Sara Schmidt's Testimony

Who can understand the great mysteries of the Lord?

At the time my world turned upside down (or right side up), I was 21 years old, living with my parents in a suburb in Kansas City, Missouri, with plans to go to seminary. I couldn't identify exactly why I wanted to go to seminary, except that I wanted to know more of the Lord. I was a horribly awkward public speaker, so I do not think the preaching life was really what I was after, but I didn't know what I was after. As a kid, I had expressed interest in the ministry. However, as I grew older, I became more interested in doing other things, and when my dad made it very clear he was utterly opposed to my idea of ministry, I gave it up, and pursued these other interests.

Some occurrences before the crisis (Definition: "A crucial point or situation; turning point.") time came into my life:

One day in December of 1999 (I was 20), I attended a Christian evangelical meeting. At this time, though I claimed to be "Christian," I had not had exposure to fellowshipping or talking about the Lord with others. During the meeting, the pastor asked everyone to close their eyes, and raise their hands if they have never "accepted" Christ as their Savior. To my somewhat puzzlement, I raised my hand. After the meeting, he sought me out, and wished to speak to me. Even though I do not know if the thought of ministry had come to the forefront of my mind until then, I told him that I was thinking of seminary, but my father was very opposed, so I did not know what I should do. I felt very lost and alone. The man looked at me blankly, and said, "Well, if you are thinking of ministry, then obviously you have accepted Christ." It was as if he was speaking a foreign language. What did it mean to "accept Christ"? The man said, "The Lord says this to you, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'" Then he went back to the "party" (the meeting had a very light atmosphere to it), and I left.

That evening I went out for a walk, needing some time to contemplate these things. I had heard of the formulaic prayer to accept Jesus Christ as my Savior, but I still could not do it. I prayed that the Lord would do as He wills with me, whatever that would be, and that I would not hold on to anything that is not in His will. That event changed my life. I began to read the Scriptures in earnest (I had been exposed to them as a child, and read them here and there - hiding it from my father), listen to "Christian" radio, occasionally fast (although the fasting I was exposed to taught a person to eat at sundown), and pray.

My mother was delighted with her "new" daughter, but my father was disgusted. My mother and I, by the way, were very close (even outside of our common religious leanings). We shared everything, so that we were more like best friends and sisters, than mother and daughter, having many common interests (theatre, horses, books, movies, some music, etc.). I was never able to really open up to her regarding what was happening to me in the Lord, though. There was a lightness in her towards those things that was a bit unsettling, and I did not believe she would know or understand how I was feeling.

Here is another event I remember. Not long before I met Paul and Victor, I had been reading the Bible, and saw these verses:

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be you transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God" (Romans 12:1-2).

I felt convicted and excited. It suddenly seemed as if I wanted nothing else than that of which these verses spoke. I kneeled on the floor in my room, and asked the Lord to take me as a sacrifice to Him. I did not know what that would mean, but I did know that, for me, there was nothing greater that a person could have in this world than to be identified with the Lord - a person's life being completely His.

I forgot about this until a few years afterwards (2003 or 2004), when the reality of those words was made known by the work of God inside me.

Beginning of May 2001 (21 years old)...

I was doing a search on the internet regarding Christianity (I felt lost, lonely, in need). I came across www.eliyah.com, which preaches going back to Hebrew roots, using the name Yashua (or other Hebrew spellings) for Jesus Christ and Yahweh for God. They also preached against keeping Christmas and Easter. I didn't really know where to put their commitment on using these other names for Jesus and God, but I believed the facts that they brought up on Christmas and Easter. I also knew that if I walked in what I was learning, I would lose my family. In their eyes, family traditions are what holds the family together. I prayed that the Lord would show me what I needed to do regarding these things, and I asked for strength.

The next day I met Paul and Victor in the chat room of the same site. I had been trying to start up a conversation within the crowded room, wherein I could ask some of my questions, but I was ignored or overlooked in the heat of ongoing discussions that did not pertain to my questions. Right as I closed the window, discouraged, Paul hailed me. He asked me if I had received any answers to my questions. I said no.

