more, with terrorism to fill in where wars are not, namely the US?

“Furthermore, ‘gay’ marriages are legalized, the Bible is being considered in the courts as ‘hate literature,’ farmers are struggling with one challenge after another, what with droughts, too much moisture, American boycotts, disease, and continuing power moves by multi-national corporations like Monsanto and Cargill who seek to control the food supply through genetic modification and other measures.”

There were many matters covered in the letter, but only one drew fire, that being, “‘gay’ marriages are legalized.” A Karen Davies, whom I had not met, took offense and objected. A Florence Pastoor also objected to the same remark.

The result? I replied to both women (Davies and Pastoor). However, it occurred to me that others might be interested to hear the controversy and I wanted to declare our position on these matters to everyone, not only recipients of the Harvest Haven Herald, so we began a mass mailing list with our responses.

Thus was born The Public Forum Correspondence, the precursor to The Issues of Life, twice weekly internet correspondences with real people and actual, real life issues – spiritual, religious, Biblical, social… whatever came up that we deemed of public and personal importance.

ParticleAnger with God

On September 14, I got angry with God. Jonathan has had a neck injury for which I was most likely responsible. I have prayed for his healing, begged for it and demanded it; I have given thanks for it, all to no avail. I wanted to take on Jonathan’s pain and injury, if necessary. For 30 years, I have asked for my neck to be healed, and I must admit that it is much better than it was, but by this time I was never completely healed.

Does God forgive? Then heal! What good is forgiveness without healing? I am angry! If God forgives, it is often hard for one to tell.

If You must hold something against someone, let it be against me – I was responsible for hurting him. Fester against me if You must fester.

You have also said that You would answer and give us what we asked of You, that healing was Your will. Well, where is it? I demand of You that You back up Your Word now.

You have said You are not ashamed to call me, “brother” – not just servant or friend, but brother. Does that not put me on an equal footing with You? Even though You are my elder brother, we are brothers, by Your choice, Your doing. So now I want healing for Jonathan’s neck and mine, completely. I will not accept “No” for an answer and I will accept no delay. No more “mealy-mouthed” requests from me. Time You kept Your Word, Lord, Brother, Friend. I am angry with You!

I have had my weight problem for more than 20 years now because of that act of disobedience with the ice cream bar. So how long must You fester like a spoiled brat that can’t be pacified? What is this? Where is the healing? Where is the forgiveness? Back up Your Word!

You said that if we confessed our sins, You would forgive, heal and cleanse. Well, I have confessed. I am sorry for my sins. Now do Your part, if You expect me to believe You! All these years I have tried to believe, giving You thanks and benefit of doubt. No more! It is time You started backing up Your Words. Otherwise, why should I not consider Them anything but vain? If You don’t back up what You say, why should I believe anything You say? I am angry with You!

You say we have no rightness in ourselves. True enough! I believe it! I am an asshole – full of every vile thing. You said You would heal, cleanse and deliver. So let’s get on with it. No more false promises and vain words. Jesus, are You not becoming a liar to me?

I have tried to believe. If it is a gift, then give, if You want me to believe. Yes, You owe us. You owe me. I have red Your Word, I have heard You speak, and I have believed You. Now put up or don’t bother talking to me any more. Why promise as my earthly father did, only to break his promises?

Well, now what? Will You kill or curse me in a petty rage now because You don’t like what I say? Go for it, if You won’t do as You promise.

You said, “If You ask anything in My Name, I will do it.” And, “Ask and you shall receive.” I have asked and asked, and You have been found a liar to me. I suppose it is because I have been a liar? So, do two wrongs make a right? You owe me, not because I have earned anything, but because You have said so. I am ready to call Your promises to me bullshit. I may as well do it – I am, anyway. I’m angry.

If I’m off track, then damn it, show me and help, deliver, if You can. What is Your Word worth, anyway?”

I would not advise anybody to talk to God that way, though you ought to be honest, real and not hypocritical. He knows you inside out; always has and always will.

This wasn’t the first time I was so angry with God. Another was when Jonathan was quite ill with whooping cough, you’ll recall. Common denominator? Jonathan. Idolatry? Yes, I think so. Would there be a price to pay for this horrible outburst? I can’t see how that wouldn’t be the case, although I’ve known the great mercy and longsuffering of the Lord, Who laid down His life to deliver us from the very kind of thing I’ve expressed here.

 

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