Daphne Hollenbach's Testimony

Read to the end to see the latest developments.

One day, I think it was in 2003, I’ve suddenly become aware of a thought that I never really had anticipated before. I’ve thought about if one dies, what happens then? Where does one go? It’s common knowledge that one’s body is buried or cremated or whatever; but, what happens to the spirit, the soul? Somehow I just knew that the fleshly body can be killed or destroyed, but how can anyone destroy the spirit or the soul? We all must die, one time or another. Where then, where would my soul end up at? I’ve suddenly become so scared - it’s a frightening thought! That day I’ve realized and become aware of the fact, of the existence of a realm beyond this one that we are a part of right now. Someone must be in control of it all! God?

Not long after I’ve had that wake-up call, a very dear and loving friend of mine passed away. Due to the fact that I was in a very unhappy marriage at that time, I was fantasizing about this former boyfriend of mine all the time. Even wishing that his wife could die, so that I could have him all to myself. But, it was he who had died! That was when I’ve become aware of the fact that God exists. I’ve believed that He was punishing me because I, being married myself, longed for another woman’s husband. My whole life changed from that very experience.

I’ve suddenly took note of the Creator, Himself! For the very first time in my life, I wanted to get to know Him. I was born into the Roman Catholic faith. So, I became more actively involved in the parish. People always appeal to you that, in order to serve God, you must be willing to do charity work. So, I’ve became a catechism teacher for the children in the parish.

The church didn’t give anyone formal training on how or what to teach the children. It was all up to you to do things your way. To tell the truth, till this very day, I can’t remember what I’ve taught that kids, not having much knowledge of the church system myself.

I was a member of the Roman Catholic Church since my birth, but I don’t know or understood much of its teachings. There are many feast days, apart from the ordinary ones like Christmas and Easter, rituals and stuff, that was part of the church, of which I still don’t know its purpose. I think, almost every day is a feast day for some kinda saint. I’ve become aware of the fact, that most of the members of the parish, still don’t know the purpose of all the rituals and feast days. Everybody just act like they did. I know, coz I was one of them!

There were too many things that I’ve become aware of inside of the church, which bothered me, because I didn’t understand why it was necessary. The pope is such an important “holy” person. It’s easier to reach God than it is to reach him!

The church and its teachings and doctrines, weren’t the only things that bothered me. As I was getting to learn about the Lord, Jesus Christ (on my own), a certain soft, loving, tender feeling for Him, started to grow inside of me. I’ve become aware of the fact that I’ve become protective over Him!

Protective, in the sense that, I would become very angry with the children when they would act disrespectful during prayer or when I was discussing something out of the Bible with them. Sometimes I would feel like crying and then I would start to tremble, because I wanted so much for them to understand with Whom we are dealing with. I so much wanted them to feel what I’ve felt. To see the Lord, the way that I see Him. A Loving, Humble, Peaceful, Creator. I was having this picture of Him in my mind of the way that He was always looking at us. I would imagine Him looking at me with this softness in His eyes. A love so big and pure, would radiate from Him.

It’s because of this divine image of Him, that I couldn’t understand, why the people in the parish, that claimed to love and serve Him, would act in this horrible, selfish, jealous kinda ways towards their fellow “believers” in the Lord. I’ve noticed that most of them would try to get the spotlight of attention focused on them. If the parish priest would single you out to do something, then they would give you the cold shoulder. The church was a stage for them where they could provide entertainment, in order to boost their self esteem.

So many times I’ve wanted to leave and not be part of working for the organizations in the church anymore, because of this argumentative, control freaks. But then I’ve always reminded myself that I’m not doing it for them, but for the Lord my God.

The time came when the Lord gave me a work whereby I had to leave the charity organizations in church, to go away for training and to eventually start to work. Because I had to work shifts, I wasn’t always able to attend church that often any more.

Later on, due to the fact that I felt my marriage was a total disgrace in the eyes of God, I finally decided to divorce my husband. I’ve always felt guilty because the church taught us that it’s not in favor of divorce, because the Bible teaches: “what God has put together, no man may divide.” Well, I’ve felt that there was nothing sacred about our marriage anymore. Both of us have contributed to the utter failure that our marriage had become. There wasn’t anything left to try to build a marriage on anymore. No love, no respect, no trust, no loyalty, no common interests, nothing.

It was finally time, after 14 years of married life, to face it. I’ve came to that stage where I was looking at my husband and felt nothing. Not a positive or a negative emotion - nothing. It was over. For the very first time I’ve felt that God was granting His blessing for us to separate. I didn’t even feel to inform the church of my decision to apply for a divorce. I wanted to be free from my marriage. We’ve separated at the end of 2007.

Suddenly my life started to take another turn. My social life (which I’ve never had before), kept me so busy that I’ve attended church less and less. On my weekends off from work, I would always be out of town, thereby unable to attend church. The times when I did, the phoniness of the people, would irritate me so much!

Once, the priest asked the congregation to pray for all the Catholics around the world. At that moment I got so upset! Never before did it upset me or even notice it. I’ve just accepted it. But that day it was like I’ve become aware of Catholics' self-righteousness and pride. How could they glorify themselves by single them out to be the only ones right in the Lord’s eyes? The audacity! I was so upset that I didn’t even go to receive the eucharist. In fact I didn’t go to receive the eucharist for quite a while, before that day.

In the meantime, the feeling inside of me had grown to search for the Lord. When I was at work, I would surf the internet on words like “God” or “Jesus” or “heaven” or “hell”. Anything! I was devouring information written by various authors about revelations from heaven or hell.

One day, my mother got home from church, very upset. She told me that during mass, she went to receive the eucharist. She was standing in a queue with other people, forming a second line. But, the priest ignored them. Eventually he served them with what she described as “scrap pieces” of the “Lord’s body.” She took it personally. Like a personal attack on her. She felt the priest was deliberately ignoring her.

The next day when I got home from work, she told me the weirdest thing had happened. She was praying in front of this “holy focus point” (a place in the lounge by the fireplace, where images of the Lord, ‘holy’ statues, crucifixes and such are displayed and candles are then lit when one needs to pray). She told the Lord, in tears, what had happened in church. She asked the Lord to show her if she was wrong and why the priest treated her that way.

Well, my mother told me that, moments later, she was busy in the kitchen, with my father keeping her company and my little girl playing there, my son was in his room, when suddenly they heard something had fallen inside of the lounge. My son went to look first and called my mother to come have a look. She said that two of the three crucifixes had fallen ‘miraculously’ from where it stood on the fireplace mantle! The statues that were in front of the crosses, didn’t even fall with it. No windows or doors were open, so that one could maybe blame the wind. No one was near that place. The crosses were both in pieces on a place on the floor far from where it should’ve landed.

I was amazed! My mother was still talking, but deep inside of me I was talking to the Lord. I was asking Him, what was He trying to say to me?

A few months after that incident it happened again! The last crucifix that had remained, mysteriously had fallen the very same way! This time I was at home. Again no one was near the fireplace mantle. Only the crucifix had fallen. This time I was even more puzzled than before. What is the Lord trying to tell me? What?!

My search on the internet continued. Until one day when I Google’d ‘The Path of Truth’. These words attracted my attention: ‘Jesus Christ’s own website’ (or something). I thought: ‘This was a new way of putting it!’ The link directed me to the website of www.thepathoftruth.com. The first teaching that I read on that site was, How one is saved. Something inside of me rejoiced the further I’ve read! It felt like I have come home! I’ve never had known what I was searching for until that very moment. Somehow I just knew I have found the Truth! These people were touching subjects that I’ve hungered for since the Lord made me aware of His true existence. These were subjects with substance!