The only thing I remember about that conversation, specifically, is that I said to Paul, "If I believe, I am going to be very lonely." Paul said, "Look at Abraham. There are times when believers need to be and are alone."

We talked for a little while, and, as he only had internet access at the library at this time, we exchanged e-mail addresses when the library was getting ready to close at his end. Paul also told me to go to The Path of Truth web site, which I did.

I didn't know what to think at first. I just read the writings and songs and poems (which is all the web site consisted of at that time), and immediately there was conflict inside of me in what I was doing.

Around this time, I had a dream from the Lord:

I was in a field with other people that I knew, friends and acquaintances - most of them from school. At the horizon, we saw a flock of birds approaching. As they came closer, I recognized them as herons or cranes. They were incredibly beautiful birds. The sky filled up with these birds. There were so many of them that the sky grew dark. Suddenly the birds stopped flying, but hung in the air as if suspended, and, one by one, they all burst into flames. As the birds burned, they crashed, one by one, to the ground. Those who were hit by the falling flaming birds were killed. At the end of the dream, I was the only person left alive, and, even though the sky was still filled with cranes in flames, I was not afraid.

At this time, I was just graduating from a community college nearby with an AA in Veterinary Technology. I had made it clear, however, that I planned to go into seminary, and my parents had placed a deposit with SMSU in Springfield, Missouri, for my Bachelor's.

As I read Victor's writings, I thought about all of my plans, and I felt convicted. Seminary? What is seminary? If it was knowing and doing the will of God that I was after (as any seminarian student should be after, supposedly), then why was my first instinct to turn my head away from what I was hearing (that all need to repent and seek the Lord, instead of trying to do "righteous" works outside of Him), and to pretend life could go on as before? I wrote a letter to Paul, thanking him for his communications, but saying that I didn't feel that anything was required of me right now. He sent me a letter, warning me to not be hardened in my own righteousness. I am incredibly grateful that I was given that wake-up call.

Around the end of August, a sister in Christ, Lois Benson, was given a prophecy for me. She said, "You play games. You are an empty well, but you will be filled." I can now see the religious games I was playing; my voice in speaking of these things was melodramatic, and I talked high, waxing "righteous." I can only be grateful for the patience and great kindness of the Lord to bring me out of all that, and to not leave me in my presumption.

A day was coming wherein I would be giving a sermon at my church (Disciples of Christ denomination, named Gracemor Christian Church) to give me a taste of the life of a pastor. Phil Willoughby, senior pastor of this church, arranged for this upon hearing my plans to go into seminary.

About a week or two after meeting Paul online, I had a meeting arranged with Phil to go over my sermon, and he planned to give me some advice and help. I went to his house (his wife, Judy, was also there) on a Friday evening.

Where I had thought he would tell me how to know the will of God in what should be preached, he told me certain techniques that have certain effects on an audience. He said, "If you end your sermon with a prayer, that is very powerful. People seem to pay attention, and remember a bit more clearly what you had just spoken about." I felt uncomfortable with that, thinking, "Is that the purpose of prayer?"

I went away from that meeting knowing that Phil was not a man of God.

I called Paul for the first time that evening, told him about what had just happened, and told him about my upcoming sermon. He asked me to turn to 1 Timothy 2:9-15 (particularly "And I do not allow a woman to teach nor to exercise authority over a man, but to be in silence."), and asked me if I thought I should be giving the sermon. "No," I said, seeing the answer right there.

He also asked me, "What do you see in these verses about Christ coming in the flesh?" and pointed me to this Scripture:

1 John 4:2-3
(2) Hereby know you the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is of God:
(3) And every spirit that confesses not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh is not of God: and this is that spirit of antichrist, whereof you have heard that it should come; and even now already is it in the world.

I said, "Here and now." It was not something that I thought about at all; the Lord showed me the answer right then, that He comes in His people, and, at that moment, I was being ministered to in Him.