They’ve made me see how religion stands in the way of yourself and the Lord. Churches are man-made and not of God at all. That’s why one has to come out of religion, in order for God to reach you. This truth was established inside of me, when I’ve felt and was convinced for the very first time, that the Lord granted me His blessing that time, when I’ve came to that point, whereby I just knew my marriage was a disgrace in the Lord’s sight.

For the very first time, I couldn’t associate the Lord with what the Catholic church teaches. If the Lord was giving me His blessing spiritually, who was the church to deny it from me? And eventually I’ve learned that it was the Lord’s will to separate us. In Victor’s writing about “How one is saved,” he clearly states that one needs to come out of the church and religious system. I’ve had no problem at all to embrace that truth. Suddenly I’ve came across people who was talking a language that I’ve found echoed inside of me!

I remember when I’ve first chatted with Paul and Sara, I was experiencing an anxiousness. Completely like I was talking to God, Himself! My hands were sweating. I was so scared that I would say something wrong. Paul said that it’s understandable, since they were a part of the Lord’s body and the Holy Spirit is in them. No wonder I felt like that! They were so calm and collected and soon I’ve felt at ease.

In their writings they also refer to the images, crosses, etc. They describe all that stuff as idolatries in the sight of God. By keeping and displaying all that stuff in one’s house, one is breaking the Second Commandment. None of us has ever seen God! Then how could anyone have images and statues of Him if we aren’t even sure what He looks like?

I’ve told them about the incidents with the crucifixes in my house. Paul was saying something like: “There is definitely something happening there!” In other words, they could recognize that the Lord was already warning me, Himself! He was ministering to me, Himself! I remember that I didn’t take note of what Paul meant when he had said that to me. It’s only now that I understand his words. Paul asked me if I understand now what the incidents with the crucifixes meant. I told him, yes.

As from that day, I’ve started to communicate with Victor and Paul via e-mail. They’ve slowly guided me and never forced their opinion off on me. It was all up to me if I could hear what they were telling me. If I wasn’t sent by God, then I would’ve never accepted their teachings. They’ve become my spiritual parents in the Lord.

Victor and Paul told me that, in order for God to recognize me as a child of His, I needed to get out of religion. I needed to leave the church. That all the crosses, images, rosaries and statues that I’ve had in my house, I needed to destroy it all. I needed to part with all the things that made me part of this world. They’ve asked me if I was willing to do that. I must count the costs before I start. This would mean that I must desert my family, friends, fellow church members and the church itself. This would make me an outcast in my community. This road that I’m going to embark on, was a lonely, sorrowful road. Am I willing to do that for the Lord?

I must say, that even though I knew that to do that made me anxious, I didn’t even once felt like I’m not prepared to do it. It wasn’t even something that I needed to think over. I wanted to be a child of God! Little did I know that it was the Lord, Himself Who has given me that determination! As time had gone by I’ve learned that no human is capable to let go of this world and its lusts, by his own doing. Impossible!

Every day I would devour the writings that they teach concerning the knowledge of the Lord. Without any reservations or hesitation, I started to share my personal life with them. I’ve even gone so far as to confess my sins to them! Somehow I just felt like I could and I should. It was all how the Lord wanted it to be. Praise be to God!

One day, I got home from work and my parents (they are living with me, since my husband and I had separated), were sitting in the lounge. I immediately saw it as the perfect opportunity to tell them about my decision to leave the Catholic Church and why. As I’ve expected, they were very upset. They couldn’t understand these “foreign beliefs” of mine. Not so long ago, I was the most dedicated Catholic in the church! How could I do this? I could see how it hurt them and it made me feel so sad. I couldn’t stop crying, but through the tears I kept on explaining. Eventually they acted as though they are accepting it. But I knew they would never accept it.

After that I started to clear out my house of all images and stuff. I’ve phoned my sister and asked her if she wanted the stuff, coz I’m gonna destroy it. What I didn’t know, was that I was not to distribute these idolatries in the sight of God. I needed to destroy it. I needed to clear it with Victor and Paul first. They would’ve guided me to do the right thing. By distributing it, I’ve just managed to pass on evil. This, I’ve learned the hard way, eventually.

Because of the fact that my parents were still Catholics, they’ve kept their images and stuff in their room. I’ve asked Paul what I needed to do about that. Paul told me that the Lord would need to tell me Himself, what I needed to do about that. I remember that I’d thought it odd for Paul to say that to me. Never in my wildest dreams have I ever imagine that the Lord would communicate with me. So I’ve just shrugged that thought off. My oh my! Was I in for a big surprise!

In the meantime I’ve learned that by believing and obeying, one must ask the Lord for His grace to enter into repentance. Whereby the Lord grants His grace to confess one’s sins. What I didn’t recognize was that I was already in repentance. Without me realizing it! The fact that I’ve confessed my sins to Victor and Paul, proved it. I was stunned! The amazing thing is, how the Lord make you do things, and it seems as though you were the one who has decided to do it.

A perfect example to prove this reality, one can find in the Bible in the Book of Jonah. The men on the boat with Jonah, weren’t believers of Jonah’s God, but at the end they’ve prayed to Him and acknowledged His power to save them from this terrible storm that they’re in. Even Jonah himself wasn’t master of his own destiny. He tried so hard to escape from the Lord, but had to obey in the end, against his will. Isn’t that amazing! The Lord determines our actions. We are mere pawns in His hands! And it doesn’t matter if you don’t believe this truth. It’s a fact!

I also went to the parish priest to inform him that I’m leaving the church. This was a very hard thing for me to do, because I’ve found him to be a very sincere person. I’ve always known that he thought very highly of me as a God-fearing person. I could see his disappointment in me and he even tried to convince me to change my mind. But my mind was made up, even though I didn’t have all of the answers for him, then. I was just convinced that the Lord would guide me and provide the answers in due time. And He did! Hallelujah!

Soon after that Victor and Paul founded me obedient to all that was expected from me. They’ve felt that it was time for me to be baptized with the Holy Spirit. So they’ve prayed to God to baptize me with the Holy Spirit, on the 30 November 2008.

Suddenly I went from mere blind faith, to knowing that God is real. The Lord became real to me. His Word, the Bible, became a book that I could suddenly understand. I could recognize that the apostles wrote that book, under the guidance of God’s Spirit, to us, the chosen children of God. I could recognize that the things that I must endure now, the hostility of the people, my family turning against me, they’ve all experienced the very same things, for the sake of the Lord.

I could also recognize the different stages that I’ve gone through, in other words, the path of the cross. Starting off with repentance (the feast of Passover), and when find obedient and believing, one receives the Holy Spirit (the feast of Pentecost), that eventually leads up to the rest of all works (the feast of Tabernacles). The apostles had gone through the very same things! And because of that very same experiences they’ve had, they’ve received wisdom, to give the true believer guidance, according to what the Lord expects from His children. The way that we should live our lives. The fruits of the Holy Spirit would become our characteristics.

The catch here is, that a person that hasn’t LIVED through the experience of repentance, first and foremost, CANNOT receive the Holy Spirit, and CANNOT in any way, obey the instructions that the apostles have set out in Scripture, that eventually, lead them to salvation. They can’t even understand or recognize the true Gospel! That’s why people all over the world have misinterpreted the Scripture. Peter, the apostle, confirms this in 2 Peter 3:15-16, where he says:

2 Peter 3:15-16
15- And be certain that the long waiting of the Lord is for salvation; even as our brother Paul has said in his letters to you, from the wisdom which was given to him;
16- And as he said in all his letters, which had to do with these things; in which are some hard sayings, so that, like the rest of the holy Writings, they are twisted by those who are uncertain and without knowledge, to the destruction of their souls.

And Paul confirms it as Peter had said, in 1Corinthians 2:7-14

1 Corinthians 2:7-14
7- But we give the news of the secret wisdom of God, which he had kept in store before the world came into existence, for our glory;
8- Of which not one of the rulers of this world had knowledge: for if they had, they would not have put the Lord of glory on the cross:
9- But as it says in the holy Writings, Things which the eye saw not, and which had not come to the ears or into the heart of man, such things as God has made ready for those who have love for him.
10- But God has given us the revelation of these things through his Spirit, for the Spirit makes search into all things, even the deep things of God.
11- For who has knowledge of the things of a man but the spirit of the man which is in him? In the same way, no one has knowledge of the things of God but the Spirit of God.
12- But we have not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit which comes from God, so that we may have knowledge of the things which are freely given to us by God.
13- And these are the things which we say, not in the language of man's wisdom, but in words given to us by the Spirit, judging the things of the spirit by the help of the Spirit.
14- For the natural man is not able to take in the things of the Spirit of God: for they seem foolish to him, and he is not able to have knowledge of them, because such knowledge comes only through the Spirit.

When I’ve gone through repentance, I had to face my own vileness. The Lord took me and made me face the horrible person that I was. Dark within my sinful nature! It was horrible to look at myself the way I was, covered in darkness. The Lord would bring sins to the forefront of my mind, that I had forgotten about. Day and night I was haunted by what I had done. Being liar, a cheat, thief, adulterer, fornicator, masturbator, and the list goes on. I was brought to the point that I just wanted to confess!

But the hardest part was to go back and asking the forgiveness of the people that I’ve wronged in the process. I had to let go of my pride! I had to humiliate myself! It was terrible! But you know what? The very thought that I would gain my Savior’s favor, made it all worth it! Every single humiliation was worth it! Praise be to God!

Suddenly the Lord rewarded me, by ministering to me, Himself! He became real! First, He showed me in a dream, what Paul didn’t want to give his opinion on, concerning what to do with the images and stuff in my parents’ room. Paul said that the Lord must tell me what I should do with that stuff in my parents’ room. Remember, I’ve said that at the time I thought it odd for Paul to say that.

Strange how, one says that one believes in God, and that He is the Creator of heaven and earth. So, we acknowledge that He is in control of His creation. Right? One even professes to believe the stories in the Bible, like Abraham and Moses etc. The Lord always had spoken to them, Himself. Right? So many times it is said in Scripture that God is the same God of Abraham, Isaac, David, etc. The God of then is the same God of today, too! Then how is it that we can’t believe that He can become as real to us, as He was in the days of Abraham and Moses?

When I’ve had that dream when He showed me what to do with that images in my parents room, I nearly fell out of bed when I woke up and recalled what just happened! I was in tears, by the Reality of God! HE HAS BECOME REAL! Not ‘something’ or ‘someone’ up ‘there’!

One night, I was reading one of Victor's writings, named Holy Waters. In there, Victor talks about how Satan thrives on making a person believe, that it is not necessary to confess all of our sins. And we are very easily convinced that it is not necessary to confess all of our sins. So, we are willing to play along. Some of the sins that we commit are too disgusting and awful, that one feels it most embarrassing to confess it. By not confessing it, one remains a slave to Satan. Satan is counting on that power that he has over a person. But the moment one confesses, that power of Satan is broken.

That night, after I've read this, I immediately wrote an e-mail to Victor and Paul, confessing my hidden sins. I don't ever want to remain a slave to Satan. Surely destruction is gonna be my end! I wanna be a child of God! By giving me the grace to repent and confess my sins, the Lord is opening up His arms for me, to receive me. What huge privilege and honor He is offering me! Only a fool would let an opportunity like that pass you by. Indeed! Let all glory and praise go to our Heavenly Father! Now and forever! Amen!

My oh my! That act of mine, to confess my sins, and gaining a step closer to my Lord and Savior, made Satan furious! That night, he took his revenge on me. He played with my head, only like a master of his trade can do.

After sending that e-mail to Victor and Paul, I've suddenly begun to doubt, that I wasn't a true believer. My mind was telling me that I had to confess all of my sins, when I was in repentance. These sins I should've confessed in the beginning already. Panic entered my mind! I was a fraud! The Lord is angry with me! In my panic stricken mind, I could see how the Lord turned His back on me. It felt horrible!

I was waiting for Victor and Paul to reply to my e-mail, but they didn't reply immediately. I couldn't think clearly. I thought that they were forsaking me, too! I thought that they thought that I was a hypocrite all along. Pretending to be someone that I'm not.

I almost went ballistic! Fear of the Lord's wrath entered my entire body. The Lord can't be mocked! These feelings grabbed a hold of me the entire night. I couldn't find rest for my soul. I couldn't sit still. I tried to get down on my knees and pray, but it felt like it was a pathetic gesture, since I've offended the Lord so inexcusably.

I was asking myself questions like: If I was a fraud, then how come did the Lord tell me what to do with the images and stuff in my parent's room? Why did the Lord even bothered to warn me? How could I hear and understand what Victor and Paul teach, if I wasn't chosen by God? How could I have came to the knowledge that is hidden, a knowledge that is only made known by the Holy Spirit?

I tried to pray, begging the Lord not to turn His back on me. I realized that I am nothing without Him. What purpose would my life have, if He doesn't wanna be part of it? He is the beginning and end of everything. I've come from being a living dead person, stepping into life itself! Life in Him! How could I ever wanna go back being a living dead person, if I've already experienced what being alive is really all about? It's unacceptable! Period!

That night Satan toyed with my mind like there was no tomorrow. Satan punished me for forsaking him. He took his revenge on me. Doubts and fear reigned in my mind that night, that caused my body to tremble. I don't wanna be left behind when the Lord comes! But if the Lord feels that I was mocking Him, who could stop Him from cursing me? I felt like I wanted to be dead! But I remembered also, that somewhere in the Scriptures it is written, that there would come a time when you feel you wanna be dead, but even death would run away from you. There would be no escaping the Lord's wrath!

The next morning when I checked my e-mail, these words of Victor soothed my body and soul: "Be at peace, beloved child of the Lord!"
Never in my life had I ever experienced a relief equal to that morning! How could I ever have doubted the faithfulness of the Lord, my God! When I was baptized with the Holy Spirit, Victor gave me these words that I must always remember: "Beware of doubts and fear! You will be tried and tested for your patience and faith!"

I've given Him the praise and honor that He deserves above anyone or anything here on earth and in heaven!

After this significant experience, that same night after I've had my time with the Lord in prayer and Scripture, the Lord gave me this dream:

I was somewhere in a room, alone. It seemed like one of the rooms at the office at work. I knew I was feeling kinda sad or something, lonely. Then suddenly I've become aware of a presence with me in the room. I could see someone, dressed in white, a glowing white. But I couldn't see any of His features clearly. I immediately knew it was the Lord!

I was sitting on a chair in the middle of the room. Suddenly I bowed my head downwards, without me having power over doing it. Even my eyes closed by itself. When I've tried to lift my head up again, or open my eyes, I couldn't do it! I became aware of footsteps entering the door on my lefthandside. The footsteps were so significant, because it seemed so real and clear. In my minds-eye I could see several people's legs. Then I just seem to know it was Victor and Paul and the rest of the saints! They came and stood on my righthandside, with the Lord on my lefthandside. It was a glorious moment!

Then Victor laid his hands on my bowed head. Magic happened! I don't know how to describe it. Suddenly I became aware of a warm, glowing feeling entering my head, spreading down through my entire body. That glowing feeling made me feel like I was floating, being transported to another world that wasn't easily accessible. When the feeling departed from my body, with Victor's hands still on my head, I suddenly realized an unmistakable truth. It was the Lord, Who was standing on my righthandside, Who was making me part of His Spiritual Realm! The Lord gave Victor the authority over me here on earth, granting him the power in his hands. He was overseeing the power that He had given Victor, Himself at that very moment. No doubt about that! Victor and Paul are my spiritual parents!