I still tried to write my sermon. There was a question in my mind about whether I could share with everyone the things I was learning and being shown by the Lord about myself and about the church systems, even though I also saw that I had been in deception, and, hence, deceived others, and I was in no shape to be teaching or "sermonizing" anyone. The thing was not to be, as He had made clear the evening before. Every time I sat at the computer to attempt to start on my sermon, I grew physically ill. I went into the bathroom to recover, did some things for distraction, sat down again at the computer again, and again became ill. I knew why. I was disobeying what I had been shown I needed to do.

I called Phil at home and told him I would not be preaching, neither at the sermon the following week, nor would I be going into seminary. I gave him the Scriptures that Paul had given to me, and gave him Victor's web site, thinking that he might, perhaps, see the truth contained therein and join me in repentance. He did not have time to talk with me then, but said that the next day (Sunday), he would talk to me after church.

The next day, I met Phil in his office at the church. He tried to confront me on my position of women not preaching, saying, "What about Corrie Ten Boom?" I said, "All I know is this, Phil: The Lord showed me what I am to do, and so how can I argue with Him?" I asked him if he had looked at Victor's web site. He said, fairly coldly, "Yes." I said, "What do you think?" He said, "I don't agree, from a doctrinal standpoint." Why did he take a defensive posture? Why, as my pastor, did he not point out the error he perceived, and the potential consequences? I knew that the Lord having revealed Himself to me in what was written should be considered far more than a mere "doctrinal" dispute; I had not believed what was there because I agreed with certain doctrines, but because the Lord showed me that what was written there was the Truth. That Sunday, June 3rd, was the last time I went to church.

After I had made my decision to not go back, I had a conversation with my mother wherein I opened up to her about some of what was happening with me, and the decision that I had made.

She said, "So, you are not going back to church?"

"No."

She said, "So that probably means you are not going into seminary...."

"Yes."

She looked at me a little flustered and said, "What will everyone think of me? You had such great plans and ambitions, and now you are just throwing your life away! What will I tell everyone?"

I looked at her, puzzled and a little flabbergasted. What? No more questions? No concern or interest in the things I wanted to be able to share with her, the things of the Lord? I did not talk to her much after that, at least not in expecting or hoping she would understand.

The next Sunday (the first Sunday that I was not going to church, and the day of my would-have-been sermon), my parents woke me up early in the morning, and even before I could go to the bathroom, they held a mini-trial outside my bedroom. They told me I was guilty of talking to the "wrong people" and that I was guilty of "ruining my life." I didn't have a defense, as I did not wish to deny the Lord, but merely clarified some details (that actually worked against me, in their minds) for the sake of truth. My sentence: No more long-distance phone call privileges from home, even with a phone card, and I was not to ever use the computer for internet access from home again. They made it perfectly clear that they wished for me to cut off all communications with Victor and Paul. I am thankful that they did not "command" that as well, for that explicit command would have been a command that I would have had to disobey.

So then I relied upon payphones and library internet access for my communications. These things had a strange effect in me. As I went to hotels or to the mall for lengthy conversations, or to the library for e-mail, I felt like a fugitive in my own hometown. I was.

I remember one night, my mother was enraged because she saw me at the library. She said, "I thought we told you no more internet."

I said, "No, Mom; you said no more internet at home."

She said, "You were supposed to cut off communications with those two."

I said, "No, Mom; you said no more internet access or long-distance phone calls from the house, and I have obeyed."

She did not say anything else.

Every day during this time was fraught with storms, inside and out. There was not a moment with my parents that was not erupting, like a volcano under pressure. I was under the pressure, and my parents, for a time, represented the furnace of affliction.

My mom burst into my room one night, a long while after I had gone to sleep. She must have been reading Victor's site, looking for anything that she could use against me (which she often did). She said, "Sara!" waking me up. I said, "Yes, Mom?" She said, "Do you really believe Pastor Phil is a hireling?!" I said, "Yes, Mom." She said, "I am going to tell him!" I said, "OK, Mom."