Then it happened again! The warm, glowing feeling entered my head again from where Victor's hands rested on my head. Again it went through my whole body from head to toe! Then suddenly, I open up my eyes, slowly....... I'm awake and I felt like I could still feel their presence in my room. Even my body was still glowing of that amazing feeling!

When I continued to sin by masturbating, giving into my lustful feeling, I’ve felt disgusted with myself every time. Then I would kneel and talk to the Lord, begging His forgiveness. Because again, I’ve thrown His kindness, love and mercy, back into His face by committing that awful sin.

You know what? It would soon feel like my head is suddenly filled with knowledge on why He’d allowed evil (sin) to master me for a while. Remember, God is in control over good and evil. The Lord would minister to me by showing me that I’m not able to save myself. I am not able to stop sinning by myself. I am in bondage of sin. I am a slave to sin. That is why I needed Him, Jesus Christ, Savior of all, to free me of my sinful nature. Only through His grace, I would be delivered from my sins. That’s why I must always pray to ask for His grace. Then He would grant me His grace, in His own time!

I’ve said, in His own time, coz He decides when evil has served its purpose. The evil, in the form of lust, which resulted in me masturbating, remained, because I still had to learn more lessons. I still had to learn that, because I’m a slave to sin, I am no better than any other person on this earth. We all are slaves to sin!

Just because I am chosen by God, before other people, doesn’t mean I’ve ever done Him any favors. No! There are no good in any person, unless the Lord grants it to you to be good. That’s why I could never boast of myself. So, what lesson did I learn? To be humble! To not judge other people! It’s God will for them, for now, to remain in darkness. He’s just preparing me to be His faithful servant, in due time.

Then, one day, I’ve just realized that, those lustful feelings that have ruled my entire body were fading. It’s not as intense as it used to be anymore. Suddenly I could control it! Say no to it! That was when I realized that the Lord has granted me His grace. The grace to control it. And then one day, it was all gone. Now I know! The Lord has delivered me! Praise be to God!

This is my experience how the Lord deals with every weakness that I am a slave to. He allows the evil (sin) to rule me, until it has served its purpose, but eventually it ends, with a warning that scares the hell out of me. But the outcome is deliverance from my sinful nature. To become as He is. A saint! Holy!

All Glory, Praise and Honor are Yours, Almighty Father! Now and Forever! Amen!

In His service,
Daphne

Daphne Hollenbach

Cape Town, South Africa

Click HERE to read how we met Daphne and to read some of what the Lord had shown her at the beginning.

September 17, 2009 Update:

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad" (Luke 8:17).

We received this letter from Daphne (applicable portions quoted):

Good day to you Victor and Paul! Thanks be to God for bringing us safely to our destination! All praise, glory and honor are Yours, Almighty Father! Amen!

...

I've had a dream on Sunday(6 Sept) night! just after midnight.

In the dream i've seen myself being admired by people. The person in the dream who is a friend of mine was very glad to see me and she gave me a hug! Her kids (one the same age as my son) was telling me that they love my very much! As i was saying goodbye to them, i became aware of the fact that i was dressed in very skimpy, sexy clothes! I felt very good because i knew that my body looked very good! Then i climb into my car and drove off! As i was driving i notice that i was driving through an avenue of trees all along both sides of the road. Then the scene changed and i was walking towards a house which i've recognized as the house in which i've grown up when i was a child! I became aware of the fact that it was already dark outside!

Then suddenly small white creatures (don't know what to call them), appeared in the dark air all around me! They had a bright white, fluoresent glow about them! Almost looked like little angels! I had the impression that they seem to be small spirits? Then suddenly bubbles appeared inbetween them! Clear, perfect round bubbles drifting with them in the dark air around them! It almost seemed like some of the creatures were in the bubbles!

One thing though, as this creatures started to aproach me from behind they started to talk to me! As they were flying or drifting around me they were all looking back at me as i kept on walking! One specifically seemed to stand out amongst them. He was the one that i first saw that appeared from behind me! Something about him seemed so anxious! I heard a sea of voices all talking at the same time, but i couldn't make out what they were trying to say to me! I tried to concentrate on the bigger one nearest to me to see if i can understand what he was trying to say, but with no luck!

I got so anxious to understand what they want to say to me that suddenly i started to cry out, looking up saying: "Lord, what is it that You want to say to me!" I cried out saying this three times and then i woke up!

This dream just puzzled me!

I've got a confession to make! I know that you won't like what i'm gonna tell you now because NOW i've overstepped my boundaries totally!

I've slept with a man on the boat the night before we got to Gough island! May the Lord have mercy on me!!!

He is a waiter with a diploma in Food and Beverage Management! I still can't believe i did this! He was our waiter on the ship! He is a huge, pitch dark black man from Gabone, Africa, French speaking. With the kindest, softest heart and smile! I'm afraid i've lost my heart! (if you would allow me to say this!) He also came from a Catholic family, but he stepped out of the religion some time ago! He is in South Africa for the last 8 years now! Speaking a good English! He is like convinced that i'm gonna be his future wife, even though i've told him otherwise! He is going to America for a work contract for 18 months or so. He remind me of myself being so trusting in God and looking to Him for guidance when i was still an unbeliever! He said so many things which is true but at the same time mixed with error, as can be expected!

The night that i was with him, i started to cry because just the thought of what i was doing to the Lord, pressed me with guilt! The whole time i felt so very guilty! I couldn't even enjoy the time with him! He wanted to know what was going on with me, so i told him, that i'm not suppose to be with him or any other man! I told him about you and what the Lord did for me! I gave him your sites address and i could see that he was keen to check it out! So many things he couldn't understand and i said to him that if he really wants to find out who the Lord really is and His ways, the answers is all on thepathoftruth.com!

The next morning in the shower the guilt just got to me! I've realized that i would have to hurt Franck and even worse! I've offended the Lord! As i got to know Franck, he seemed like the "perfect" guy that i've always wanted! But one thing stood out that i've also realized is that what's the use of having a life with my "perfect" man, but not the much needed blessing of the Father! I realize that i would have to let go of Franck! The Lord is more important! ALWAYS!!! I would never be happy without the Lord!

Heavenly Father! Please forgive my trespasses against You Lord! Thank You Father for the weakness in me which You've used once again to make me realize and learn important truths! I beg You Dear Lord for Your forgiveness and mercy! All honor, praise and glory are Yours Almighty Father! Now and forever! Amen!

Daphne

Victor's reply:

Daphne,

Hell and death stalk you, surrounding you recently, because you have forsaken the Lord in faith and obedience.

That is why you had your car accident, a warning of which I wrote to you and received no reply.

That is why you succumbed to masturbation again – you of all people, who needs to violently repent unto the Lord of these things and withstand temptations of lust, seeing how lust has so destructively dominated and consumed you in the past to the present.

You have also received other letters from us to which you have not responded. It seems that the Lord, and we in the Lord, are not your priority now.

Your dream of September 6th was a warning from God. You were walking toward your old life of lust and fornication again, and the messengers and messages of the Lord were warning you, messages and truths we have spoken to you, of which you have not appreciated the supreme value and grave importance.

I note that you did not ask us what the dream meant, and you did not try to contact us when you had it – it was not important enough to you (perhaps you were not able, but we believe where there is a will, there is a way).

Even earlier, when you reported your car accident to us, it seemed you were quite detached in spirit from us. These things are not good at all.

You could not hear what the messengers/angels were saying, because you were willfully headed to do your own thing, exulting in your sexuality and loving pleasures and admiration of man more than God. You were not conscious of the danger you were flirting with, which soon took physical form.

Though you say you cried out to the Lord three times in the dream, you did not persist after waking to know or to hear the truth:

2 Kings 13:15-19 MKJV
(15) And Elisha said to him, Take bow and arrows. And he took bow and arrows to himself.
(16) And he said to the king of Israel, Put your hand on the bow. And he placed his hand. And Elisha put his hands on the king's hands.
(17) And he said, Open the window eastward. And he opened. And Elisha said, Shoot! And he shot. And he said, The arrow of Jehovah's deliverance, and the arrow of deliverance from Syria. For you shall strike the Syrians in Aphek until it is finished.
(18) And he said, Take the arrows. And he took them. And he said to the king of Israel, Strike on the ground. And he struck three times and stopped.
(19) And the man of God was angry with him, and said, You should have stricken five or six times, then you would have stricken Syria until it was finished. But now you shall strike Syria three times.

Yes, there was alarm in Heaven for you, seeing what was coming, which was the hunter of souls, smooth as oil, whom you called kind and of soft heart:

“With the kindest, softest heart and smile! I'm afraid i've lost my heart! (if you would allow me to say this!).”

In your sins, you were seduced by flattery and affection, the marks of Satan.

You say, “He is like convinced that i'm gonna be his future wife, even though i've told him otherwise!”

He could not care less, Daphne.

“He said so many things which is true but at the same time mixed with error, as can be expected!”

What better mark to identify Satan, who comes as an angel of light, but who is a liar and a thief?

Did we not warn you of the gravity of fornicating?

“Flee sexual immorality! Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18 HNV).

It appears you do not realize the seriousness of what you have done. Because you have been a member of the Lord’s Body (us and all saints) and because you gave your body to the fornicator, you gave the Lord and us over to fornication with you.

“Do you not know that your bodies are the members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them the members of a harlot? Let it not be! Or do you not know that he being joined to a harlot is one body? For He says, The two shall be one flesh. But he being joined to the Lord is one spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:15-17 MKJV).

By associating with us, professing faith in Jesus Christ (Who was wounded for your transgressions and bruised for your iniquities), and by publicly identifying with us and testifying of the goodness of the Lord, you dragged both the Lord and us into bed with that scalawag.

He was there, in Satan’s name, to take advantage of your waywardness. We hang our heads in shame and grief, Daphne, as does all Heaven.

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit in you, whom you have of God? And you are not your own, for you are bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20 MKJV).

You say with your own mouth, “NOW i've overstepped my boundaries totally!”

Truly, you have. We now fear that you will suffer serious consequences you did not contemplate. We don’t know what they will be – a pregnancy, STD, AIDS, an even more powerful bondage of lust, as you have never known? Is the following your lot now?

“But the word of the true proverb has happened to them: The dog turning to his own vomit; and, The washed sow to wallowing in the mire” (2 Peter 2:22 MKJV).

We dearly hope this is not so. Who but God knows, and He has not made it known to us. But this we know – after firm, yet loving admonitions, you still went ahead and did your evil. I wrote:

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 MKJV).

The verse above applies to one who sincerely confesses to God, recognizes the gravity of the offense against God and the saints, and truly repents. Otherwise, she is no different from a Catholic, who goes to confession on Sunday, says three or more Hail Marys for penance, and goes back to doing her own thing on Monday - truly sacrilegious.

Victor

Daphne's reply:

I am so ashamed! I feel like crawling into a hole in the ground never to show my filthy self again! I am so very sorry for letting down the Lord and all saints! My words just seem so hollow and cheap right now! How can i ever make up for this incredidable shame i've bring on You Lord and Your Holy Household! I feel i've just managed now to estrange or separate myself from the purity that i was once part off! Lord, Lord what have i done! Please have mercy on me and forgive my trespasses against You! Please, don't turn Your back on me now! Please Lord! But i do know that i deserve it now more than ever before! You've shown me mercy and blessed me even though i wasn't sin free! I am such a fool! I deserve it if all of that horrible consequences would come upon me! I repent in dust and ashes!
Thank You Lord for showing me my filthiness in the sight of You and Your Holy Household! I need You Lord, now more than ever before! Please don't turn Your back on me! I am standing naked in shame before You! Let Your Will be done!

All praise, honor and Glory are Yours Almighty Father! Now and forever! Amen!

I am sorry Victor, Paul and all of you saints! I beg your forgiveness! Thank you Victor for your bluntness! I deserve it! I'm sorry! I have no excuses for anything i've done!

I didn't have e-mail access on the boat, but i guess that's no excuse now is it! I haven't have access to the internet or a computer these past weeks and couldn't read all of your mail to me. I've wrote you what the dream was and just assumed that you would lay it out for me! I'm sorry! How self-righteous of me! It's inexcusable!

Am i not part of the Lord's Household anymore Victor? Please, don't turn your back on me now! Please!

Daphne

Paul's reply:

Daphne, you have sinned grievously against the Lord and us in the Lord, it is true, but as the Scriptures say, you have also sinned against your own body. There will be a price to pay for this sin, even though we forgive you and the Lord forgives you:

“If you carry burning coals, you burn your clothes; if you step on hot coals, you burn your feet. And if you go to bed with another man's wife, you pay the price” (Proverbs 6:27-29).

The price you will pay for your sin will be part of your education and training in righteousness, making you sensitive and alert to your weakness, as you seek the Lord with all your heart and strength. This will not be a one time matter, but the course of your life. Unless you cleave to Him, you will fall away, and the Scripture will be fulfilled in you:

2 Peter 2:20-22
(20) For if having escaped from the corruptions of the world by the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, yet by these, having become entangled they are defeated, the latter end has become worse for them than the first.
(21) For it was better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than knowing it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered to them.
(22) But it has happened to them according to the saying of the true proverb: "A dog returns to his own vomit," and, "A sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire."

But if you cleave to the Lord, you will learn obedience by the things you suffer. I speak from experience, Daphne. I have also been a fornicator. I had no idea of what it would cost me. Only years later have I begun to realize the price.

Not only have you defrauded the Lord, us, and yourself, but have you considered that if the Lord did have a husband for you someday in the future, you committed adultery against him too, giving your body to a stranger for some momentary pleasure?

You are right that your words sound hollow. That is because you have said them before, but that did not stop you from jumping in bed with the stranger. We have not turned our backs on you, and by the grace of God, will not, but will you turn your back on Him, proclaiming to love Him, but going on to deny Him by what you choose to do now? We will see.

Victor asks: Daphne, let’s see how repentant you are. Are you willing to see your sin and confession added to your testimony?

Daphne's reply:

Paul, Victor, you have said some harsh words there, but i deserve every single one of them! I've defiled the Lord and His household! I see your solution as most fitting to the damage i've caused! I agree to add my sin and confession to my testimony! Just tell me how i must right it please! It's all about the Lord and not what i want anyway! I've caused enough damage already and are willing to pay the prize, Lord willing!

Thank you for accepting me back and still part of the Lord's body!

Thank You Lord, Father of Heaven and earth for granting me the grace to confess my sins and thus at the same time teaching me Your Mighty Path of Truth! I'm humbly at Your mercy to fulfill Your plans for me! Help me Lord and teach me Your Will! I cannot do this without Your Strength! Thank you Lord Jesus, for accepting me back into Your Body!

All praise, glory and honor are Yours Almighty Father, now and forever! Amen!

Daphne

Victor's reply:

Daphne, I am thankful you are willing to do this. We will discuss this here. What we have in mind is to post pertinent portions of your letter of confession you first sent us, then our letter in response, and then this one you just sent us, perhaps along with some commentary.

You are wrong in saying our words are harsh. The Truth sounds harsh to the guilty, those who do not walk in it, but the Truth, in and of Itself, is clean – hard maybe, but not harsh.

While you would agree with hard letters from us to others, it is another matter when you receive such a letter yourself, though even the letters to you thus far have not been nearly as hard as letters to many others.