I don't think I had read anything on Victor's site regarding images, but one day I got home from work, and felt disgusted with the fish decal (a sticker depicting the "Christian" sign of the fish) I had put on my car, and with all the pictures I had in my room, and with the small cross that I wore around my neck. I saw all of that belonging to a superficial and false religion, and I no longer wanted any part of it. I ripped the decal off of my car, broke the necklace around my neck, and took a big trash bag into my room to purge it of my pictures and "nativity scene." (I had kept the nativity scene year-round in my room, as I saw the birth of Christ applying every day, and I did not want to only think of Him one time during the year.) I threw all of it in the trash.

That night at dinner, my dad was fuming. "So Sara," he said, "I noticed that you took the decal off your car."

I was somewhat surprised, because he had never liked me as a religious person. Now he liked me even less (in fact I was unbearable to him) as a person walking in obedience to the Lord. He had said to me, not long before this time, "You think you are following God? Think again; your mom and I are God!"

The night of Saturday, June 16th, I had another dream from the Lord:

I was sitting towards the back of a very large, bowl-shaped auditorium (larger than any auditorium I had ever seen on T.V.), containing many thousands, if not millions, of people, and there was a lot of excitement and anticipation in the crowd. An altar was set up on a stage in the middle of the auditorium. Someone was going to be sacrificed to the Lord.

Suddenly, I knew that it was to be me. I stood up, and as I walked, with some trepidation, down towards the stage, the crowd grew somber and quiet. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, there were two men of God to meet me. I knew they were Victor and Paul. I was led to a door in the wall under the stage (the stairs up to the altar were to my left, and I was surprised I was not taken up there instead). The floor of the room into which I was led was made of sand. I was told by the men of God to prepare myself. I felt a little anxious, wanting to just do the sacrifice. I knelt on the sandy floor, with my body bowed forward, forehead touching the ground, and arms stretched out in front of me. I prayed that the Lord would accept me as a sacrifice to Him. I kept praying as I was left there for two whole days. My strength left me, and I grew weak and weary. I did not even have strength left to pray when the men of God came back into the room. I was told that it was time for the sacrifice. They had carried the altar down with them, and set it down beside me.

I wanted it. I still wanted to do it, but I had no strength and I could not move. The men of God knelt beside me, and lifted me onto the altar. It took all of their strength to do so. They laid me upon the altar, and the dream ended.

Because the library was closed the next day, on Sunday, I was not able to write to Paul until early Monday morning. After I wrote down my entire dream, and had sent the e-mail out, I noticed that an e-mail came in from Paul that had been written Saturday evening. He told me that he received from the Lord that I was called to forsake my family; he said, "The Lord Jesus is calling you to identify completely with Him and His people."

This Word from the Lord confirmed what was already in progress. I was being brought out of my family as they fought against what the Lord was doing with me, and this e-mail served to help me focus and confirm my steps. I decided to leave K.C. on the weekend that my parents were leaving for their big family vacation. It was also the day after a house-sitting/horse-sitting job I had would be ending.

There was a number of incidents that came up with my family during this time. As yet, all they knew was that I had stopped going to church, and that I had turned my back on my plans for seminary.

One evening I went down to the basement where my mother was sewing. She began to question me a bit about going back to church. I told her that the Lord had taken me out, so who am I to decide to go back?

She stopped sewing and said, "Sara, if you believe that the Lord is going to take over your life, and that He is going to speak to you and manifest His will to you, then there will be a gulf between us that can never be crossed."

I turned to go back upstairs, saying, "His will be done."

My mother, by the way, was right; there is a gulf between us that can never be crossed.

At this time, a young woman had just been murdered in Kansas City by her father who was the pastor at a Baptist church. The woman had left her father's church to work for another church in the city, even of the same denomination, I believe. Her father killed her in rage.

One night at the dinner table, my mother brought up this occurrence, and turned to Dad threatening, "We wouldn't want to have to do that, would we dear?" I wasn't afraid, but I got the message.

On another occasion, I was in the kitchen, and my father came in. His face was red and his eyes were bloodshot. He walked quickly up to the table, and drew his arm back with force, to strike me. I looked in his eyes calmly, knowing that he could do nothing unless given by the Lord. There was also a side of me, however, that knew that if he hit me, I would be dead. Not that the one blow would do it (although it was possible), but that he would not stop in his assault until I was dead. I was still completely unafraid, and calmly looked into his eyes, with the prayer inside of me to the Lord, "Your will be done." Dad glared at me with hatred, lowered his arm, and marched out of the room as abruptly as he had marched in. I knew that the Lord was showing me that my situation was grave, but that He was keeping me.