Perhaps if you had a deeper understanding of your wrong, you would say, “For the nature of my offense, those words of reproof are overly gentle and kind.”

All have sinned and none is exempt from the rod of correction from the Lord, except for those who are not His. You can be thankful you are being chastened. Is it not better to be corrected severely than to be let go to destroy yourself? This you will understand more as you suffer the fruits of your waywardness, which are there to correct you so you don’t perish.

So, Daphne, with your permission now, we will discuss and post what is discussed here.

Victor

Daphne shares another dream from September 15:

Hi Victor, Paul,

I've had this dream this morning before i woke up. Would you please tell me if its of any significance?

I was driving with some other people in a car when i pass like a parking area! As i was looking at the parking area on my righthandside as i was driving by, i noticed a black snake lying there! I was telling the people in the car with me that luckily the snake wasn't there when we were parked there earlier! But moments later we were at the exact spot! We were behind other cars that drove through that area! But i noticed that the black snake were gone but there were other snakes! As i was looking at the snakes more carefully i noticed that they had very ugly heads with a small horns, but their bodies looked very thin! They were just "standing" there with there heads lift up! They just looked ugly but they seemed harmless, not disturbing a soul in the vicinity!

Then on the opposite of this parking area were a building that i suddenly entered. As i was walking towards the door, i saw snakes sailing into it! But i entered as well. As i entered i got the impression that i was coming to fetch my mother there! It was something like a doctor's office waiting area. Many people were sitting and waiting there, my mother included! Everywhere underneath the chairs i saw snakes, but i noticed that some of them were already dead! As i observed the many snakes, which nobody else seems to notice, i asked the people there don't they see how the snakes are entering the building? My mother (who is in real life very afraid of just looking at a snake on tv), she jumped up and wanted us to leave immediately! We walked through the snakes without anyone attacking us! Then i woke up!

Daphne

Paul has the interpretation:

The black snake represents Franck, the man Daphne had sex with. That sin has been put away, but there are the other snakes surrounding her, "the fruits of her waywardness," to chasten her and to remind her to look to the Lord. If she does this, the snakes cannot harm her. Her mother enters the dream and shows fear of the snakes because she has not been delivered of her sin. She conceived Daphne through adultery, and thus Daphne inherited the sin, but now she is reversing the curse on her family, because the Lord is giving her the grace to do that.

This line from Victor's letter ties into the dream:

"This you will understand more as you suffer the fruits of your waywardness, which are there to correct you so you don’t perish."

January 7, 2010 Update:

Daphne wrote, sharing some of what the Lord had done for her in 2009:

Hi Sara!

Yes, the Lord is so very faithful. I was pondering about this most of the day. I've recalled a lot of incidents/happenings this past year of 2009, where the Lord proved to me how He keeps me even though i'm undeserving of it.

When I've started off as an unbeliever, I've had these huge financial problems. I remember what Victor said that during his first year of being a believer, the Lord sorted out all his financial troubles, just to name but one area of lack in his life. I remember how that made me think and wonder, if that is also going to happen to me? Would the Lord take care of me like that? Make my worries go away? I thought about my salary and how there just didn't seem to be a way to earn extra money to make ends meet. I wasn't dissatisfied about my salary that I've earned, but my financial obligations were just a total mess! I figured that me and my kids could easily live on that income, but then I had to sort out my huge debts first. Eliminate them altogether. I've found myself in a maze of debt. How would the Lord sort this out?

Then, one day, out of nowhere, came the prospect of working on Gough Island! The amazing thing was that the employer contacted me for the job. I didn't even apply beforehand.

My initial thought was, "Lord, this seem to be the perfect solution!" Even though it involved the sacrifice of leaving my children behind. Of one thing I was sure - it was the only way to solve my financial problems.

From day one, since the preparations of travelling to Cape Town for the interview, the Lord's Hand was evident in it all! Small things! When i had problems with the employer who wanted me to travel by bus, doing the interview that took the whole day with the medical exams etc., and then immediately boarding the bus again back home, the Lord sorted that out for me.

My regional manager (from the Weather Service) suggested that I take the company vehicle and they would take care of the hotel accommodation for me as well. That sorted a whole lot of problems. When I got to Cape Town, there was nobody available to accompany me to the interview, since i'm not familiar with that huge city's traffic, etc. The roads are just a mess! I'm from a small town and don't know the city with its dozens of roads. If you just find yourself in the wrong lane, then it's just a nightmare to figure out where you've landed.

But even there the Lord took care of me! The lady at the doctor's office gave me a roadmap and explained where i should be at what time, etc. When i had to be in the city centre itself where the hospital was for my X-rays, the many tiny streets and traffic confused me a lot. At last i just parked the 4by4 and looked at the map again. Then out of nowhere, a man asked me from across the street, if he could help me. I told him that I'm looking for the hospital. He just pointed with his finger that i was already standing in front of the building! :-) I would never forget that!

Then in the parking garage, I parked the vehicle on a doctor's parking space, and the wheels got clamped! I was almost in tears! I didn't have any money to pay for them to be removed! It was horrible. Then the parking guy came to me and told me that I must go to the office and explain that I wasn't aware of the fact that I couldn't park there. Well, by the grace of God they understood and removed the clamps.

Then that time came where I couldn't find a place to stay for my training in Pretoria. At the last minute the Lord solved all of that too. The amazing thing about this was, the Lord took all of my needs into consideration. He knew that I couldn't afford the ridiculous rates of the places to stay. He knew that I didn't know the city and I couldn't afford to travel to where I needed to be.

The area where our Head office is, is a millionare's region. Ordinary people like me, could never afford to live there! But the Lord made a way! A day or two before I had to report for duty, the lady who couldn't help me at first, made a huge effort to accommodate me. She lived two streets away from our Head office. I could walk there. She asked me the minimum of rent. I had to provide my own food, but in the end she even provided cooked meals out of her own pocket! How cool is that! The Lord is more that faithful! Praise be to God!

I could go on and on of how He took care of my needs one after the other! The Lord provided for me time and time again. His Hand is visible everywhere! He gave me peace concerning my children as well. I've never deserved any of His Love and Care, but He keeps on providing anyway. He is my Father through and through! Bless His Holy Name! There are no one like You Lord! No one!

Daphne

March 26, 2011 Update:

Daphne writes:

I was separated from my fellow believers in the Lord at The Path of Truth due to the fact that it was evident from my fruits that I have preferred to be with an unbeliever rather than with the Lord Jesus Christ, Who bought me expensively with His Precious Blood. I rejected Him because I wanted to follow my own lusts. But the Lord is forever faithful. He did not allow me to destroy myself.

When I arrived on Gough Island, for my stay of thirteen months, I met a man with whom I fell in love. Joseph was part of the maintenance team that came to work on the island for the takeover period, which lasted for only about three weeks.

As a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, I knew that I am not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. Because of this knowledge that I have received from the Lord, I strived to keep the relationship between us purely platonic. I took the opportunities when we were in conversation together on the island, to share with him what the Lord has done for and taught me. Joseph never really had anything to say when I talked about the Lord and shared His Truth, though he always listened.

I explained to Joseph why I could never have a relationship with him because of him being an unbeliever. Joseph never pushed me or forced his opinion on me. He seemed perfectly okay with our friendship. So when he went back to South Africa, we kept in touch on an on-and-off basis. He came back, after my thirteen months on the island had expired, to come and fetch us. The feelings between us grew stronger when we saw each other again, but still we kept our distances. During this time, the Lord would constantly warn me in dreams about my fornicative heart.

When it was time to go back to South Africa, we were on the ship for about eight days. During this time, it became harder to stay away from each other, because we were not busy working all the time. There were times that I just stayed in my cabin in fear of my deceitful carnal self. The Lord kept warning me in dreams that I needed to forsake Joseph. So every time the Lord warned me, I would try to avoid Joseph even more. Then when I thought I could handle the situation by the Lord’s grace, I would spend time with him again - always on guard of how I conducted myself when I was with him.

Before we got to South Africa, I allowed Joseph to kiss me. But eventually this ended in me crying, pushing Joseph away, hating myself for doing this to the Lord. I ended up talking to Joseph, explaining to him how serious the matter was - how I was grieving the Holy Spirit by my foolishness - how my disobedience could cause both of us great harm. The Lord cannot be mocked. Tears rolled from Joseph’s eyes, and he told me that he does not want to be the cause of any harm that comes to me - that he would step back - that he did not realize how serious this matter was. So when we got to South Africa, Cape Town, our paths divided, and I went back to my hometown, almost 600 km away from Cape Town where Joseph lived. We would text each other via mobile phone or he would phone me.

The Lord knows my heart even though I tried to convince myself I could handle this - that I could still be in contact with Joseph and want nothing more from him. But why would I then miss him when we have not spoken to each other for a day?

The Lord showed me in a dream how I said goodbye to Joseph, but then we have decided to still stay in contact after all. I knew I had to forsake and break contact with him once and for all, but somehow I kept on postponing that, though we have not spoken really since I had this dream. But I would have to do forsake him, one way or the other.

As time went by I struggled much with my feelings for Joseph. Because of the fact that we as believers live reality, I always share and confess my trespasses with Victor and Paul. Many times they would counsel me, correct me, and rebuke me to heed the Ways of the Lord. No matter what, I needed to obey the Lord in everything. Joseph had become an idol to me in the sight of God. I knew that was what His Law says. So one night the Lord gave me this dream:

I entered a dark road in a vehicle and there is a man with me.
For some reason we found ourselves on this dark road without headlights on.
But I am convinced that I know this road and assured this man that he do not have to worry, because I know this road.
There is traffic in front of us on the road that I can make out, and I am thinking that all I need to do now is switch on the lights.
Then I am aware that we are nearing a bridge in the road and we can hear water rushing past under the bridge.
But suddenly we found ourselves on foot on this dark road.
Then suddenly we walk into a bush that is right in front of us on the road and we both caught a fright.
But then I assure this man who is on my righthandside, that he does not have to worry, because we just need to move a bit to our lefthandside, then we would be on the road again.
So we did just that.
Then to our relief we’re on the road again.
Then I woke up.

One important truth that the Lord has taught me, and which is talked about in the Scriptures, is that He does not allow mixture to happen between believers and unbelievers. In Noah's day, there was a mixture. The sons of God went in unto the daughters of men.... Exactly what I have done and, for that, the Lord destroyed the earth and all that was in it. He destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah for my very ways and thoughts! And He will destroy me, too.

(Ephesians 5:5-7 MKJV)
For you know this, that no fornicator, or unclean person, or covetous one (who is an idolater), has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no man deceive you with vain words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the children of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them.

(Ephesians 5:8-10 MKJV)
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth), proving what is acceptable to the Lord.

(Ephesians 5:11-12 MKJV)
And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.

So a relationship and marriage are definite no-no’s between believers and unbelievers. But somewhere down the line I have completely got this truth mixed up with error. In my self-righteousness, I have started to believe that the Lord does not want me to ever have a relationship with a man ever again. I have completely missed the point that mixture is not allowed between believers and unbelievers.

Through many years of wanting and desiring an almost perfect relationship and later on believing that I might experience it someday, this desire became like an obsession to me. So I was quick to conclude when becoming a believer and not being allowed to have a relationship with a man, that the Lord does not want me to ever have a relationship again. Completely missing the truth that the Lord does not allow mixture between believers and unbelievers. So subconsciously I started to blame the Lord for not allowing me to be in a relationship with Joseph.

But the Lord, faithful and just as He is, could not allow this blasphemous error to continue in me. He had to expose this in me in order to deliver and save me from my own corruptness.

So one day I was visiting with two friends from my primary school days. One of them, who was involved in a newfound love affair, told me of how much in love she is. I was so envious of her. I then told both of them to enjoy their lives while they can, because when the day comes that the Lord would reveal Himself to them, things like this would be over. Little did I realize what hideous offense I committed at that very moment against my Lord and Savior! I made Him out to be this evil, vile, despicable monster Who enjoys seeing His children suffer. Wow! At that very moment all of Heaven hanged their heads in shame. How could I betray the Lord like that! He made Himself known to me when I was still dead in my sins - trapped as a slave in the Land of Egypt. In His great mercy, He died on the cross for me and thus bought me with His Precious Blood. And now I am throwing all of that back into His Face. How cruel!

I was telling them about the love between Joseph and me - that I had to forsake him, being a believer. To me Joseph was this almost perfect guy and the very first one who fitted perfectly into the standards that I set for a companion. He was successful career-wise. He was a devoted family man, and I was sure he loved me very much. He was even willing to move to my hometown to be with me. And now that I have finally found this “perfect” man, I had to give him up. Of course my friends pitied me! Maybe thinking how cruel God was!

That night the Lord showed me in a dream that I was in fornication with my friends. I felt so guilty after that dream and I knew I had to confess to Paul and Victor. They rebuked me and made me aware of precisely how I offended the Lord. It was horrible to realize exactly what I have done to the Lord. I felt so ashamed. The Lord was so angry with me, but fortunately, because of His great mercy, He forgave me, but I was on very thin ice now. Victor and Paul emphasized how important it was for me to repent, believe, and obey the Lord. The Lord is finished winking. He would cast me off and there would be nothing they could do for me any longer.

It was a terrible thing to live with that guilt, but still I could not forget about Joseph. So I decided to talk to Joseph and tell him again that we have to forget about each other - that we must not contact each other again. I could tell how hurt Joseph was. But I knew this had to be done.

Until the day came when I had to receive an award for my work done on Gough Island. I had to travel to Cape Town to catch a flight there. So it was arranged that I could stay over in Cape Town for one night only. Through all of the rush to get ready in time, all I could think about was Joseph - that I could see him again. So, without thinking twice, in my selfishness, I phoned him, telling him that I would be staying over in CT that night - that we could see each other. He didn’t say much except that it was okay. I think he was more stunned than anything else, because we did not have contact since I have told him what happened last. Him being an unbeliever and all.

So that night when I arrived in CT, he came to pick me up at the guest house. He took me for a drive along the Peninsula and we talked. I allowed him to kiss me, but nothing further happened.

I was having a really hard time with my feelings for Joseph. To the point that it scared me. All of the time whilst being with Joseph, I knew I would never allow it to result in having sex with him or anything. But what troubled me was the fact that I want to bath myself in his presence - looking at him, taking his hand, putting my head on his shoulder, talking to him - that kind of togetherness. That was the fantasy of decades that was still haunting me. Whilst being with Joseph, I felt so happy just to be there with him, talking to him, looking at him.

But being back home again, I just could not keep this from Victor and Paul. So I wrote them and confessed. I suddenly remembered the dream I had about being on the dark road with a man. So in the Sabbath meeting with all the other believers present, they confronted me about what I told them in the letter. Several believers were given revelation from the Lord about the dream.

Sara said that I was leading Joseph in darkness because I did not switch on the lights, though I knew I should. Mark received the exact same interpretation. He said it right after Sara wrote and sent the words to Victor. Mark said: “Daphne is the one leading in the entire scenario. She is aware of risk and danger, in particular with the brook and bridge. She has the option to turn on the lights, but chooses not to and in fact abandons the possibility of turning on the lights by abandoning the car. In getting lost in the bush, the man is distraught, but Daphne is reassuring and leading back to the road they were on.”