One late night, right before I was heading in to bed, about a month after my dream of the sacrifice, when my parents knew that I continued to have contact with Victor and Paul, and knew that I was not turning back from the things that I was learning and seeing from the Lord, they told me that I had a decision to make. I could either allow them to have access to my email account, which would entail giving them my password, or I could move out of the house that night.

I did not really know what to say at first, but prayed about it, and decided to give them my password. I wondered if it would not be good for them to see everything as well. Let them be confronted by the truth!

My password at that time was "Godreignssupreme." When I told it to them, they spent some time mocking my choice of password, and then they went into my e-mail account. They read and printed out every single email I ever received from Paul and Victor. They said, "So now we have the evidence."

Evidence of what? I was not sure. What crime had I committed? According to them, the crime of following another God besides themselves. I have since learned that everyone has that stance, although it may not be so blatantly stated or acted upon. They had their will, they wished me to bend to it, and when I could not, they accused me of blasphemy against them.

They spent some time drilling me about certain things said. They asked me if I stood in what God had given me. I said, "Yes." They knew for now that I had set myself, irrevocably, to move to Montana. They didn't know when it would be, but the mere thought that I would decide to do something without consulting them, no matter when it took place, was unbearable. Whether in Montana or not, though, we could not see eye to eye.

My mom read the dream the Lord gave me of the sacrifice. She said it concerned her. She said that she believed that dream was from the Lord, but that the interpretation is different than the one I had given (which was that Paul and Victor are men of God, and I was going to obey the Lord by them). She said that the Lord was warning me that they were going to kill me, at least spiritually, if not physically. I told her that the dream had been that I was sacrificed to the Lord; it was not an unrighteous death. She could not grasp that point, and remained unable to see things any other way than what she had expressed.

The next morning, Mom told me that she and Dad had discussed things, and I needed to move out by that evening. She said that when she and Dad got home from work that evening, they did not want to see me. I was kicked out. They said that they just found it too emotionally draining to have me in the house any longer.

I had agreed, a long while before this, that I would stay at my horse instructor's place for two weeks during the summer, while she visited a friend. The pre-arranged time was coming up only a day or two from when my parents kicked me out, so I stayed with Kendra for those few days until she left on vacation.

Regarding horseback riding, I had quit riding my horse, Trudy, about two weeks before this. Up until that point, we had been training in dressage, and she was doing quite well, for a spunky little gray Arabian mare. Then one day, as I began our lessons for the day, I was suddenly struck by the sheer meaninglessness of it all. Here I was, in the middle of making the biggest decision of my life and facing life or death issues, and in the middle of my beginning of being chastened by the Lord, and I was riding my horse around in circles, trying to perfect walk, trot, and canter?! I then knew that I would not be riding any longer, and I was thankful to be given something better by the Lord. I gave Trudy the command to halt, dismounted, and set up some jumps for a ride in farewell. That was the last time I rode, and when I left KC, I left her behind as well. I no longer wanted those things, having been given a higher focus. It was very good.

One late evening, as I spoke to Paul, I was struck by the situation, that I was being walked, step by step, through these trials and tests of faith, and that Paul and Victor were concerned for my well-being, moreso than my own parents, even being concerned for my parents, though my parents would not dream of talking to them, or hearing anything they had to say. I got a bit choked up, and said, "Why do you care about me, Paul?" He grew silent for a moment, and said, "Why do you think?" As a ray of light shining into my soul, I knew the answer. I said, "Because the Lord is with you." "Do you believe that?" he asked. I said, "Yes!"

It was a step for me to be able to answer that. I knew that it was the care of the Lord that was being demonstrated to me, in what Paul and Victor were given to see and speak for my sake. The Lord sent these men so that I would hear the truth, and, by the grace of God, walk in it.