Another believer, Edwin, saw that I tend to condemn myself very easily, as if I wear my confessions like a badge. They were all in agreement about this. And I must say that afterwards I could only agree with them. So Victor told me to go be with Joseph, because in my heart I had done that already. Though they had counseled me many times not to look back and to forsake it all, I had not listened, and I have deliberately, heartfully chosen otherwise. It was either the Lord or Joseph, and my fruits showed that I had chosen Joseph.

I was left desolate by all of this. A hurt hovered deep inside of me, and I thought, “What now? What am I to do now without being a part of God’s Assembly of Believers? I am just a child on my path of truth. I still need much guidance and correction to eventually become mature in the Lord and His Ways.”

I knew that God could still see what I am doing and feeling, so I strived to stay away from Joseph. I promised myself not to give into the desire to contact him. He tried to contact me via email, but I ignored his letters. He could not understand what was going on. Until he phoned me. That day I just could not resist answering the phone, justifying myself that it was not me who made contact first. He asked me what was wrong, and I tried to tell him what had happened with me having to leave the group. Joseph suddenly excused himself from the conversation and told me that he was busy and that he would phone me again that night. He didn’t phone back. It hurt so much.

So I decided to stay away from him once again. Through it all, the Lord was with me, still warning me in dreams to forsake it all. Never did He leave my side.

Several days went by when Joseph started to contact me again via email. Again I tried to ignore it. Things were bad for me not only emotionally, but literally as well. I suffered so many problems. So again Joseph decided to call me and I answered. I tried to tell him how bad things were for me, but he was very nonchalant about it all. He told me again he would phone me later on or over the weekend, but he never did.

That was when I realized that enough was enough! I could not go on like this! This has to stop! So in my despair I prayed and called on the Lord to help me. So the Lord gave me this Scripture on Friday night, the Sabbath:

Joel 2:12-17
12) But even now, says the Lord, come back to me with all your heart, keeping from food, with weeping and with sorrow:
13) Let your hearts be broken, and not your clothing, and come back to the Lord your God: for he is full of grace and pity, slow to be angry and great in mercy, ready to be turned from his purpose of punishment.
14) May it not be that he will again let his purpose be changed and let a blessing come after him, even a meal offering and a drink offering for the Lord your God?
15) Let a horn be sounded in Zion, let a time be fixed for going without food, have a holy meeting:
16) Get the people together, make the mass of the people holy, send for the old men, get together the children and babies at the breast: let the newly married man come out of his room and the bride from her tent.
17) Let the priests, the servants of the Lord, be weeping between the covered way and the altar, and let them say, Have mercy on your people, O Lord, do not give up your heritage to shame, so that the nations become their rulers: why let them say among the peoples, Where is their God?

So there and then I knew that I had to fast. So from that moment when the Sabbath started until Tuesday morning, I have fasted. I only drank water. Whenever I felt weak and hunger pains got to me, I would pray and ask for the Lord’s grace. Without delay the Lord gave the relief and I felt stronger. I could prepare meals for my family without putting my mouth to any of it. I could perform my daily duties without any difficulty. I asked the Lord to forgive me my stubbornness to let go of Joseph - and to take away the feelings to want to be with Joseph.

On Tuesday I didn’t know what to think. Did the Lord accept my fast? Most of the day I felt guilty because I had started eating again. That night whilst coming out of my sleep every so often, I have found that most of the time as I was waking up, I was talking about the Lord to someone. Then I had this dream:

I was in my kitchen when suddenly I became aware of someone, or some darkness of some kind, grabbing my arms from behind, pulling me backwards. As I was being pulled backwards onto my back on the floor, I looked up to the ceiling and called out to the Lord: “Lord, Lord, where are You?!” over and over again. Then I could feel the grip of the darkness fading slowly away. I’m still amazed at the glorious peace that took hold of me at that moment. I have never felt a peace like that, ever! It was truly glorious! I just knew that the Lord was there with me! No words can describe that feeling. As I was slowly waking up, the feeling amazed me. I just knew that the Lord really did accept my fast. Glory to You, Lord!

The Lord has surely granted my request to let go of Joseph. For the first time I felt adamant about it. Praise be to God! Thank You, Lord!

From that moment on, I felt strong, free from that burden of carnal, fleshly feelings that only brought confusion, unrest, and frustration.

That Thursday I wrote Joseph a letter to inform him that I am choosing the Lord now. I told him that whenever I wanted to talk about the Lord or even The Path of Truth, he never had a comment or anything. And I need to talk about the Lord because that is what I am craving to do. I cannot just have conversations without referring to the Lord, because He is where everything starts and ends. He has His Hands in everything! That is what I have noticed that people tend to shy away from whenever I am referring to the Lord in a situation. To me it is natural to include the Lord.

Joseph and I live in two different worlds. I would never be happy with him if I had to suppress who I really am in the Lord. Knowing this, I could suddenly understand why God does not allow mixture. He has a specific purpose set out for believers and unbelievers. But if He would allow any mixture to take place amongst these two groups, it would only result in chaos. And He cannot allow this to happen. If I would have been allowed by the Lord to pursue a relationship with Joseph, I would have died spiritually.

He has taught me that He is in control of everything on this earth. Nothing happens without His Hand in it, without His authorization. Nothing. So I have found that I cannot have a conversation where I am not bringing the Lord into the equation. The natural man (unbelievers) would see that as me being too religious, but they don’t understand that Christ lives through us believers. One just cannot escape that Reality if truly a believer, formed in His image.

Thursday night I was in tears feeling so sad again because I was not part of the Lord’s Assembly of Believers, the True Church, anymore. I was talking to the Lord about it. The next day I received an email from Victor, asking what was happening with me. I just knew that the Lord answered my plea. Praise God! I wrote them a letter sharing all that has happened to me and what the Lord did for me, never leaving my side once. So they have invited me to attend the Sabbath meeting with them again. They could immediately recognize the Lord’s work in me. The glory is Yours, Lord!

The Lord has continued to do His work in me on my path of truth - the narrow way, purging me from my sinful nature.

All praise, honor, power, glory, and thanksgiving are Yours, Almighty Father, now and forever! Amen!

Earnestly contending for the faith once delivered to the saints.

His unprofitable servant,

Daphne Hollenbach

July 19, 2011 Update

Last month (June 2011), Daphne became involved in a relationship with a married man. Here are a couple of her last notes to us.

Daphne wrote on June 26:

Hi Victor, Paul, I cannot succeed in staying away from James. I'm sorry. Daphne

Victor's reply:

Very sorry to hear that; very.

And she wrote on July 2, 2011:

Hi all, As i am sitting here this morning, i realize that i'm a lost case. The things that i'm accusing James of i'm guilty off myself. I'm seeing myself as this disgusting fornicative idolatrous animal who when given the chance endulgeous in every lustful opportunity that presents itself to her. At that moment when i need to make a choice between good and evil, i'm choosing evil without thinking twice. It just comes naturally. Just to sit with the guilt and disgust when sin has been conceived already. Yesterday i saw James unexpectedly in a shop. I saw him first and i had the chance to walk away from him without him even knowing i was there. But no, i had to make my presence known to him. The day ended in us kissing in my house. All of the hardship of refraining from contact between us was gone by that single choice of mine. When the Lord opened up the doors to His Kingdom as the Sabbath started again, i was lustfully clinging to a man that belongs to somebody else! In front of such glorious holiness, i gave way to my own vile lust! How then can i ever expect for Him to have mercy on me? I realize also that it is impossible for a fornicator like me to remain in the company of His chosen elect just as u Paul had quoted on a Sabbath meeting. I don't know where i would end up, but unless the Lord decides that He would grant me His mercy, my end would be worse than i could ever think up. Strange how i could know all these things yet i allow my lusts to rule over me? Wow, what an abomination i am before Him! Daphne