A few days before I left Kansas City, my dad paged my friend, Tim Cockrill, and asked him to let me know that he would like to see me. Tim was giving me a ride to pick up my car (I was having it inspected), and my parents' house was on the way. I prayed about whether I should go or not, but did not receive anything either way. I decided to see what they wanted.

When I got to the house, I knocked on the door, and my dad answered it. I said, "You wished to see me?" He became very angry, and told me he never wanted to see my face again. Then he grabbed my arm and shoved me down the basement stairs (I did not fall, having caught hold of the rail) saying, "You are not leaving here until you see your mother!" My mom was equally angry. She forcefully shoved a phone card in my hand and also told me she did not want to see me again. She pushed me back up the stairs, to get me on my way out the door. So I said goodbye to my brother (who I had not seen the day I was kicked out), and left.

My mother had been calling me, asking me to come to dinner on the Friday before I left town, two days before my (and their) departure date. I pointed out to her, in surprise, that both she and Dad had said they never wanted to see me again. She insisted they did. I consulted with Paul about the situation, and he questioned why I would want to go; haven't the lines been drawn clearly enough? Although I agreed with what he was saying, my flesh was weak, and I attended. It was nothing but humiliation. My mother again showed her contempt for what was written on The Path of Truth web site, as she served a meal that was completely unclean - a pork roast and a side of shrimp (whoever heard of such a combination?!). She was making a statement about how much she believed the things she red.

I ate with a clean conscience, and, although I did not feel as if I was sinning in having eaten with them, I knew that I would have been better off without the experience of subjecting myself to their constant bickering about "Victor said this, and Paul said that" (as if all of this centered around Victor and Paul!). It may be that, despite my weakness, and my knowing that it would have been good for me not to have gone back, I got some good out of the whole ordeal. That situation gave me opportunity to see, without the cloud of doubt and without the cloud of being "under their roof," under their control, that I was making the good and right decision in leaving. I knew that things could not be repaired between us, not by any concessions I would be willing to make, nor by striving or pleading. They were clearly dead-set against everything I held dear (the Lord), and made that stance known, manifest for anyone to see. I left in the early morning of Sunday, July 29, 2001.

So where am I now, almost five years since having met Paul in the chat room? I am unspeakably, incredibly thankful for what the Lord has done for me through these circumstances. It was not until I left religion and my family behind, that He gave me to be His daughter, by faith. "When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up" (Psalms 27:10).

The whole life, my childhood and the things I had until this great happening, was a spiritual wasteland; I just had never known anything differently, so did not see it as such. I knew that I was alone, but I did not know how destitute and how captive and how fearful and sinful I was until the Lord gave me to see what better I could have, in Him.

So let me say this clearly, and let there be no mistake: I hold no bitterness towards my parents whatsoever. I know that all that was done there was done by the Lord, for my sake, and for the glory of His Name. Like He hardened Pharoah's heart in order to deliver Israel, so He hardened the hearts of my parents that I would be cast out, in order to be taken up by Him. The day will come where the testimony He has given against them will also correct them.

Here are Scriptures that are largely ignored, or misinterpreted to mean other than what is plainly spoken. I did not know what they meant until they happened to me, directly.

"Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. He that loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me: and he that loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he that takes not his cross, and follows after Me, is not worthy of Me. He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for My sake shall find it" (Matthew 10:34-39).

By the grace of God, I have found life, in Him. He has done miracles in my life, delivering me from demons and sins, giving me to confess and repent, and to be set free. He has baptized me with the Holy Spirit, and given me spiritual gifts. He has given me life and hope and the peace that passes understanding, beyond anything I had ever known could be possible, and far beyond anything that I deserve. Who am I that He should choose me from among my peers, and clothe me with grace and honor?

Oh praise the Lord! Let not my soul forget His great lovingkindness and mercy towards His people. Praise the Lord!

John 3:31-33
(31) He that comes from above is above all: he that is of the earth is earthly, and speaks of the earth: He that comes from heaven is above all.
(32) And what He has seen and heard, that He testifies; and no man receives His testimony.
(33) He that has received His testimony has set to his seal that God is true.

Sara Vietta Schmidt

Helena, Montana, USA

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